This is really pathetic

[Flashy]

I'm in a foul mood. I'm so thoroughly annoyed at myself and hate myself for being who I am. I don't know how to change it for so long, I've been trying, but nothing makes me a better person. I'm so just AIKFGNGTRFJVHGTF at myself.

I'm terrified about tonight, but I deserve any crap they might give me. Maybe they won't give it, I don't know, but they should.

Man, I want to enjoy this, but I am so in the wrong mood. I'm fed up of alienating people.

I hate this. I want some friends again, I'm so alone, but it's just not reasonable.

Gar, what garbled rubbish.

Pft.

Not that it matters.

 

[Brandy456]

I know you probably already left but I just wanted to add I do also have Anxiety attacks.

I usually pretend Im another person and Im giving advise to me... If that makes sense.

Nothing of what you said is 'Pathetic', Pathetic is eating a whole pie and blaming it onthe fish (Witch me and my friend did, Not thinking).

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Well, I know we can't do a lot to help you from here...... If I were there, I'd tag along and be your guard dog.... LOL!

You aren't a failure..... life dealt what you were supposed to get. you are supposed to be where you are needed most....... here and with your rabbits to help them.

If someone asks, just say you have medical issues that really interfere with what you were getting into. You had to make a tough decision, but it's best you aren't working as a teacher.

If they ask more - tell them Bo said it's none of their freakin business and back off! :X

:biggrin2:

 

[~BunBuns~]

Psshhh, Tracy your not a failure! Dont't even think that. Your awesome! Im cheering you along with Polly!:biggrin2::biggrin2::biggrin2::biggrin2::biggrin2::biggrin2:

 

[TK Bunnies]

Once again you're not a faliure. And you do have friends we're all your friends, you may not see us, but you can still talk to us and hang out with us. I think that your a wonderful person, andIcan't see how it's possible to think different.

I hope every thing went well,(I know it did)

You're not alone, and you HAVE lots of friends,

-TK:hug:

 

[Bo B Bunny]

:yeahthat:

and if you say otherwise, Bo's gonna come over and kick your butt! :X

 

[Flashy]

Aw, how sweet are you all. Thanks so much.

Ironically, I had been, gone, comeback, posted a bit around the forum and gone to bed after my last post and before Brandy posted, but thank you all for your thoughts and wishes and stuff And also thanks to those who PMed me.

I don't quite know what to say. It wasn't great

They are in the run up to the show now, so I arrived in chaos, which meant I could be busy.

The positive bit wasworking with the costume lady and the kids, checking their costumes, sorting out any adjustments, discussing the different options for costumes and stuff, and that was really nice because I was busy, I was working with kids (which I've always enjoyed doing), and I was also useful.

The rest was, erm, hard. I had to laugh off all the questions about what I do now and stuff, I had to deal with the paranoia of some of them telling me that had talked about me recently and knew about my illness (I really struggle with paranoia), I told my friend some of what went on and she said that was weird, because I'm such a positive person and because I've had a really good life. then to top it off a drunk old man, that I do know, shoved his fingers down the back of my trousers whilst I was bent over playing pool. I HATE being touched so that was not good.

I really wanted to come back feeling it had gone well and had been good, but I've just come back feeling really crap, and somehow roped into helping for show week, which I KNOW is not feasible.

Oh well, one down, one left.

Thank you all for your support.

 

[BlueGiants]

Just keep thinking about the good stuff... the kids and the costumes and how much fun it was. I'm sure the costume lady really appreciated your help. You can't let people that have no bearing on your life worry you. They (and their opinions) don't matter... at all.

You are much loved and appreciated. You are a very smart, witty, and intelligent. Don't let other people control you... :hug:

 

[Bassetluv]

Flashy, pathetic is not the word that comes to mind when I read your post. Brave would be a more accurate description...you went despite your fears and worries, and you faced them. Things might not have turned out exactly as you wished, but that doesn't matter. What matters is you went. I think you'd be surprised at the number of people dealing with varieties of mental/social stigmas and challenges...it really is quite high, and of course to varying degrees. Myself... I have a form of social anxiety. I can function fairly well, but still find myself avoiding situations that might cause stress. Even things such as the office staff party (taking place today, actually)...I'm still debating whether I'll go because of the inner stress it causes me, having to socialize with a large group of people -- even when I know all of them. My sister-in-law suffers from a form of social anxiety where she never goes out of the apartment on her own. My brother has to go everywhere with her. She's not only afraid of socialization, she's also afraid of germs. My brother once threw out an entire weeks' worth of groceries -- that he'd just brought home from the grocery store -- because she discovered he'dbrought the groceries upon the elevator with the superintendent, who had cleaning supplies with him. My brother is in debt and has absolutely no extra money, yet he tossed all their food because of her phobia, as he knew she would panic if he didn't.

Anyway, my point is simply that most of us do have things going on that we don't tell others about, or we like to keep hidden away. I went through a similar situation as you many years ago when I'd been out of high school for two or three years and still wasn't working...back then I was terrified to get a job, thinking I wouldn't be able to do it, couldn't face meeting people, etc. And whenever I ran into someone who hadn't seen me in a long time and they asked what I was currently doing, I'd stammer and get extremely upset and embarrassed...no, ashamed...of myself. Yet I've always been a pretty good person...it's just the darned phobias and anxieties got in the way.

Not only did you face this challenge, butyou hadthe courage to share your fears here. That does take courage....a lot of courage.Don't sell yourself short, Flashy...you've got a LOT going for you. I admire you so much for that. :hug:

 

[Flashy]

Thank you both for your replies.

BlueGiant, I am trying to focus on the positive, that's the only part I want to remember, lol.

BassetLuv, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry things are tough for you, and whatever you decide to do tonight I hope that you have a good evening (if not at the work do, then having a cosy night in with a DVd or something).

I totally know there are lots of people out there with problems, a very high proportion. The websites I belong to that are related to these things have such a huge volume of members (one has excess of 26000 members, or did at one point, before they moved sites), it's hard not to realise it affects so many.

Thank you for the replies.

 

[Flashy]

I've cancelled everything else. I just can't do it. Now all I have to stress about is the stuff I have to do, like family, not the rest. Sorry.