The Grieving Corner - a place where we can express our grief

[NZminilops]

Thanks, I just needed to vent that. I hope more people can post about how they feel. It made me feel better .

 

[TinysMom]

NZminilops wrote:

Thanks, I just needed to vent that. I hope more people can post about how they feel. It made me feel better .

I probably could -and should maybe - post this in all of my various Rainbow Bridge threads along with my blog - and any number of places. I think I'll post it here.

One thing I hate hate hate (did I mention HATE?) about both depression and grief - is that I think they can take us away from the very support systems we need the most - and that is - the love and compassion of others.

I mean - when a person is grieving - so often someone who cares about them - may not know what to say. Or they may try saying something - and the person isn't yet ready to hear it. (I'm talking about the people who actually will care and will listen - not those who say "its only a rabbit").

I know when GingerSpice first passed - if anyone said to me "at least she isn't in any more pain"...I would have - and did - brush them aside. I KNEW she wasn't in pain - but that didn't comfort me. I didn't want her to not be in pain - I wanted her to be WITH ME - STILL.

Now - I can understand and accept her death and it is easier because I know she was ill - but I had to get to that place of acceptance.

So sometimes - I think that even those who want to listen and want to comfort us - sometimes can't say the right things - because we're not ready to hear it. Does that make any sense?

Its like when people post in the RB area here - its hard for me to post sometimes because I don't know if anything can help them in those first initial stages...they're in shock - or they're angry. Sometimes - I think the RB area is so much more effective when people come back to their posts - after time - and share how they're doing and maybe they're more ready to hear things - or to heal. At least - that is the case for me...I'm not saying it is the case for others.

But it seems to me that grief - and depression - both push us away from people (if we're not careful) and so we wind up bottling inside that which we need to get out....and its like a cycle that goes on and on but its going on and on because we're pulling away from others.

I also think that there are two responses to our grief that can cause us to clam up. One can be the "its was only a bunny" - and the other one can be the response of wanting to "fix it". You know...they want us to be ok .. now...so they try to use empty answers.

One night sometime shortly after Tiny died - Art tried to comfort me. I asked him to just "shut up and hold me". I think he was shocked - he wanted to fix me - to fix the pain. I just wanted a safe place to cry.

My "shut up and hold me" was the best and most honest response I could give though - and it worked. For the next several days - if he'd see me start to tear up - he'd just hold me. He'd learned.

Anyway - just my thoughts...feedback anyone?

 

[ec]

One of the thoughts I have about getting through the grieving process concerns the way intense emotions can come up out of nowhere (seemingly).

It's a bit like a storm at sea - ships that are out in the ocean, far from land, can't "run away" from storms. they have to ride them out.

Attempts to flee from grief really don't work... Attempts to live with it and through it do.

Although I'd rather not go into details here in public, I've been dealing with ongoing grief for some time now. (Not about an animal, though.) I don't expect anyone to have answers, though sometimes I sure wish they did! Just being there and listening is usually what helps most.

 

[irishlops]

this sounds stupid.

i only started to remember that little Joesph-francsi died!

i only started to grieve.

i only started to rember his binky on his firist day home.

i only started to rember his fur, his loving manner.

i only strted to rember his grave, cold. dead. like him.,.....

i only started to remmber i loved him.

i only strted to rember his eyes, and the little flash bove his head.

i only started to rember his joy, his life, my lovely bunny.



i really only started 2 grieve him. i cried my sorrow in to his little heart when his was slowly dying in my arms.... nd that was it. when ws uried then that was that.

i really cried till no tears were left..

i really love you.

i have not forgotten you.

 

[Becca]

I have more to say.....

I wish Nibbles that I could of held you on last time. I wasn't allowed to touch you. I wanted too.

Writing that one sentance has mad me cry.

Wednesdays have always been hard since you passed.

 

[irishlops]

thursdays have all ways been hard 4 me...

 

[TinysMom]

ec wrote:

One of the thoughts I have about getting through the grieving process concerns the way intense emotions can come up out of nowhere (seemingly).

You know when it will come out of the blue and hit me the most? At the grocery store...when I go to get Cheerios (New Hope's nickname was Cheerio cause he ate them all the time)...or when I go to get something that I knew a particular bunny loved. If I am in the pet section and see yogurt chips - I'll cry because they were Tiny's favorite and he was always trying to find the bag to get into it.

It's a bit like a storm at sea - ships that are out in the ocean, far from land, can't "run away" from storms. they have to ride them out.

oh...that is so comforting....NOT. Its a good word picture - but there are times when the waves are tiny and there are times when they feel overwhelming - know what I mean? I picture the boat from the movie "The Perfect Storm" when you see that HUGE wave about to go over it...

Attempts to flee from grief really don't work... Attempts to live with it and through it do.


Although I'd rather not go into details here in public, I've been dealing with ongoing grief for some time now. (Not about an animal, though.) I don't expect anyone to have answers, though sometimes I sure wish they did! Just being there and listening is usually what helps most.

Do you have someone who will listen to you? If so - what a help. Art and Robin will listen for brief periods of time - but not for long...

 

[TinysMom]

NZminilops wrote:

Thanks, I just needed to vent that. I hope more people can post about how they feel. It made me feel better .

How are you doing now? I hope you're having a better week than the way it started....

 

[TinysMom]

Right now I'm really missing Tiny and struggling. I've done good for over a week now - but I got some really disappointing news today and what I really want to do is sit on the floor and have him crawl up in my lap. He loved me so much - even when I was sad and I could cry and he didn't get irritated with me for being so emotional.

I'm going to go grab another bunny and cry for a bit and see if it helps.

 

[ec]

Peg, I don't mean to be uncomforting in that description, and I've never seen "The Perfect Storm." The description (and my reason for avoiding the movie) has a lot to do with my late dad's profession. He was a merchant seaman. That's why I don't want to see the realistic special effects in the film.

"Riding it out" implies survival, I think. And the weather does clear up eventually. If you're going to ride something out, there's a certain amount of preparation and ongoing work involved. For me, in this case, it's the awareness of grief overtaking me like a sudden storm; that it *is* going to happen whether I want it to or not - so what's the most helpful way of dealing with it? One thing I have to remind myself of constantly is that this is normal, and it is a process.

As for someone to talk with, yes, but not all the time. And there are some feelings I have that aren't socially acceptable, so I can only mention them to 1-2 "safe" people.... (I'm grieving the death of an estranged sibling - long, complicated, weird story, but I'm sure you can imagine some of it.)

I don't feel comfortable being any more specific in a public forum right now - hope you all understand.

 

[JadeIcing]

I think each person deals with grief in their own way.

Me? I hate this week it is the week that to me killed my family. We are still close to degrees but 18 years ago Monday my great-grandma died. I was 8 but sadly it wasn't the first death I had faced. I had already faced two others. I went to her burial and have never been to one again.

I refuse to go see people at the hospital, if they die they die. I won't go. I won't go to wakes, or burials. I went once about 2 years ago to support my friend. Her granddad passed. I honestly don't handle it well.

I am one who lets it build till I make myself ill. I sometimes explode and honestly Rob must love me. I have exploded three or four times the last two weeks.

I sometimes think I bring animals into my life this time of year to make up for all the loss I have suffered during these months.

 

[JadeIcing]

I am sitting here crying. As most know I have been looking for a friend for Elvis. A few were mentioned. They were still in shelters so I went looking to see if I could find them...

This is my Sam

This isArtis

 

[JadeIcing]

So tomorrow I go meet Artis. I am not sure how I feel about all this.

I am listening to a song that always some how makes me feel alittle better.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_l_A6-7td0]You raise me up -- Josh Groban[/ame]

 

[TinysMom]

I'm sorry I can't write much right now - that's a beautiful song and he has a great voice.

Today would've been Tiny's 4th birthday. It hit me hard when I kept getting messages on Bunspace - I logged in to see what they were and they were birthday wishes for him.

So tonight I'm a bit of a basketcase....

 

[JadeIcing]

I am sure he is having a party up there. He must be surrounded by does.

TinysMom wrote:

I'm sorry I can't write much right now - that's a beautiful song and he has a great voice.

Today would've been Tiny's 4th birthday. It hit me hard when I kept getting messages on Bunspace - I logged in to see what they were and they were birthday wishes for him.

So tonight I'm a bit of a basketcase....

 

[TinysMom]

It figures - he'd go to the bridge where he could be surrounded by does....instead of being here in my lap.

Sorry...not lighthearted I know.

I'm struggling right now - not as much as normal - but some. I think its partly cause there are some other stresses right now...I know I'll be doing better in a day or two.

 

[Becca]

Thats what this place is for Peg

Hope you feel better soon

 

[ec]

Same here, Peg.

Holidays are hard in lots of ways... thinking of you (and Tiny) at this time.

Take care, OK?

 

[irishlops]

77 days since he is gone from my heart..
i on started to cry and grive for him about a week ago......
last night i cried my eyes out. on christmas eve......

 

[MyLOVEABLES!!]

is it okay if i share about a dog that's gone when i was 6?
I dnt remeber much about him, no one except my family liekd him, he went though a lot.. trust me.. he got beaten up by neighbours etc tec.. i really would like to.. would taht be okay?


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