I just shared this on facebook a bit ago.....I guess I'll share it here too...feeling sorta lost and confused right now..
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So confused about my life sometimes....by
Peg Flint on Friday, August 13, 2010 at 9:52pm
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this - the only thing I can think of is that friends who believe in prayer - will pray for me.
I'm about to turn 50 and that may be part of the problem...I don't know.
But I look back over my life - at the various jobs I've held and the various lifestyles I've lived (stay at home mom/homemaker/homeschooler to working part time to working full time,etc) and I find myself so confused.
Part of me desperately wants to be a full-time homemaker....until I'm home full-time. Then suddenly - a job - ANY job - looks oh so good.
But the problem with jobs is....I get bored so easily because I mastered them so quickly. I haven't stayed with them for all that long - usually though due to a move for Art's job or whatever. Sometimes I dream of finding a job I'd want to stay with for a LONG time.
Right now - I'm merchandising and mystery shopping. My "main" job pays me $11 per hour plus $42.30 per day for the driving I do on an average daily basis. I work two days per week - about 5-6 hours per day...so I clear about $700 per month (not all is taxable) - but I put about $150-$170 into the gas tank - let alone use of tires.
I found out today that job is going away. Its a long complicated story....but basically - the company decided to NOT bid on a contract that they currently have with Kraft because it was going to be a Kraft/Cadbury job and the company has major contracts with MARS...meaning it would be a conflict of interest for them to try for the contract. From what I understand - Kraft is disappointed because they have been pleased with our work.
The new contract will be announced Sept 1st and the new vendor will have 30 days to get ready to start the contract - meaning we will work through till Oct. 1st at least - and possibly even a bit longer if necessary.
I have some options available to me...
- Wait and try to get hired on with the new company - there is a decent chance they'll want to try and hire the same employees (I'm betting the pay won't be as good).
- Wait and see if our company comes up with a new contract - which is possible. They've approached a company that has been interested in them for two years- saying, "We can get you into 35,000 stores if you want us now as we already have a team put together...". The company they've approached is a major cereal company...so it isn't a small operation.
- Try to get something different with my company - there are openings available - I just can't see what they are for my area (there are no specifics about if they're part-time or full-time or what).
- Find another job altogether or stay home. Or work odds and ends of jobs here in town and pick up more mystery shopping work.
The money isn't the total issue here - of the $550 or so that I currently clear - Art is getting pay raises in October that will be about $250 or so. So that leaves $300....which if we were careful - we could cut from our budget. In fact - we always seem to do better on a budget when things are tight. (Next year Art gets a HUGE raise thanks to the union - so its a matter of holding on for one year till that happens).
I wish I knew what to do - I don't.
Part of me wants to stay home....part of me says "stay home till January and then try for a job after the holidays..." but that is when things slow down.
I'm going to work the numbers - I'm going to pray about my options.
But right now I feel so confused. I always thought that when I grew up - I'd know what I wanted to be....but the things I've enjoyed most in life are being a mommy and a friend to others and of course - a helpmate to Art. The rest has been nice and fun and it helped me feel like I was contributing...but I am not tied to any one career.
Please....pray?