Jacub

[MagnoliaDee]

I made a post in my livejournal account... I'm cross posting it here.

"Goodbye my little man..."

Yesterday my vet and I decided that it was time for Jacub to no longer suffer. I took him in with a list of things, get a CBC, more fluids, more meds, temp, weight, etc. His weight was down a fair bit and both the vet and tech (the same tech who took care of him that first day) said that he was very boney. When I'd massage his tummy I had to be very careful... there was just nothing between his ribs and his skin. I was trying very hard to get all the food into him I could. He didn't want it, but I couldn't let him just eat veggies and some hay. The main reason I took him in was so the vet could have a look at his "down" eye. It was looking aweful. When she pulled it open it was really difficult to look at. It was obvious just how sore and raw it was for him. She thought he had a scratch on it as well. When she looked in his ears, she said they were just full again of the infection. Grabbed a couple q-tips and I couldn't believe how much came out... it was just sick... solid. The meds just weren't making him better. He was rolling soo much... I used to be able to pick him up carefully... but the past few days just trying to pick him up was sending him into spinning fits. Back a couple weeks ago he was trying to get up on his feet by rolling to his right... he'd get up and roll back on his left. But now, he had no interest in trying to go right to get on his feet... just rolling to the left. When he stopped taking his pumpkin and veggies I knew he wasn't in a good place. So I redoubled efforts to help him with the stasis. Gave him more ovol... lots of gentle tummy massages. And was able to get him interested in his veggies and a bit of hay again. On the weekend I happened to be there when he urinated... and he had to struggle to wiggle away from it, which sent him rolling.

I am just soo heartbroken with how things went. He was fine the thursday night before it all happened. And then sometime overnight, everything just went horribly wrong. Progressing to where he was as of yesterday... laying there, unable to move, unable to get water. I'm sure there will be some who question my decision... I am questioning it over and over myself. All I can do is hope and pray that it was the right one to make. I couldn't see letting him get even worse off.

When I came here to make this post... I saw my last entry... dated march of this year. It says, "Jacub just binkied for me... he doesn't do it much, so I know he must be happy... gosh I love him". That really chokes me up... he was the sweetest little guy... never had a mean bone in his body... just love. Just a heart of gold. I hate that this happened to him... I hate that he had to suffer like he did... I hate that the last two weeks of his life were spent getting needles in his neck. I hate that I wasn't able to help him. I hate that he's gone.

I hope that he's in Heaven now... and binkying in lush green fields. I hope he knows how much I love him, and miss him. I hope he can forgive me for doing what I did. God and angles, please hold him close to you, pet and love him... until I can do it again myself.

You will be forever in my heart Jacub.
Love mommy.

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[Flashy]

I don't have any useful words, but my PM box is open if you do want a chat.

Jacub was one very lucky guy. You and he fought so hard together.

Binky Free Jacub.

 

[CKGS]

I am very sorry for your loss. Such a beautiful little guy and very loved, that much is obvious. Please take comfort in knowing that he had your love during his life, this is much more than some snimals ever get on this earth..
(((((Big hugs to you))))))))
RIP Jacob.

 

[hartleybun]

:bunnyhug:sandra i am so sorry. take comfort from knowing that you gave a beautiful bunny a happy home.

binkie free little bunnyray:

 

[slavetoabunny]

I can't begin to tell you how sad Jacub's passing has made me. I'm crying all over again reading your tribute to him. I feel very honored to have had the chance to meet him. He lived a wonderful life filled with love. Binky free Jacub.:rainbow:

 

[jordiwes]

Oh my, what a gorgeous cutie.

Sounds like you gave him the best care possible.

In the end, you made the right decision.

(((hugs)))

 

[pla725]

Smit had many of the same symptons as your Jacub. I knew it was time to consider putting her at rest. She fought the symptoms of EC for over a year. Jacub sounds a lot like Smit's first partner Simon. I hope she and Simon met Jacub at the bridge.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

we're so sorry for your loss of Jacub. Sometimes, no matter how much we and our vets strive, it's just not to be. He was fortunate to have you as his caregiver for his short time here. No matter how long we have them in our care, it's never long enough. Rest in peace little man and binky free at the bridge.

 

[anneq]

Binky-free at the bridge, Jacub:magicwand:


You gave him a wonderful life filled with love and kindness.
I'm so very sorry for your loss Sandra - I can tell how difficult his demise was for you.

/hugs

 

[Wabbitdad12]

I am so sorry for your loss. Until someone is owned by a bunny, its hard to understand the love that can develop. Jacub is a lucky bun, he knew what it was like to have a loving home, a good slave and a good craisin stash! He may be gone from sight but he will never be gone from your memories, when you have a rough day a funny rememberance will pop into your head, giving you the chuckle that you need.

Binky free Jacub.

Love this picture.

 

[LuvaBun]

I am so very sorry. Such a good looking bunny, and sounds like he had a lovely sweet nature, too

Jan

 

[Sabine]

I am so sorry for your loss. Hope Jakub is in a better place now. Binky free beautiful little guy:rainbow:

 

[SilverBirchRabbitry]

I'm literally crying, I never cry when I read this kind of thing, I know that sounds mean. But I read your post about him & Lego. This totally breaks my heart

I'm so sorry He shall live in eternal peace as he binkys free over the rainbow bridge

 

[MagnoliaDee]

[align=left]Thank you all for your replies... it's been difficult these past few days... the feeling of guilthas beenoverwhelming at times. I'm finding it hard to reconcile having put him to sleep.[/align]
[align=left]I hope you understand (I've been a bit numb) but I just remembered my dear little Frodo, after looking thru photos today. She passed a couple years ago, and they were quite fond of each other too. So hopefully they have found each other again and are loving each other again, enjoying the best that Heaven has to offer.

This is a pic of Frodo, Lego & Jacub during a bonding session. (Frodo was rehomed as there a bad incident while bonding, and didn't want to risk things again. She did re-bond with two different boys before she herself passed.)
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[tonyshuman]

I am so incredibly sorry. I was really pulling for him and I know how devastating it was to see him ill. You were doing so much for him, everything you possibly could, and I understand your decision. There are times when medicine just fails us. I really want to commend not only the tireless care you gave him in his last few weeks, but your decision to let him go when it was apparent that he was no longer himself and the Jacub you knew was already gone. I hope you can remember him as the sweet little lover bunny that he was. Oh dear, I'm tearing up myself and I've never met this guy! What a special bunny Jacub was. I always think of things in terms of "doing right by" the rabbit (or whatever animal, or person for that matter). You do what you can, and you don't always get what you want.

PLEASE feel free to PM me--I don't have a lot of experience dealing with loss, but I can tell you 100 times that you did the right thing by Jacub and that you're a very strong person for doing so. I've been on vacation so I'm in and out, which is why I didn't hear about this until now.

Binky free from pain, Jacub. Keep an eye on your mama and Lego down here, along with any bunny slave that's struggling with a difficult medical situation.

 

[kirsterz09]

he was such a gorgeous boy!

Binky free little Jacub :angelandbunny:

 

[MagnoliaDee]

tonyshuman wrote:

I am so incredibly sorry. I was really pulling for him and I know how devastating it was to see him ill. You were doing so much for him, everything you possibly could, and I understand your decision. There are times when medicine just fails us. I really want to commend not only the tireless care you gave him in his last few weeks, but your decision to let him go when it was apparent that he was no longer himself and the Jacub you knew was already gone. I hope you can remember him as the sweet little lover bunny that he was. Oh dear, I'm tearing up myself and I've never met this guy! What a special bunny Jacub was. I always think of things in terms of "doing right by" the rabbit (or whatever animal, or person for that matter). You do what you can, and you don't always get what you want.

PLEASE feel free to PM me--I don't have a lot of experience dealing with loss, but I can tell you 100 times that you did the right thing by Jacub and that you're a very strong person for doing so. I've been on vacation so I'm in and out, which is why I didn't hear about this until now.

Binky free from pain, Jacub. Keep an eye on your mama and Lego down here, along with any bunny slave that's struggling with a difficult medical situation.

The part that really bothers me is... did I do enough? The infection was worse... but would it have gotten better, if given more time? His "down" eye looked just aweful, you couldn't even see the eyeball, just other stuff (third eyelid apparently)... but after he was gone, and everything relaxed, there it was again, beautiful, and looked good. Just last night I found on-line Banana/apple flavoured critical care... I just soo wish I would have had that instead of the licorice-smelling stuff the vet had. They also had thebene-bac cream. He was rolling more than ever that last week... but Canada doesn't have meclizine... would something else have worked?? I just sooo wish Ilived in the states, so I would have had easy access to all this stuff, getting things into canada takes weeks. I wish I had taken him to a vet in MI now... perhaps one that would have given us a stronger dose of medicine. I think it was Wed that the otoscope I ordered arrived... I just wish I could have saved him. :cry2 I just miss his happy little self so much :cry1::cry1::cry1:

 

[pla725]

Sometimes you have the absolute best care available and things still turn out the same way. I had my rabbit to some of the best exotic specialists in the country. Two were at the University of Penn. I still wish there was more I could have done myself to make Smitten better. Sometimes things are meant to be. It sounds like you did everything you could.

 

[MagnoliaDee]

I know you're right. It's just so hard to say goodbye to those we love. I'm sorry for your loss of Smitten. These bunnies just leave such a huge hole in our lives when they go...

 

[tonyshuman]

You really did do all that was possible for him. I think he just didn't want to fight through this really difficult infection. I haven't heard of a bunny that would just lie on his side all day long--it sounded like he just didn't have the energy or will to live anymore. We usually go by the 3 A's here in terms of determining how an ill rabbit is feeling: Appetite, affection, and alertness, I believe. The fact that he lost his appetite I don't think was from the licorice flavor but from the illness itself. It sounds like his infection was just too much for him to battle. There comes a point when it doesn't make sense to continue treatment, and I think you made the right decision. It would be heartbreaking to see him in so much discomfort, basically only technically alive. I know it was a hard decision, but I do think it was the right one. Sometimes, even with all we can do, it's beyond our control to save our bunnies.

I know you won't ever forget him, and in his life with you, he had love and the best care a bunny could have. Like others have said, even with the most advanced vets in the country, or like your vet, a good vet who's willing to try newer treatments that they don't know well but that have been proven to work for others, it doesn't always come out with the bunny surviving. Another positive thing you can think of is that now your vet knows about this protocol and can try it with other bunnies and that may save their lives.

big hugs~~