Jokes!

[DJSpanky]

Somebody stole my mood ring, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.

 

[DJSpanky]

Two guys are walking down the street when they come upon a dog sitting and licking his balls. One of them says: "Boy, I wish I could do that!" The other replies: "Perhaps you should pet him first."

 

[DJSpanky]

You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

 

[DJSpanky]

Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a cheetah!

 

[Nancy McClelland]

What's the difference between Donald Trump and the Hinderberg? One is a flaming, Nazi gasbag and the other was just a dirigible.

 

[DJSpanky]

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

 

[DJSpanky]

Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?

 

[DJSpanky]

I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.

 

[DJSpanky]

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

 

[Nancy McClelland]

A Priest commented at a funeral,"We are gathered here today to pay homage to a good man. He was a kind man, a man everyone loved, and a man who treasured his family as much as his family treasured him." The widow suddenly leaned over and whispered to her grandson, "Go make sure that's your grandpa in the coffin."

 

[DJSpanky]

So, a thought crossed your mind? That must have been a long and lonely journey.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

One young woman asked another, "how did you like the ballet?" "It was alright," the other replied, "but I don't understand all that toe-dancing. Why don't they just get taller people?"

 

[DJSpanky]

A procrastinator's work is never done.

 

[DJSpanky]

Having *** in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

 

[Cookiemonster]

What do you call a cow jumping over the fence??

Udder failure!!

 

[DJSpanky]

Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go.

 

[DJSpanky]

Transitional age is when, during a hot day, you don't know what you want – ice cream or beer.

 

[Cookiemonster]

A rabbit goes into a shop and asks, “got any carrots?” The shop keeper says no and the rabbit leaves. The next day, the rabbit returns and asks, “got any carrots?” Once again the shop keeper says no and the rabbit leaves.

This continues for a week. The next day when the rabbit enters and asks for carrots the shop keeper says, “no! And if you come in here asking for carrots I’m going to nail your ears to the wall.”

The next day the rabbit comes in and asks, “got any nails?”

“No,” says the shopkeeper.

“Good,” says the rabbit. “Got any carrots…?”

 

[Cookiemonster]

What do you call 500 rabbits walking backwards??


A receding hare line!!

 

[DJSpanky]

My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.