RIP Beloved Tiny aka "The BunFather"

[Bassetluv]

Just a few brief thoughts...

How could I have agreed to bring in another rabbit so soon?

Yet....how could I live with such an emptiness in my life?

Did I betray you - or honor you? Did I do what you want? Why do I feel like you led me to Zeus...?

I was asking myself the same question when I decided to get Yofi a few months after Raph had died. What was I thinking? I'd been dealing with some illness recently and was struggling to take care of myself along with the pets. My house barely has enough room to turn around in. And Anna, though I felt she could use the companionship, seemed to be getting along well enough on her own. I questioned that decision to get Yofi right to the day my sister and I drove to Toronto and picked him up. I was sick as a dog that weekend, and didn't know when I'd be feeling better. Yet at the back of my mind was the one thing that had been the driving force - the one that led me to the Yofster - Raph. As odd as it might sound to some people, Raph seemed to be able to talk to me, and I to him...a sort of telepathic communication. He told me of his wants, his needs, his aches and pains, what he liked and didn't like. The first time I had decided, in fact , to have Raph euthanized, I agonized so much over that decision that I was making myself sick. And at the last moment I cancelled the appointment. The reason I did this...Raph was telling me, through my 'gut' feelings, that he wasn't yet ready to go. Even when I took him to an emergency clinic one night when he was choking on his food the attending vet kept asking for permission to put him down; she told me he was suffering and he most likely wouldn't survive the night. But when she left the room I listened, through my tears, and I heard him...not in words, but in feelings...again telling me it wasn't time. So I took my boy home and set him down on his blankets, put a dish of food in front of him and he came to life, snarfing it all down as if he hadn't been fed in ages. And the next day he was back to his normal, loving self. That was the reassurance I'd needed, telling me that Raph really was 'talking' to me silently.

Peg, my guess is that Tiny is guiding you to take in Zeus because he knows just how much love you will give to him. Why do you feel like he is leading you to Zeus? Trust your feelings. Trust them fully, for I believe that is howTiny talks to you.I suspect your agony is coming from the fact that your pain is just so fresh...having Tiny leave - in the physical sense - is a major adjustment to make. And it will probably be so for some time to come. But at the same time, I suspect that another one of the reasons Tiny is guiding Zeus to you is because he knows that this new boy will help you to heal. Of course I can only talk from my own experience, but this is what happened to me. I was hurting deeply when Raph left, and in knowing I needed help, he sent me Yofi.

There will be times, I'm sure, when you will feel as though your heart has been completely shattered...little memories of Tiny will surface, or you will run across something of his that he liked, or recall something he did. But that too, will ease with time. There were two things for me that were hard...the first was putting away Raph's 'chair', the little wooden frame I'd built to assist him in sitting up...and the second was his bedding. I'd ordered it especially for him, to keep his body protected from developing pressure sores, and he loved it. When I went to put it away I thought, it would be such a shame to never use it again. So I decided to put it in Anna's cage. The moment I set it up in there and saw Anna using it...omigosh, the emotions. Tears streamed down my cheeks; I felt like I was somehow betraying Raph by doing this, and for a moment I considered taking it all out of Anna's cage, the feeling of betrayal felt that strong. And yet at the same time I knew it was what he would have wanted. It's funny how our emotions can be so mixed, our head and heart fighting over what we should or shouldn't be feeling, or doing. But it's all normal...it's just a sign that we're still hurting, still missing them deeply.

I didn't mean to write this much (sometimes I just don't know when to stop :?), but I wanted to say that I cannot wait to see Zeus in his new home, and I know that he is going to help you, as you will him. We all miss Tiny because he was a very special soul...an 'old soul' that people automatically recognize, often without understanding it. But he does live on through you here; his spirit lives on.

~Di

 

[Bassetluv]

 

[TinysMom]

[align=center]“Tiny’s Choice”
[/align]
[align=left] Tiny paced back and forth beside the stream as he waited for GingerSpice to join him. Sure he could binky now, but he didn’t feel like it. He couldn’t leave the stream long enough to binky. He was worried about mama….and he was worried about Miss Bea. He had to do something and he had to do it quickly.

GingerSpice binkied and sighed at Tiny’s expression She’d seen it so many times before…in bunnies who had such a close tie with their soulmates that they couldn’t let go yet and enjoy heaven. Many times they sat at the water and grieved for days on end, crying along with their human. It hurt her to see Tiny like this.

Tiny thumped at her. “You didn’t tell me it would be like this. You didn’t tell me mama would grieve so much. I’m worried about her heart – its broken and can’t take much more. Humans are weak and they can hide illnesses. Her heart being like this might make her sick. How can I help her? How did you stand it when you crossed over? Didn’t you worry about mama?”

Ginger smiled softly and said, “I did worry Tiny. But she had you.”

He thumped so hard the ground shook beneath Ginger. “She doesn’t have me now you twit. She’s alone. Even in the midst of bunnies – she’s alone. I need to go back.”

He jumped in the water and tried with all his might to cross back over and be with mama…but it didn’t work. He jumped and thrashed and jumped some more. He fought the water as he thumped and thumped. But all that happened is he got very wet … very frustrated…and very angry.

Ginger watched with tears in her eyes. She remembered how much those first few days hurt and how much she wanted to go back and pee on mama one more time. She really did understand. However, when she crossed over the bridge, Mama had Tiny and others. Now Mama had Miss Bea. Poor Mama…no wonder Tiny was upset.

“Come on Tiny, let’s go see Buck. He always has ways to help us.”

So Tiny & GingerSpice went over and sat beside their friend. He looked down at Tiny and saw the tears in his eyes. He couldn’t help but see Tiny’s wet fur and he knew what had happened. He had suspected that this one would have problems with the transition and that the bond between the soulmates was just too strong for Tiny to let go and be able to enjoy heaven right off. He gave a sigh. He knew how he could comfort the bunny and the human … if the bunny would work with him. Many bunnies were too selfish though to take his idea. But it was the only option he had to suggest.

For over an hour, Buck Jones sat there and explained the options to Tiny and then had to go into detail three or four times because the rabbit was so torn up by his grief over his mama’s pain that he really wasn’t listening.

You see, as Buck told Tiny, no one knew mama like Tiny did. The only way to ease his mama’s grief and his own grief was to send another rabbit to mama. Tiny got angry at that. “Mama? Love another rabbit? NEVER.”

Buck cried as he said, “So you want her to go on like this? Without a rabbit to love?”

Tiny wept for a long time. He thumped the ground. He turned his back on Buck and Ginger and thumped some more. It wasn't right. He didn’t want to share HIS mama. She was his. She had his heart and he had hers. But still yet, she was broken inside and she wasn’t doing well. She tried to help his love, Miss Bea, but mama couldn’t seem to stop crying. He didn’t want to see her go through life like that. Then he pictured mama weeping and Miss Bea sitting in silence, unable to comfort mama because she was so sad herself. He groomed himself while he thought and he remembered how good it felt when mama rubbed his nose and his cheeks. She had loved him so much. He needed to put her first now just as she put him first that night she slept on the floor with him and didn't get much sleep.

Finally he said, “Mama has too much love and you’ve said she’ll always love me. So I’ll do it – I’ll send her another bunny. But I won’t send her a baby bunny because Miss Bea needs a friend too and I don’t think a baby is right for Miss Bea.”

That’s when Buck had Ginger escort Tiny to the books of available rescues so Tiny could make a choice. Once Tiny made a choice, they could work on sending the messages to mama and getting her help.

Tiny looked through so many books. He wasn’t going to send her a flemmie. No way…he was going to be her ONLY flemmie ever. There was a book of Holland Lops and a book of Satins. Rexes filled two books and the shelves were filled with books of Florida Whites, Californians and New Zealands. Two whole shelves were filled with books of mixed breed rabbits.

GingerSpice noticed a doe sitting off to the side and crying into a book. She wandered over and looked at the picture and watched the story as it came to life. She introduced herself to the doe who said her name was Hershey.

“Are you sending this rabbit’s story to your mama? Did you cross recently? You’re crying so hard….”

Hershey looked up at GingerSpice and wailed from the depths of her very being. Ginger couldn’t help herself – she ran over to Hershey’s side and started grooming her and comforting her.

Between hiccups Hershey explained, “I don’t have a mama. I was a shelter bunny. Zeus was my love and my life. I had to leave him suddenly and he’s been all alone for such a long time. I keep trying to send thoughts of him to people but since I don’t have a soulmate with a strong connection, I can’t help him get adopted. Look at him and look at how we used to play…”

Ginger watched as the two of them played. She watched them go and pee around the cages of other bunnies living in the area and was shocked to realize she’d said out loud, “Way to go Zeus! You show them who is boss…”

Tiny heard Ginger laughing and came over to see what she was watching. They started back at the beginning and Hershey told them story after story after story about Zeus as they watched his antics. At first Tiny frowned. He didn’t want mama to have another flemmie – even if Zeus might be a mix. No way. Anything but a flemmie.

But then he watched Zeus some more and laughed at some of his antics. When he got to the part of Zeus’ life when he got put in a hutch in the yard at the shelter….he was in tears. He had been a free-roaming bunny most of his life. He had his own bedroom ~ even if it became mama’s office. He watched Zeus throw his toys in the air and have them land in the cage. Oh, the cage was nice enough….as cages go. But he saw the loneliness in Zeus’ eyes and he couldn’t help but think of Miss Bea and how much she might like Zeus. Boy he was like her in some ways…..stubborn….obstinate…..but filled with love that he didn’t know how to express…just like she didn’t know how to express.

Ginger reminded him that Miss Bea had gone to mama three times yesterday for pets and treats….that she was learning to love. Perhaps she could teach Zeus?

Tiny hopped off to find Buck…..he’d made his choice. He didn’t want to send a flemmie at all. But mama needed Zeus and Miss Bea needed Zeus and Zeus needed a good home.

Now how was he gonna send a message?

…

To Be Continued

…
[/align]

 

[stephiemarie78]

 

[TinysMom]

Thank you - that is Tiny's new avatar although I might add more pictures and have that be the "cover" shot...

Peg

 

[JimD]

Tiny's First Day In Heaven is perfect!



...ummmm..... no!....









....more than perfect
TinysMom wrote:

We send healing thoughts and wishes Chippy’s way.

:hug:

 

[SOOOSKA]

Oh Peg you are such a gifted writer. I LOVE reading Tiny's story.

I love the cover, Tiny in his Easter Bonnet, he looks so Regal & Handsome in it.

Susan

 

[slavetoabunny]

Oh my.....Tiny's Choice is such a heart-wrenching tale. Reading it, I had a visual going the entire time. I could just see the story unfolding. You are such a talented writer Peg.

I hope that Tiny's story will continue as he advises Zeus on how to reign supreme in your household!!!!

 

[TinysMom]

Bassetluv wrote:

Just a few brief thoughts...

How could I have agreed to bring in another rabbit so soon?

Yet....how could I live with such an emptiness in my life?

Did I betray you - or honor you? Did I do what you want? Why do I feel like you led me to Zeus...?

Peg, my guess is that Tiny is guiding you to take in Zeus because he knows just how much love you will give to him. Why do you feel like he is leading you to Zeus? This is the part that really gets to me - I'd said I wouldn't adopt a black flemmie or a white flemmie - so what am I getting? (At least he is an ermine and not a REW).

The more I read about Zeus and the more I think about him (and the more I go back and read my messages about Tiny 3 years ago) - I realize that Zeus is very much like Tiny was after he lived with us a few months. Not as unsocialized as Tiny was when we first got him...(he was petrified of a hand coming near him). Maybe like 4 or 5 months later when I gave in and decided to love Tiny for who he was.

Part of me wants to scream and yell and have more time to grieve. I cry and I cry and I cry though...and nothing changes. I can't seem to run out of tears....I can't seem to run out of anger and hurt.

What is hard is I'd give ANYTHING to have him back - and yet - I'm so angry at him. HOW DARE he hid his illness from me...(I know with my head it is rabbit instinct to hide an illness). But I could have helped him if he'd let me know earlier.

Trust your feelings. Trust them fully, for I believe that is howTiny talks to you.

Trust my feelings? The ones that agonize over the loss? The ones that want to smile at having another flemish? Which feelings do I trust? Which ones do I act on?

I suspect your agony is coming from the fact that your pain is just so fresh...having Tiny leave - in the physical sense - is a major adjustment to make.

Yes - it is a shock. My work was so shocked by this (and my boss has lost companion animals) that she is calling my two absences due to his death an "exception" - meaning that while I won't get paid - they won't dock my time bank of unpaid time off for it....that taking him to San Antonio was something we had to do - and that the first day after his death - there was no way I could sit at my desk and work for five hours. She understands - and she cried too.

And it will probably be so for some time to come. But at the same time, I suspect that another one of the reasons Tiny is guiding Zeus to you is because he knows that this new boy will help you to heal.

The only thing I can think of is that Tiny knows Zeus will keep me busy and I can't just sit around and miss him. I have no doubt in my mind that Tiny sent me several messages to know that Zeus is "the one". Even Art's major acceptance of him (I find myself wondering if he will become Art's heart bunny) has been a shock.

Of course I can only talk from my own experience, but this is what happened to me. I was hurting deeply when Raph left, and in knowing I needed help, he sent me Yofi.

Right now the only thing that helps me - is to write about Tiny - to read old messages about him - to think about all he meant to me.

Eric is driving down tonight to go to the movies w/ Art & Robin - and then we'll go out to supper and maybe breakfast in the morning. I mentioned to someone that Eric was coming down and they were like "that's nice!" and my first thoughts were..."I'd rather see Tiny".

Isn't that horrible of me? I love my son dearly....but...I just...I don't know. It hurts.

While they're gone to the movie (sorry - I can't get into it - not my type of movie at all) - I'm going through Tiny's photos and uploading them to the photo section of Walmart.com so I can order them and then do a scrapbook. I'm thinking that might be healing for me....to do this for myself and for Tiny. Maybe that will help....

There will be times, I'm sure, when you will feel as though your heart has been completely shattered...little memories of Tiny will surface, or you will run across something of his that he liked, or recall something he did.

We trimmed his nails earlier that Friday and Robin found two of them on the floor today - I broke down and wept like a baby. I still have them (and I've saved some of his poops in a zip lock baggy...just a few).

But that too, will ease with time. There were two things for me that were hard...the first was putting away Raph's 'chair', the little wooden frame I'd built to assist him in sitting up...and the second was his bedding. I'd ordered it especially for him, to keep his body protected from developing pressure sores, and he loved it. When I went to put it away I thought, it would be such a shame to never use it again. So I decided to put it in Anna's cage. The moment I set it up in there and saw Anna using it...omigosh, the emotions. Tears streamed down my cheeks; I felt like I was somehow betraying Raph by doing this, and for a moment I considered taking it all out of Anna's cage, the feeling of betrayal felt that strong. And yet at the same time I knew it was what he would have wanted.

I understand - I'm about to give Miss Bea back Tiny's little bed we got them for Christmas - and its killing me to think of giving it to her. My hope is that it will comfort her.
It's funny how our emotions can be so mixed, our head and heart fighting over what we should or shouldn't be feeling, or doing. But it's all normal...it's just a sign that we're still hurting, still missing them deeply.

I think in some ways you've hit the nail on the head. My head understands he's gone. My heart is like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum "I want him back". My head says that taking in Zeus and loving him for who he is (even if he never becomes a heart bunny) is the right thing to do. My heart says "NO WAY...never....not ever". My head worries about Miss Bea and wants to help her. My heart wants to run away from her needing me - from anyone needing me.

My head says I'll eventually be ok. My heart says, "let me climb in the hole with Tiny and be away from all this" (no folks - I promise - I won't commit suicide when I say that...).

Anyway - what I have decided to do (between now and the 23rd most likely) is to put together a scrapbook of Tiny's pictures and stories and stuff. I'll probably post stuff from his blog too.

Then - after Zeus gets here - I'll focus on keeping the camera battery charged (oh how I wish I had more photos of Tiny) and try to enjoy Zeus while I continue working through my grief.

The worst part of all this is it comes in waves. I'll be doing ok for an hour or so - then I'm a basket case....then I do ok for a bit more.

I'm trying so hard to stay functional this time (as opposed to Ginger's passing)....I think maybe that is part of the issue too - I don't know.

 

[TinysMom]

Guess what big guy? Eric came down for the night. Robin and Art & Eric and their friend Jennifer have gone to see Sweeny Todd (sp?).....while I stay here and work on your photos. (Sorry - not my type of movie).

As I was working on the photos - cropping them down - trying to capture various looks etc now that I've learned how to crop....I was reminded of Eric's comments about you either the last time he was here or the time before. He said, "Is it just me....or is Tiny more affectionate? He came up to me and nudged me for pets and greeted me...". Makes me smile to think about how you turned around and changed after you lived with us a while....

I'm not done going through all of the photos I have of you - but I found a few I have to share. Some have been on the forum before - but I've cropped them down to try and show expressions on your face. Really....you had the funniest expressions sometimes!




































I still have so many photos to go through....but it feels good to have cropped all these (and more). I wish you could tell me something - when you were outside that last time - did you know it would be your last time outside? I wish I'd known....

Well - I need to try and pull myself together for a late night supper w/ Art & the kids. Then I'm heading over to Walmart to buy a scrapbook for your photos....I'm going to get a bunch of them ordered tonight so I can start working on this next week.

I miss you big guy. If you were here right now - I'd be reaching down and rubbing that big nose of yours. Instead - I'm gonna go grab part of a banana and talk to your lovely Miss Bea. It shocked me to realize I had photos of you two all the way back to 2005....you little sneak you. Tell me - could you have been faithful to any doe? (I suspect not).

That's ok though - for some reason - Miss Bea always loved you and forgave you.

I love you big guy. Right now I'm doing a bit better....

Mom

 

[TinysMom]

Hey big guy - I did it!

I got up this morning - didn't cry.

Walked into the office - didn't cry.

Spent about half an hour in the office - didn't cry.

Got ready to go out for breakfast - teared up a bit and didn't cry.

I've still teared up a bit several times - and I couldn't help thinking about how a week ago today we were on our way to the vet - and how brave you were.

But I'm stronger today....I haven't cried yet (today) other than a few tears coming to my eyes.

Oh - and I picked out a scrapbook last night for your photos. I'm ordering them this week and I'm going to do a scrapbook of some of my memorie of you.

I still love you....but I'm starting to heal....and almost willing to really think about loving again.

You can go binky with Ginger now big guy....and chase Puck and flirt with the girls....

I'm almost ready to accept the choice you've made - to send Zeus our way. Still look down on me though sometimes - ok?

Mom

 

[JimD]

TinysMom wrote:

Still look down on me though sometimes - ok?

Mom

I hear a reply that says, "Long and often.....yes.....very long and very often, mama!"

 

[TinysMom]

I'm working on a collage poster of Tiny - I am going to be redoing it because of other favorite photos I wanted to put in it (allowed up to 30 on walmart.com).

Here is some of what I've been working with so far..

 

[TinysMom]

I ordered a bunch of photos and I pick them up in a little over an hour....I can hardly wait. In going through photos - I came across some that reminded me of a couple of memories I wanted to share.

You know - and I know - that rabbits don't have a "family structure" like we do...with a mommy and daddy being involved in raising the babies.

The only problem is....nobody told Tiny that. He didn't know that he wasn't supposed to love the little babies. He didn't know that he was supposed to leave them alone.

Miss Bea once had a litter in our closet (we allowed it for a reason)- the only thing is - it had been his closet. She kicked him out and had her babies in there and as their eyes opened - they learned to come crawl all over Tiny and groom him and he was their jungle gym. Oh - I wish I'd taken pictures - he was so cute. He'd look up at me as if to say, "Look mom...see what this one is doing now?" At one point he even had a bald spot from being overgroomed.

These pictures remind me of a day though that I laughed and laughed and laughed. I took Tiny outside to play and I took the babies outside - but put them in a pen. Mind you - I let Tiny have the whole back yard - because I knew I could catch him....the babies were another matter.

But would Tiny enjoy his freedom?







He laid beside them for over an hour before he finally decided to go play....and then he kept coming back to them to check on them.

He truly had a "gentle" soul...

Peg

 

[EileenH]

Awww, what sweet pictures, and what a sweet memory.

Those pictures really show Tiny's size!

 

[maherwoman]

Aww...I just love those pictures of him with the babies. There's just nothing like the protection of the Bunfather.

:hug:

 

[TinysMom]

maherwoman wrote:

Aww...I just love those pictures of him with the babies. There's just nothing like the protection of the Bunfather.

:hug:

I can't help wondering if the lionheads are gonna be needing protection from Zeus....vs. getting protection!

:shock:

I just got back from Walmart....I have my Tiny photos! (Some of them I ordered from photobucket and that will be a bit to get those). I'm crying a I look at them - but the tears are of joy at the memories I have and the joy he brought me. So many memories....

Peg

 

[LuvaBun]

Yes, Tiny really did have a gentle soul. Those pictures are priceless - such a big boy could really have done some damage to those babies, yet Tiny didn't have a hurtfull hair on his big body. Truly, a gentle giant!

Jan

 

[TinysMom]

Its a week ago right now that you were breathing your last breath - in dad's arms with me petting you. Oh GOD.....I still miss you so much.....

This week I was talking about mailing something to Eric - and I used your name instead. I go to talk about another bunny - only your name is the one on my tongue. (At least I haven't called Art by your name...).

I miss you so much buddy.... I really do. I want you here so much.

But I know you're with Ginger and so many others we've lost....and I suspect you're watching over the babies up there too (are they still leaving a bald spot from grooming you)?

Goodbye my boy.....goodbye....for it is now exactly the time you left me...one week ago....

Mom

 

[JimD]

:hug2: