JadeIcing
Well-Known Member
The Mom Test
I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I
took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been on the ground. It's dirty, and it probably has
germs," I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
asked, "Momma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."
I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom
Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was
evidently pondering this new information. "Oh...I get it!" she
beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the dad."
"Exactly," I replied back with a big smile on my face.
* * *
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following
questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used
bigger parts..
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything
nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly
use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like
me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and
YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a
lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such
a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than
dad.
What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at
work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power
'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your
friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind
of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd
get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister
who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the
back of her head.
I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I
took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been on the ground. It's dirty, and it probably has
germs," I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
asked, "Momma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."
I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom
Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was
evidently pondering this new information. "Oh...I get it!" she
beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the dad."
"Exactly," I replied back with a big smile on my face.
* * *
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following
questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used
bigger parts..
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything
nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly
use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like
me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and
YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a
lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such
a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than
dad.
What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at
work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power
'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your
friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind
of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd
get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister
who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the
back of her head.
