My way is to try and forget things quickly and don't want to think about them when they happen. I spent that day trying to forget.
I am sorry Tracy if I caused you heartache. I didn't mean to at all. It's not you but your BPD makes you hard to get through to sometimes and I didn't handle that very well at all. I can't even handle my great grandmas dementia, I just get frustrated with her. I am useless. I was imensly hurt and frustrated with your continued denial about what we were discussing (that you make a difference to my life and I'd notice if you were gone). I handled it all wrong and glad to admit that and even if you never get passed that I had a temper tantrum, please know that I didn't mean it, just forget about it and forget about me.
Sakura was just the most awesome rabbit ever. That hurts so much to say was. I don't even know how to say just how neat and cool and wonderful she was.
She was always my bun that just handled anything. She saw many other buns come and go and took it all in her stride...her hop
.
I don't want to talk about it but people are curious and always demand an explanation (that's natural). I have no idea why she passed away. It seems a pattern with my rabbits - they'll have a small bout of stasis, appear to be 100% recovered, then suddenly they pass. She was fine, I gave her breakfast, washed the dishes, went to feed the rats and she was dead.
I've had many conversations with Leanne (Spring on here) about what could cause this. I don't see her on here anymore so hope she's alright, but she's a smart and helpful person and she came up with a few ideas. She thinks it could be something to do with rabbit pellets but I've got no idea how to go about researching this.
I've read all the books, I know the stages. Right now I know I'm just angry with myself and 100% convinced that I'm useless and everything I do results in some person or some animal suffering because of it. All the whys, the what ifs, bla bla bla. I really just can't care about making myself feel better or letting anyone feel sorry for me in any little way, so just don't. Any sympathy or sadness please be directed towards Sakuras memory. Nothing for me please.
I've got anxiety meds for situations like this so I'm numb and zombie-ish right now so I'm not going to jump off the roof or anything, but I do give up with rabbits. I have to face it, they are not the pet for me, as much as I adore them. I will always spend time every day looking on here and seeing how everyone and their rabbits are doing.
