Peg, your story with GingerSpice is one I have thought a lot about lately, and one I will always remember as it is truly unforgettable (as is GingerSpice).
I think I'll go ahead and really put down my line of thinking. Forgive me if this comes out jumbled, my brain is jammed in neutral right now.
Early last week, before Chance got this bad, me and my friend who owns the rabbit rescue were having a talk. And we were talking about her first rabbit Magic, who died years back. This is why the rescue is nmed MAGIC Happens Rescue, in honor of Magic. She said when he died, how she knew that he had been loved and had several years of love and that was pretty much all he knew his entire life.
I said that I had gotten Harper when he was just around 6 months old.And while he had been abused, it hadn't been for very long (such as years) like it had been for Chance. Harper is now nearly 2.5 years old and has been with me for two years. He's pretty much known nothing but love since he was a baby and has been spoiled rotten since he was just6 months old.
I told her if anything were to happen to Harper, I would miss him so dearly, but I would know that as of now, he's had a pretty darn good life and I only would look back on it with happiness, knowing he was very loved and well taken care of.
With Chance, I don't feel that. I've only had him about 2.5 weeks now,and his time with me has been with him mostly in vets offices and having medicine shoved down his throat. Yes, he's been loved and spoiled, but only 2.5 weeks? I want him to experience what Harper has experienced.
I'm not anywhere near the point with Chance that I am with Harper,meaning if something were to happen, I could only look back at our life together with happiness. There has just been so little of it, and he's been sick nearly the entire time.
Peg, you do have a great point, and a very true one. And I've always admired and respected your outlook with your fur babies, and especially in your loss of GingerSpice. While Chance is getting weaker, he still adores our cuddle time and still does his best to follow me around the house. This tells me that while he is weak and tired, he still wants to fight and try.
One thing you guys will have to do is bear with me. Like many other members here, I've never had to go through losing a rabbit, especially a heart bunny. We've lost ones occassionally at the shelter, but the feelings are nowhere near the same.
One thing we know about Chance is that he's at least YEARS old, not month old. The vet said probably between 2-4 years. For years he was neglected, in pain, suffering, and never knew the meaning of love. The condition I got him in from the pound was so horrible, the newspaper wanted to do an article on him to show some of the neglect animals go through in silence.
I just feel that his life has been so hard, so rough, and so horrible,he deserves more than just2.5 weeks of happiness But he also doesn't deserve pain, and he's not happy if he's suffering, I realize this.
But if and when he goes, I'm not at the point that I can say I tried everything, or that I did everything I could. Not with my vet telling me there may be a chance of him getting healthy if I could get to the LSU vet. But I can't afford it, and not many people could. 5yearsago my mother's dacshund had her back go out completely and LSU did the surgery. $4,000 later, the dog was healed. $4,000! My mother tookout a loan for the money, a loan she just finished paying back not long ago.
So doing everything I can, and saying I tried my hardest, isn't enough if he dies. Trying my hardest, to me, would mean that I would've taken him to the clinic that my vet is telling me to go to for treatment.
I feel liked I have failed, and that'sa feeling I can't help.I was told the other night by a 'friend' that I should've never taken him if I couldn't afford it. Well, i started off fostering him because MY vet agreed to treat him for free. Anyone that would've fostered him and brought him to their vet wouldn't have paid for weekly urinalysis,fecal tests, blood work, xrays, medications, ect. I know, all of our volunteers are poor, and many are college students.
At the shelter, we are struggling to adopt out young, healthy,beautiful rabbits. And no one wants them. Do you think someone would've passed those healthy rabbits up and instead, adopted a rabbit in pitiful condition, full of health problems, and need hundreds of dollars in vet care? I don't think so.
In the end, I'm not sure what to think. Right now I'm mostly feeling like a failure to him, and I'm telling him I'm so sorry that he had to come into my life, and not someone else's life that would've been better equipped and financially able to help him. Ican't even look at him and tell him I tried my best, because it feels like a complete lie.
ray:
