Becca
Well-Known Member
Okay so I have said this before, I need money!!
I thought I would use my writing skills to try and write a book and get it published.....
I was hoping you english students out there would be able to help me, and anyone else really can you read this bit and if you see any mistakes may you point them out to me and also if you get bored reading it tell me also.
I want to keep my readers interested all the way through...
Here it is so far:
Ever since I heard my piano being played in the middle of the night my life has never been the same. I never dreamed I would be speaking to creatures out of this world. I never believed I would have a cat like Ginger or that my home was the base of a magical world.
Chapter One
~
Fairytale House
Matt was stirring silently in his sleep clutching onto his teddy like someone was trying to prise it from his tiny hands.
I had been watching him sleep for over an hour. Watching him dream was soothing, he didnât have anything to worry about. He wouldnât be grieving over lost friends like me.
We were on our way to our new house I had no idea what to expect considering I was in hospital when they went to see it. Oh donât worry, Iâm fine just a fractured arm. Iâm not exactly the most graceful girl around! I had been skating with myâ¦.old best friend Clara when I bumped into someone and fell down. No big dealâ¦..
~
After another restless 20 minutes in the car with a now snoring Matt we pulled up slowly in a neatly gravelled driveway.
âHere we are, home sweet home!â Mum trilled from the front seat.
My mouth gaped. I gazed at the house trying to take in each amazing piece of it. Beautiful concrete ornaments were scattered over the neatly clipped grass and the flower beds were buzzing with life. Bees and butterflies made their way around, backwards and forwards, in and out of each precious petal.
The beautiful front door was the main attraction, the ancient yet still shiny, door knob seemed to glow in the mid morning sun.
Each brick that made up the house, my house, had its own unique range of colours. It seemed impossible that such an old house still carry such perfection.
I was desperate to get inside. I suppose the fact that it was our house made it even more spine-tinglingly special.
~
As I looked around I realised I was the only one left in the car.
âYou coming love?â My dad called.
I finally found my legs and got out of our silver ford. I walked slowly around the back. I was sort of scared to go inside in case the outside had painted an incorrect picture of the inside in my mind.
We couldnât go through the front door as the last residents of the house had failed to fix the faulty lock.
As I walked into the back garden I thought I had walked into a fairytale. I half expected seven little dwarfs to come strolling through.
Matt came hurtling over and grabbed my hand,
âCome choose your room Ella!â
I didnât really have a choice, exploring the beautiful garden would have to wait until later.
For a two year old Matt was incredibly strong and fast! I was tugged into the oversized kitchen. I gazed in astonishment at the large oak table in front of me. The yellows and blues that made up the kitchen gave it a more modern style â it was strange considering how antique the outside looked.
As I focused again I could feel Matt still tugging at my left arm.
âCome ON!!â Matt said stubbornly.
âGo and choose your room Ella, thereâs 4 bedrooms so there will be 1 we can use as a study. You can have first pick!!â Mum grinned.
I smiled back and let Matt pull me swiftly up the antique staircase. It was lined with a soft maroon carpet. It was a little worn in places; Dad will probably replace it in time anyway.
~
Matt pulled me to a halt, there were 5 doorways in view.
âDats the baffroom Ella and ders the bedwoomsâ Matt explained
The hallway was decorated with golds and reds, I felt like I was in a palace.
I checked out the first room on the left. The size of it was gob-smacking, against the left hand side wall was a large window; though the view wasnât entirely interesting, just a farming field with a few fat looking cows gently grazing. The walls were painted lime green, I shuddered. They looked disgusting!
âLetâs go into the next one,â I said to Matt.
He led me into the next room this time the window was on the back wall, facing out toward the beautiful back garden. Straight away I decided this was my room, the white walls could easily be painted lilac, my dresser and bed would look great by the window. I was so excited!
âI think Iâll have this one!â I said to my little brother.
âOkay Ella, come and see mine,â Matt seemed just as excited as I was.
Once again his clammy little hand tugged on mine, he had chose the last bedroom on the right. As I walked in I realised why, the room was bright blue â Mattâs favourite colour â nearly everything he owned was blue.
âAah! Nice,â I exclaimed. âAt least I wonât be able to hear you snoring!â I giggled
Matt stuck out his tiny tongue.
Chapter Two
~
Boxes, Boxes And More Boxes!
It was time to help unpack the boxes and help lift the furniture. I had written on all of my boxes in a thick purple pen. I dragged them up to my room and opened the first one labelled âclothesâ I never took much care in packing so all my clothes were sort of bunged together any old how. I rummaged in the large box and found a pair of polka-dot pyjamas. I laid them on top of another box, labelled âmake up and hair accessoriesâ
Dad had moved my dresser and bed into my brilliant new room already all I needed to do was collect some clean bed sheets from downstairs.
But before I did anything I wanted to go outside and explore the beautiful garden before night fell.
As I made my way downstairs I realised just how amazing moving house was. The house was beautiful, the village seemed friendly (weâd already had some beautiful flowers from âThe Watersâ family as a welcome gift) the only thing I was a little worried about was making new friends and fitting into the school.
However the Waters did have a friendly son, Barry. Maybe we could be friends.
~
As I got into the wonderful garden my dad walked over and asked âDo you want the piano in your room?â
I agreed quickly so I could be left alone with the garden.
I didnât know where to start. There were stepping stones leading from the door around the garden. Each one, like the bricks that made up the house had its own unique range of colours. Fresh green grass and flowerbeds surrounded the stones. Pink and red pansies were just closing up for the night, I was careful to stand exactly on the stones so I wouldnât squash the grass or crush any tiny creatures living amongst the blades.
There was a raised patio in the corner with a small table and chairs. They looked as if they should have been red but overtime they had faded to a murky brown.
At the bottom of the long garden there was an archway with a high hedge on either side. I didnât hesitate and walked straight through. Within this magical part of the garden birds sang, bees buzzed and the water fountain splashed.
To my left side there was a pretty white picnic bench. I was excited as I thought of sitting out here with some friends or doing homework, maybe even with a future boyfriend â you never know.
âElla â Dinnerâ Mum called from the door.
I glanced at my watch, 6pm already!
~
After eating my lasagne and chips dad suggested I go and unpack some more of my boxes. I bounced up the stairs into my bedroom, dad had already got the piano up there. I was sad to close the curtains on my beautiful garden but it would still be there in the morning, I smiled at that thought.
I remembered I had to put the sheets on my bed. As I did I saw something moving it looked like a pixie- a tiny shadow of a pixie. I thought it was probably my eyes playing tricks on me. It had been a long, tiring day. I blinked and wiped my eyes and the shadow was gone.
I decided to put on my pyjamas I had laid on the box earlier.
I thought I would use my writing skills to try and write a book and get it published.....
I was hoping you english students out there would be able to help me, and anyone else really can you read this bit and if you see any mistakes may you point them out to me and also if you get bored reading it tell me also.
I want to keep my readers interested all the way through...
Here it is so far:
Ever since I heard my piano being played in the middle of the night my life has never been the same. I never dreamed I would be speaking to creatures out of this world. I never believed I would have a cat like Ginger or that my home was the base of a magical world.
Chapter One
~
Fairytale House
Matt was stirring silently in his sleep clutching onto his teddy like someone was trying to prise it from his tiny hands.
I had been watching him sleep for over an hour. Watching him dream was soothing, he didnât have anything to worry about. He wouldnât be grieving over lost friends like me.
We were on our way to our new house I had no idea what to expect considering I was in hospital when they went to see it. Oh donât worry, Iâm fine just a fractured arm. Iâm not exactly the most graceful girl around! I had been skating with myâ¦.old best friend Clara when I bumped into someone and fell down. No big dealâ¦..
~
After another restless 20 minutes in the car with a now snoring Matt we pulled up slowly in a neatly gravelled driveway.
âHere we are, home sweet home!â Mum trilled from the front seat.
My mouth gaped. I gazed at the house trying to take in each amazing piece of it. Beautiful concrete ornaments were scattered over the neatly clipped grass and the flower beds were buzzing with life. Bees and butterflies made their way around, backwards and forwards, in and out of each precious petal.
The beautiful front door was the main attraction, the ancient yet still shiny, door knob seemed to glow in the mid morning sun.
Each brick that made up the house, my house, had its own unique range of colours. It seemed impossible that such an old house still carry such perfection.
I was desperate to get inside. I suppose the fact that it was our house made it even more spine-tinglingly special.
~
As I looked around I realised I was the only one left in the car.
âYou coming love?â My dad called.
I finally found my legs and got out of our silver ford. I walked slowly around the back. I was sort of scared to go inside in case the outside had painted an incorrect picture of the inside in my mind.
We couldnât go through the front door as the last residents of the house had failed to fix the faulty lock.
As I walked into the back garden I thought I had walked into a fairytale. I half expected seven little dwarfs to come strolling through.
Matt came hurtling over and grabbed my hand,
âCome choose your room Ella!â
I didnât really have a choice, exploring the beautiful garden would have to wait until later.
For a two year old Matt was incredibly strong and fast! I was tugged into the oversized kitchen. I gazed in astonishment at the large oak table in front of me. The yellows and blues that made up the kitchen gave it a more modern style â it was strange considering how antique the outside looked.
As I focused again I could feel Matt still tugging at my left arm.
âCome ON!!â Matt said stubbornly.
âGo and choose your room Ella, thereâs 4 bedrooms so there will be 1 we can use as a study. You can have first pick!!â Mum grinned.
I smiled back and let Matt pull me swiftly up the antique staircase. It was lined with a soft maroon carpet. It was a little worn in places; Dad will probably replace it in time anyway.
~
Matt pulled me to a halt, there were 5 doorways in view.
âDats the baffroom Ella and ders the bedwoomsâ Matt explained
The hallway was decorated with golds and reds, I felt like I was in a palace.
I checked out the first room on the left. The size of it was gob-smacking, against the left hand side wall was a large window; though the view wasnât entirely interesting, just a farming field with a few fat looking cows gently grazing. The walls were painted lime green, I shuddered. They looked disgusting!
âLetâs go into the next one,â I said to Matt.
He led me into the next room this time the window was on the back wall, facing out toward the beautiful back garden. Straight away I decided this was my room, the white walls could easily be painted lilac, my dresser and bed would look great by the window. I was so excited!
âI think Iâll have this one!â I said to my little brother.
âOkay Ella, come and see mine,â Matt seemed just as excited as I was.
Once again his clammy little hand tugged on mine, he had chose the last bedroom on the right. As I walked in I realised why, the room was bright blue â Mattâs favourite colour â nearly everything he owned was blue.
âAah! Nice,â I exclaimed. âAt least I wonât be able to hear you snoring!â I giggled
Matt stuck out his tiny tongue.
Chapter Two
~
Boxes, Boxes And More Boxes!
It was time to help unpack the boxes and help lift the furniture. I had written on all of my boxes in a thick purple pen. I dragged them up to my room and opened the first one labelled âclothesâ I never took much care in packing so all my clothes were sort of bunged together any old how. I rummaged in the large box and found a pair of polka-dot pyjamas. I laid them on top of another box, labelled âmake up and hair accessoriesâ
Dad had moved my dresser and bed into my brilliant new room already all I needed to do was collect some clean bed sheets from downstairs.
But before I did anything I wanted to go outside and explore the beautiful garden before night fell.
As I made my way downstairs I realised just how amazing moving house was. The house was beautiful, the village seemed friendly (weâd already had some beautiful flowers from âThe Watersâ family as a welcome gift) the only thing I was a little worried about was making new friends and fitting into the school.
However the Waters did have a friendly son, Barry. Maybe we could be friends.
~
As I got into the wonderful garden my dad walked over and asked âDo you want the piano in your room?â
I agreed quickly so I could be left alone with the garden.
I didnât know where to start. There were stepping stones leading from the door around the garden. Each one, like the bricks that made up the house had its own unique range of colours. Fresh green grass and flowerbeds surrounded the stones. Pink and red pansies were just closing up for the night, I was careful to stand exactly on the stones so I wouldnât squash the grass or crush any tiny creatures living amongst the blades.
There was a raised patio in the corner with a small table and chairs. They looked as if they should have been red but overtime they had faded to a murky brown.
At the bottom of the long garden there was an archway with a high hedge on either side. I didnât hesitate and walked straight through. Within this magical part of the garden birds sang, bees buzzed and the water fountain splashed.
To my left side there was a pretty white picnic bench. I was excited as I thought of sitting out here with some friends or doing homework, maybe even with a future boyfriend â you never know.
âElla â Dinnerâ Mum called from the door.
I glanced at my watch, 6pm already!
~
After eating my lasagne and chips dad suggested I go and unpack some more of my boxes. I bounced up the stairs into my bedroom, dad had already got the piano up there. I was sad to close the curtains on my beautiful garden but it would still be there in the morning, I smiled at that thought.
I remembered I had to put the sheets on my bed. As I did I saw something moving it looked like a pixie- a tiny shadow of a pixie. I thought it was probably my eyes playing tricks on me. It had been a long, tiring day. I blinked and wiped my eyes and the shadow was gone.
I decided to put on my pyjamas I had laid on the box earlier.
