It's been 3 weeks since Flash as passed and it hurts so much that he's not around following me, begging for his applesauce with Metacam, kissing my feet, just wanting to be near me and loving every minute.
I read all of your posts and cried thru each one. Losing a pet is beyond anything I've ever experienced. I read in a post that they never lost anyone close to them and it really made me think that I haven't either. I lost my Granma at 8 yrs old (that was over 37 yrs ago)and remember crying and feeling so lost without her. Then I guess it wasn't until my Uncle passed 9 yrs ago but it wasn't as painful knowing he was suffering from Alzheimer's and just 2 yrs ago my Aunt that I miss alot. I've lostpets over the years that have taken me along time to get over. My dogs, Saber, and Codie my soulmate and my kitten Fearless that I will always carry them with me.
He was 16-1/2 yrs old and since I only had him for a short 5 yrs he truly made his mark with everyone who met him or knew him. I've only had 3 bunnies in my life, Rocky when I was a teen and I got Sophie when I lost Codie and was going thru a very tough Divorce. Flash came to me when a family didn't have the time for him after having him for 9 yrs. He had a previous owner who pretty much used him for her educational program bringing pets to schools and Birthdays. I knew I had to take him away from deplorable conditions. I got to know the family and they are wonderful people and they truly loved him but didn't have the time or know enough about proper diet. He survived all those years on those colored pellets, cucs, tons of carrots and an empty water bottle. Funny thing is when I took him and gave him a carrot he wouldn't eat it, he never ate another carrot again.
I walked their tenant's dogon the 3rd FL of their huge Victorian house and it was about a year doing this job and one day I was walking up the porch stairs and there was a cage with a bunny he seemed half dead. I brought the empty water bottle upstairs and tried to get his attention. I was there 2x a day everyday so the next day I did the same thing and I even knocked on the door to talk to the owner. Only the babysitter was there and I told her I can help them and that his cage is really dirty. There wasn't a place for him to lay down on, no hay, no toys, nothing to chew on just poop and urine. His coat even had spots of orange on it from laying in urine.
After a few days of giving him some of Sophie's pellets, water and taking out 15 baby carrots in his cage he started to recognize me whenever I visited. I later covered the cage with hay and started to pet him. He would go crazy when I came and then I was hooked. The owner left a note with their tenant and asked if I wanted the bunny. I was thinking first to try to rehome him but when she said he's 12 then I knew I had to take him. I was leaving for vaca in a few days and would take him when I got back. Yeah know I"m on vaca worrying about that bunny, who's going to fill his bottle or pay attention to him. Geez I was totally taken by this little guy.
I took him home to a huge pen clean floor a cage, with a litterbox since he wasn't neutered. They called him 'she' for 9 yrs not knowing he was a male. My vet checked him over that week and thought he was a little underweight but his bloodwork was great. He was neutered, then his drooling started so every 3-4 months he got his spurs knocked off, had an abscess on his jaw and had surgery, had several infections, foot, eye, jaw and did fine. He was an extraordinary bunny and what a strong will he had. He was such a love and you can tell he really appreciated everything you did for him. He was pure love.
When I'd see the previous owners I'd give them a report on Flash and told them the tricks he learned and sleeping in bed with me for hours not moving an inch. They would say that doesn't sound like the same bunny. They would hug me everytime knowing I was taking good care of him and better care for that matter.
When I contacted Guinness Book of Records in December that he's the Oldest Living Bunny in the World I was expecting to hear from them in 2-6 wks but it was 6 months. I got an email a week after Flash passed, I cried all day. I sent them a Registered letter about his passing. What terrible timing that was I couldn't concentrate all day.
That weekend I took him to the vet to have his spurs knocked off and he was battling an eye problem for over a month, changing meds didn't help. Flash was diagnosed 1-1/2 ago with Pseudomonas and was on alot of antibiotics for almost 10 months. It kept his sneezing and runny nose at bay sometimes but I saw that it was getting too much for him so I stopped the meds in October. He was on Metcam for 2yrs for his teeth, poor guy was always on something. He was missing his litterbox and so I mentioned that to the vet about possible UTI. He wanted me to get a urine sample and I knew that was going to be impossible, he later passed on Monday night. It bothered me that he went so quickly and the vet didn't want to start on meds until he started to eat normally again. He ate some pellets that morning and is always sore after his teeth get worked on so I had to give him CC for a day or so and then he was fine. But this time was different he acted differently and I knew something was really wrong. On Memorial Day I went to a local Animal Hospital that has a rabbit vet but he wasn't there that day. The vet didn't know much and wanted to do a bunch of tests that the results would be in a few days, He didn't have a few minutes and wanted to keep him overnight, or PTS or take him home. I took him home and made him as comfortable as I could with hot water bottles in his bed with me in bed. then at midnight I couldn't keep my eyes open and went to sleep waking up every few hours checking him. Then I woke up knowing I had to check him and he took his last breathe and passed away.
I called a friend at 3:30 am knowing she doesn't sleep at night at all and I needed to talk to someone. It was hard to believe he was gone but I knew in my heart he wasn't going to pull this one out. I had him cremated the next day and got his ashes 2 days later which was wonderful. I'm a crier and I can't help how I feel about things I'm pretty emotional and it's very difficult for me to say Goodbye. My friends some cry some I never saw or heard them cry it's weird how people deal with a loss of pet. I had a friend call me a few weeks before all this happened to tell me she ran over her dog in the driveway. She was hysterical and she said to me that I was the only person who would understand. WOW I felt really touched and I am compassionate and I'm not afraid to show my feelings. I don't make a scene or anything but I try to let it out, you have to. Just tonight a friend took me out to dinner and she was away and we've been playing phone tag and she didn't know about Flash. We sat down chatted then asked about Guinness Book of Records I started to cry not the place I wanted to cry believe me but the more she asked questions the more I cried. She felt really bad about Flash and said all the right things, you gave him a great home took care of him.....
Sometimes it does help to hear from people when they call or the beautiful cards I received or emails. But the thing is going thru this raw grief all you wantis my boy back. Flash was very special and he loved going to the park and all the kids loved to pet him. I took him everywhere I can and he just loved to be in my arms. I was at a pet parade and there must've been 100 dogs, some cats, a band playing and Flash just melted in my arms that he didn't give a hoot what was going on as long as he was with his mommy. I had a guy come up to me and asked if my bunny was dead! hehe. Nothing startled him he was content to be with me and didn't care about anything else. I spent so much more time with Flash giving him meds, cleaning him and keeping him dry due to his constant drooling. We formed an early bond and it only increased over the years. I taught him new tricks and he loved playing and just being pet. I once did the treat or pet thing with Flash and Soph. Soph went for the treat, Flash wanted to be pet all the time. He went thru so much more then Sophie boy and he really loved giving so much love to me.I miss him terribly.
It was hard to put his bowls, beds and condo's away, some things I thru out but some I kept. I can still smell him in my bedroom where he lived mostly. He had free run of the place but loved to hang out in my room. Loved to lay in the sun, loved to give me feetie kisses when I'd get out of bed in the morning, loved being with my cat Tori, loved to get treats and run to his spot to get them, loved to get a piece of banana after a cleaning session. loved to follow me all over even the bathroom, loved to be held, loved to nap on my bed, loved to be loved.
For me the hardest thing was coming home and seeing all the reminders or not giving him meds or cleaning him or constantly checking him to see if he's eating checking his litterbox. I usually don't get very many days off being a dog walker but that following weekend I had off which is very rare. My mom and sister were going to come down and shop at a sidewalk sale near me. Both canceled and I was really disappointed I really needed to get out of the house and be with someone. I was alone all week crying and the phone calls can only do so much I really needed a diversion, a hug. I took Soph to the park for awhile but I didn't look forward to going back home. It was the next Friday I drove to my parents 20 min away to store his condo's but I really needed my family to be with me. I told my sister and my mom how disappointed I was and how I felt. I know they still could've made the trip but my sister is very selfish with her time, she's always too busy and thinks a phone call will make up for that. Not so. I made another trip to my parents since I had another day off and I needed to get out. So to my friends and family for not being there when I really needed them and being there for them all the time when I'm exhausted working 7 days a week, sick or have a ton of things to do and I drop everything for my friends and family. I'm always the one you can count on being there and I know you never have a person do the same for you, but my mom has always been there but not this time. Thank You to all my bunny friends who where there for me.
It's just hard enough to deal with this but doing it alone is extremely tough. A bunny friend lost her bunny and mentioned a pet psychic that we knew from another board. I contacted her and she helped me with alot of questions I had about Flash what he died of. I was thinking kidney failure but she said it was his immune sytem that couldn't take anymore from the meds and age. I know some people don't believe in that but there are people with this gift. I couldn't thank her enough she's an angel.
So I'm still dealing with his loss and I know it will be a long time before I start to think about all the things and memories with a smile. I love you Buddy.
ink iris:
