Fancy77 wrote:
Yep I was meaning how u do it all - work, home stuff, bunnies, relationship, RO stuff. It is amazing how much u have to get done daily with help of course but u do so much it is wonderful. I am in awe how u stay so sane lol
Today my route took about 200 miles (well - my route plus an additional job I took on) - and I thought about this post a lot during that time. So...it will probably be very long - and very wordy and say far far more than you're interested in hearing - so feel free to just move on and not read it if you don't want.
For everyone else - this is a "non-rabbit" post...no pictures, etc. at this time. Besides - at the moment I'm too frustrated with Nyx who grabbed MY banana and ate some of it and then dragged it into the back of Athena's cage when I went chasing after her for it. Mind you - she had to stand up on her hind legs to get it off my little stand to begin with.
Anyway - the first thing I noticed is you don't know me that well - for you still think I'm sane! :?:?:? Oh well....
Seriously though - I am pleased with my life at this point in time and I've worked hard to get to this point. I think I probably look at life and many things with a different perspective than many folks on the forum - and that's ok - cause its MY life I'm living and not someone else's.
So...about 20 or 21 years ago (I'm 49 now) - I came across a book by Cheryl Biehl called, "I Can't Do It All" and it changed my life. It has since been reprinted under a different title - but I forget the name. (It is published by a Christian publisher).
She talked about seasons of life and how we need to look at what we want to do, be, have and...ug...the fourth thing haunts me now - during the course of our lives. She gave a group of categories - like personal goals, financial goals, career goals, etc. You picked what you wanted in each area.
THEN...you looked at your life and broke it down into seasons. For instance there is:
pre-relationship
relationship/marriage (pre-kids)
having preschool kids
having school age kids (up through jr. high)
having teenagers
empty nest
and on and on it goes. Of course in today's society - you might never have the marriage without kids because your significant other may bring kids into the relationship. Or you might go from empty nest to having an elderly parent living in your home.
But you took each of those general life goals and broke them down into those seasons.
For example - I might be a mom with preschoolers and I want to go back to school to become a psychologist. Maybe I can't do that now...but what can I do during this season of my life to work towards that goal. Perhaps you could take one course a semester...or you could start reading on your own to prepare for the next step when you can take classes.
Perhaps a goal is to have your house paid off by the time your kids are teenagers (so you can save for college during those years) - and right now your kids are preschoolers. What can you do now (and in each season) to work towards that goal? Perhaps you'll work part-time when the kids are in school so your income can go towards paying off the house early.
But basically - you looked at seasons of your life and asked yourself what you wanted to do in order to achieve what you wanted to do, have or be.
That book helped me immensely because it helped me realize that my kids were only going to be young once and that our relationship as adults would be affected by the relationship we had in these earlier seasons. So...during the years the kids were home (until teens) I rarely took a job - or I only took part-time jobs with schedules that could work around Art's schedule. Looking back now - I'm mostly proud of my kids and the relationship we have (very proud of that) - and I'm glad I made those decisions and that we could afford for me to do so.
Then - in 1996 we moved to Alaska and for about four years we went through some rough times because of Art's stress level from work. I remember one time in particular I just wanted OUT of the marriage. Period. It wasn't working for me at all and I hated to see him drive in the driveway.
About that time I discovered a book called "The Ten Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management" by Hyrum Smith. I remember one thing in particular which was, "What three things can you do NOW to change what you're unhappy about?" That might not be exactly how he put it - but that was how I remember it.
I realized that the first thing I needed to do was to stop basing my self-esteem on Art's mood at the moment or on how he reacted to me. I still struggle with this from time to time - but now I love myself no matter what he says and or does (by the way - he is far far far better now and we've really worked through a lot).
Another thing that was discussed in that book was writing a mission statement for your life. Companies have mission statements that they (supposedly) base their decisions on - so why shouldn't a person have a mission or life statement.
And one day my statement just sort of "came" to me - no - I won't share it here - its far too personal and some things in my life have changed. But I realized that the key word I wanted to describe my life and my actions was "nurture" - I wanted to nurture others and encourage them because that was what made me feel good.
So I broke my life down into various "areas" - like my relationship with God (first & most important to me) - then my relationship to Art - then the kids - then our church friends and extended family and then homemaking and homeschooling and work. In each area - I put down some guiding thoughts of how I wanted to be - these weren't measurable goals like "work 3 days per week" but more like "Be organized so I can plan my work schedule and not be overwhelmed". You will probably notice that I did not equate homemaking with being a wife. There is a difference between taking care of the home for my family - and being a wife to my husband. Each "role" requires a different skill set (hint: I'm still needing to improve on the homemaking skill set).
From there I wound up reading the Stephen Covey books about time/life management and implementing several of his principles. For instance - I took each of those "roles" or "responsibilities" I mentioned above and I set yearly, quarterly, monthly and weekly goals. Then - every week -once a week - I would ask myself how I was doing in each area. For instance - perhaps I felt like Eric needed more "mom" time - I know he loves to go out for coffee - so I would make sure to make it a priority that week to have Eric run an errand with me and we'd take time to stop and have coffee and just talk. If I knew my mom needed more attention - I'd schedule time to call her more often. Some weeks I said, "I'm not going to do something special in this category this week because I'm just too busy". That was ok too - because I had my eye on the future along with the present and knew that at some point - I'd have time for that again.
I also read "Escape from the Tyrrany of the Urgent" by Charles Hummel and it taught me how to decide whether or not to say "yes" or "no" to something.
A book that helped me with my marriage was "Creative Counterpart" by Linda Dillow. I heard her speak at a women's retreat while we lived in Alaska and she said something that really stunned me and changed my life. She said, "Imagine that you go to a funeral and you listen to people get up and speak about the person in the casket. The husband gets up...weeping. The children speak...the friends speak. Then you walk by the casket and realize it is YOU in that casket. What would you want them to say about you?"
Ouch. That made me think...Would it matter to my kids that I made a perfect homemade cake or that I spent time with them? (Perhaps I could spend time with them MAKING the cake..).
It helped me set priorities for who I want to be in the future...whether its tomorrow or five years from now or whatever.
Sometimes I have to ask myself, "Did my actions of today meet the standards of the woman I want to be?" and I find myself sadly lacking. Other times - I think I'm headed in the right direction.
Anyway - I am currently working on planning out next year and reevaluating my life. I have a notebook started that says, "Planning for and Living Out 2010".
In it - I have started setting some goals that are somewhat measurable - but need some more specifics. Here are a few of them so far...
Spiritual Life:
Make my quiet times/devotions a priority in my life and develop a routine for having that time
Memorize Scripture again (I do my best at keeping the home tidy when I'm memorizing scripture)
Journal
Financial:
Get bills caught up
Start emergency fund (I also dream of starting a "pass it on" fund so I have money to give to others for special things and they can then pass it on later to someone else)
Go to "cash" system so we don't keep using ATM cards
Health:
Continue to monitor my food intake on SparkPeople
Start a walking/exercise routine
Take medications daily
Career:
Get a routine down for work (I currently can pretty much set my schedule - not always a good thing)
Study towards becoming a life coach
Get my "work area" (desk and surrounding area) organized
Fun:
Develop a website for the rabbitry
Finish my novel (finally)
Work on writing children's book about Tiny (writing is fun for me - but this could go in career)
Once a month I'll be setting goals for the month and then once a week I'll be setting goals for that week.
A planner that I really like for this type of organizing is
The Planner Pad and I may break down and buy a new one - I haven't decided yet.
So - how do I do it all? I juggle things carefully and try to decide if the things I'm doing or want to do - match up to my priorities. Yeah - sometimes I get distracted from them and get hooked on a game like Farmville (thanks Ali) - or Sorority Life or something else. Or I'll find myself watching a whole season or series of a particular tv show that I miss or have recently discovered.
But generally - when I follow this system - I stay on track.
Oh - and I still have areas I need to set goals in - like HOMEMAKING! (Yes - I know of Flylady...been there .. done it...several times).
