DuncanTheDutch
Well-Known Member
AGirlfriend Remote.
Jokes
- Thread starter Carolyn
- Start date
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ayglnu13
Well-Known Member
They were really funny, but we have to becareful with the whole language thing with the Chinese one, becausechildren could be reading this. 
Just a thought.
~Amy
Just a thought. ~Amy
Paulo
Well-Known Member
Hope you dont mind me comin in :dude: here are some funny pics
And you think your life is hard...
And you think your life is hard...
Paulo
Well-Known Member
Guess which one is a female..
Paulo
Well-Known Member
Sujestions for bald folks...
Paulo
Well-Known Member
Where are the students ?!?
VNess2010
Well-Known Member
Paulo-love the picture of the bald guy! I would totally do that if I were him!
Carolyn- I've seen that pic with Joan Crawford! Too funny!
Here's some pictures I've found:
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[align=center]And I hope this last one doesn't offend anybody:[/align]
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Carolyn- I've seen that pic with Joan Crawford! Too funny!
Here's some pictures I've found:
[align=center]
[align=center]And I hope this last one doesn't offend anybody:[/align]
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Paulo
Well-Known Member
Loved the bush one Vness anyway---
1337 Keyboard, major hax0rs :shock:
anyway---1337 Keyboard, major hax0rs :shock:
bunnylover78642
Well-Known Member
Yes, I am a kid but don't think those words arenot heard everyday on the bus by some kid that thinks it is cool tocuss!! They were all really funny!!
I have one but I am not sure if it is exactly correct...
What Kids Can Say
One day a mom and son got in the car to go to the grocery store... Themom told the kid to put his seat belt on. After leaving the drive wayand getting on the free way she realized her kid did not followdirections. She pulled over and got out. After pulling the kid out ofthe car and yelling (and a spanking) they got back in the car. The kidammideatly put his seat belt back on.
The next night they went out. It was 4th of July. They were drivingdown the road when the mother yelled "Close your eyes!!" Of course thekid disobeyed... Just then a car drove by with a naked lady on the topgetting ******. The kid said, "Mommy, that lady isn't wearing her seatbelt!!"
I know I should not have used bad words but it was a simple story. Itwas not as funny as the way my aunt told it but I could not rememberthe rest. Another
A police officer came to school to show the kids the flashing lights...Before he left his K9 started barking from the back seat. A kid walkedup and pulled the cops shirt. "What can I help you with?" the copasked... The kid answered "What did the dog do to go to jail?"
I have one but I am not sure if it is exactly correct...
What Kids Can Say
One day a mom and son got in the car to go to the grocery store... Themom told the kid to put his seat belt on. After leaving the drive wayand getting on the free way she realized her kid did not followdirections. She pulled over and got out. After pulling the kid out ofthe car and yelling (and a spanking) they got back in the car. The kidammideatly put his seat belt back on.
The next night they went out. It was 4th of July. They were drivingdown the road when the mother yelled "Close your eyes!!" Of course thekid disobeyed... Just then a car drove by with a naked lady on the topgetting ******. The kid said, "Mommy, that lady isn't wearing her seatbelt!!"
I know I should not have used bad words but it was a simple story. Itwas not as funny as the way my aunt told it but I could not rememberthe rest. Another
A police officer came to school to show the kids the flashing lights...Before he left his K9 started barking from the back seat. A kid walkedup and pulled the cops shirt. "What can I help you with?" the copasked... The kid answered "What did the dog do to go to jail?"
Paulo
Well-Known Member
I liked the one with the cop and k9 lol
Heres one my friend told me, no cuss words but just incase, like Carolyn said, Parental discretion is advised
Its called, Murph and the Poor Box ---
MURPHY goes into the confessional and says to his priest "I had anaffair with a woman. . . almost." The priest says, "What do you mean,almost?" MURPHY says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, butthen I stopped" The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same asputting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance,say 5 Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box." MURPHY leaves theconfessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. Hepauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who waswatching, quickly runs over to him saying, "MURPHY!!! I saw that youdidn't put any money in the poor box!" MURPHY replies, "Yeah, but Irubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same asputting it in.
Heres one my friend told me, no cuss words but just incase, like Carolyn said, Parental discretion is advised
Its called, Murph and the Poor Box ---
MURPHY goes into the confessional and says to his priest "I had anaffair with a woman. . . almost." The priest says, "What do you mean,almost?" MURPHY says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, butthen I stopped" The priest says, "Rubbing together is the same asputting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance,say 5 Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box." MURPHY leaves theconfessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. Hepauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who waswatching, quickly runs over to him saying, "MURPHY!!! I saw that youdidn't put any money in the poor box!" MURPHY replies, "Yeah, but Irubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same asputting it in.
Bramble Briar86
Well-Known Member
Paulo, that last one was hilarious....lmao
Ellie
Ellie
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath
he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you
went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him
before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He showed up at my apartment punctually at
7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brought me
such beautiful flowers! Then, he took me downstairs, and what's there
but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he took
me out for dinner, and such a marvelous dinner it was - lobster,
champagne, dessert, and after dinner drinks. Then we went to see a
show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from
pleasure! So then, we came back to my apartment and he turned into an
ANIMAL! Completely crazy, he tore off my expensive new dress, and had
his way with me two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So, are you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no, I'm just saying, wear an old dress!"
Getting Older...
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them
that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing
things down to help them remember.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she
asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it
down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd
better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got
it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands
his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?"
thought ya'll would get a chuckle out of US old Flok ! lol
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath
he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you
went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him
before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He showed up at my apartment punctually at
7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brought me
such beautiful flowers! Then, he took me downstairs, and what's there
but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he took
me out for dinner, and such a marvelous dinner it was - lobster,
champagne, dessert, and after dinner drinks. Then we went to see a
show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from
pleasure! So then, we came back to my apartment and he turned into an
ANIMAL! Completely crazy, he tore off my expensive new dress, and had
his way with me two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So, are you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no, I'm just saying, wear an old dress!"
Getting Older...
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them
that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing
things down to help them remember.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she
asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it
down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd
better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got
it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands
his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?"
thought ya'll would get a chuckle out of US old Flok ! lol
rabbitluvr04
Well-Known Member
These jokes are just too funny!!! I love the toilet paper one.
I love the toilet paper one.
dajeti2
Well-Known Member
GodBless America.Tina
Here's something a friend sent me.
Burglar
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shinedhis flashlightaround,looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player toplace in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed fromthe dark saying, "Jesus is watchingyou." He nearly jumped out of his skin,clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more aftera bit, he shook his head, promised himself avacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and begansearching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so hecould disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus iswatching you. Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically,looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the cornerof the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you saythat?" He hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, thensquawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed."Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?""Moses,"replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
Jenniblu
Well-Known Member
Good one, Tina!
