A Couple Kid Pictures- Tis The Season!

[RaspberrySwirl]

 

[RaspberrySwirl]

When one of mydaughters wanted to date but wasn't old enough, she wasn't 16 yet andthose were my rules, she wanted to see a boy who was 18. I found out hewas walking her to her car at school, meeting her after the game at thelocal burger shack, calling her after school....innocent enough, butenough for them to think they might be pulling something over on me.So, I gathered a little more info, CIA style, then invited him over.I ask him if he was still interested in my daughter.After the question and answer session, I told them the details of whatI knew, they were floored and of course wanted to know how I knew.I told him if he wanted to see my daughter and wanted toabide by my rules he could see her. In my home. With me.:dude:I also told him that if he broke my rules, broke mytrust or broke her heart I'd have him arrested. He was 18 she was under16. She was mortified. He held his ground. Then I told him that beingarrested would be the best he could hope for because at leastChiefwould be able to protect him from methen! It all turned outfine.They spent time here baking brownies, watchingmovies, doing homework, etc. and they are still friends two yearslater.

Raspberry

 

[Lissa]

Beautiful, beautiful family.

 

[I LuV MaH BuNs]

Thats not very nice! I mean rules are rulesbut you dun tell an 18 year old that u are gunna have him arrested forHANGING OUT with ur daughter. Im 17 and my boyfriend is 21. We've beentogether since I was 15... I would be mortified if my parents ever toldhim they would put him in jail



RaspberrySwirl wrote:

When one of my daughters wanted todate but wasn't old enough, she wasn't 16 yet and those were my rules,she wanted to see a boy who was 18. I found out he was walking her toher car at school, meeting her after the game at the local burgershack, calling her after school....innocent enough, but enough for themto think they might be pulling something over on me. So, I gathered alittle more info, CIA style, then invited him over. Iask him if he was still interested in my daughter. After the questionand answer session, I told them the details of what I knew, they werefloored and of course wanted to know how I knew. I told himif he wanted to see my daughter and wanted to abide by my rules hecould see her. In my home. With me. :dude:I also told himthat if he broke my rules, broke my trust or broke her heart I'd havehim arrested. He was 18 she was under 16. She was mortified. He heldhis ground. Then I told him that being arrested would be the best hecould hope for because at least Chiefwould be able to protecthim from methen! It all turned outfine.They spent time here baking brownies, watchingmovies, doing homework, etc. and they are still friends two yearslater.

Raspberry

 

[RaspberrySwirl]

I beg to differwith you. I was allowing this boy to see my daughter as long as hefollowed my rules and I was very clear what those rules were. If theywere to become intimately involved at the ages of 15 and 18hewould be breaking the law. I wanted him to understand that I wouldn'thesitate to use the law to my advantage. Her moment of mortificationwas brief, as she quickly realized she was going to get what shewanted, which was to see the boy. She also learned a lot about hischaracter that night and in the weeks to follow. I've always shotstraight with my kids.They and their friends respect me forit. Furthermore, my daughter has turned into a hell of a young ladyherself for learning to be forthright, strong, and outspoken herself.

RaspberrySwirl

 

[MyBunnyLovesMe]

My mom wouldn't let me have a boyfriend until Iwas 18, and I never tried until then I was always a good girl.... Istill have never tried smoking or doing any sort of drugs, I don'tdrink neither....so...I think she raised me well, I'm such a big babygoodgoodie-tooshoo lmao. :dude:

Oh, and I moved out right after my 18th birthday with John and I've been with him since...we get married June 23rd, 2007

 

[RaspberrySwirl]

Good for you! I'mnot living in a fantasy world, I know what my kids do, unlike manyparents (including most of my friends). My 3 older kids drink, they are18, 19 and 23. But with the younger two they tell me where they aregoing, they pick a designated driver and when that driver falls throughthey call me. I've climbed out of bed a few timestogo get my kids. They don't have a problem calling me. It's not"uncool". I go get their friends half the time too. My 17 year old hasdranka couple times too. I've known when that was going tohappen. I'd rather know and be able to talk to her about it, than haveher think she has to sneak around and thendrink so much inone night that shegets alcohol poisoning.I alsoknow which of my kids is sexually active. I kindly remind my boys asthey walk out the door together to go "chase women" that they need to"pack raincoats" if they wish to keep from contracting dingle rot! Theydon't actually go involve themselves in "that" activity most of thetime, but the older one has been known to be a womanizer. It's justthat I figure if I use those opportunities to communicate with my kidsabout those kinds of things in a non-aggressive manner, it keeps ourlines of communication open. "Where you headed? Who's driving? Be goodboys!!! Don't get dingle rot! Buckle up. I love you." Out the door theygo.

I feel that if more parents would speak to their kids about sex,drinking, smoking, the kids friends, clothes....whatever.... like theydo the other lessons in life they try to teach their kids, theywouldn't find those subjects so difficult to talk about. It's workedfor me...to this point we don't have any problems in school, with thelaw, none with drugs, only one smoker, :Xno babies, allathletes, most good grades....so far, so good!

Raspberry

 

[DaisyNBuster]

All I can say about your family Raspberryis Beautiful!

It was a very good thingwhat you did to your daughtersboyfriend, I think anyway. Afterall she was underage and he was 18, heneeded to know what would happen if he ever hurt her and I know thatmany 18 year old boys would want more than a 15 year old girl couldgive. Well done!!! He used to come round and bake brownies? How cute,sounds like a nice lad.

I can see myself being over protective with my girls when boys start tocome on the scene. Ryan already has his "what exactly are youintentions towards my daughter?" speach ready. I can imagineSebastian's Little Girl being a heartbreaker when she's older and youmay have to take action again with any boys that take an interest inher (I am sure there will be many as she is such a little princess)!

Vickie

 

[RaspberrySwirl]

I imagine you are right Vickie...I think we will have our hands full with this one!

 

[Carolyn]

I LuV MaH BuNs wrote:

Thats not very nice! I mean rules are rules but you dun tellan 18 year old that u are gunna have him arrested for HANGING OUT withur daughter. Im 17 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been together since Iwas 15... I would be mortified if my parents ever told him they wouldput him in jail

?

RaspberrySwirl wrote:

When one of my daughters wanted todate but wasn't old enough, she wasn't 16 yet and those were my rules,she wanted to see a boy who was 18. I found out he was walking her toher car at school, meeting her after the game at the local burgershack, calling her after school....innocent enough, but enough for themto think they might be pulling something over on me. So, I gathered alittle more info, CIA style, then invited him over. ?I ask him ifhe was still interested in my daughter. After the question and answersession, I told them the details of what I knew, they were floored andof course wanted to know how I knew. ?I told him if he wanted to see mydaughter and wanted to abide by my rules he could see her. In my home.With me. :dude:?I also told him that if he broke my rules, broke mytrust or broke her heart I'd have him arrested. He was 18 she was under16. She was mortified. He held his ground. Then I told him that beingarrested would be the best he could hope for because at leastChief?would be able to protect him from methen!?? ?It all turned out fine.??They spent time here bakingbrownies, watching movies, doing homework, etc. and they are stillfriends two years later.??

Raspberry

Dear Danielle,

With all due respect, until you have children, especially teenagers ofyour own, I would hold back your judgements of the way Raspberry Swirlhandles her family.

Her kids are highly successful, they're polite, well-spoken,well-rounded, loving, kind individuals...each one of them. They alllove their mother and have great respect for her. I've spoken to eachone of her children personally and all I can say is that I wishRaspberry Swirl had 100 more because we need more people in the worldlike the ones she's raising.

I think Raspberry was extremely giving in this situation. She said it'sokay for him to see her, but it had to be on her terms. Rightfully So!!My parents would never have been that lenient, and I'm not sure Iwould've either.

In saying what she did, she's letting the boy know that she won't standfor a liar and a sneak. Afterall, if he lies and sneaks around withRaspberry, what does that say about the kind of person he is, and howhe'll treat her daughter? If he's really into her daughter, he'll abideby her parents rules and do what he has to do in order to spend timewith her.

Many teenagers attitudes at that point look at it like, 'you do whatyou have to do to get what you want.' Raspberry won't stand for thatwith her own kids and I wholeheartedly agree that she has the right toset limits on her kids' friends and boyfriends and girlfriends.Although it was a long time ago, I can remember being that age like itwas yesterday.

Sometimes it takes tough talk and even action to get through to some.Her daughter is still under age and in my opinion Raspberry Swirl hadevery right to nip it in the bud - just in case the guy got any ideasabout how he could skirt her authority.

It's easy to say that you'd handle a situation the way you'dlike to think you'd behave, but until you're in the situation,one really doesn't know how they'll act.

When you get older, the things that mortified you as a teenager thatyour parents did or said, you see them in a new light and, more timesthan not, you're extremely grateful to them.

Hats off to Raspberry Swirl's parenting skills. I shiver to think abouthow I'll feel about the boys my niece dates when she's old enough andall the issues that kids are facing in this very face-paced world. I'msure I'll make Raspberry look soft.

-Carolyn

 

[AnnaS]

LOL, Raspberry is getting attacked by teenagers on the forum.

I personally think that its better to talk to your kids about all ofthis stuff out there than not to talk about it and just assume it won'taffect them. Actually, I wish my mom talked to me and my sister moreabout sex, with girls I think its more important that drinking anddrugs. But my parents have a different mentality since they grew up indifferent country and did not have the problems that North Americankids face now.

Raspberry, I think its amazing that you can get your kids to talk toyou about all of this stuff without them being shy or embarassed.

 

[DaisyNBuster]

Well said Carolyn I whole heartedly agree withyou on this oneand couldn't have put it better myself. Weneed more Mummy's likeRaspberry in the world. It is theapproach that I hope to take with my children when the time arrives.

Vickie

 

[lanna21974]

Well, I dont have a teenager yet, but it'scoming. Lord help me. I hope I can handle things half as well asRaspberry has. I fully understand what she said and why she said it.It's not easy being the bad guy, but I think it's always better to leta child know where they stand and what you expect. I definitely wouldntexpect them to just know. I'm sure my hubby and I, at some point, willmortify my two daughters. But I'd rather have that happen then tosay/do nothing, and regret it later. Raspberry left the young man inquestion no doubt about what she expected, and what would happen,should he not take care of her little girl.

Lanna

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

I must admit, I'd be pretty mortified too! I'mnot saying what you did was wrong, but I am saying I would be awfullyembarrassed, lol.

My parents aren't like that, but I don't do any sneaking around them.They have nothing to worry about with me as I'm a good kid.lol, I really mean that, I'm not a 'typical teenager' intoday's world and proud of it.

 

[Ty-bee]

I wholeheartedly agree with Carolyn, Raspberry isdoing a wonderful job. My parents raised me pretty much the same way.There wasn't anything I couldn't talk to my parents about....stillisn't!They always gave me a straight and honest answer. Iwill admit there were times I tried to pull one over on them but theguilt got the best of me and I ending up telling them anyway.

Carolyn is also right, in that the things your parents did thatembarassed you or even the rules they made will all make sense andyou'll appreciate it once you're older, especially once you starthaving a family of your own. Believe me, I've called my mom a number oftimes since leaving home just to say thank you for being the parent shewas. I wouldn't be the woman or mother I am today if it wasn't for her.

Raspberry, you're doing a great job. Your family is beautiful!!

 

[RaspberrySwirl]

Thanks for all thekind words. Actually I don't feel jumped on by Danielle.She has the same right to voice her opinion as the rest of us, and heropinion is probably what ours was at that age. I know it's similar to alot of the kids around here. I feel like if she actually experiencedour environment and group of teens then she would see that thecommunication and closeness we have amongst friends and family would beself explanatory. We have alot of heated debates around hereand I invite them all! That's how you get communication going. I insiston the kids respecting each other opinions and listening to each other.It's quite interesting how often people change their minds whenpresented with another view. I don't tolerate arguing/talking back frommy kids. But discussions and negotiations are always welcome.

Raspberry

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

Ithink you're doing a great job tooRaspberry. My parents don't negotiate, or at least I attempt to andthey shut me down right away so I end up mad and frustrated!

I have experiences from my siblings that I have learned what not to doand it's been very good for me. My grades are good, I'm still very muchfamily oriented, I don't do anything illegal, etc. But I do think mysiblings could have benefited in their teen years with your kind ofparenting.

 

[Carolyn]

As to the teenager's feelings of mortification, it passes quickly.

At that age, there's so much to be mortified about; what our parents say is a given!




-Carolyn

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

I figure if I'm a good kid, I can keep my level of embarrassment to a minimum! lmao, so far so good.

 

[I LuV MaH BuNs]

Not true! I still have this that i ammortified about. Things from when I was 12 and 13 and they havnt goneanywhere. Being 17 and living in the US is hard... In my state im notold enough to drive a car, im not old enough to vote, im not old enoughto go to clubs, im not old enough to buy ciggarettes... But am I oldenough to have my own say, i am old enough to make a choice, i am oldenough to fight for what i belive in... Parents dont know the half ofwhat kids 12-17 go through. It's not easy to talk to your parents aboutthings like sex, drugs, smoking and stuff like that. I know what I knowfrom good and bad experiences, I don't think I've ever had the birdsand the bees talk with my parents. But when it comes to serious thingsI can. When i was 12 a friend of mine killed himself that was easy toopen to my parents about, when my aunt and grandmother died that waseasy to open up about. Things tha affect both parent and child are easyto talk about from my point of view... but when it comes to peerpressure and "teen age problems" its not that easy. Adults think theyknow whats going on in our heads. They dont... I will lay on my bed andtalk to Brindle about things that I wont talk to my parents about, forthe very reason that she cant talk back or tell anyone (except Benji,S'more, Moo Shu and Chippy. But, I don't think they will be talkinganytime soon.) When you ask your kids "How was school?" and they say"Fine." its because they are not telling you something... take it froma teenagers point of view... we dont talk even when you do... when weare ready to talk... we come to you...



Carolyn wrote:

As to the teenager's feelings of mortification, it passes quickly.

At that age, there's so much to be mortified about; what our parents say is a given!




-Carolyn