My boyfriend is jealous of my bunny (as well as my other pets).

[teresab]

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[Bonnie Lee]

I hope you're okay with the advice you're getting. It's quite strong opinions being put out to you and it's probably hard to take in but I do think everyone is correct about this. Even though it's verbal abuse and it's not necessarily directed at you it's still abuse and it only gets worse.

Maybe you need to sit and talk and just ask why he says these things?

My boyfriend and I got our first bunnies as a couple and it's been a really good experience for us as we've learnt to grow up and take responsibility as a couple and learn to love one another and our pets all equally and I think you deserve better

Maybe it might even work out being that he is jealous of you having such nice pets and maybe he wants to have pets to love him the way they love you... but you won't find out unless you really talk everything over with him

Have a beautiful day and a divine life! xx

 

[PaGal]

It is up to you wether this relationship continues or not but my advice is to speak openly and honestly with him and put off marriage until their are no doubts in your mind. I was married for 20 years to the wrong man. Animals are important to me. My first husband would have been happy without any and although I took care of them completely and they had as little impact on him as possible he did nothing but complain. Because of that and other things for twenty years I could not be myself or feel relaxed.

I am now married to my soul mate who also likes animals. He is more the type to take them in when they show up rather than actively search them out but he loves all of our pets. When strays show up he , like me feels we must keep them until we find the owner or a new home for them.

This one difference will not necessarily have to make or break your relationship, usually it is more than one issue that destroys a relationship but do not settle. The right person is out there wether your current BF or not. Only with the right person can your relationship be truly wonderful. Also, pay attention to those red flags. My husband married the wrong person. The red flags were tiny such as he is neat and she was not. Nothing that was a deal breaker until after they got married and had kids. We are stuck dealing with her because of the kids, we have primary custody and will be stuck dealing with her crazy until the kids are adults.

 

[BunnyLove89]

I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. We've been talking about taking a break but we both promised we would change for the sake of our relationship.
Since things started to get worse, I haven't been sleeping well. It takes me over 2 hours to get to sleep, I wake up alot, and I can't sleep past 5 a.m.
I mentioned to him that I think it's stress related and I said that i've been thinking more about a break.
He just said that I should work out, do service work, go to meetings, etc.
I don't know how to tell him that I think I need a break without hurting his feelings.

 

[MiniLopHop]

*big hugs* It is hard because you care about him, but you have to do what is best for you and your fur babies. If you aren't sleeping that is not good. Your recovery should look specific for you, what works for you. It sounds like he is trying to get your recovery to look like what works for him. Everyone is different.

I would be honest, say that you need a break to reduce your stress and concentrate on what you need to do to be the best you possible.

We are all here to support you as you go through these challenging times.

 

[LakeCondo]

Don't put his feelings above what you feel is right for you. He doesn't get to tell you how to change when he's not changing.

You might want to get a self-help book on relationships, maybe a dvd. Dr Phil has Relationship Rescue, as I recall.

 

[MiniLopHop]

If you are a person of faith, I highly recommend this book:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0310585902/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20

It has been extremely helpful in my life with all sorts of relationships, particularly in my marriage and with my family. I grew up with no boundries at all being respected by anyone, so essentially a doormatt because I had to be "nice". There's a way to be nice but still take care of yourself.

 

[Elliot]

For me, verbal abuse was far worse than any physical abuse. Reason is I put up with it far longer than I would have if it were the latter. Cuts and bruises heal, but verbal abuse cuts you down to the core until there is nothing left. I would recommend stepping aside and taking a long hard look at what attracted you to this person, and the other people in your past. Look for the common thread. It is there. It even helps to write it down, then read it. Then. decide what qualities you want in a person, and values you want in a relationship. Then settle for nothing less.
Wishing you all the best!:hugsquish:

 

[Samara]

:feelbetter:

 

[BunnyLove89]

Just had a good conversation with the BF. We talked about the animals and how he treats them and how it makes me feel. We had to agree to disagree on a couple things but he said he is willing to spend time with Weston (as long as he doesn't get peed on, lol).
I also told him that I feel like I need a break so that I can de-stress and work on me so that if and when we get back together I will have more to give to the relationship since I have been running on empty for awhile now. We will probably go on a break within the next couple of weeks.
One thing I am really stressing over is we're both smokers and since I haven't been able to find a job, he buys my cigarettes. And if we go on a break I will have to quit cold turkey which certainly won't help my stress level.
So I don't know... :sigh:

 

[fuzz16]

Smoking aids in depression. Working out, do 50 jumping jacks and your body will release happy dopamine vibes. I worked out a lot when i quit smoking. I was a bit of a nutcase too lol

And he doesnt seem to care about your feelings so you shouldnt use hurting his feelings as an excuse

 

[ZRabbits]

Don't stop trying to find "yourself" and a "good" relationship because of smoking. Understand the stress of quiting. Did for a while myself. Good reason too.After December, 2009, don't have any real reason now to quit. Don't care if I ever do.

But the issue is, don't worry about quiting cold turkey. There are ways to help get through that "crazy" feeling which lasts about 3 weeks. You make it that far, and it will get easier.

Exercise, play with the critters, take walks, drink water when you get that urge to smoke, lots of different stuff to do. But don't stay with a boyfriend you have doubts about, and makes you have doubts about yourself and your feelingstowards your pets,because he supplies your cigs.

K

 

[MiniLopHop]

Your pets will be healthier because of your decision to stop smoking too. Look at it as a sacrifice for their well being. Animals can get lung cancer too.

 

[BunnyLove89]

I don't stay with my boyfriend because he supplies my cigs. Even though I knew this, during our convo today he felt the need to say "you know, if we go on a break, i'm not going to buying you cigarettes." Just the way he said it, as if that will make me not want a break, just made me want to say "screw you".
I've tried to quit before but he was not supportive of that decision and still made me roll his cigs for him (we roll our own) which didn't help.
Oh, and as far as the animals go, I don't smoke inside the house.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

ray:

 

[fuzz16]

I quit fot both pregnancies. I social smoke now and still turn to them when badly stressed. They say nicotines more addicting than coke ect
I beleive it too

 

[melbaby80]

Good luck jen. It's not easy and I, just as other's have said, been through the verbal AND the physical abuse. The verbal is really a downer. It has been 3 years since my divorce and the words said to me are still burned in my memory. One thing that hurts the most was the countless times he would tell me "no one is going to want you with kids", its funny because my husband now loves my kids and helps me support them. It is good that you're wanting a break because then this will really let you see if he is indeed good for you or not. If you are losing sleep over being with him and your health starts to decline, just walk away hun. :hug1 Good luck!

My mom quit cold turkey about 19 years ago. She was a smoker from the age of 16 till I was about 12. It was tough on her, but she made it through. Her addiction now is gum! She has to have gum lol or coffee. We all have our addictions, but it's the strength you have to overcome those addictions that matter. He is thinking wrong and his words are horrible. His words are him feeding off your weakness. Don't let him. Just put his words behind you and do whats best for you!

 

[ZRabbits]

I'd definitely make that break. You don't need someone bringing you down.

Regarding the cigs, got my own theory regarding lung cancer in rabbits. Until someone proves it, my theory stand strong. Lungs are completely different in rabbits or any animal other than an ape. My personal theory stands.

Everyone is addicted to something. Food, cigs, sex, alcohol, prescription drugs, illegal drugs, and even physical or verbal abuse. It's how you deal with that addiction which makes you stronger.

Stand on your own two feet and make your own decisions. A partner who loves you will back you up 100% and not knock you down.

You are worth someone who loves you!

That's all I have to say. Love is what you make it.

K

 

[Nela]

I don't know your boyfriend so I do not want to judge him. However, I will say this...

You guys are talking about marriage, but you don't seem to see eye-to-eye on much right now. I think, being able to face things together, and have each other's support is the most important part of a marriage.

For me, with my boyfriend, we mentioned marriage and children and all. However, I had never really gotten to see him interact with children and I wasn't sure what his 'parenting' skills would be like. We ended up getting a puppy, because I truly felt the need for one (for many reasons, not just to 'test' things). He didn't, he didn't want one but said that if it made such a difference for me, he was okay with it. Well, that puppy allowed me to see many different things. We work together well, we had the same ideas when it came to raising him, we both were able to discipline him (prior to that, I thought he was a total softie!), we both rushed to his side if he needed to puke (I wasn't sure if he could handle the poop and puke and all that joy),both spent the nights up with him when he was ill, etc. It was truly an eye-opener. I think the way a man treats any defenseless animal, is the way he truly is inside. It gives you a good idea of what to go on.

You have to remember, that anything that goes on now, is not very likely to change all that much.Right now it's the pets, but in the future it'll be kids. The attitude will remain the same. You guys need to be able to work together, and envision yourselves together. You guys also need to see yourselves as a family, as it is now. The pets are part of that family, and you need to see it in the way that "Oh he is treating our family like this." Use the family you have now to see if he is truly the man you want to build a family with.

I am not saying he is bad, or he is good, or whatever, again I don't know him. However, it should tell you a lot about your compatibility.

On another note, I love all my pets. My pets are family and always will be. I don't bend over backwards with my allergies just for the fun of it. When I met Jeff, I made it clear to him right away that animals were part of me and a big part in my life. I made it very clear to him that I would not leave my country without taking my animals. Well, to him, the thought of them not coming had never even crossed his mind. Plus, my animals took to him right away and they liked each other from very early on. That also helped me judge him on the boyfriend material front Anyway, we have many pets now, and though he does feel we have a lot, he truly cares for each and every one of them. One thing I find important though, is to remember that Jeff is my equal. He is my other half, and together we run this household and cherish our other family members. I truly have a special bond with my dog and sometimes, I have to catch myself from greeting him first. It's not intentional, but I can see where Jeff can get a bit miffed when I do. I think it's normal since I feel the same way. So, we always try to greet each other first. For many people, it's "them first, us after" but in my opinion, I prefer the "us,for us and forthem" attitude. Jeff is part of me, and I need all of me to take care of my family properly.

The reason I say this is because I feel that if your relationship is strong, together you are a force to be reckoned with. You will have something truly worth holding on to, and with that being strong, that strength and that love only naturally spreads to your other loved ones. Like the dog for example... If I say no, but Jeff says yes, that would put Jeff and I at odds, and make the dog confused. He'd become moremanipulative and pit us against each other, knowing he would get want he wants in the end. (I have seen this, he does try when he can feel someone about to give in) This in turn, would lead Jeff and I to argue. Now, that's just a small thing, but if it's a small thing, repeated numerous times, over every little thing, it gets unpleasant and it just doesn't work.

So, use this gift of time, and try to take on a 3rd person point of view when looking at your relationship. See what you can improve and how but also why you want to improve it. The rest is up to both of you, to have the willand strengthchange it, together. And if you find yourself seeing more of 'I'or 'him' rather than 'we' or vice-versa,I think that is a pretty good indication as to whether or not the two of you are ready to talk marriage

 

[BunnyLove89]

Well today is the last time we will see each other for quite awhile.
It's bittersweet. He's going back and forth being really mean and hurtful, then he'll apologize and be really nice, then he'll take back his apology.
I packed up all of his things the night before last.
I've been in a funk and haven't wanted to do anything. I feel like i'm losing my best friend. We have the same mutual "friends"/acquaintances and he's talking to all of them about us. And since he's closer to them than I am I feel like I can't talk to them because they will take his side.
I didn't even want to do anything with my pets yesterday because I kept hearing his mean comments and I didn't want to force my animals to be with me.
My mom is going to help with cigarettes as long as I cut back.
I knew it would be hard to not be with him but I didn't think it would be this hard... :tears2: