RIP Beloved Tiny aka "The BunFather"

[TinysMom]

I miss you so much today big guy.....its been almost 6 weeks since you've left....

I'm gonna be ok though. I really am. I can even see pictures of other black flemish and not get all upset. In fact, I can even enjoy those pictures.

But I still miss you....a lot.

I love you. I guess I just had to say those words to you again right now....

Mom

 

[TinysMom]

Oh my darling boy - I miss you so much today. Saturday would've been the third anniversary of your "Gotcha" day. Only somehow - I don't think I got you - I think you got me.

I decided to "celebrate" it today....because a website was having a special of 15% off photo gifts (and free shipping) for today only. Since my mug of you means so much to me....I decided to make another one. This company allowed me the option of putting four pictures on the mug - so here is what I chose:

I love the photo of you with GingerSpice and SugarBear eating a salad....its always been one of my favorites. And I love the one with you and Tio (or is it Kyo? I'd have to go back and read old forum posts).

I've always loved the one of you getting into the snack bucket because of the memory that is attached to it. We hadn't had you long - but we'd had you long enough that you were feeling comfortable getting into things if you found them. But you still weren't used to me a lot.

I was watching The Apprentice and it was the boardroom scene and Donald Trump said, "You're Fired".

You were in the midst of snacking - and you looked up and looked at the tv. Then you looked around for me - and when you saw me - it was like for the first time - you were reassured that everything was ok....and you went back to snacking.

Basically - it was the first time you'd ever looked for me - in a good way.

So those shots of you with the snack bucket are really special to me....and I'll always cherish them.

And of course - the mug wouldn't be complete without a picture from your last day outside with Miss Bea.....

Miss Bea is doing good - sometimes I see her looking off into space as if she's thinking about something. Usually then Zeus will come over by her - or she'll decide to get up and go over and lay beside him. Sometimes I'm angry at her for accepting him so easily - for not being faithful to your memory. Then I remember....she was second fiddle - I was first. I suppose it is easier for her to move on.

Anyway - I miss you. I can't bring myself to bond with Zeus yet. Part of me wants to - but part of me can't. I still enjoy having him here - I laugh at his antics and I love to watch him snuggle. Sometimes I see him watching me and I think he's waiting - that he's finally ready but he knows I'm not. I don't know though - maybe I am confused....I just don't know.

I'm sure in time - he and I will build our own relationship.

But I'll never forget you - and I'll always love you.

It's funny - I never realized before you passed just how I could be surrounded by bunnies....yet feel so alone.

I miss you. Take care my big guy.....

Mom

 

[TinysMom]

Oh Tiny.....its tougher than I thought it would be. Its really hard right now.

Three years ago now - I was on my way to the breeder's house to pick you up. They had let me know that they did have a pet quality flemish buck....and the woman thought it was a black one but she wasn't sure since her husband bred the flemish. Dad gave me permission to drop him off at work early and he'd get a ride home that night so that I could go get you.

Eric was home on spring break...so he and Robin rode along with me. We drove all the way to Ozona and found the place pretty easily. I wanted to speed the whole trip and I must admit that several times I was going faster than the speed limit....something I normally try to not do.

We talked about names for a black bunny - "Magic" and "Jack" and other names. But somehow, I thought, "Wouldn't it be funny to name a really huge bunny "Tiny"...?" and that is the name that I chose. (Yeah - I chose it cause you were MINE).

Good lord - knowing what I know now - you were petrified of me - of us - of the whole thing. In my naivety, I thought you were shaking for excitement at going home....now I realize just how scared you were. I've since realized that you probably were barely handled and when the guy grabbed you by the scruff of the neck - that was probably the ONLY way you were handled. You had no idea what love was.....then again - I'm not sure I did either (love from an animal that is). After all, I'd gone to get a "pet" .... I didn't realize you were a person.

Then his wife started showing us some of her rabbits that she breeds and she pulled out Tio and Kyo and was showing them to us....and mentioned how she was going to sell them at the Duncan show for $10 each.

They were so cute....and so small. She assured me they wouldn't fight (since they were littermates) and Eric pulled out a $20 bill (I had only brought the money for you) and bought them for Robin & me.

It was neat to see all the different colors of flemish giants - and to see the various large lops. Robin got to hold a newborn flemish giant that was born that morning if I remember right.....and we even got to see a flemish in a pen that was playing.

You sat in the back seat all during the drive home - with the kids beside you. Tio & Kyo were in the box with you and I kept wondering just how I was gonna tell dad that I didn't bring home ONE rabbit...but I brought home THREE rabbits. I only had one cage!!!!

I remember how happy you seemed to be to get in YOUR cage when we got home. It was like security to you. You didn't want to be petted or touched...you just wanted to relax and feel secure. I was so disappointed....when I was a child I'd had bunnies and I'd been able to cuddle them. However, what I'd forgotten was that some of them took time to warm up to me ... and others had grown up with me around them...so they were used to me. Instead, you were in a home with strange sights and sounds and food and water. Nothing was familiar to you.

I emailed dad and said, "um...I came home with one bunny...for each person on the trip"....and he emailed me back and was like, "Why am I not surprised????"

He wasn't mad. When he got home and saw you he was like, "Wow...big bunny" and I said, "he's supposed to get even bigger...about three times this size".

You know - when I got you - I didn't know that flemish are known for having shorter life spans. Still yet, I figured that we'd have you for a long time....at least 7 or 8 years or so.

Instead - I only had you about 1,000 days.....a little under 3 years.

When I lost GingerSpice - one of the kids said they wondered how I'd handle it if you ever died. To be honest with you - I remember thinking, "Tiny can't die...I can't take it." At that point - we weren't even as close as we were towards the end.

Thinking about it now - I feel like the last 48 hours we had together - you hung in there for me. You wanted to give me the gift of time to prepare for your passing. We snoozed together that Friday night on the dog bed - with you constantly waking me up for more pets....then you tolerated the trip to the vet - and came home. Sunday I knew you were passing. I kept trying to deny it - to say you'd pull out of it - everyone was saying you'd pull out of it. But I knew in my heart - after you drug yourself all that way to be closer to me....that we were going to lose you.

I wish I hadn't gone to the store to get you food to tempt you. I wish I'd stayed home and just held you in my arms.

But I did the right thing later - didn't I? We laid together on the floor for over an hour while I told you how much I loved you - and I petted you - and I told you how much you taught me about love. You seemed to happy to have me touch you...to know I was there. And in a way, I knew I was saying "goodbye". I didn't want to face it....I didn't want to admit it - that you were leaving.

Oh my big guy....if I failed you in any way - forgive me? I have decided I need to forgive myself in order to move on. I probably should have taken you to the vet when you first started to chew on carpet - but I thought it was a behavioral issue - like you having a tantrum - 'cause you only chewed on things when you'd get mad at me for messing with you or giving you meds. I thought you were trying to get my attention 'cause I was too distracted to pet you. Now I wonder.

But I have to move on. I can't keep living in the past and aching for you all the time. I don't think you'd want that either.

I have told Zeus that after today, I will sit on the floor with him and talk to him. I will pay attention to him and try to get to know him better. I can see that he's ready for a relationship - and now that I've forgiven myself - I'm ready for one too.

Will you celebrate your "gotcha" anniversary today for me up there? Maybe sit in Buck's lap and tell him some of your favorite stories of us....or go binky with Ginger and all the others.

But know that I'm going to be ok. I'm a mess right now - but I will be ok.

Thank you for the time we had together.

Mom

 

[LuvaBun]

:bigtears:Miss You, Tiny

Jan

 

[Atorres61472]

Dear Peg

My heart breaks while I am reading this is this what its like to lovea bunnso much. I am affected each new day with Z and RS and I cant imagine what it will be like to be without them in my life. I am so sorry and know that Tiny is in a wonderful bunny place where he can binky and play and hes watching down here and I dont know you guys but You seem to be a kind and loving bunny mommy and I bet Tiny was aware of how great a bunny mom he has because even if he isnt here in body he is in your heart and I would have loved to have seen more but alas I only recently had my "Gotcha Day" and am just beginning here so Thank You for the beautiful story of your bigguy, The bunfather Thank You Audrey

 

[angoragrl]

Peg, this is the first time I've actually brought myself to read this thread and I have to admit, I've been sitting her crying for the last hour and I don't think I can bring myself to finish reading the whole thing tonight. I'm a horrible sap and Tiny's infirmary blog was hard enough for me. I usually avoid this part of the forum honestly.

I know I haven't been around here long, but it was Tiny that started my love of Flemmies (I'm determined I will have one eventually) and I always enjoyed reading his blog. I'm terribly sorry for your great loss. You know what though, and this might sound a little wierd since my rabbits are so young right now, but it's comforting to know that whenever one of mine gets called up to the Bridge, Tiny will be there to show them around. I know he really didn't get to know my gang, but I have no doubt he really is up there watching over all the forum buns.

 

[TinysMom]

Atorres61472 wrote:

Dear Peg

My heart breaks while I am reading this is this what its like to lovea bunnso much. I am affected each new day with Z and RS and I cant imagine what it will be like to be without them in my life. I am so sorry and know that Tiny is in a wonderful bunny place where he can binky and play and hes watching down here and I dont know you guys but You seem to be a kind and loving bunny mommy and I bet Tiny was aware of how great a bunny mom he has because even if he isnt here in body he is in your heart and I would have loved to have seen more but alas I only recently had my "Gotcha Day" and am just beginning here so Thank You for the beautiful story of your bigguy, The bunfather Thank You Audrey

Thanks so much. I haven't really been able to check this thread for a couple of days - I've been missing Tiny so very much. Its hard to believe its only been almost 8 weeks since we lost him.....it feels like forever.

I've had a couple of dreams about Tiny and a couple of times when things have been really bad - times when I would've gone to him and cried into his fur...I've felt his presence. Usually I have to be almost asleep though or just waking up....

My time with him was just so short and I want to scream at the world that it was so unfair....but I have to remember that life goes on. Tiny wouldn't want me to give up....at least that is what I tell myself.

Enjoy every day you have with your beloved bunnies - and I wish you many many many years and thousands of pictures and videos and memories.

Peg

 

[TinysMom]

angoragrl wrote:

Peg, this is the first time I've actually brought myself to read this thread and I have to admit, I've been sitting her crying for the last hour and I don't think I can bring myself to finish reading the whole thing tonight. I'm a horrible sap and Tiny's infirmary blog was hard enough for me. I usually avoid this part of the forum honestly.

I know I haven't been around here long, but it was Tiny that started my love of Flemmies (I'm determined I will have one eventually) and I always enjoyed reading his blog. I'm terribly sorry for your great loss. You know what though, and this might sound a little wierd since my rabbits are so young right now, but it's comforting to know that whenever one of mine gets called up to the Bridge, Tiny will be there to show them around. I know he really didn't get to know my gang, but I have no doubt he really is up there watching over all the forum buns.

In one of the two very vivid dreams I've had of Tiny - that I remembered upon awakening....Tiny was actually with various forum bunnies and they were gathering at the bridge to welcome new arrivals - from the forum. The dream was so clear when I had it - and there were bunnies in the dream I recognized...not just my own bunnies - but others.

I truly believe in my heart that Tiny is welcoming the new forum bunnies to the bridge and making them feel welcome. I suspect he might not be as kind to the bucks as he is to the does (he never cared for bucks) - but perhaps his dear GingerSpice helps to welcome them - along with Samantha - a flemmie doe who like Tiny - needed time to learn to love and trust.

Enjoy every day with your precious buns - take lots of pictures and videos and blog lots of memories...you'll always cherish them.

Peg

 

[TinysMom]

Oh Tiny....things have been happening so much in my private life lately. I told a friend last night that I just wanted to hold you - to cry in your fur - to be near you again. I long for your sweet bunny kisses and I still laugh when I think about you being so happy in my lap one time that you gave the garbage can kisses for like 5 minutes or so.

I don't think that since you've been gone - I've needed you nearly as much as I need you now. I know I'll make it through this tough time.....but it would be so much easier if you were here.

I love you guy...I really do.

Oh - before I forget - you would've loved this....when Eric surprised us with a visit last week he said he almost stopped at Walmart to buy bunny ears and posterboard...he was gonna stand at the front door with a sign that said, "Will binky for craisins"...

I think he missed you too....

Be good my big boy...

Mom

 

[timetowaste]

first of all i love your new icon and i love that you have a bunny named isenstar because my last name is eisen .

secondly, i cry into nemo's fur almost everyday. especially when i am anxious, which is quite often. i can't imagine the pain of not having him there to just cry to.

you are loved, peg. i'm still so sorry for your loss.

tracy

 

[TinysMom]

I really really really hesitate to share some of this with y'all. But there are those who think it is important to be shared - that it needs to be shared.

This is what I shared with a friend today...

[line]I had a dream this morning and I was sleeping and I was laying in this really really vivid green grass by a brook. I kept feeling this nudge on my shoulder and I'd keep sorta pressing it off - till suddenly - it turned into a nip.

I opened my eyes - and there was Tiny. His fur was shiny and dark black and he looked young again. His eyes were sort of sparkly. He let me hold him in my arms and cry into his fur for a long time and he just snuggled there and let me give him ear rubs.

Then he nudged me and he spoke to me and his voice was sort of like Sean Connery (which he'd never had before in a dream)....

I have to go mom. I found my new calling and I can't be here with you and do it. But I love you. You need to go too 'cause I can't do my work if I'm spending all my time with you..."

I held him close again for another minute or two...I think he knew I needed him just a bit more. Then he nudged me for a few more pets...and then he hopped away a bit and stopped.

He looked back at me with such compassion in his eyes -and yet he held himself like he had a sense of purpose. He took a short run - binkied and then - poof - he was gone. Just like that.

I woke up with a start - and my arms felt warm - like I had been holding him in them - and I was laying the same way I would if I was holding him. Yet there was nothing there....

Later on - shortly before I finally woke up today - I had one last dream - almost like a "short" if you watch animated movies and see them. This was very very short...probably 10 seconds or less.

Tiny was sitting at a book and looking at something. He said, "Nope..not that one" and flipped a page and looked at another page...and then flipped again. And the dream was over....all I knew was he was sitting and looking at a book and flipping pages.

[line]
Today I received a pm from someone who had a black bunny visit her in a dream - I'm going to pm her and ask her to share it here. I was so touched by her comments.

Then I shared her comments with Zin - who also told me about a dream in which a black rabbit visited her...I'm asking her to share her dream here also.

[line]
I suspect now that Tiny was given to me here - to teach me many things - but to allow me to give him a voice - to reach out and touch others. Because it sounds like now - that is exactly what he is trying to do....two people - who did not know each other (to my knowledge) have both had their own versions of dreams where Tiny has come to them about rabbits....it makes me wonder if somehow he is going to be continuing this work and if we will hear of more "sightings" of him somehow...

I still miss Tiny more than I can express. It will be 8 weeks tomorrow night that I lost him - and my world still feels empty and gray....but the things I've heard - even if you may think me crazy for believing them (something I never would have done until shortly before Ginger's death) ~ are bringing me a sense of comfort.

Binky free my big boy....binky free. Somehow - I suspect that I know of at least two bunnies who have now been blessed with good homes...thanks to you....

Peg

 

[angoragrl]

I wasn't going to share this story because I thought was crazy, but I did decide to share it with Peg this morning and she has asked me to share it with you all.

Most of you probably remember me posting about Lilly when I first found her on Craigslist. What I didn't share with you all is the dream I had the night before I found her posting.

This is pretty much what I shared with Peg earlier.

In my dream, I was woken up by a big black bunny jumping on my chest. The bunny then raced around my room before coming back and landing on me again. When he came back, he told me about a fluffy white girl who needed me. He told me that she had too many homes already and that she was afraid no one would love her. He even told me that she was not in the best shape right now (which I didn't fully understand until I got her home) but that she would "blossom" with lots of love. I'm pretty sure I tried to ask him where I would find her, but before I could really say anything, he was gone.

The next day, I looked at craigslist and Lilly's ad was the first one I saw. When I saw the ad, I imediately knew she was the bunny that my dream was about. I emailed them about her that morning and quickly found out that she had indeed been through several homes already in her short life.

I woke up thinking that it was Tiny in my dream, but I wasn't sure about that until I started reading this thread. Since I haven't been around here for too long, I was somewhat familar with Tiny and loved his antics, but it wasn't until I read Peg's story about Kate, and Tiny waking her up by bouncing on her chest that I was sure that it was Tiny who came to tell me about my wonderful Lilly.

Tiny also somewhat gave Lilly her name when he told me she would blossom with love. Since it was so close to Easter, I woke up thinking about Easter lillies and I think I knew before I even found her that her name was going to be Lilly.

Thank you Tiny, for bringing me my Lilly T Fluffybuns, she really is great just like you said.

 

[TinysMom]

Tiny - its happening.

I'm finally allowing myself to bond with Zeus.

I can't help it. I've tried to stop it - in the beginning. I couldn't really accept him at first for a bit. I mean - I could love him for loving Miss Bea - but to open myself up to him....there was no way I could do that.

But he's started sleeping behind my chair (I need clean out the area under my desk). He's frequetntly less than 3 feet away.

Now when I read a really happy post - or when I write a really happy post - I tend to turn around and rub his ears and pet his head.

If I read a really sad post....or if something makes me sad....I go to him too. I might rub his head a bit longer and cry (but miss his fur as the teardrops fall).

It doesn't mean that I don't want you here....I do. You'd love it here right now - Zeus has TWO women (I know he'll never hit your record of five....well...I hope he won't) and there are BABIES (well - 7 weeks old) in Cass's cage. You'd love watching them - if you were here I'd have the girls out and let you play with them....(Sorry - I don't trust Zeus to that point yet).

But you're gone....and Zeus is here.

And somehow - it feels oh so good - to be able to pet flemmie ears again and feel comfort.

This has been an awful horrible week for me. I've missed you so much. But - its given me lots and lots of opportunities to reach down and pet Zeus...

.....and whether he'll admit it or not - I think he loves it...

I miss you big guy....I really do. But I'm gonna make it....I really am.

Mom

 

[TinysMom]

Thank you so much Angoragrl for sharing - that meant so much to me when you sent it to me privately....and thank you for being willing to share it with the forum.

I know Tiny visited someone else too - they told me the same day I heard from Angoragrl.....

I can hardly wait for them to share...

Peg

 

[TinysMom]

Hey handsome....I miss you so much tonight. Ok....I miss you a lot lately - like almost all the time.

I wish you were here now - I wish I could put my head in your fur and cry and cry and cry. I've changed a lot recently - I'm fighting a major battle with depression and while it may have had its start with you - other things have compounded it. I don't trust people anymore....and I barely enjoy some of the bunnies too.

I'm trying to turn things around.....and I may even go to a counselor again - I don't know. I am at least going to a doctor (aren't you proud of me??)....so maybe that will help.

Anyway - the REAL reason for this post is actually a celebration. Over three years ago - my very first post said...

I'm curious why you want a girl. The breeder I bought Tiny from stressed to me that a male would be easier to get along with (does are more territorial) and several others pointed that out to me before I got him.

Now that he's been here two weeks - I love him to pieces. He is great with our 3 cats, 1 dog and 2 other bunnies (Netherland Dwarfs) that we got the same day as Tiny.

Anyway, I was just curious why you wanted a girl since I've heard they can be more tempermental.

Peg

Mommy to Tiny, Tio & Kyo

Now.....3 years later....this is officially my 8,000th post. And I wanted to use it for something VERY VERY special.

I wanted to use it to say....

[align=center]I love you Tiny.

I will ALWAYS love you...and you will always be in my heart.

Forever.

[align=left]So go binky for me big guy.....to celebrate my 8,000th post....and give Miss GingerSpice some grooming for me too .... ok?


[/align][/align]

 

[JimD]

:hug1

 

[TinysMom]

Tiny - you've been on my heart and mind all day today. It is the 1st anniversary of Samantha's passing and I've been praying for her mom and dad and thinking of you.

You know I always wanted you to meet Samantha - just not at the bridge...I wanted to be there to see you two together.

So would you do me a favor? Give Samantha some extra snuggles today - for me. Somehow I suspect you two and Ginger and some of the others are just having a ball - but sometimes I feel like you go to the bridge and look into the water to make sure I'm ok...and that the other moms and dads are ok. As crazy as it sounds - sometimes its like I can feel your presence near....

Anyway - go run and play with Samantha and tell her that I miss her too - ok?

Don't forget to tell her she's pretty! (Ginger won't mind this time).

Mom

 

[TinysMom]

I haven't written for over a month - but that doesn't mean I haven't thought of you Tiny. Every day - I think of you when I walk into my office. I think of you when I look at my coffee mug of you (I have two)....and I think of you - almost all the time.

Last week was really hard - I was so depressed (mainly from being tired) - but I was lonesome for you....and you came to me. Somehow - I feel like I need to share it here.

The first time you came to me- really stands out in my mind. I was sitting and suddenly I saw you out of the corner of my eye. You hopped over to me and then got up into my lap and stood on your hind legs. I hugged you so tight and as I was petting you - I couldn't get over how shiny and beautiful your fur was again. I held you close for at least five minutes and cried and cried and cried into your fur.

You just stood there - on your hind legs - and let me cry....and I fell asleep (in my dream) - but when I woke up - you were still there and you were staring at me - as if you wanted to memorize what I look like.

Then you gave me one of my favorite looks of yours...

and you left....

The second time I dreamed of you....I woke up to find you looking at me again....only I hadn't known you were there.

You were giving me what I used to call your "puppy dog" look...

You didn't say anything to me - I reached out to touch you - and you got up - and stretched - looked at me one more time -and then poof...you were gone.

The third time...you told me you were here on business.....but you just stopped by to check on me. You said to me that there were many times you check in on me and I don't know about it...and that its ok. You also wanted me to know you were ok.

I didn't really see you in that dream - but I felt your fur in my arms as my eyes were closed. Then you kissed my arm....and disappeared again.

Some would say I'm crazy....maybe I am.

But I can't help but think you've been reaching out to me for a reason...

I miss you big guy. I'd give anything to hold you again.....

Mom

 

[JimD]

:hugsquish:....you know why!

Thank him for me...will you?!?!...even if it's in your dreams!

 

[TinysMom]

The last 7-10 days I've been missing you like crazy and I've been so ANGRY at you for leaving me - along with grieving for you....

Anyway - I just did up this slideshow - for folks who want to see it...

"The Many Faces of Tiny"

I really need to add a few more to it - but it was what I had handy.

I miss your face big boy..



(Click on the pic to see the slideshow)