Nala's tell-all blog! Quad-bonding and more! Nala, Alice, Harley Quinn and Barnaby (aka Big Bunny).

[A & B]

You did post in that thread and I don't know why I didn't get to know you before now. Rereading that thread makes me sad. I can't believe the thoughts I used to have. I wish I kept that journal from then, it would be interesting to read through that.

Some grandmother. She truly did act like a child. Did she only act like that towards you? I'm so sorry your mom isn't here anymore. My bio dad died when I was young also. I agree that dropping her was a great choice. Family should never make someone feel worse about themselves, especially not intentionally.

I've been considering starting a Youtube channel because I like talking about bunnies so much lol. It would be an amazing way to meet even more rabbit people! Your co-workers seem like fun people! Most of my co-workers are young moms in their late 20's and we just have nothing in common.

I prefer to just listen to music instead of talking to people but because my wonderful rabbit son thought it would be fun to eat my earbuds so it's going to be a long day tomorrow. Gotta love being a rabbit mom.

I try to stay calm when people say things but I have a tendency to act before I think. It's something I need to work on for sure though. One of the many bad habits I need to break.

Your girlfriend advice is very helpful! Basically all the knowledge I had was to not be like Bugs . I'm nervous that I'm going to fall for someone and we're going to have different morals and views on life. I know I don't want sex for a while but every guy my age can't wait for me to undress. My parents think it's important to give guys what they want if I want to keep the guy. I feel like that isn't fair to me. I'll gladly take him to his favorite restaurant/store but sex is a big deal to me. I don't want to necessarily wait until marriage but I don't want to sleep around either.

 

[Butterscotch]

My parents think it's important to give guys what they want if I want to keep the guy.

What? No. NO. Relationships are give and take, true. They require compromise, true. But they are NOT "give a guy what he wants if you want to keep him around". I hope I just misunderstood what your parents meant. Guys should want you for YOU just as you should want him for HIM. I have had men tell me everything I ever wanted to hear, tell me how beautiful and smart and wonderful I am, blah blah blah, only to disappear after getting what they wanted. (Women do this too.) If you are always true to yourself you will eventually find a guy that deserves you. You are worth the wait. You are worth getting to know. You are worth longing for and sacrificing for and soon you will find a guy who is worth all that too. I hope when it comes time for you to make certain choices that you make them because you feel ready and because you want to, not because you're afraid of losing the guy you're currently with. You will lose him eventually anyway when you run out of things to give him to keep him around.

 

[A & B]

Just this week, I lost a chance with a guy I really liked because I told him I'm not ready for sex. Turns out this guy was trying to get into 4 different girls' pants (mine included) and his actual girlfriend is pregnant with his baby. My friends were telling me he had a girlfriend but whenever I brought it up he got mad and swore they were just friends. He led me on so strong and honestly, props to him for being such a good liar. Looking back over that whole month we talked, there were so many red flags that I feel so stupid for not recognizing. He wanted me for sex and help in English class. My class is advanced (which is where we met) so he would sit next to me and copy. We actually slow danced at Homecoming and I found it odd that he said "I missed you during English" after I hadn't talked to him at all the week before because I was suspicious. Not I missed talking to you, I missed you during class. I've already accepted that I'm never going to get a boyfriend. As I sit on my bed and watch Bugs repeatedly push his treat ball in between the corner of my room and a laundry basket then get frustrated because he's struggling to get it out, I'm realizing I'd be totally okay with this lifestyle. My bedroom alone would scare any guy away, lol. In 15-20 years when I decide I want a kid, there's always adoption or sperm donors.

On another note, you've been kind of absent from the forum lately. It's nice to see you back! It may be time for an update on your blog

 

[Butterscotch]

Just this week, I lost a chance with a guy I really liked because I told him I'm not ready for sex.

I've already accepted that I'm never going to get a boyfriend.

You didn't miss a chance with a guy you really liked, you dodged a bullet. Good for you!!

You're 14? I wasn't even allowed to date until I was 16. I was living with a guy at 18. You have plenty of time. I had a hard time in high school when I was finally allowed to date. My first real boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn't smoke weed with him. He was so nice about it, and very honest and I absolutely respect him for that. He said that's how he liked to relax and he wanted to be with someone who shared that desire with him. Today he is married and they live happily ever after in their pot cloud. My point is, be honest with yourself and your partners and eventually you will find one that matches your personality and desires, and you his, and you will compliment each other. You are so young and you have so much time. Have some fun along the way but be smart about it, you will eventually find the guy that stirs those butterflies within you. Lots of guys love animals and personally I don't trust any guys that don't.

 

[A & B]

My parents haven't given my siblings a specific age other than we have to be in high school and they have to feel we're ready. It's been hard for my parents to accept that I'm not a little kid anymore and that I'm going to do some pretty adult things over the next few years. I have a job where I work around 16 hours a week at and I just got a car!!! Good job on not getting talked into smoking when you didn't want to! I think that I have too high and unrealistic expectations about the guy I'm going to end up with and I've been thinking too hard about it. Kids from my school have been telling my best guy friend that he should ask me out and I think that I may be okay with that. I never in a million years pictured myself with him but he makes me laugh when I'm mad and we have too many inside jokes that if anyone ever found out about, we'd be in trouble lol. We're actually texting now about it and as we're talking about life, he says something about our Earth and Space Science teacher and we completely forgot about what we were talking about in the first place. He also doesn't treat me like an object like most guys. If I had a penny for every time someone has called me baby or made sexual comments towards me, I'd be rich. If a guy doesn't like animals we can't be together. Ever. I believe I read something a while back about this woman who had the sweetest dogs ever but they were incredibly aggressive towards her boyfriend. Turns out, he had an interesting past.

 

[Imbrium]

It's 4 am so I'm gonna do a drive-by for now, but I'll circle back around to the girl chat sooner or later! It's fun getting to share advice since I was an only child and my daughter (who my Aunt Laura is raising in another state, fwiw) only just turned four on October 4th. @Butterscotch has given some badass advice in my absence, though .

When I've got more time (and hubby is awake to laugh with me), I definitely want to check out more videos from this cat sanctuary! I was doing the microsoft rewards points BS for free x-box whatnots and the daily poll question was would you rather see a lion or a wolf eating a pumpkin. I picked lion and was fascinated with the correlating search results. I thought it was weird to see a cat eat a craisin, green bean or tomato... I never even considered that a jungle cat might eat a pumpkin! A couple clicks later, here I was (it gets especially good around the 3 minute mark):



Also, if your best guy friend asks you out, I say go for it! I've honest-to-god never so much as gone out on one date in my entire life with a guy that I wasn't already pretty good friends with. It's so much better that way, if you ask me. I couldn't even begin to explain the thousands of bizarre inside jokes my husband and I have... and it's always funny when they leak out around people who only know me and not him (like at work or on RO). Like earlier tonight when I used the word "demandsing," which hubby and I concluded was somehow so much more evocative than just "demanding" when describing cat and rabbit behavior (like when they're sharking your food and such).

Honestly, you'll fall in and out of love many times in your life. You'll get your heart broken and break some hearts. Every time you share your true self with someone, be it a best friend or a boyfriend or a bunny, you give a little piece of yourself to that person/bunn that you'll never get back and you get a little piece of them in exchange. The important thing is to make sure that's a fair trade . I have fond memories from friendships and relationships that are long-since in the past and I don't regret any of them.

 

[Imbrium]

Short but cute, with great faces (though I admit I was disappointed that the water balloons weren't more explosive when popped - I thought I might get a glance at the sort of reaction I didn't get to see when Alice chewed through the water line on the back of a toilet and got a snout full of water):

I laughed so hard at the "what the heck just happened" face when the first balloon popped!

And this one is long but worth it! I watched it 3-4 years ago and then lost the open (and unbookmarked) tab along with many others in a husband-related Firefox snafu (which is a big part of why I make him use a different primary browser than me now!). That was back in our first apartment together, when we only had two cats (one of which was 17 and lazy, the other of which we honestly thought might be schizophrenic and who was outside half the time). Now, we've got FIVE cats, the oldest of which is only 3, plus three of her kids (2 years old) and... I don't even know how to describe Ruby (also 2)... imagine the most adorable demon ever. Suffice it to say, this video suddenly seems like a snapshot of our lives! In the time between the first time I saw this and now, I've personally witnessed similar or identical scenarios to SO many of the clips.

There are multiple ones of two black cats screwing around, wrassling, slamming into stuff and generally causing a hilarious ruckus. Those in particular are far too familiar to me! Ever since we got Ruby a couple months ago, she and Donatello have been bonkers together.

 

[A & B]

I've spent the last 5 minutes reading that first bit over and over again. You have a daughter?! I'm curious to know the story because I swear you've said you don't have kids. I'm so confused, lol. You obviously don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. There's probably a reason you haven't mentioned it until now.

I told my mom about him (us?) last night and she sent me a message during first period saying "good luck at school today ". Sometimes she hates the idea of me dating and sometimes she tells me to go for it. She confuses me just as much as I confuse her. The guy is someone I've known since Preschool and my mom knows who he is. Last night I realized I've never mentioned Bugs and Evie to him so today I casually brought them up and he seemed to like the idea of them. That is until he sees my bedroom. Our teacher (who is a very chill person) was talking about how her cats hang from her curtains and I said "my rabbits think it's fun to pee on my bed after I clip their nails" and they both thought it was funny. My friend said that he still pees the bed so the buns shouldn't be ashamed. He was obviously kidding but it made me laugh. I believe I mentioned that I danced with the liar at homecoming to you guys (if not I meant to) and I told my guy friend about it. He would tease me about it because it hurt his feelings and I had no idea. At that point we still were strictly friends and I didn't know he liked me and I wouldn't have brought it up if I knew. Heck, I wouldn't have done it in the first place if I had known. Anyway, my friend and I watched those videos during class and we both enjoyed them. Thank you for sharing!

I have no idea where to even begin on being a girlfriend though. Like what do I even do? I'm not traditional at all and if we're going on a date, I'm going to pay just as often as he is. He did buy me hot chocolate from the school coffee shop today out of nowhere so I'll do something in return.

I'm seriously considering getting a Munchkin cat. My mom's always wanted one so she might go for it. My parents probably won't say yes because we already have a cat though. It's technically my sister's cat which is why I never talk about him. My parents are considering finishing our basement and letting me move down there because I'll have more room and there won't be hay upstairs (which drives my mom's OCD nuts and I've tried almost everything I can to keep it contained). If I do I'm getting a cat of my own. My sister's cat doesn't get along with other cats so it would have to stay in my room and I'm not comfortable with a cat around the rabbits all the time. Bugs would like a cat (he likes any animal that isn't another rabbit) but Evie's too skittish for that. Either that or she's aggressive. She's pretty unpredictable and acts a lot like me

I think I'm slowly turning into a rabbit. Bugs knows that when my alarm goes off it's time for breakfast and me hitting the snooze button is worst case scenario to him so he does everything to keep me from falling back asleep. When my alarm went off at 4:30 this morning, I pressed snooze and tried to go back to sleep because I spent way too long scrolling through the forum last night. Within two seconds of my head hitting the pillow he jumped directly on my face. Instead of my usual "Damnit Bugs, 5 more minutes please", I freaking grunted. Not in a "ow that hurt" way, I grunted like a rabbit telling another rabbit to go away. It worked but by then there was no way I was falling asleep again.

On an unrelated note, I woke up to snow today. I'm taking my youngest sister trick or treating Thursday but now I have to rethink my costume because I didn't think it would snow until after this week. It was only a couple of inches but it's supposed to snow tonight, tomorrow night, and the night after that. I can't wait to move out of Iowa.

 

[Imbrium]

ATTN: Everyone who reads this blog...

Nala and I demand your participation in our new thread. I spent more time than I care to admit coming up with buttloads of wall-of-shame submissions. You people had better come one-up me on cuteness or die trying .

 

[Lauren Kiernan]

I've spent the last 5 minutes reading that first bit over and over again. You have a daughter?! I'm curious to know the story because I swear you've said you don't have kids. I'm so confused, lol. You obviously don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. There's probably a reason you haven't mentioned it until now.

I told my mom about him (us?) last night and she sent me a message during first period saying "good luck at school today ". Sometimes she hates the idea of me dating and sometimes she tells me to go for it. She confuses me just as much as I confuse her. The guy is someone I've known since Preschool and my mom knows who he is. Last night I realized I've never mentioned Bugs and Evie to him so today I casually brought them up and he seemed to like the idea of them. That is until he sees my bedroom. Our teacher (who is a very chill person) was talking about how her cats hang from her curtains and I said "my rabbits think it's fun to pee on my bed after I clip their nails" and they both thought it was funny. My friend said that he still pees the bed so the buns shouldn't be ashamed. He was obviously kidding but it made me laugh. I believe I mentioned that I danced with the liar at homecoming to you guys (if not I meant to) and I told my guy friend about it. He would tease me about it because it hurt his feelings and I had no idea. At that point we still were strictly friends and I didn't know he liked me and I wouldn't have brought it up if I knew. Heck, I wouldn't have done it in the first place if I had known. Anyway, my friend and I watched those videos during class and we both enjoyed them. Thank you for sharing!

I have no idea where to even begin on being a girlfriend though. Like what do I even do? I'm not traditional at all and if we're going on a date, I'm going to pay just as often as he is. He did buy me hot chocolate from the school coffee shop today out of nowhere so I'll do something in return.

I'm seriously considering getting a Munchkin cat. My mom's always wanted one so she might go for it. My parents probably won't say yes because we already have a cat though. It's technically my sister's cat which is why I never talk about him. My parents are considering finishing our basement and letting me move down there because I'll have more room and there won't be hay upstairs (which drives my mom's OCD nuts and I've tried almost everything I can to keep it contained). If I do I'm getting a cat of my own. My sister's cat doesn't get along with other cats so it would have to stay in my room and I'm not comfortable with a cat around the rabbits all the time. Bugs would like a cat (he likes any animal that isn't another rabbit) but Evie's too skittish for that. Either that or she's aggressive. She's pretty unpredictable and acts a lot like me

I think I'm slowly turning into a rabbit. Bugs knows that when my alarm goes off it's time for breakfast and me hitting the snooze button is worst case scenario to him so he does everything to keep me from falling back asleep. When my alarm went off at 4:30 this morning, I pressed snooze and tried to go back to sleep because I spent way too long scrolling through the forum last night. Within two seconds of my head hitting the pillow he jumped directly on my face. Instead of my usual "Damnit Bugs, 5 more minutes please", I freaking grunted. Not in a "ow that hurt" way, I grunted like a rabbit telling another rabbit to go away. It worked but by then there was no way I was falling asleep again.

On an unrelated note, I woke up to snow today. I'm taking my youngest sister trick or treating Thursday but now I have to rethink my costume because I didn't think it would snow until after this week. It was only a couple of inches but it's supposed to snow tonight, tomorrow night, and the night after that. I can't wait to move out of Iowa.

I have 2 daughters now in their early 20' s. One has a boy friend, one does not. I have always emphasized to them that they do not need a boy to be complete. Be happy with you, hold yourself in high esteem and do not accept or make excuses for bad treatment. All women deserve respect. No boyfriend is better than a bad boyfriend. If the boy really likes you, then he likes the way you already are so be yourself. You sound like a smart, hardworking and thoughtful young lady. Your parents should be proud!

 

[Imbrium]

Hiccups suck. Usually it's me that gets them from eating too fast or standing up too fast after laying down... but right now, hubby has them and they refuse to go away. Poor hubby! Alice is trying to help. When hiccups are violent and persistent, that's the worst!

 

[A & B]

He asked me out Tuesday and we've been dating since then! Thank you guys so much for encouraging me! At first, I was convinced I was making a mistake but now it feels so right. He's definitely someone I could fall in love with. I showed him a picture of Bugs and Evie and he tried to convince me they're cats. To each their own I guess. His name is Nick btw, that's what I'll be referring to him as. It pisses my stepdad off when I call him my boyfriend instead of Nick for some reason. He's been being kind of a **** to me since we started dating even he knew he was going to ask me out. He's been dropping hurtful comments that I hope he's kidding about. Thursday was a rough day mentally and as a result, I didn't eat anything so Friday morning I was pretty nauseous and he asked my mom if I was pregnant. He asked my mom instead of me like I can't speak for myself. That's not even possible in the first place. Anyway, my mom really wants to meet him and because I finally have a day off from both school and work next weekend she gets to meet him then. I feel oddly comfortable with Nick and I never feel like that around anyone. Hell, I've known you guys on the forum longer than we've talked and I'm so scared I'm going to say the wrong thing and everyone on here is going to hate me. I'm working a 4-7 tomorrow and I have to take Snowball to his new foster mommy so I have to have him and I ready by 11 am which is why Nick has to wait until next weekend. I can't wait for our inside jokes, lol. He seems to understand girls well and doesn't bring up any of my many insecurities. He did call me crazy yesterday but if anything I found it funny. One of our friends was outside the classroom so I waved at him but when Nick looked up our friend wasn't there. His exact words were "Some guys have ugly girlfriends but not me. Mine is so crazy she waves at people that aren't even there." If he knew half the stuff that went through my head not only would he break up with me, he'd run.

 

[Imbrium]

I got so excited when I saw you mention 'boyfriend' in another thread recently! I just didn't have time to come over here and 'squee!!' about it 'cause hubby was waiting for me to get off RO and play video games with him, lol. I'm so happy for you . Sorry your stepdad is being such an intractable buttmunch about it all. It sounds like he's got some serious psychological issues that he's currently taking out on you.

On a side note, I woke up early and looked at my phone to see what time it was... just before 2 pm, I decided to close my eyes and take a nap until my 3 pm alarm went off (on a different phone that's out of service and whose sole reason for existing is to be my alarm clock). I felt like I had - literally - closed my eyes for just a minute or two when the alarm went off. I used the phone that I set the alarm on to check the time as I got ready for work, too. Around 3:40 I went to the kitchen, threw some leftover spaghetti in a tupperware for my "lunch" and headed towards my MIL's car because we were planning to leave at 3:45. Fed turtle on the way, then got to her car, took out my real phone... and it's freaking 2:44 because the alarm clock phone didn't update for DST! Bleh. But... now I have time to catch up over here.

I have no idea where to even begin on being a girlfriend though. Like what do I even do? I'm not traditional at all and if we're going on a date, I'm going to pay just as often as he is. He did buy me hot chocolate from the school coffee shop today out of nowhere so I'll do something in return.

If you're doing both of them right, being a good girlfriend is pretty much the same as being a good best friend, except you also make out (well, and other stuff when you're older, of course ). Honesty is a good policy... talk to him about the fact that you've never been a 'girlfriend' before and you're nervous about it - I'm sure he's nervous, too! Take things slowly and tell him if something's really bothering you or if you're freaking out about something. It's better to get it out in the open than to have him driving himself crazy trying to figure out what's going on.

I've spent the last 5 minutes reading that first bit over and over again. You have a daughter?! I'm curious to know the story because I swear you've said you don't have kids. I'm so confused, lol. You obviously don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. There's probably a reason you haven't mentioned it until now.

Her name is Fiona... she turned 4 on October 4th. It was unplanned and neither one of us has ever had any desire to raise a kid (in fact, we laughed about it together 9 years ago when we were first becoming friends and made fun of "breeders," etc.). For me, it's fear of passing on bad genetics (parents dying at 49/52 years old and family history of HBP, diabetes, obesity, mental illness, etc.) and the fact that, while I love nurturing and having someone to take care of, I also need to be able to take breaks from it, which parents can't do. Also, I don't even have my own **** together and struggle with depression, OCD, etc. and physical health issues. Right before Fiona was born, Jay's mental health was a constant, daily issue for us (looking back, he was clearly having a schizophrenic break but managed to convince me that he wasn't, heh - there was some weird paranormal **** going on in that apartment, which made it very hard to tell what problems were just in his head and which were caused by outside influences). Also, we were pretty much broke. So, Fiona is being raised by my Aunt Laura (middle sister to my mom (oldest) and my Aunt Teresa) in Kentucky. We only get to see her like once a year, but she's doing great and my aunt is an amazing mom, every bit as good as mine was.

I don't really talk about it because I feel embarrassed... unplanned pregnancies where a mom or other relative ends up raising your kid for you is something that happens to teenagers, you know? Usually when someone in their 30s has a baby they didn't plan on, they just raise it. But managing someone with schizoaffective disorder is arguably as challenging as being a parent, especially when that person is also your spouse. I sort of need to fill both wife and mother roles for him, which seems to be much harder on him than it is on me. Sometimes he feels like a burden, even though I never see it that way. He's my best friend and my soul mate; no matter what extra baggage comes along with that, it's worth it to have a life together. Anyway, I want Fiona to have a better life than I could've given her and I feel like she's getting it with my Aunt Laura.

 

[A & B]

I didn't mean to come off as nosy, I'm just a very curious person. I absolutely love the name Fiona! Your situation is certainly unique and you shouldn't be embarrassed about your decision or the pregnancy itself. An unplanned pregnancy is something I'm terrified of regardless of age. You're a very brave and strong person and I admire everything about you.

I couldn't help but laugh when you were talking about how your alarm was messed up, sorry lol. I bet you were incredibly frustrated. I didn't have to wake up early today but I did feel off all day. I wanted to clean Bugs's litter box after work but it was pitch black and I have this gut feeling I'm going to get murdered soon so I'd rather not put myself into a potentially dangerous situation.

Sorry your stepdad is being such an intractable buttmunch about it all. It sounds like he's got some serious psychological issues that he's currently taking out on you.

He's always been a jerk to my biological sister and me. He plays favorites and doesn't bother hiding it either but if we call him out on it he gets aggressive. He's put his hands on me before just because I called him out on something. He frequently calls me an ungrateful ---- knowing damn well I pay for most of my stuff and I ask him for nothing. I've always struggled with starving/binging/purging myself because I'm the only one in my family who's slightly overweight and he makes sure I know it. He also likes to bring my dead dad (along with Bugs and Evie who have nothing to do with anything) into his and my mom's arguments saying my dad was a ****** guy and deserved to get murdered because he knows my sister and I are listening (which my dad wasn't at all). He was shot by a police officer in front of my mom, which over the last 10 years she has struggled with severe PTSD. Not to mention the cop that did it was 100% in the wrong but faced absolutely no punishments. Pretty messed up world we live in if you ask me.

Anyway, I might as well explain my siblings to help you understand my family further. My brother, Caeto, is the perfect kid and is my stepdad's, making him my stepbrother. Then there's Ani who is my full blood sister who is a couple of years younger than I am. Then there's Nala. (Yep, her name's really Nala. It's short for Anala but because of the whole anal thing, we're in the process of legally getting her name changed so she isn't bullied.) She's 7. I used to envy her because while I was cutting/suicidal/struggling mentally, my parents went through the process of getting her diagnosed with ADHD and didn't care about my issues. She's my half-sister (and Bugs is her horse because she lets her dolls ride him, lol). IMO, the whole step and half-sibling thing is a load of bs. My brother is my brother and my sisters are my sisters.

If honesty is best, should I tell him about the forum? I've been made fun of for it before and either he wouldn't care or ask more and I don't feel like explaining. He knows he's my first boyfriend and I know I'm not his first girlfriend. We had probably the most awkward hug ever Friday. He went in for a full hug and I tried to do a casual side hug. We just laughed about it and did more PDA.

I'm not sure about how caught up you are on my blog but long story short, I took in a bunny a couple of months ago with the intention of finding him a home and today I took him to his foster home. I feel like a bad bun mom because I avoided paying him any attention so it wouldn't hurt as much when he left but it didn't help and now I feel neglectful. The bunny deserved better but I'm happy he gets a forever home. He's the sweetest boy ever and he deserves the world. He kept looking at me and giving me kisses tying to tell me to not leave him and it broke my heart. I failed him.

There's more I want to say but I have to do my homework now. I've been finding every excuse not to all weekend. Whoops.

 

[Lauren Kiernan]

I didn't mean to come off as nosy, I'm just a very curious person. I absolutely love the name Fiona! Your situation is certainly unique and you shouldn't be embarrassed about your decision or the pregnancy itself. An unplanned pregnancy is something I'm terrified of regardless of age. You're a very brave and strong person and I admire everything about you.

I couldn't help but laugh when you were talking about how your alarm was messed up, sorry lol. I bet you were incredibly frustrated. I didn't have to wake up early today but I did feel off all day. I wanted to clean Bugs's litter box after work but it was pitch black and I have this gut feeling I'm going to get murdered soon so I'd rather not put myself into a potentially dangerous situation.


He's always been a jerk to my biological sister and me. He plays favorites and doesn't bother hiding it either but if we call him out on it he gets aggressive. He's put his hands on me before just because I called him out on something. He frequently calls me an ungrateful bitch knowing **** well I pay for most of my stuff and I ask him for nothing. I've always struggled with starving/binging/purging myself because I'm the only one in my family who's slightly overweight and he makes sure I know it. He also likes to bring my dead dad (along with Bugs and Evie who have nothing to do with anything) into his and my mom's arguments saying my dad was a ****** guy and deserved to get murdered because he knows my sister and I are listening (which my dad wasn't at all). He was shot by a police officer in front of my mom, which over the last 10 years she has struggled with severe PTSD. Not to mention the cop that did it was 100% in the wrong but faced absolutely no punishments. Pretty messed up world we live in if you ask me.

Anyway, I might as well explain my siblings to help you understand my family further. My brother, Caeto, is the perfect kid and is my stepdad's, making him my stepbrother. Then there's Ani who is my full blood sister who is a couple of years younger than I am. Then there's Nala. (Yep, her name's really Nala. It's short for Anala but because of the whole anal thing, we're in the process of legally getting her name changed so she isn't bullied.) She's 7. I used to envy her because while I was cutting/suicidal/struggling mentally, my parents went through the process of getting her diagnosed with ADHD and didn't care about my issues. She's my half-sister (and Bugs is her horse because she lets her dolls ride him, lol). IMO, the whole step and half-sibling thing is a load of bs. My brother is my brother and my sisters are my sisters.

If honesty is best, should I tell him about the forum? I've been made fun of for it before and either he wouldn't care or ask more and I don't feel like explaining. He knows he's my first boyfriend and I know I'm not his first girlfriend. We had probably the most awkward hug ever Friday. He went in for a full hug and I tried to do a casual side hug. We just laughed about it and did more PDA.

I'm not sure about how caught up you are on my blog but long story short, I took in a bunny a couple of months ago with the intention of finding him a home and today I took him to his foster home. I feel like a bad bun mom because I avoided paying him any attention so it wouldn't hurt as much when he left but it didn't help and now I feel neglectful. The bunny deserved better but I'm happy he gets a forever home. He's the sweetest boy ever and he deserves the world. He kept looking at me and giving me kisses tying to tell me to not leave him and it broke my heart. I failed him.

There's more I want to say but I have to do my homework now. I've been finding every excuse not to all weekend. Whoops.

You are a remarkable, mature young woman for your age. Sounds like you have a lot to handle at home. Hang in there and definitely do the homework!

 

[Imbrium]

Man, Alyssa, your posts always make me want to give you a big hug! Sometimes happy, sometimes sad but always a big hug. I've never understood people who look back on high school as the best times of their life, because as I recall, being a teenager can be as traumatic as it can be fun!

It amazes me just how much crap you've overcome in your short life. My dad was my best friend and he died when I was nine of natural causes... But my mom was an amazing single parent even if we made each other crazy.

Bad parenting (or step-parenting) can really make a kid's life infinitely harder than it needs to be. My husband still struggles with it at times even though his mom is now really good to us and tries to make up for his childhood and his stepfather has been sober for years and is 100% a different person than the abusive alcoholic he was 20 years ago. His dad has finally grown up some too... Though he's currently a source of stress because his schizophrenia has had him in the hospital for at least a month now and he's still very delusional (normally they fix him up with new meds in a few days).

I'm still sorry your parents won't let you get mental health help... But it seems like RO has been quite therapeutic for you and sometimes that's just as good (an outside voice to help you gain perspective). It occurs to me that you might be able to ask your normal doctor about an antidepressant if you think it might help you. Mine prescribes one to me.

Please know that you deserve much better than how you're treated by your step dad. He sounds quite toxic... And like my mother-in-law was back in the day, your mom is stuck in the middle and may often choose to side with him because it's easier, not because he deserves it.

You're an amazing young woman and people worth keeping around (friends and boyfriends) will love you for who you are, won't judge you for your quirks/differences (may even love you more for them) and won't try to change you. You have every right to expect that from others as long as you're offering the same in return.

Seriously, though, *hug*. Life is ****** sometimes... It's the relationships we have with pets, friends and loved ones that makes it all worthwhile. Besides, if it weren't for the bad stuff, the good parts of life wouldn't mean as much.

 

[Imbrium]

I will regret this for at least a week (our cats normally only get dry food and cat treats):

Plate of wet food (22 oz can)...
Plus five cats...

When that plate is empty and their wet-food binge has to end, they will become my worst nightmare.

 

[Imbrium]

Nala is currently perched on my shoulder like a parrot while I sit at the computer and play Runescape with my husband. She's the only rabbit we have that happily does this, whether I'm driving or sitting in a chair.

 

[Imbrium]

Spoke too soon, lol, Harley Quinn has now mastered the art of perching on my shoulder while I'm on the computer .

 

[A & B]

I need me a Nala! Bugs can't be trusted near my face because he bites hard when he wants my attention. He also likes to dig at faces and is the sole reason why I don't have a nose piercing. Every time I consider it I see him ripping it out. Not fun. I think my mom is in love with your Nala! I was showing her some pictures from you and Nala's picture thread and she told me that I need to get one when I move out. She also asked me why Bugs and Evie look messed up. It's not their fault the temperatures went from the 60's to the 30's overnight.

If you ever find yourself in Iowa (which, considering Iowa's one of those states that no one cares about, probably isn't likely) please do let me know! I'd like to give you a big ol' hug! That goes for Jay too, from what I've gathered he's been through a lot. Poor guy

I just want to point out that all of your cats look very similar. Not sure why I thought that was important to share lol.

Today's been an interesting day, an emotional rollercoaster for sure. I'm sitting on my bed blasting music into my poor ears and eating mini pizza rolls and realizing someone just made a thread they're undoubtingly going to get attacked over. My day started out okay, waking up at 4:30 to make myself look less ugly does get old. @Augustus&HazelGrace and I PM'd about random stuff all day as usual because she was fortunate enough to not have school. My boyfriend had to point out how I have a big forehead (which, after staring at myself in the mirror for longer than I'll ever admit to), I have concluded that my forehead isn't big but my eyebrows are wayyy too thin. My eyebrows are the reason why I do a 50ish minute long makeup routine every. single. freaking. day. I had too much homework today but I came straight home and did it all asap so I'd have time for RO. I made a new friend today and we couldn't be any more similar! She's the last person I'd expect to be friends with (or have anything in common with). She's actually the guy I talked to before Nick's on again off again girlfriend who I couldn't stand before like 4 hours ago. She said she was jealous her boyfriend liked me because I'm everything appearance-wise he likes. I'm a blonde with very light blue eyes, I'm average height, and according to her, I have nice ****s and butt. I hate even saying that because I hate my body. It's just so darn awkward looking! Anyway, we started talking and all of a sudden she mentions ferrets! Me, being the person I am, asks for pictures. When I told her they were cute, she told me to not let me the cuteness fool me because they're naughty. I told her my rabbits are the same way and she asked for pictures of them. In all of school this is the first time I've met anyone, well, like me. It's nice to have another friend even though I lost a friend because of her. I'm not going to get into it because it's just petty and I'm going to get mad and mywordsaregoingtocomeoutlikethis because that's just what happens.

RO helps a lot. A lot more than I ever thought possible. Although I do feel guilty when I post here on your blog. I've considered asking my doctor for antidepressants but my mom doesn't want me on them. I think that after almost a year and a half of just being stuck in this funk of "I'm worthless and if I died no one would really care so I might as well do everyone a favor" or telling myself how easy it would be to take every single pill I could find in my house or how I can't even successfully cut myself like how I used to be able to, I should be allowed to get some kind of help. She tried to put me in a mental hospital after she found out I was hurting myself after I told her I specifically couldn't go to one because she told me if I went she'd get rid of Bugs. She wanted to get rid of me and my issues because I was going to ruin her perfect family and not actually get me help. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom but damn, even I could be a better parent as a 14-year-old. She would ask me things like "what if you found out Bugs was intentionally hurting himself for attention?" It's been 8 months since then but every time I think of those words it still feels like she stabbed me, twisted the knife and let me bleed to death. I want the opposite of attention and always have. Plus, Bugs hurts me for attention. Crazy how this post went from happy to sad in minutes.