The Grieving Corner - a place where we can express our grief

[MyLOVEABLES!!]

Peg:

I knwo you may not know me well, but reading your thread on Tiny etc i knwo that you loved him dearly and he did too, and im sure he still does.
He's probably up there watching you, taking care of you.

I wish you all the best Peg.

Tiny, Rest in peace hun, please take care of your mum, she loves you to pieces.

Lots of Love Prisca

 

[MyLOVEABLES!!]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccH7ffwpMuw&feature=related[/ame]

This made me cry, but it reassured me that everything is okay and that someday we'll all meet again.

xx

 

[ilovetoeatchocolate]

I never thought I would feel such sadness over losing an animal I cared about but I can't seem to stop crying right now.

And right now I cannot get this anger out of my heart. I am so angry for not noticing whether or not something was wrong sooner and I am so angry at God for taking my bunny. I am so angry I want to hate him so much. Why did he have to so something so senseless? Why make Angel's time with us so short. I just want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs. I hate it so much. I can't explain it.

 

[TinysMom]

ilovetoeatchocolate wrote:

I never thought I would feel such sadness over losing an animal I cared about but I can't seem to stop crying right now.

And right now I cannot get this anger out of my heart. I am so angry for not noticing whether or not something was wrong sooner and I am so angry at God for taking my bunny. I am so angry I want to hate him so much. Why did he have to so something so senseless? Why make Angel's time with us so short. I just want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs. I hate it so much. I can't explain it.

Anger is a very natural and very real response to any death of a pet (or anyone else). It doesn't matter if we had the pet 20 minutes or 20 years - it was never enough time.

I've gone through having anger at God - anger at myself (for not seeing the signs that Tiny was ill) - anger at the fact my family was still alive (I spent more hours per day with Tiny than with Art or Robin and in some ways - I had more in common with him too). I was angry that my other less-favorite bunnies were still alive - and I've just been angry at the world.

So I'm not going to say "don't be angry" because anger is a very real emotion and it is one you're going to feel for a time. I'm not going to tell you its wrong to be angry - because anger is just a natural emotion to feel - its a valid reflection of what is going on in our hearts and lives.

I guess what I'm saying is - its ok to be angry. It will pass in time - but don't try to rush it.... Just don't beat yourself up over the fact you are angry...because it is a very natural part of the grief process.

We're here for you if you need to chat....

 

[ec]

The grief counselor that I've talked with has recommended writing down all the angry thoughts/feelings and just letting them all come out on paper... not trying to edit or censor them. Then, if I feel like it, just destroy everything that I've put down. (I don't feel any need to look over it; the point is getting it out. Ripping up all those pages has been very freeing for me.)

That's one of the best suggestions I've ever gotten about anything. It allows me to get it out of my system with absolutely no worries about hurting anybody else...

I've also spent some time writing about different situations related to grief and people that I've lost in a more organized, non-venting way. That's helped a lot, too.

As Peg said, the anger is a big part of it all, and it doesn't help to bottle it up. Finding ways to let it out constructively are really important. (I've thought about getting a small punching bag and boxing gloves, too.)

 

[Ringer]

I don't know where or how to begin. This is such an unbelievable story.

My son moved back home after college and bought me a bunny whom I named Ringer. He bought her for me because I ad been sick. I simply fell in love with her.

He decded to get one for himself andwent back to the same place. He came home with Brownie, who he kept in his room. I used to sneak in during the day and bring him lettuce and carots and just see that he was OK. I never had any bond with him though.

Eventually my son bought his own home and decided to leave Brownie with me because he loved to run on the porch and was comfy in our home. I moved Brownie out to the family room and became his new parent.

I don't know when I fell in love with this sweet baby or what triggered it. Maybe it was the way he would jump out of his cage when I came home and bound up to me and chase me as I walked into the kitchen. Maybeit was after the day I accidently stepped on his foot out on the porch as he was running along beside me. He yelped really loud.Theonly time he ever made a sound! I felt terrible and pluked him up and kissed him. He hated to be picked up but I just had to make sure he was OK.

Or maybe it was when I would lay on the rug and he would jump over me,back and forth and then hop up to my face and kiss me.

The way he jumped up in his cage with glee when I would bring him his parsley or his fruit, he loved watermelon.

Whatever and whenever it happened or for what exact reason I don't know but that little guy just tore into my heart.

When I found he had passed away I was screaming and sobbing for a good hour. He had sometimes been sick to his tummy but it had always gotten btter. This time he was weak and lethargic. I knew it was different but I told myself I would take him to the vets the next morning if he wasn't better then. If it hadn't been Christmastime I would have paid more attentiion and noticed just how sick he had become. The thing is he had ralliec on Christmas day and was drinking and pooing better too. He died three days later, so you never know.

If I could go back I would have taken him to the vet at the first sign that he was getting really ill. I will always kick myself for not acting sooner. I just thought he would snap out of as he had done before. Let that be a lesson to everyone. Run don't walk to the vet.

Anyway, the pain I feel upon losing him is so sharp and wretched. I have never felt this way after a loss. I never expected him to die at 3 years and I never knew how much it would hurt.

It has both surprised me and struck me down. A little bunny rabbit....I wouldn't have believed it. But what animal is as soft, sweet and loving as a bunny"? Few know

 

[Ringer]

I understand how you feel about losing Angel, ILoveChocolate.I feel the smae about Brownie. We lost our bunnies at the same time.

It's not fair and not to me but to him. He was onlu 3! I treated him like a prince and that still wasn't good enough. He enjoyed life so much, running with his ball all over the porch and he loved to eat.Adored to eat!

Why it happened, I don't inderstand the reasoning either. All I have done is cry for 3 days and nights. His loss is plain devastating and it's a testament to how precious these bunnies are.

How else to explain why they touch us so deeply?

 

[Flashy]

It's really horrible to lose someone you love so much, add to that it was a early death, and then add the guilt that you feel, and it can become even worse.

It does sound like you think if you had gotten him to a vet sooner the outcome might have been different, but remember that it also may not have been. Grief is a lot about 'what ifs' and guilt, but that does not mean that the guilt is founded, or that you have anything to feel guilty about.

Grief is incredibly wretched, and like I said to someone before, I don't know if it actually ever gets better, or if you get used to it, however, with time I have noticed a transition in how I feel about losing my Flash. Try not to expect too much of yourself though, and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel, be it sadness, anger, whatever, because they are all ok to feel.

Also remember that if you struggle to deal with this grief alone there are lots of ways and places you can go to to get some support.

 

[irishlops]

i put on caramels lead and harness. my dad was going to clean out his bit of the hutch. (im just out of hospital, so i an cant)
it was her first time in the actual garden bit , she was alwasy in the shed. or "the bunny den"
she ran for Joesph fransci grave and started to dig at it.
he is gone for 2months. i lifed her up. she had her eyes cloudyed over with grief.
i should of been there for her.,....

 

[TinysMom]

Ringer wrote:

If I could go back I would have taken him to the vet at the first sign that he was getting really ill. I will always kick myself for not acting sooner. I just thought he would snap out of as he had done before. Let that be a lesson to everyone. Run don't walk to the vet.

Anyway, the pain I feel upon losing him is so sharp and wretched. I have never felt this way after a loss. I never expected him to die at 3 years and I never knew how much it would hurt.

The "if onlys".....wow. I think they are one of the hardest things about grief (for me)....because its one way we beat ourselves up again and again and again.

When Tiny died - I was struck with grief and angry and all that stuff - but not so much at myself. It was weeks later when I was talking to someone on the phone and I realized (with their help) that Tiny had been giving me signs that he was ill for a while - but I took them to be behavioral problems and not health problems. Oh wow - the "if onlys" and "I should" struck big time. I was devastated (all over again) for days.

What I found though - and this applies to me but it may not apply to others - I don't know - I'll share it just in case it helps....is that if I would take that "I should" or the "If only.." and apply it to the future....to other rabbits...then I could take my loss - turn it into a lesson and feel somewhat better about it.

Will it bring back Tiny? No. Will it ease his suffering? No.

But the lessons I learned (we think he had a bladder infection for a long time but because he wasn't great about using the litterbox - so we didn't catch it till it had gone too far) - will help other bunnies to not suffer and it taught me to watch and try to prevent this from happening again.

I still hurt. I still feel pain. It still grieves me to think that he died because I didn't catch the signs.

But the fact is....I'm only human. I didn't recognize the signs - no one who knew me and Tiny (like if I mentioned his behavioral issues) thought to say "is he sick?". It just never entered our heads - and I have to let go of the blame and move on.

What I found for me is that the "Its my fault" and the "I should have done this" and the "If I had it to do over again" - wound up keeping me from other people who could help me through the pain. I was afraid - what if they figured it out? What if they hated me if they knew I was at fault? Would they think me a bad person?

I shared it with a few close friends - and to my shock - they embraced me anyway. It wasn't that they didn't care about Tiny - but they cared about the "me" that he left behind...and they wanted to see me whole.

I guess I say all that rambling stuff to say - don't continue to blame yourself. Yes - maybe you could have done things differently. But if you have another bunny or get another bunny - tell yourself that you will take the lesson you learned from this - and use it in the future.

One of the things that keeps some people from a vet is the cost - so perhaps one way you could help prepare for a future need is to set aside some money now in a vet emergency fund. Even $1 per week or so is a start...know what I mean?

I'm sorry for your loss - I was in tears reading what you wrote. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. I don't know that it will ever go away completely....but you will learn to make it through the day without crying a lot.

It just takes time. Then again - healing anything takes time. It just seems like healing a broken heart takes FOREVER...

 

[TinysMom]

ec wrote:

The grief counselor that I've talked with has recommended writing down all the angry thoughts/feelings and just letting them all come out on paper... not trying to edit or censor them. Then, if I feel like it, just destroy everything that I've put down. (I don't feel any need to look over it; the point is getting it out. Ripping up all those pages has been very freeing for me.)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this idea. I will remember it the next time I feel overwhelmed by angry feelings about the grief.
​

That's one of the best suggestions I've ever gotten about anything. It allows me to get it out of my system with absolutely no worries about hurting anybody else...

I think that is what I like about this idea - it doesn't hurt anyone else. Now that I think about it - I've done stuff like this before when I've been angry at someone and didn't want to attack them....I just never thought to do it when I'm dealing with the anger of grief!
​

I've also spent some time writing about different situations related to grief and people that I've lost in a more organized, non-venting way. That's helped a lot, too.

What has helped me significantly - was having Tiny's thread to go back into and write when I needed. It helps me that people will let me talk about him sometimes when I need to....and that I can share his pictures sometimes with people. I think having a place to write down these things and having someone we can talk to and share - really is a help. I also think that everytime I know I've helped someone else - it helps me heal a bit too....but I can't explain that.

​

As Peg said, the anger is a big part of it all, and it doesn't help to bottle it up. Finding ways to let it out constructively are really important. (I've thought about getting a small punching bag and boxing gloves, too.)

I like the punching bag idea - I've never thought about that. I can't really punch things....I just like to curl up and cry. I have to find it again - but Art bought me this huge stuffed animal that I could curl up and cry with....I think I may get it and put it at the foot of the bed when I redo our room later this weekend....that way whenever I need to cry - it will be right there.
​

 

[TinysMom]

irishlops wrote:

i put on caramels lead and harness. my dad was going to clean out his bit of the hutch. (im just out of hospital, so i an cant)
it was her first time in the actual garden bit , she was alwasy in the shed. or "the bunny den"
she ran for Joesph fransci grave and started to dig at it.
he is gone for 2months. i lifed her up. she had her eyes cloudyed over with grief.
i should of been there for her.,....

You can be there for her now though - since you recognize that she is still grieving.

I think its important to remember that our bunnies need help with their grief also. Its never too late to help them....

 

[TinysMom]

I know this may sound stupid/crazy...but here goes.

Does anyone find that after a bit of time - you fear losing the memory of what the bunny looked like/felt like....etc.?

The other night I was in bed resting and I frequently try to think of Tiny- but I was soooo exhausted that for the life of me - I couldn't picture him in my mind or anything about him. I mean - I couldn't picture his big ears - or his face. It was like - for about a minute or so - he was a blur to me.

I grabbed a picture and stared at it and reminded myself of what he looked like - but that was the first time that had happened...and it bothered me.

As I said though - I was really exhausted....and it isn't like I always try to think of him when I go to sleep...but sometimes I do. I guess I just wanted to think of him right then because I was so tired and it had been a long day....and I've gotten to the point where I find thoughts of him to be comforting sometimes...

 

[irishlops]

yes i forgeot what my bunny looked like, my brother delted the pics by accident.
and caramel is getting extra cuddles now, and kisses

 

[pla725]

Memories fade so I look at the pictures from time to time. Not long ago I found all my old Polaroid pictures of my rabbits from the past. That is Starbuck,Opie, Clover and Toy. I miss them all. I made a New Year's toast to Petey and Monty last night.

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

Ringer wrote:

When I found he had passed away I was screaming and sobbing for a good hour. He had sometimes been sick to his tummy but it had always gotten btter. This time he was weak and lethargic. I knew it was different but I told myself I would take him to the vets the next morning if he wasn't better then. If it hadn't been Christmastime I would have paid more attentiion and noticed just how sick he had become. The thing is he had ralliec on Christmas day and was drinking and pooing better too. He died three days later, so you never know.

If I could go back I would have taken him to the vet at the first sign that he was getting really ill. I will always kick myself for not acting sooner. I just thought he would snap out of as he had done before. Let that be a lesson to everyone. Run don't walk to the vet.

Anyway, the pain I feel upon losing him is so sharp and wretched. I have never felt this way after a loss. I never expected him to die at 3 years and I never knew how much it would hurt.

It has both surprised me and struck me down. A little bunny rabbit....I wouldn't have believed it. But what animal is as soft, sweet and loving as a bunny"? Few know

I know what you mean and great point to make. If just....

I am so sorry for your loss, I had one myself last November out of nowhere, it was so devastating and heartbreaking. These little things just entangle your heart.:hug:

And you're right, you just never know... Which is why it's so important to spend lots of time with the little loves of your life when you can.:bunnybutt:

 

[TinysMom]

I've been really struggling with missing Tiny for the last couple of days. I think its because I've known Dawn's Sekura had cancer and was going to be pts - and I've been struggling with memories of holding GingerSpice and knowing my time with her is limited...and then holding Tiny those last few seconds before he passed....and other bunnies too - but especially Tiny & Ginger & Puck too.

GOD....it just hurts so much right now. Why is it that the bunnies I care about on the forum - that I've known about for a long time - have to go? I mean - isn't it bad enough that I lost MY bunnies? Does the forum have to continue to suffer losses?

I don't mean to say that the bunnies of people who haven't been here as long don't matter - please don't take it that way.

But I remember when Dawn lost Wildfire...it seemed so sudden to me. Then Pipp lost Dill (Sekura's son)....and now - for Dawn to lose Sekura....it just...breaks my heart. The people involved have been "in my life" for years here on this forum...

And I don't know why I'm pouring all this out here right now - I know so many others are grieving over their losses.

But I'm tired of death - I'm tired of losing bunnies. Sometimes it feels like I've lost enough for the whole forum - I hate reliving it again through the losses of bunnies I've grown to care about.

I find myself constantly worrying about other bunnies - especially the older ones or the ones who have been ill....like Ali's Ringo or Sooska's Buttercup or JimD's Chippy. When I see their names appear in the infirmary section - I almost don't want to open the thread (and sometimes I don't open it right away).

Now I guess I've worked myself into not so much missing Tiny and my others (although I do miss him) as much as being angry at the very thought that we as a forum will continue to lose bunnies....that death is a part of life.

Its just no fair.

I'm gonna go have a cup of tea and cry into it...

 

[Flashy]

How are you now Peg?

I don't have any words of wisdom, all I can say is that when you have a heart as big as yours, and let in so many people and animals, it will hurt when you lose them, or people you love lose their animals. It's one of those risks about letting anyone in, and whilst it brings bad times, it normally brings far more good times than bad. But no, it's not fair that we can only have good times with the proviso there will also be bad times when the good times end. That seems very harsh, but maybe in time it allows us to enjoy the good times even more, and to really appreciate the buns when they are with us (or allow us to appreciate the stories more).

I remember when Wildfire died. I was just new to the forum then and didn't know her or Aurora, but that was a really significant death in a lot of ways, and for that to be significant to me, who didn't know them, I can see how it would have really hit those that did know her really hard.

I just wish I had something wisdomous to say, but more than anything I wanted you to know I had read what you said.

 

[irishlops]

i just want to say that when sauka, ws sick. it remindered me of joesph fransic..

when i saw the post about V-E-T i cried out in my ict lesson, and started to cry....

i thought that it was mine and then i filled with grief for sakura.... and her owner.....i feel the way you do tinys mom..... when i got home, i look out at his grave, i ran out to my other live bunnys, i lifted he male up and hugged him tight crying. i realise how lucky i was to have them. and treasure them. i dont even know sakura. but i feel sad for them... i dont know what to say, to comfort u peg..... sorry.

i dont know why i posted..

 

[Ivory]

Just thought I'd share...

I was really devastated after Holly died. We had just neutered him, and I was thinking of a new name for him, as I had been told he was female when I purchased him . I don't think he died because of the neuter- he did fine afterwards. I'm pretty sure that he electrocuted himself, but it didn't fry his brain directly. In all honesty, I truly wish I'd gotten a necropsy done on him before we buried him, because it would have allowed me to find an answer to what he died from.

But sometimes what makes me sadder is Merry. About three weeks after Holly died, I adopted Merry, and about three weeks later we put her down. Merry was said to be about three- four years old by her previous owner, and I really have no idea if she was or not. But she was a smaller Mini-Rex that weighed ten pounds. The poor baby could hardly move, because she was so obese. She should have been four-five pounds. And then, because she was so fat, she broke her leg right before I got her. She was struggling, trying to get out of the carrier when the rescue brought her home, and she snapped it.

I tried really hard to save Merry. I know I can't save them all, obviously. I'm used to the death of animals- I would see it weekly, if not daily. I know that everything was stacked up against poor Merry but I just so wanted to save her. She was five pounds overweight, had some of the WORST urine scald I'd ever seen, and in all honesty...

I remember when we adopted her, my father, in his extremely blunt manner, turned to me when we got into the car and said, "I don't think that rabbit is going to last a month. Be prepared to make the decision to put her down." So I did- and I was prepared to put her down. I knew that the choice was right when we did it- and it was really peaceful. I was in the room when dad did it; she went very quietly and I'm pretty sure that right before she passed, I saw relief overcome her little body. She was gone in 20 seconds and I'd never seen an animal more ready to go. I guess that's what made me really sad- she had given up and just was waiting, very sweetly, for me to send her off to the Bridge.

She had been in a lot of pain. Still she was probably the sweetest rabbit I'd ever met. She would have been so wonderful if she would have been healthy! She LOVED hay of all sorts. She LOVED to be petted and ya know, a few days before she passed, she was actually beginning to really looked forward to me coming int he room. She learned to love me in those three weeks I had her, which truly amazed me. Her little nose would really wiggle and her ears would prick forward curiously and she would actually try and struggle to walk to me. I guess that was what was really upsetting- she couldn't really walk but she really wanted to greet me.

The only time I saw her actually really move much was when Erik got into the room and tried to attack her...which I felt pretty bad about lol. She got up and tried to run, and almost ate floor when she did it. I had to catch her. Unfortunately that isn't the best method of motivation for her to move so it didn't work.

There were other things internally wrong with her- Dad suspects problems with her uterus, whether it be cysts or masses or whatnot.

Every day for those three weeks I'd clean her butt free of the smelly stuff- she smelled really bad. I'd really dote on her, and I really tried to save her, but she eventually passed away. She was still one of the most beautiful rabbits I'd ever seen and she's the reason Mini-Rexes are so near and dear to my heart.

Sorry for that rambling...I just wanted to share...I may write some on Holly a bit later.