How can people be so disrespectful?

[MyLOVEABLES!!]

uuugggggggggh i posted on this last night!
wait the night b4 i tink... uuuuurgh

 

[Pekoe]

I've noticed this quite a bit, even among my friends... for instance, my friend's mother would be telling her daughter something helpful such as "There's some laundry down here for you when you get a chance," and my friend would just say, "OKAY MOM" in a really annoyed voice and not even give her the time of day. Also some people at my riding are not very nice to their parents. It just seems like a waste to me - you have this relationship from the time you are born and then for a very, very long time. I would NEVER say "F you" to my parents. So disrespectful. I'm astonished at the disrespect some teenagers show to their parents.

 

[Numbat]

It's bad that some kids are disrespectful to their parents but it's also bad when parents disrespect their kids! I don't believe in the 'kids should be seen not heard' saying. Some people underestimate kids.

It's awful how badly some teens treat their parents though. I can't understand it. My mum and I have quite regular arguments because of our clashing personalities but they're not major or anything. We love and respect each other.

Our class is pretty well-behaved but I know some kids can be horrible to teachers. My friends in another class said their class made a teacher cry and walk out! That's awful! We have that teacher now and she's awesome. Everyone in our class likes her.

 

[PepnFluff]

Our school is shocking with teachers esp relievers (subs) we have people swearing F-ing this etc, when we were jnrs we did the whole swapping names things and were generally more rowdy but now that were snrs you'd expect it to be better but we still have a few and they are generally alot worse than they were in jnr school. I mean come on your 16/17 grow up man.
Apparently I disrespect my mum, don't ask me how I don't swear at her, I don't leave my stuff everywhere, I'm not smart to her, I'm home at my curfew, don't get trash faced etc. But apparently us having a non-existence relationship majorally disrespects her???

 

[XxMontanaxX]

I have this cousin, and when she as younger, she would always scream at her parents and told them she hated them. She had this wooden bookshelf in her closet, and on it she had carved I hate mommy and daddy on it. She was a very angry child.

But I could never imagine telling my parents that I hated them. And if I ever disrespect them slightly, I get yelled at for it.

 

[Raspberry82]

naturestee wrote:

Isn't that part of being a teen? It doesn't help that my teenage nephew and nieces have every reason to disrespect their mother. Heck, I disrespect their mother.

When I was a teen I respected my mom, still do. She's awesome. My dad, on the other hand...

Ditto! When I was 12-14 though I was a hormonal meanie to my mom. By 16 though I was back to normal and love her to pieces. I respect her more than anyone. My dad is another matter..

 

[kherrmann3]

I was in Chicago today at the aquarium, and I heard a little kid tell his mum, "Go to Hell!" while stomping his feet and having a fit. This kid had to have still been in elementary school. I think people should be able to beat their kids when necessary. My parents smacked me when I was bad. I don't think that I'm too terrible of a person. *gasp* I hold doors open for people and give up my seat for pregnant women and people with kids and/or heavy objects! I am such a bad person!

Note the slight sarcasm. :twitch:

 

[Boz]

I admit I will get grumpy with my mom or dad sometimes but nothing over the top. I would never tell my parents I hate them (because that would be a lie!) or swear at them!

I have a cousin who when he was like 8 years old was throwing these swear words around at his dad and his dad didn't do much because is sort of a pushover. He's a nice kid but some of the things he'd say to his dad (or even other adults and kids) are unbelievable for a kid his age!

 

[Raspberry82]

I totally agree with you Kherrmann! I think a big problem with why so many little kids are disrespectful is lack of proper firm discipline from the parents. When we were little my parents would NEVER tolerate that kind of behavior what so ever. We were spanked when really bad, but mostly they found clever ways to get across disciplining us. I plan to raise my kids that way too. Not strict, just lots of discipline. So many parents seem to let their kids run them instead of the other way around ever since the kid was a little tot. Then when they hit teen years, they like the kid from hell.

 

[kherrmann3]

I am a firm believer in spanking a kid when necessary. Mostly when they do something dangerous (like run out into a street). It shows that you mean business when you tell them to never do it again. It's like an exclamation mark!

I've "hit" my nephew before when he slapped me across the face (on purpose). I grabbed his hand and "smacked" the back of his hand. This was not a hard slap, but just enough so he knew what it felt like. He hit me again, and I did it again. After about three rounds of this, he stopped slapping me and went crying to Mommy. Granted, he's only two, but guess what? He doesn't slap anymore! My 29-year old sister was amazed that her 21-year old half-sister can control her son better than her! She tries to discipline him with smiles and nice words. *eye roll*

 

[irishbunny]

I know a woman who used to beat her kids whn they were small...now both of them are in jail for beating people up, one of them bit a persons ear off.

 

[kherrmann3]

I should probably clarify my post. I have no problem with certain discipline techniques, such as spanking and light slapping on the hand, as long as people don't go overboard. Most of the kids I've seen who had that kind of upbringing are more polite than ones who weren't. I am not saying that no-physical-punishment kids are all nuts and disrespectful, but I see a good amount of kids who have never been spanked and are little Hellions for it.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

I can remember every single time I was smacked or spanked. I deserved it every single time. My parents used an excellent mix of physical punishment, hard labour, and really understanding, enlightening conversations.

I hate to see moms and dads whining at their kids to make them stop. Talk about children parenting children. They whine away, then make empty threats. You tell the child that here will be a penalty if they choose to disobey, and you carry out that penalty when they purposely disobey.

If you want me to be really honest, I feel that you need to put the same level of effort AND discipline into training a child as you would a dog. A well trained dog knows its boundaries, and respects the owner. A well-brought up child knows his/her limitations, and will behave respectfully towards the parent.

The sad part is that unless you catch your training mistakes at the time, you will wind up with a spoiled, aggressive dog that won't listen.
Poor parenting = spoiled, aggressive, self-absorbed brat.

Mind you, cognitive development theory indicates that children are able to think independently and make strong connections by the age 11-12. At that point, they understand the ramifications of their actions, and make choices with independent thought.

That means they are now accountable for their choices, and cannot excuse themselves with lame, "oh, I didn't know..." responses. They are also accountable for maintaining a respectful relationship.
If the parent has not parented effectively, the kid is not going to police their own actions. If parenting has been done effectively, there shouldn't be any issues with respect. It is OK to have disagreements, but it is not OK to disrespect.

 

[TinysMom]

I think when my kids were young - spankings were harder on me than it was on them.

I was a horrible parent the first two years of our twins' life...I spanked over everything and anything. It seemed like that was the way I was raised (and Art was raised) and Art wasn't home a lot of the time - so much of the discipline fell on me.

I was talking to the woman who I had asked to mentor me about being a better mother - she got me Dr. James Dobson's book Dare to Discipline and wow - our life turned around.

We still spanked the kids - sometimes. But I never spanked them for something if they didn't know in advance that it was a spankable offense. For instance - if we're walking to the store and you're holding my hand and you let go to run forward - that is spank-able. Why? Because a child may not see the oncoming car whereby a parent can.

We were very careful about what was spankable - being caught in a lie was ALWAYS something you'd get a spanking for. No ifs ands or buts. We didn't lie to our kids (or we tried our hardest not to) - we expected them to treat us the same way.

But we also had other punishments we used - withholding things - or sometimes - even just sitting down and talking about what they did - why it was wrong and why we were upset.

Most "first-offenses" of something did not get spanked - instaed I tried to see if they understood the rule and if I could help them understand the WHY behind the rule.

In addition - while we did use a wooden spoon (vs. our hand) - we used it sparingly and we tried to never spank while we were angry. There were several times when I had to tell one of the kids, "I am going to spank you for this - but I need a few moments..." and I got my own anger or disappointment under control.

Looking back - sometimes I think we spanked too much. My son says we spanked too little. I don't know if I want to ask Robin...

I think the spankings stopped around age 10 or 11 - possibly a bit earlier than that.

Once I learned to train the kids before spanking them and to remove my anger from the process - spanking became very hard for me to do. I could do it - yes. I hated doing it. Many times I would spank lighter than normal because I felt like the lesson had already been learned - yet I had to keep my word about the fact they would be spanked.

I don't agree with beating a child and I don't agree with hitting a child with your hand, fist or something else - especially when it is done out of anger.

I've seen spankings done where I disagreed with the spanking - the parent was simply showing the child their own anger and frustration. To me - that was wrong also.

Am I a "fan" of spanking? No. I recognize that it is one method of discipline that can be effective - along with other methods too.

But I will say this - there are times when I see teenagers and even younger than teens - talking to their parents in the store and I see the disrespect...and it breaks my heart....for both the parents and the kids.

You see - the kids I know personally (besides my own) who have learned to respect their own parents - have gone on to respect other adults as they've grown up. They're usually fairly well-adjusted at work and have good relationships (although not perfect) with their 'superiors'.

So I grieve for the parents - who have lost the respect they should have - and I grieve for the future of those kids....because their life is going to be much harder than it has to be...

Just my very wordy .02

 

[Elf Mommy]

TinysMom wrote:

In addition - while we did use a wooden spoon (vs. our hand) - we used it sparingly and we tried to never spank while we were angry.

...

I don't agree with beating a child and I don't agree with hitting a child with your hand, fist or something else - especially when it is done out of anger.

My ex, when he knew I was going to bring him back to court to re-do our custody agreement, had his brother call HRS on us, saying my son's stepfather and I were beating our son.

We did spank him occasionally for anything beyond the limits. It wasn't more than 10 times TOTAL within that time (he was 5 years old then), and it was always open hand, only the number of times that he was years. It's been less than 10 times since then.

The interrogation was awful. They took him out of class without letting us know. They interviewed him. He passed with flying colors, talking cheerfully about his stepfather and the wonderful things they did together. They took me out of my classroom to interview me. They went home to my husband who was home folding laundry with my 2 year old daughter, who was cheerfully climbing all over Daddy.

The thing is...if we had hit him with anything OTHER than an open hand, we would've been further investigated. That really made me think.

Oddly enough, I had a parent come in last month because her daughter can't focus in class. She brought a switch with her and laid it on the table next to her daughter. Every time she saw her lose focus, she'd lift it up and smack it gently against the table top. Even so, she had to do it every couple of minutes.

Again...just making me think.

I wouldn't have talked back to my parents as a child. They only hit me twice that I remember, although I know there were some butt swats here or there, according to them.

I just don't buy into the "you have to earn respect" frame of mind. You are older than I am. You have my respect. You have been through more in your lifetime than I have. I respect that. You may lose my respect, you may earn my disdain, but that never means that I should treat you less respectfully than I would want to be treated myself. You have that from the start.

 

[TinysMom]

Thanks for sharing Minda....in my case - my mom thought nothing of reaching out and swatting me across the face without warning. I was never sure how to feel about her hand coming close to me....plus Art had been what some might call "abused" by his dad in the fact that you'd never know when you were going to get bonked on the head by a spoon or fork (if at the table) or if you were in a discussion. It wasn't all the time - but far more often than it should have been.

That is why we chose ONE wooden spoon - had it in a set place - where we had to deliberately go and get it. It wasn't like we could just grab it and hit a child because of some whim.

It came about partly because up until Eric was two (Eric in particular) - it was easy for me to get mad at him and slap him with my open hand - out of my temper. I didn't want him to associate my hand with pain. (Fortunately, he doesn't seem to remember those times at all - but I do).

There is a funny story that I will tell though...it happened maybe a month or so after we switched to using a wooden spoon.

Eric was fussing about something and I had told him to stop doing whatever it was he was doing - I honestly forget now what it was. I was in the kitchen making supper. I grabbed the cheese board - which I understand now looked like a HUGE wooden spoon to a child I'm sure - and was about to cut some cheese when Eric did something. I walked out of the kitchen - without even thinking about it - with the cheese board in my hand - to see what was happening.

He took one look at the cheeseboard and went running to his room - screaming like he was about to die. I couldn't figure out what was wrong - so I followed him - cheese board in hand.

Poor kid....Once I realized what was wrong - I showed him the cheeseboard and we talked about how I use it to cut things, etc.

After that incident - I was careful to never have even a wooden spoon in my hand if the kids made a noise or something and I needed to check on them. I realized that even though they came to recognize THE SPOON...that still yet - it would make them nervous to see another wooden spoon in mom's hands if she was upset.

I understand spanking isn't for everyone and it certainly shouldn't be done all the time. I'm not saying there aren't other methods of discipline - for there are.

But in our case - Art & I chose a wooden spoon because of our memories of being slapped and being nervous about being around our parents if we disagreed with them since they'd think nothing of slapping us....

 

[kherrmann3]

TinysMom wrote:

That is why we chose ONE wooden spoon - had it in a set place - where we had to deliberately go and get it. It wasn't like we could just grab it and hit a child because of some whim.

My mum had one spoon, too! It had a happy face on it... I never got "the spoon", though. I watched my older sister get whacked with it, and I never misbehaved! We knew when mum was getting close to giving someone a whack with it, because her first warning was verbal, then the second warning was her taking the spoon out and slamming it on the counter. That normally stopped our shenanigans right then and there!

 

[Elf Mommy]

I'm not opposed to corporal punishment. I think parents need to know what works for their own children, and for them.

I guess what I was trying to say is that I was shocked that using something other than your hand would get you in trouble with state services. I know tons of people who use switches or spoons or whatnot, and I didn't think anything of it.

 

[BethM]

Once I was held up in line at Kohls for so long they had to call another cashier. I must have been standing in line for at least 15 minutes before the other cashier came and checked everyone out.

The customer at the very front of the line had a small child who was throwing a big tantrum because he wanted some toy. For some reason, the woman just kept standing there, asking him to be quiet, pleading with him, and generally making a fool of herself. Every time the toy was taken off the counter, the kid would go back to bawling, and run over and yank it out of his mom's or the cashier's hand and hold it tightly. All the while, the mom is begging and pleading for her spoiled brat to shut up. (And everyone in the line behind her watching in astonishment at how ridiculous she was, and conversing about the situation.)

In the end, she did buy the toy for the kid. And asked him to "please" not do that again. If the kid didn't know it already, he had learned right then how to get exactly what he wanted. If I were that woman, I would have paid for everything (not the toy) and gotten out of there, away from all the gawkers, as fast as possible. What a fool!

 

[kherrmann3]

I don't know why some parents are like that. Granted, I don't have kids, but I can guarantee that I won't do that. In all honesty, I hate kids. Well, I hate most kids. They're cute until I see them being little brats. Will hates going out in public where there are going to be kids (about Kindergarten age).

A good example happens while at the aquarium in Chicago. Will hates going because every time we go, we will be standing in front of a display and watching something, some little rude kid will shove us out of the way, and Will normally gets hit in his "no-no-touchable" region. I have seen kids actually hit him on purpose. The parents just sit back and pretend that nothing happened. I will admit, most of the time it is on accident, but you would still think that the parents would do something. *eye roll*

Even with people my age, I notice something "rude" about them. I am not saying all of them, but the people who are a few years older than me and the people younger than me are jerks. There are a lot of nice ones, but the bad ones ruin it for everyone else. Why do I get stared at when I hold a door open for someone? I have given my seat up waiting somewhere for a pregnant woman with a kid climbing all over her. I get stared at like I am a psycho. I just think that society is getting more rude. It's sad.