First of all - thank you to everyone for your kind words - both here and on Facebook.
I spent several hours sleeping earlier this evening - it was the only way I could handle the grief.
My grief is actually sorta three-fold. First of all - I miss her terribly. Secondly, I feel bad because I never really "bonded" with her the way I did with Harmony and part of that is - I know that she really loved Alicia and missed her. I know she had feelings for Ali and I just never measured up - and the last month or so - I sorta gave up on trying to win her over and tried to make her happy - but withdrew a bit emotionally (and she was ok with that). But finally - her death is the death of part of the dream - that of creating TWO lines from Juan's rabbits and then crossing them back and forth along with my earlier does that are basically from Jack's lines.
I've come to the conclusion - based upon her body temperature when I found her (literally about 30 seconds before her heart stopped beating) - that she must've had an infection and been hiding it from me. Sure - she'd been a bit quiet lately - but she had her quiet days and her more active days and it wasn't any different than usual. She was eating, drinking, taking treats, etc. So I don't think that she allowed herself to show signs that I could've missed.
When I finally got up about midnight - Robin brought me out one of Harmony's babies - it was the doe that was pick of the litter (I can tell that at this age for her as she has very BIG bone structure and I really need to add that to my lines). I loved on her and she cuddled into my arms and let me pet her for about 20 minutes. I realized - the dream isn't dead...its simply changed. For now I'll have ONE of Juan's lines to cross into Jack's lines...and let's face it - that's all it takes to start my own lines.
I'm thinking of calling the doe that I'll keep from the litter "Katie Elder" but I'm not sure - I'd rather have the name of a nicer legendary woman. Why? Cause even at this age - Katie is sweeter than her littermates...and it shows in her personality as she interacts with them and with her mama.
By the way - the litter has two bucks (both of which are looking very nice) and four does. Whichever buck I keep for this line - will probably be named "Ranger" for the "Lone Ranger". I like the name.
I guess that is it for now. I just feel so numb - I can't bring myself to write Calypso's RB thread yet.
I've lost rabbits before - too many to count. But I can't remember a younger one like this (I think she was turning one this week) that died so suddenly that I had no warning....at least not a flemmie.
The hardest part for me - is I feel like I let Ali down and I let Juan down...because they both cared about her too - and I know Ali had strong feelings for Calypso. In a way - the grief is really hard for her too because Calypso lived with her for a month.