maherwoman wrote:
It's really encouraging to see someone healing from their loss...things are so raw for me right now...and things hurt so bad. I keep trying to find encouragement on RO...and here's one thread that certainly is encouraging...
It's hard to believe my heart will be able to move on...but it's so nice to see your two sweeties getting along and happy...:hug:
(((Rosie)))
You know, when the dog I had before Kaya died, I thought for a while I'd never get over the pain of losing her.Misty passed away completely unexpectedly, in her sleep...in fact, I didn't even realize at first she was gone. She was lying in the living room curled up, and I got the vacuum cleaner out and began cleaning, expecting her to get up and dash out of the room at the sound of it. But after a few seconds I realized something was terribly wrong, and when I went over to her, it was then I knew that she had passed away. She wasn't quite 10 years old, and apparently she had an infection in her blood that got to her heart. The shock was enormously hard to take, and I think it took me almost a year and a half before the pain began to subside. Of course I was also beating myself up with the *what if's*, and blaming myself for her death. I vowed to never have another dog again, but found myself missing the little things, like having an excited little soul at the end of a leash, so happy to be outdoors on a walk. That's what finally led me to volunteer at the Humane Society, just so I would have a dog to walk, and so I could possibly bring some joy to those who were lost and in between 'forever homes'. And almost a year and a half after becoming a volunteer, Kaya and I found one another. It was one of those moments when I knew our paths were meant to cross, and in looking back, all of the events that happened...Misty's death, my pain over her and then missing walking her, etc., were supposed to take place...they all led to Kaya and I coming together.
At first I expected that same thing to happen when I lost Raph...that the pain in losing him would be so great I could never take on another rabbit again. Even the thoughts of him being gone, while he was still with me, was just too much to imagine.He was my Heart Bunny...there had never been anyone in my life like Raph, and I knew there never would be again.I was convinced that when he did leave - as I knew he soon would - I could not bear to have another rabbit, especially an English lop. I decided that Anna would be my last bunny. But in going through Raph's transition with him, something changed. Watching him leave was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, I will admit; and in the vet's office I broke down and sobbed, something I have
never done in my life in front of other people, even during the hardest of times. Yet on the walk home I felt Raph with me, I felt him with me even during those moments when he left his physical body. And later on, I felt him 'nudging' me to get another rabbit. And that is what brought Yofi and I together. His presence has been a burst of energy and laughter that I needed so dearly...to this day I thank Raph for bringing Yofi to me, as I am convinced he did.
I know so well of the pain you describe Rosie, and I know it can sometimes take months, even years, to subside. As I have said before to those who have losta special soul in their lives, I often wish there was something I could do to just dissolve the pain, much like wiping away a tear. And yet the pain is also beneficial to our healing. Yes, your heart will move on...give it time, and believe that the loss of one incredible soul does lead to the opportunity for another. I believe that your heart is so full of love, it cannot go for too long with heartache...love simply pushes it away as soon as you are ready for it.
(((Hugs))) to you Rosie, with the shared understanding of the deep pain of loss...:hug2:
