What should I do .. ?

[Brandy456]

^Wont let me edit


anways
needless to say, I turned to mush

 

[lloorren]

Whoops, I'm sorry I read yours and then a reply and by the time I got to replying my head mixed them together

 

[kirbyultra]

It's hard being 15 with a 17 year old guy who wants your favor... so I understand the mush thing, BUT I would say, *really* think about it and think of the worst possible scenario - if you invested in the relationship and foudn out he cheated on you again. How hurt would you feel and is it worth it? I think the chances are pretty high that he would cheat again, I'm in agreement with the other ladies here.

-Coming from a 26 and married woman

 

[NorthernAutumn]

I know exactly what you're talking about, re. mush. It got me into more than a few sad horrible scenarios. Yeah he's hot, and I'm sure he says all the right things. He already knows what he's going to say... he's done all this before. It's rehearsed.

My mom came to visit today, and reminded me of one disgusting fact...
Every time you have sex with someone, you are having sex with every person they have had sex with, and all of that other person's partners.
(Blaaauuughh!)

Meaning, any disease at any point in time that one of his partners may have had becomes your problem. And apparently this guy cheats... I wonder what he does when he cheats?
Not looking good, m'dear...

I have always made sure my current partner and I were tested simultaneously (and the results were in) before we had any sexual contact.

I was thinking about what you wrote...
"Everyone has that one particular person they really like, no matter what stupid thing they've done, or said. Right?"

Yup, I sure do know about that... it got me a boyfriend at the age of 17, who was a liar, a cheat, and best of all, a closet crack addict. Not joking in the slightest.
I thought, oh well, he's got a few faults... I'm sure he'll change.
Maybe I'll settle.... I was with him almost a year, till I smartened up and left. I finally went to university, made a real life for myself.

I have never settled for someone with glaring, obvious faults. You are too young to settle. Find someone at least as good as yourself.

Find someone who your Daddy would want to have with his girl, some guy he would be proud to know...:hug:

 

[kirsterz09]

ok I know what your going through and I don't want to say this to scare you but I am saying this because it has some simularities to what I experianced at 15.
I met my first boyf about 3 weeks before I turned 16, he was known around the village I lived in to be bad news but, one day I saw this side to him that, I really liked and from that moment started dating him, against the warnings that everyone told me at the time. I was with him for 6 months of my life and heres how it went!
As soon as I turned 16 he started pestering me 24/7 for sex even though, I wasn't ready for it. Now he was older than me by 3 years and a big guy, he knew this was my first relationship and from living in the same village and going to the same school, knew about my personality and that I had low self esteem. He used these things against me using mental mind games to get me to do things I didn't want to do, firstly you'd get the but I love you and want to show you it, and then if I didn't back down he'd get angry and insult me, often reducing me to tears to get what he wanted.
Regarding cheating he was terrible he'd chat to girls online right infront of me and he even called up my best friend and tried to get her to do stuff down the phone right in front of me, I once caught him coming out of a local pub with anouther girl! He'd tell me he wasn't doing anything and my low self confidence would make me believe it! It got to the point when he knew he had total control over me, he went with me and his friend into town and left me in the car on my own while he went into a adult store to meet a adult film star with whom, he had his pic taken and proudly showed me afterwards! It even got to the point where he'd go out on his own for nights on end and come back and show me pics of him with anouther girl!
Now your prob thinking why I stayed there with him, but I thought I could change him, I thought maybe he'll change for me, maybe he'll stop cheating but the truth is he never did or would! When I realised this I tried to get away but then he'd use my lack of confidence against me, he could be semi violent to me, he was into wrestling and would do the high flying moves onto me (16stone guy landing on 10stone girl) and I was scared of him. He'd even stalk me when I wasn't with him cause he thought i was cheating on him!!
In the end I plucked up the courage to leave him when I found some one else who treated me a lot differently, but the damage had been done, I went within myself, stopped eating, couldn't hold a realtionship because I was still terrified of him and scared of the same situation arising again. It's been 6 years since then and I still suffering from the affects of that relationship, I am now recieving counselling which, is helping a lot!
Now this is a extreame case of what rushing into a relationship can do but, it does happern. Again I just wanted to show anouther side to the story of what can occur in these situations.
I agree with what you said about liking someone even though they have done stupid things or do stupid things, cuz I wouldn't of gone into that realationship if I didn't.
The thing is you have to be realistic, there's a saying called your wearing rose tinted glasses, this means that because you have feelings for someone you'll try to mask out and forget about the bad points in that person. This is easily done with first relationships, your at an age where suddenly the opposite sex is more appealing, all your friends are in relationships and sometimes you can rush into it because you think the first guy that comes along is going to be the one and you forget to think it through.
It does seem like he is only after one thing otherwise, he wouldn't of cheated on you with someone else. If you entered a realtionship with him it could go two ways, you could give him sex and then once he's got what he wants, he'll break up with you or, he could try to force you into doing what you don't want to do and end up trying to control you buy either saying things that he thinks you want to hear or by attacking and insulting you both of which, he seems to of already done.
Trust me hun if your not ready don't do it! If he loved and respected you, he would wait until your ready (there is anouther way he can relieve his sexual tension without cheating on you!) If you go into a sexual relationship when you are not ready, you can end up regretting it for a long time and the hurt that you feel if he dumps you right after is painful. They always say that sex is more important to a women than a man don't let him take it away from you just, so he can add anouther number to his list!
I will be thinking of you, remember in the end the choice is yours to make do what you feel happy with! My PM box is always open if you wanted to talk :hug1

 

[GoinBackToCali]

I read your question.. but did not read through all the replys..so ya'll can berate me if I answer wrongly.

I am gonna answer you, coming from the heart, and mind of a 36 year old who has made some suck man choices. Both my heart and my mind have been toyed with and changed and broken by said man choices.

Your a teenager..you have a whole life ahead of you to mess with men made entirely of suck. I assure you, there will be many. That is an inescapable fact. While I realize hormones are playing a major part in your attraction to this boy, he lacks the experience, the tact and the couth and the cajones to show the quality, you as a beautiful young woman, deserve. He has already proven this to you.

Why you would want to set yourself up for failure, and tears and heartache, when he inevitably pulls his crap again, is beyond me.

Men.. very rarely change their spots. They may camouflage them very well..but they very rarely change them completely.

Like I said.. you have your whole life....that boy..is not worth adding to the trials and tribulations being a teenager already brings.

Think 4 months from now, when he's done it again, and you'll be sitting here going.. "why did I ever think he would change?"..

 

[wabbitmom12]

Brandy456:

RUN, don't walk, from this guy.

Consider this quote:

Girls will have sex so they can stay in a relationship.

Guys will stay in a relationship, so they can have sex.

You want a relationship...he wants sex. It's pretty clear that your goals are different. He might appear (pretend) to want a relationship, but think about how he acted when you saidyou wanted to wait. He admits he cheated on you the first time, and said some hurtful things. So, basically...if you won't sleep with me, I'm not going to treat you right. I will find someone else to sleep with. I will pressure you by hurting your feelings.

You say you turned to mush when you talked to him? He knows this! I am pretty sure that he knows all the right things to say to you.

Apologies really don't make up for words that he has alreadyspoken to you. Though we all make mistakes, and needa fresh start, there is usually some truth to what was said. Think about the last argument you had. This probably how he feels, deep inside - it just didn't come out in a very nice way. He can say he is sorry, but I'm pretty sure he is sorry because hehurt you...notbecause ofwhat he actually did.

There are many times in life that you will need to make a decision with your HEAD, not your HEART. I'm not saying it's easy, but it will keep you pointed in the right direction.

 

[JadeIcing]

A guy who ask for sex more than once when you say you are not ready isn't worth it. I waited till I was married slept in the same bed with my soon to be husband and not once did he ask. He knew how I felt. My waiting had nothing to do with religion. It was because it was something I could only give once. I wanted to know that it was with someone I would spend the rest of my life with.

 

[Brandy456]

NorthernAutumn wrote:

Find someone who your Daddy would want to have with his girl, some guy he would be proud to know...:hug:

That made me tear up a bit, thanks =) *non-sarcasm*

 

[Brandy456]

I rememberd how he used to make me feel, like crap to say nicely.
but earlier, I was the happied girl ever, he took off some work time with me, and we walked to the park, and him usually being mucho sirious made me laugh and we laughed together

ehhhh crap.
haha =D
AND AND, idk if this counts for anything but he kissed my FORHEAD. S'all
... =)
Win!?
^(lol jk)

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Brandy! Don't do it! He does sound like a jerk. A jerk who's pretending to be nice. I agree with others who say that if he cheated on you once, he'll do it again. Also, you said that you were so happy when you were with him... I firmly believe that you need to be completely happy with yourself before you start dating someone. You can't look for happiness from someone else, it has to come from within. Also, I can't stress this enough, but if you do have sex with him, USE CONDOMS. Do not listen to what he says. It doesn't matter if you're already taking birth control pills because birth control pills don't protect against STDs. Plus, a lot of people aren't super religious about taking their pills at the same time every day (especially young people) and one mistake could get you pregnant.

 

[GoinBackToCali]

Awww.. he kissed your forehead.."sarcasm"

And my ex husband knows to kiss the inside of my wrist... and my neck...

And my husband knows to kiss the back of my neck..and the small of my back

All guys have a hook.. just depends on if you decide to roll with it..

 

[anneq]

", and plans to appologize to my mom for how he treated me. -tomorrow, actually-"


so, how did that go? What is your moms take on this guy? How does you dad feel about him?

Listen Brandy...I don't see ANY of the women who've posted here giving a thumbs-up to this guy...and granted, some of us may be off-base...but TEN+ of us? Sweety, you asked for our opinions on this and you got 'em...if you decide to throw caution to the wind, and follow your 'feelings', then just know you went ahead with this even though you had plenty of imput from women who've 'been there, done that' -.....and you may want to consider that you felt the necessity of having to consult with other women on this dilemma, that should tell you something - like deep down, you know there's something dangerous to your health (physical, emotional & mental) going on here.


Now I know why one of my mommas favorite saying was: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"

 

[Brandy456]

He was about to, but then my moms friend cut him off and was being really rude so we just left.

 

[missyscove]

I personally think that if you feel the need to ask for advice from people on the internet, deep down you probably already know what you should do.

 

[Brandy456]

..yea.


but i'm going to hell anyways.
-.-

 

[anneq]

Hell? Who mentioned that?

I think people here wanted to help you steer clear of what could or will end-up as a regrettable decision.

I'm not making any judgment (and I don't believe others are either) as to your eternal state - that's certainly something only God has the right to do.

People don't want you to get seriously hurt - I don't think anyone here was passing judgment on you, other than that you're young and susceptible to some guy who does not really appear to respect you but wants to appear otherwise.

Are there any other men whose judgment you trust that you could ask their opinion from? Someone you could trust to give you the truth regardless of what you'd want to hear? If you know someone like that, I'd run it by him - that or another woman whose opinions you'd respect?

 

[Brandy456]

Oh no, I wasn't saying someone here was saying it. I only said it because my friend made me promise to never even hang out with him, and I ended up hanging out with him two nights ago,

 

[Brandy456]

anneq wrote:

Are there any other men whose judgment you trust that you could ask their opinion from? Someone you could trust to give you the truth regardless of what you'd want to hear? If you know someone like that, I'd run it by him - that or another woman whose opinions you'd respect?

My brothers, but i'd never ask my brothers on dating advice for as long as i'd like him to live,

My mom, I simply can't talk to about that. She doesn't know which side she's on and in either instance she just puts me down.

So... nope =/

 

[Brandy456]

:tears2:

you guys were soo right