I see this forum differently now from how I ever have before.

[EileenH]

I know I haven't been around very long, so maybe what I say won't hold much credence.

Flashy, I'm sorry you feel like that. I kinda know what you mean from how I feel about another forum; I'm not here long enough here to feel it. Onthat forum I'm on, it used to be a small group of people who were really knowledgable, and it was a really closely knit community. It has grown a lot and in one way, that is good. But it makes me long for the days when "everybody knew my name", and the level ofexpertise was high. So many times on forums, people ask a serious care question and gets 0 replies, yet a silly survey gets 39 million replies. That always makes me feel sad for the initiator of the thread.

For the most part, I feel pretty good here. Sometimes, I still don't feel like I belong (ie I STILL don't have any mana even though I think I'm sometimes helpful, and I felt pretty left out in the BunnyKwestyun Gamesome months back - I tried to play and nobody picked me or answered my questions)...but, I am new and figured it was that.
Mostly, I've found it to be a nice place to be, and I have learned a LOT about bunnies.

As far as remembering what is going on in everybody's life, I really don't think it's a lack of caring. I run a wildlife hospital; we have about 50 volunteers & 4 staff members. I care about all of them, and I see them in person every day. Yet, I have people made at me all the time because I didn't remember different things in their lives. It doesn't mean I don't care about them. I do; but as Haley said, it's just really hard to try to remember how to be everything to everybody.

I do think this is a very good thread. I hope that it helps some people to feel a little better, because I think this is a very nice place to be.

 

[polly]

I wouldn't worry about the mana Eileen I dont think anyone is meant to have it at the moment we were all meant to clear them but I think some people havent yet

Well I don't see much difference since I joined obviously new faces and that ANd I would be the first to hold my hands up and say I am not the best person at posting to everyone but i get in on a night sit down and sometimes I am just dotting in or out so I hope no one takes offense if I miss things I can be pretty badjust keeping myself to myself but I am always happy to help if someone needs me or I can help with a question. If i feel a post has been answered really well I won't reply doesnt mean im not thinking about you just that You have had fab answers from other foum members

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Haley - this is very true. There are times when I want to sit and just talk to someone or post but I have too much to do here and in my own life that I don't get that chance.

ALSO I have to say that there will always be personality conflicts, and not everyone will be happy all the time.

THANK GOD for that! cause if we were all the same I'd be bored stiff!

Haley wrote:

Sometimes the mods and admins are so drained just dealing with everyday RO responsibilities and housekeeping. We do our best to make this a friendly and loving forum where everyone can feel welcome. But sometimes we are just so overwhelmed with things we cant reach out as much as we would like.

 

[MsBinky]

Meh... I think I need to respond because wellI dunno,I want to.

I must say that I have had run ins with people myself. However, it has taught me that I am rather really weak, sensitive, paranoid, and down right annoying I mean, I am so scared to cause problems, that I always think I am a problem and then end up causing problems just because I always think I am the problem. Did you all understand that?

This past year had been really hard on me. There have been a whole lot of things happening with having pneumonia twice, then being told something could be wrong with my heart, my lungs, Mario leaving for 9 months, having to go back to work, fighting with my best friend and having to quit, the financial stress, the hospital appointments, Wiggles, my sister, Ashton, and everything else in between. I admit that I have not been the friend I usually am.

This year I felt the need to just shut down, clam up. I felt the need to run from people instead of running towards them. I haven't been chatting with members here as much as I normally would. I know I am edgy these days and can burst into tears at any point, so I just don't want to make others feel my moods. I havent inquired about people nearly as much as I wanted to, not because I didn't want to, but rather because when I feel like this,I tend to get on people's nerves and I don't want to. Sometimes, I will look at someone and want to scream at them for complaining about something that seems so dumbcompared towhat I am going through, yet I know it is wrong, just like another person would feel the same regarding me.

There are some people I just don't know how to approach. When I am told that this person doesn't feel much like talking, or takes off, I don't chase. I hate when people don't give me my space when I clearly ask it and I don't want to push and make things worse for the other person. Often that person will snap, and with the way I am feeling I will burst into tears and I just dont have the energy for it. I also try not to encourage behavior that comes off as childish and attention-seeking just because i know it's not right. I love to give it when I feel the moment is right instead.

Some people will basically do anything to start up a fight. You know, before I use to sit in my corner and cry and say "What did i ever do for so and so to dislike me so much?" but now I say "Ok so and so doesn't like me, let's steer clear and not waste energy on this."

In the end, this forum has thousands of members. These members bring in thousands of personality, as well as their own personal weaknesses, experiences, opinions, etc. It's just like in high school. Some people will get along, and some won't. It will always be like that because we have a hard time separating things. I admit, I want to be Miss Congeniality, the girl loved by one and all, the happy face in the forum etc. But I am faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from it and I just won't ever be it. Not everyone will like me, and if it came to that, then there would be lots of liars in the group

I think we all just need to stop setting criteria for ourselves thinkingthat we have tofit itin order to be happy. It doesn't matter if this person, or that person, doesn't reply to my thread. There are so many reasons why people may not have posted. People have lives, have issues, have insecurities, and doubts.

In the end it really comes down to not taking thing personally and taking what we can, and leaving what we can. I am still learning it, but I have been doing much better, and I am happier here now that I have stopped demanding so much.

Instead of asking what this forum should be doing for me, I liketo wonder what I can do for the forum. I feel better that way.

:rose:

Oh and I really do feel for the mods, who must seriously feel like they are babysitters at times :tongue

 

[Bassetluv]

There will probably be as many perspectives on this forum as there are members. Personally, it has been my experience that this forum is one of the most easygoing, congenial ones I've known. There have been flareups at time, but then that is true of pretty much every other forum as well. And (again, speaking only of my experience) I've found that my part of my overall view of any particular forum tends to go hand-in-hand with my own emotional state at the time. There are forums I've walked away from because of constant bickering, those I've not returned to because of lack of interest (on my part), and forums I tend to frequent periodically. As for participation, getting involved, getting to know other members and/or reaching out...I tend to keep an arm's length (translation: I rarely contact anyone privately or become personal friends with another forum member). This is simply a part of my particular makeup. It doesn't mean I don't empathize or care about the other members, because I do...it is simply a default 'thing' I've been doing for most of my life...keeping a bit of distance so as not to get hurt.

While I don't take part in this forum all that often, I do like it here very much...and I must say that to me, it seems to comprise of some of the most empathetic, caring people I've run across online. So that, in a nutshell, is my experience.

 

[naturestee]

I have nothing useful to add to this, other than don't worry about the mana. Like Polly said, it's not actually supposed to be there. Pipp was playing with something and ended up leaving it on, but really from what I understand the mana system is broken. That's what we get when Pipp has the keys to the forum and her computer is broken, LOL!

I'll go back to hiding in the Infirmary now. Hmm, no wonder I get depressed easily.

 

[Flashy]

I'm thinking that maybe I expect too much of RO.

I started coming here because I liked bunnies, now I come to try and help bunny owners and bunnies and, occassionally, make use of RB or ask questions. So I don't think it matter what I think about some of the people here, the cliques, the loneliness and stuff, because that's not about rabbit's so it's not why I came.

Now I just need to believe it, lol.

It's great to hear peoples views on the forum, both privately and in this thread.

 

[pamnock]

The forum is what each individual makes it. The more each individual contributes, the more they will get out of it. The choice is each individual's.


I try to do my best to help others and my community and I try not to complain.

"To Make the Best Better"

To me, this forum is a special place to share information and experiences on the common ground we all have - rabbits.

Do not put the responsibility on us to cater to you. This isn't about about pointing fingers and blaming others because you feel they are not making this experience special for you or spending enough time catering to your needs.

You make a difference - You make it better.

Flashy - you have a choice. Bottom line - Do you want to be here or don't you?

If you don't want to be here - then leave. Don't complain and ruin the experience of everyone else.




Pam

 

[Flashy]

pamnock wrote:

The forum is what each individual makes it. The more each individual contributes, the more they will get out of it. The choice is each individual's.


I try to do my best to help others and my community and I try not to complain.

"To Make the Best Better"

To me, this forum is a special place to share information and experiences on the common ground we all have - rabbits.

Do not put the responsibility on us to cater to you. This isn't about about pointing fingers and blaming others because you feel they are not making this experience special for you or spending enough time catering to your needs.

You make a difference - You make it better.

Flashy - you have a choice. Bottom line - Do you want to be here or don't you?

If you don't want to be here - then leave. Don't complain and ruin the experience of everyone else.




Pam

Don't you think that's a bit harsh?

Yes, I know you dislike me, fair enough. I'm not sure why, but I'll get over that. I haven't complained, and I haven't tried to ruin anything for anyone else. I have merely stated my opinion.

When I am about, I try to give as much as I can to this forum, and I don't expect anything back, I don't even like asking things about me or my rabbits from here, I just like to try and help.

I have to be honest, I do think that was incredibly harsh, and I don't understand why you had to be so rude.

 

[timetowaste]

Woof. That's all I have to say about this is woof.

I love you Flashy

T2

 

[pamnock]

Flashy wrote:

Don't you think that's a bit harsh?

Yes, I know you dislike me, fair enough. I'm not sure why, but I'll get over that. I haven't complained, and I haven't tried to ruin anything for anyone else. I have merely stated my opinion.

When I am about, I try to give as much as I can to this forum, and I don't expect anything back, I don't even like asking things about me or my rabbits from here, I just like to try and help.

I have to be honest, I do think that was incredibly harsh, and I don't understand why you had to be so rude.

I have never, ever expressed dislike towards you. That is completely fabricated by you. I have always liked having you here.

However,

You are not a baby, this is not a baby sitting service. If you don't want to be here, then leave.

Pam

 

[Flashy]

I actually can't recall where I said that I didn't like it here. If you read carefully you will see I have said there are pros and cons to this place, like everywhere else. I have mentioned both pros and cons, but you seem to have twisted what I said into me not wanting to be here. I made another thread in this forum asking why people come here. That alone, should tell you why I come here. It's not to be babysat, or anything else that you think I want from this place.

I have CERTAINLY not asked anyone to cater to my needs. Why would I? That would be ridiculous.

You've got me all wrong Pam. Totally wrong. I've made mistakes on this forum, just like everyone else. Yes, maybe coming back was one of them, yes, maybe I shouldn't have bothered. However, to those people I have wronged, I have apologised and then tried to make amends, big style, and genuine amends, as hopefully they will be able to testify.

I made this thread to get opinion on what everyone else felt about the forum. It's not perfect, there is room for improvement, like anywhere. It was not a personal attack on anyone, and I have no idea why you attacked me for making the thread. I said it could be deleted if it was thought to be inappropriate, but everyone else said it was a good debate, apart from you, who took it upon yourself to tear me apart.

Since coming back, I have made every effort to be the best member I could, maybe Alexah would like to testify that given that I tried and tried to reach out to her. I personally don't think anything I posted warranted what you said. You felt it did, fair enough, but I still think it was harsh.

 

[pamnock]

Flashy - Do you want to be here?

Pam

 

[Flashy]

If I didn't want to be here, why would I be trying to hard to be helpful since coming back.

If I didn't want to be here then wouldn't I just be lurking like before?

 

[pamnock]

Flashy wrote:

If I didn't want to be here, why would I be trying to hard to be helpful since coming back.

If I didn't want to be here then wouldn't I just be lurking like before?

Why do you want to be here if you are describing the forum as "cold, hard, isolated, fakeand untrustworthy" ?

These are not the words of someone who wants to be here.

What can you do to make it better? These choices and responsibilities are your own. It is neither rude nor harsh to point this out. Itisthe reality of life.



Pam

 

[mouse_chalk]

I wasn't going to reply to this thread, because I don't know that I've been here long enough to have a strong opinion, and also I don't really want to say some things publicly, because I have a habit of not being able to put these things properly and it'll end up coming across bad or something, but I feel like I should reply now.

I have to say, that I love this forum. Since I've joined I've gained so much knowledge about rabbits, and so much help from the experienced people here. I also love hearing about everyone elses rabbits and looking at all their pictures.

What I didn't expect when I joined was to find friends. I haven't made many friends, mainly because I'm very shy, even online and will never approach people, for fear of rejection/bothering them. I care about a lot of people here, but I would never PM someone unless I felt really REALLY brave, because I'm just too scared. I think I did pm someone once, and didn't get a reply, and that's ok, I wasn't mad or anything, just mortified that I might have upset them or something. I know it sounds silly, but it's just the person I am. So the friends that I have made here have been the ones that have reached out to me, and it's been unexpected and nice. I really, honestly don't know what I would have done the past few months if it wasn't for the people here that have supported me with my operations and things, and the people that have sent me pms, and chatted to me on msn. (SnowyShiloh, Flashy and Mezeta, you rock!). Even just to post a picture of my potential new house and people reply wishing me luck getting it means a lot to me, it's the little things, and that's why I love this place, it's so friendly, and supportive and caring.

Of course, it's not all a bed of roses, nowhere is. I agree with the people who have said that with any large community, online or otherwise, there will be people or things you don't like. One of the things I struggle with is knowing when people have posted a 'short' reply, or if its just the way that they normally talk, because on the internet if you don't put an exclamation mark after everything it can appear rude or grumpy!So I find it hard to distinguish between someone that may be a little annoyed with someone and someone who has just made an ordinary reply. That sometimes causes me to stay away from a thread...There's a few other things I don't entirely like, but I don't feel comfortable posting it here.

On the whole though, I love this place. The bad things don't nearly outweigh the good for me, and I've never thought that I wouldn't want to be here because of it...

I also have to say, that Flashy you are one of the people that make this place what it is! For me, you were one of the first people who I ever spoke to here, and you've always beengreat to me, sending me messages etc. I know that I've not always been great at replying, or keeping in contact with you, but I do care. :hug:I've really appreciated talking to you more this past week. And, I'm glad you started this thread, I think it's good to see what people think as well

I'm not entirely sure if any of that was relevant at all lol, but oh well I've written it now!

Jen xx

 

[Flashy]

pamnock wrote:

Flashy wrote:

If I didn't want to be here, why would I be trying to hard to be helpful since coming back.

If I didn't want to be here then wouldn't I just be lurking like before?

Why do you want to be here if you are describing the forum as "cold, hard, isolated, fakeand untrustworthy" ?

These are not the words of someone who wants to be here.

What can you do to make it better? These choices and responsibilities are your own. It is neither rude nor harsh to point this out. Itisthe reality of life.



Pam

What can I do? Well, I have already said what I thought the forum should be and that I'm expecting too much of it, so if I expect less, then no problems.

If I trust no one, then it doesn't matter who is trustworthy and who isn't because they all roll into one and the same. If I don't respond to anyone who is pretending to care, then no one can be fake.

I made a good few attempts to make the forum less isolating for people, the introduce yourself thread and the hotspot thread spring to mind. I don't know where they went though.

Maybe the difference is that everyone on here has a life, and I don't, so this forum holds more extremes for me than others. I met my only friend on here. Pathetic as that is, it's true.

So I just have to not get involved with anyone on a personal level. Talk to them about themselves, fine, and that's where it stops. Talk about bunnies, fine, try to help people, fine, but not update people about mine. Maybe ask advice if necessary, but only when necessary.

Then it won't matter what it means to me because it will be about the bunnies, and nothing else.


ETA, I don't like some things about this place, but I have also said there are things I like. Same as anywhere. Just because I don't like something, doesn't mean that I don't want to be here, if you think everyone will like everything, then that's a bit misguided.

 

[Leaf]

Flashy wrote:

Maybe the difference is that everyone on here has a life, and I don't, so this forum holds more extremes for me than others. I met my only friend on here. Pathetic as that is, it's true.

Flashy, I don't know about that, when it comes down to it, life is what you make of it.

I work. Work is my life. I have two jobs. I'm friendly with the people I work with but other than one person I don't have "friends" - and even Racheal, at that - she considers me her best friend and I don't know why because I'm very driven, focused and hard to deal with. I helped her at one point in her life when she was down and out and now I wonder at times if she isn't a friend just for that, thinking she owes me.

I'm in an on and off again relationship with Eric which is great at times but stressful as well. Many people look down on us and even our families fight about us because it's a mixed match...

Eric and Racheal, both people closest to me? We work together. If it weren't for that I don't know that we'd even be "teamed up".

Between work and them, and an online forum - that sums up my life.

And my animals, naturally.

:dunno

 

[Flashy]

All I meant was people have a life away from the computer (everybody was an exaggeration but most people). For example, you have work, at the very least.

I can't work, I can barely leave my house. I generally don't interact with anyone other than the people I live with. The internet is my lifeline, so I put more hopes into it that maybe people who have friends, a social life, a job, hobbies, all that, because I don't have anything else to base my hopes on. This is why I need to focus on it being more about the bunnies again, and take the pressure off what I'm expecting from the forum. Take a step back and see it as 'just' a forum, not a lifeline.

 

[polly]

YA know I can see where Tracy is coming form. I work hard and when i get on here I don't get all that much time to look at posts between work stuff and other things. I can imagine you see a lot more if you are not working and on here alot more.

I am sure if a post was started saying add your name if Flashy (Tracy ) has been on your thread or tried to help you or has pm'd you that it would be a long list!!!!!! That is not a sign that someone doesnt want to be here. And lets be honest at the end of the day YES Tracy has problems as do many other members on here. But one thing you have to respect her for is at least she doesnt come on and lie!! she comes on here to help others first and foremost and she was obviously feeling the forum had changed and was asking for other opinions as to whether anyone else felt the same. I think its safe to say a lot of people feel out of the loop just look at the mana post!

its easy for all of us to pick up on negative things first not many people in this world are blessed with a permanently sunny glass half full personality.

When other people on here have problems there seems to be a lot of rallying around what makes it so different this time!! I think some of the comments made were a bit harsh, they don't help someone who is trying very hard with the problems she has!