How to plan euth for bondmate

[Liung]

This is the most depressing topic ever, sorry. Lahi has developed malignant cancer that is now spreading throughout his body. We removed the first two tumours on his knee and toe but during the toe amputation, xrays revealed a mass in his lung and another was found in his mouth. He has two more on his shoulder, and in the past couple days tumours have appeared on his ear and under his eye. In just 20 days the tumour in his mouth has grown to the point that you can feel it through his cheek, and even see it when he opens his mouth.

It’s this mouth tumour that is likely going to spell the end, for him. Right now, he’s still eating voluntarily—the left side of his face, where the tumour is, actually has no bottom molars. He wasn’t chewing on that side anyway. But it definitely seems to be bothering him, and while we’ve started radiation it’s unlikely to do anything. If he stops eating, it’s over. I won’t let him suffer. The vet doesn’t expect him to last the month, and likely during his recheck appointment on the 19th, I’ll be scheduling his euthanasia.

So now my question is—what to do about Delilah? When Lahi’s sister Picca died many years ago, Lahi was inconsolable for more than a month; his appetite dropped, as did his weight and activity, and he was extremely depressed. I strongly believe that if it weren’t for Delilah basically throwing herself at him for love and attention, he would have wasted away from grief.

It wasn’t until much later that I read that rabbits should always see the body of their bondmate, so that they can have closure. As far as Lahi knew, his sister vanished one day and never came back. Of course he was upset! I’ve read from many people that allowing an animal to see the body of their bondmate helps them process their grief.

So now, though I’m fighting hard to keep Lahi’s quality of life up and give him and Delilah as much time together as possible, I have to face the reality that he will have to be euthanized soon, probably in the next week or two. I refuse to let him suffer. I’m completely torn up about it, and I have no idea what to do about Delilah. She’s needy and useless at taking care of herself and Lahi diligently cleaning her face is the only reason her blocked tear duct has been a complete nonissue.

Any advice? Do I bring her with me to the euthanasia appointment? Or leave her at home and bring Lahi back with me afterwards? I’ve already told the vet that I feel strongly that Delilah needs to see his body, and that if he dies under anesthesia I need to take him home with me. But would it be better for her (and/or him) if she’s there when he passes? Or would she be too stressed out by being at the vet to process properly what is happening? Asking them to come to my place to perform the euthanasia isn’t an option, I wish it were because I know that would be the least distressing for him.

I just don’t know what to do here and I’m really hoping someone else can weigh in.

 

[Liung]

 

[Watermelons]

Bring her to the appointment with you. That is better and less stressful for him to have the bondmate there. She can sniff and see there.
And you can bring his body home after and place it in their cage for a bit with her to understand. The you can bury him or bring him back to the clinic for cremation.

 

[HeyHo]

I'm a new bunny mom and have no idea what is best for your buns .... but I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this and will be thinking of you, Lahi and Delilah xoxoxox

 

[Liung]

The histopathology results for the tumour came back (both for the knee and toe) as a hepatoid carcinoma, a tumour that has never ever been recorded in rabbits before, only dogs. Despite the extreme improbability of this, and consulting multiple experts (apparently they even pulled someone out of retirement to ask her opinion) it definitely seems to be a hepatoid carcinoma. So the OVC is very keen to do an autopsy on Lahi and get a definitive diagnosis, so that the findings can be published and any future rabbits who get this result have at least one case to go off—we’ve had absolutely zero idea of what to expect, because this is such an unprecedented case. I got my hopes waaaaay up because this type of cancer is not very aggressive in dogs. Doesn’t seem to be the case for rabbits, unfortunately.

So basically they REALLY REALLY want his body once he’s passed (not only is this completely new and therefore extremely interesting for veterinary science but the OVC is a teaching/research hospital) and the idea that I want to bring him home first is making them somewhat twitchy.

I would want him cremated anyway, I think—I worked at a clinic for a while and the urns and other keepsakes were always very tasteful. I especially liked when the animal’s pawprint would have a mold made and given to the owner.

As torn up as I am about losing him, the science side of me is pretty excited for the autopsy results, if it will conclusively be a hepatoid carcinoma (holy crap Lahi will be published as the first ever documented case! He’s gonna be famous?) or (more likely) it’s just the melanoma from last year come back unpigmented and in disguise. “Because,” my vet said, “how awful would his luck have to be to have TWO different types of malignant cancer within a year? It’s likely the same melanoma.”

Also, the OVC being a teaching/research hospital, there’s no charge for the autopsy, THANK GOD. I would hate to have been made to pay $400+ just so that I could ensure veterinary knowledge of rabbit cancers is expanded.

So I know that the OVC would definitely prefer I bring Delilah there and not take him home with me, but I don’t want to do that if she’s not going to be able to process what’s happening in a stressful environment.

Both hadn’t occurred to me, but you’re right... both might be better. Let her be there, and have her comfort him, as well as bring him home and let her process. But for how long? The OVC is going to prefer not very long at all, and I don’t know how rabbits express their grief when it concerns a body. If she scratches at his body that might cause problems for clean samples.

Dang this is morbid but I think it’s super important that his value as a research sample is protected. Being told “we have no prognosis, he could live with it for years or it could kill him next week, we just don’t know” was such a source of anxiety. One case study significantly predicts nothing whatsoever but it’s still better than zero.

 

[Liung]

Also I’m managing to sound super clinical about this but I’m definitely writing all of this through a haze of tears and a Kleenex box next to me. My little boy... cancer is never fair but the urge to scream “it’s not fair” is strong

 

[Nunu]

First of all, I’m really sorry, this sounds incredibly difficult to deal with and I wish there was something I could do.
Second, I would make sure to bring him home. I mean it’s really up to you and there is a chance that his body could get damaged depending on how Delilah grieves. I do think however, that it would be the most beneficial to Delilah to be able to be with his body alone for at least a couple of hours. The thing about bunnies is that they don’t understand or process the concept of death toll they have seen it. So, if Delilah doesn’t have proper time and space to grieve, she could still end up believing that he just left. Every rabbit grieves differently, but usually it starts with them realizing that their companion hasn’t been moving and they will try to wake them up (sometimes through moving the body around, nudging, and/or grooming, etc.) and when they have fully accepted that their bonded pair has passed, they usually lie away from the body.
I hope this information helps you decide on what to do. Again, I’m really sorry that this is happening.

 

[Watermelons]

How long his body is at home for depends on her.
She might ignore it right away she might not.
I would place both in their pen and make sure she at least gets a good sniff.
When she shows no interest in the body you can remove him and put him in the fridge until you are able to bring him back to the vets. Do not freeze him.
If you can some dollar stores sell those skinny but flat ice packs, have one of those pre frozen and ready in your freezer. It can be wrapped in a towel and placed under him when you do place the body back in the cage.
Also having the room a few degrees colder for when you get home with them both will help the body last a bit longer.
I would also look into getting a stuffed toy similar in size to him (aslong as she isnt a big chewer) and that toy can be rubbed all over him when hes alive and then tucked in a sealed baggy, and when he does pass you can pluck some hair and sort of rub that into the toy and she can have the toy as well once the body is gone.
And yes she still needs to go to the clinic with him and see it. And be allowed to be with him. And have time there with the body but less so since youre bringing him home too.

 

[Liung]

I would also look into getting a stuffed toy similar in size to him (aslong as she isnt a big chewer) and that toy can be rubbed all over him when hes alive and then tucked in a sealed baggy, and when he does pass you can pluck some hair and sort of rub that into the toy and she can have the toy as well once the body is gone.

I thought about saving some things that would smell like him but then thought maybe that would be confusing for her? If I’m trying to ensure that she processes his death properly, wouldn’t it just be weird for her to have his scent appear after she has accepted he is gone? She’s so smell oriented, if I put a piece of food on the ground, and then pick it up, she comes over and starts furiously sniffing at the ground where it was, looking for the food. I can hide food and you just see her following the scent trail like a little bloodhound.

 

[Preitler]

"It wasn’t until much later that I read that rabbits should always see the body of their bondmate, so that they can have closure"

My limited experince is that it is'n't like that, they all treated a dead rabbit like a log of wood, that was made it a rabbit was gone. They don't have any concept of death, imho what hurts is that their life changes, don't know how to help with that.

 

[Nunu]

"It wasn’t until much later that I read that rabbits should always see the body of their bondmate, so that they can have closure"

My limited experince is that it is'n't like that, they all treated a dead rabbit like a log of wood, that was made it a rabbit was gone. They don't have any concept of death, imho what hurts is that their life changes, don't know how to help with that.

From what I’ve read, rabbits do have a concept of death. They miss their partner and yeah, they don’t like to change from having a rabbit that they have a connection with and are always around, to them being gone. Saying they don’t have a concept of death, they just don’t like change is an odd thing to say because that is the main thing that causes grief when someone has passed, that’s how people are as well.

 

[Liung]

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. He’s gone. The vet was willing to do it right away, and there was no good reason to wait another day for Lahi to be in more pain. We brought his owl cave so he could be in that and feel safe. Delilah was there for him. We’re at home right now giving Delilah some time with him to accept what happened.

She’s going over and nudging him. I covered his eyes with a blanket and she dug at that to try to get it off. If I wasn’t crying before, I definitely am now. She’s not interacting with his body the way she did with him but she’s definitely interacting.

 

[Liung]

In the end, it took Delilah several hours before she finally left Lahi’s side, and even then I’m not sure she was done—a couple people entered the room right before she left and went to her litter box. We waited but she didn’t return, and it was getting late, so we called it.

She started off nudging, and then began fussing a great deal with the blankets and rugs around him. While she dug around him, she never dug on him directly. I’d like to ascribe significance to how she pulled the sides of the rug over his body to cover him but she does that normally when she wants to loaf on that shelf. She then lay down next to him for the next 3-4 hours. (However, to be fully objective, it was the middle of the day, so she would have been sleeping anyway.)

It’s been three days and she hasn’t stopped eating the way Lahi did back when Picca died. However Delilah not eating would be a medical emergency, so. She’s still active and coming to us for food, though she does seem to be increasing her attention seeking behaviours, doing things she knows generally brings us into the room. We’ve had to remove the cardboard ramp because if she kept going at that rate it would quickly collapse under her due to structural damage.

So far, so good. The grief and depression I was dreading hasn’t shown up (knock on wood) though I don’t know if this has made a difference for her—she and Picca weren’t bonded and actually had been harboring something of a grudge against each other when Picca died, so I don’t know what her normal grieving process would look like.

I’m still despairing of keeping her face clean without Lahi to clean it for her but a vet tech friend of mine is sending me some eye wipes she uses on cats in the hope that will work.

In the meantime, my heart breaks for Delilah every time I see her loafed up on the shelf, a small empty space conspicuously left beside her.

 

[RosePetal]

Hello, I would just like to offer my deepest apologies on what has happened with you and your rabbits. They seemed to be a great pair.

 

[HeyHo]

My heart is sad for you and Delilah. Animals have relationships, there is no doubt. Good for your for recognizing that need in your bunnies.

 

[ChloeBunny]

I'm so sorry for your and Delilah's loss. I'm still grieving Chloe's passing one month ago due to a tumor, maybe more than one. My heart goes out to you and the bond held between all of you for so long. These gentle creatures are truly a gift.