I need to get this off my chest before I explode.
I feel absolutely torn apart. I can't stop crying and I cannot figure out what to do right now...
My parents. My father was raised by an alcoholic father who died when he was a teenager or so and a schizophrenic mother. Things went very badly for himi and he and his brother were actually taken away to be placed in foster care but ended up raised by aunts and uncles. However, at the age of 16, he had his own appartment and was working over-time to make ends meet. By then, he was on his own.
My mother... Well, aside from her father cheating on her mother with a friend, her parents divorcing and then him rejecting her, I don't think there was anything else. Up to that point, she had been spoiled as an only child and at the age of 14, she met my father and moved in with him when she was 15 or 16 in her last year of high school.
Now, to get to the problem.
My parents have failed in terms of parenting. They've failed with me, failed with my sister, and now they are failing with my brother. As soon as I turned 16, all 'parenthood' flew out the window. To them, I was now an independent and all they could think of was work work work and money money money. I had absolutely no support when applying for college. Though I started an honours program, I was forced to withdraw from college because they refused to provide financial support. I applied for government aid but, because I was a minor and living with my parents, it was automatically refused. From that point on, I was forced to work and pay 'rent' for my bedroom. Medicine, certain meals, clothes, etc. were all paid by me. One winter, I suffered frost nip from lack of winter boots. I could not afford them on my lousy salary and my parents did nothing so my online boyfriend sent money from Greece. It's not because they couldn't afford it. Heck, it would be a completely different thing if they were poor. But no. My parents could afford luxuries. Cars, spas, gazebos, electronics... I moved out with nothing after my father threatened to beat me for getting angry at him for buying a spa and not helping me with college. With no savings, no real job, no education, and no real skills, I ended up in a vicious cycle of fighting to survive. I only got out of it when Jeff reached out a hand and pulled me out of it.
Same thing with my sister. My sister... She didn't react the same way. She had a much more rebellious and damaging reaction but the reasons were the same. At the time, I had reached out to her and invited her to come live with me but she refused. She fell into drugs instead and other mischief instead.Child Protective Services had to step in and she was placed in a group home for troubled teens. I was asked to take custody but I refused, fearing being unable to control her and preventing her from harming herself. A wise decision on my part. She's doing better now and the government helped her so she was able to get to nursing school and now works as a nurse assistant. She's still quite damaged though and I'm not sure things will ever be the same again.
Now.
My lilbrother.
My lil brother is a good kid. A real good hearted kid. But now he isslowly self-destructing. My father went out and bought himself a muscle car a few weeks back. Their ... roof is leaking and he has no money to fix it but he goes out and buys a ... muscle car. I knew from that moment that there'd be no hope for my brother's education. I said nothing though. I've never said anything to either of my siblings as I strive for improvement, not family destruction. However, recently, my brother vented to me about how he has absolutely no support whatsoever and now my parents are on his case about him not working. My poor brother has been going through a lot and he is really not doing well in school. He's in a collegiate school (so high academic achievements) and is doing so badly that they were threatening to kick him out. Now my parents want him to work. And study hard. And go to church and church activities. It's just mind-boggling.
The thing that enraged me most, was hearing about my brother's back. My brother has been complaining about severe back pain for months now, almost a year but no one did anything. Finally, last week or so, my brother called my mother in tears and asked to be picked up because he was in too much pain. I was actually 'chatting'with my mother at this time and she was actually annoyed because now her plans had changed for the day and she knew it would cost money. I was soooooo angry. FINALLY, my brother was taken to the chiro. Well guess what? They waited so long that now my brother has a 12 degree deviation in his spine and is having to do multiple treatments to relieve the pain.
My brother texted me this morning as he's now been wanting to talk more and more just to vent his frustrations. He's looking for a job now because my father keeps getting in his face about work. He's looking to work after school, weekends, etc. When in the heck will he have time to study? When will he do his homework? When will he sleep? When will he have a life? I'm appalled. I just can't believe it. He's only my brother and I feel torn up inside, knowing how much he needs to rest and focus on school. How can parents not be more supportive to their kids??? Now he's dark, depressed, and just not thinking of the future. I'm terrified. I'm terrified of losing him. I nearly lost my sister last year. I will not sit back and watch this go down again.
For now, I am just 'being there' but meanwhile, my head is spinning...
- Do I give up everything and head back to Montreal? Do I sacrifice my own happiness to pull him up? If so, without any real qualifications of my own, can I even manage to support the both of us?
- If I support him, will he be alright? What if he falls and I can't help him up? What if I invest so much into him, only to see him abuse the help?
- Do I involve Child Protective Services? There are serious enough reasons to do so. I know that there is enough to go on. But is it really worth it? Will it really help anything? Or will it only make things worse? I love my parents, and I know that they might love us in their own way, but something needs to be done now.
- Do I take over as a guardian? Can I bring him here? Can Jeff and I be happy together with him here?
- Do I do nothing and let him figure it out on his own like I had to? Do I really risk the chance that any suicide attempt could be successful?
- Do I get a job and wire him my earnings?
I just do not know at this point. I feel sick. Absolutely sick and heartbroken. Not being there terrifies me. If something happens to him, I will never forgive myself nor my parents. I just do not know what to do. I do not want to hurt my parents, but I do not want to see another child of theirs self-destruct. We're good kids, good students, good people. We don't deserve this. My brother especially.
If I let this go... It's very likely that my brother will be working before graduating high school. He'll most likely suffer a burn-out like I did. If he cannot continue his education, he'll most likely never get a decent job and struggle to make ends meet, falling into that cycle like I did. It's a scary thought. I just do not know at this point what to do. They are already talking about making him pay 'rent'. They will not be putting him through school. I can accept certain things, but not getting him medical help when he is suffering... That is not something I will close my eyes on.
Sometimes, I am really disgusted by my parents.
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