How can people be so disrespectful?

[irishbunny]

I think some of the reason why kids are so bold is because they aren't praised enough so do bold things to get attention, that they don't get for being good. When a kid does something good, it can often be overlooked, whereas if they do something bad then they get slapped or shouted at or stuff taken away from them etc.

If a kid is praised alot when they do something good, they will associate being good with good attention and praise, like ''Oh, well done'' or ''Good boy/girl'' with a hug, a kiss or a big smile.

If the kid does something bad they should be scolded, like ''That's very rude/bold'' ''I'm very disapointed in you'', ''Go sit on the bold step'', or take away something they like, get down to their level and look mad.

Kids aren't dumb and they'll soon decide which way they like to behave and like to be treated better, but like I said before, often they aren't praised enough and then parents wonder where they went wrong when the kid is constantly bold.

 

[kherrmann3]

irishbunny wrote:

I think some of the reason why kids are so bold is because they aren't praised enough so do bold things to get attention, that they don't get for being good.

I don't know what year you guys were born in, but I just got an article from my Communications in Health Care class about this. Kids who were born and raised in the 1980's and early 1990's were "over-praised" according to the article. I find that it is true. Being that I am my mum's only child, I find that I was her "golden child". My dad has three daughters, including me (his first wife passed away and he remarried). He wasn't much of a parent, but fawned all over the oldest. My mum "spoiled" the heck out of me. I am not a spoiled person, but I do not take criticism well. Everything I did was perfect as a child, and I expected that through school. It made school and work very hard. I am used to it now, but back before I could figure it all out, it made my life tough.

On a side note: I was born in October of '87.

 

[irishbunny]

I'm getting what I said off that programme 'Nanny 911', where alot of the time the kids were really bold because the parents spent all their time giving out to the kids and not praising them when they did anything good. Plus it's the way we raise my brothers and sisters.

 

[BethM]

kherrmann3 wrote:

irishbunny wrote:

I think some of the reason why kids are so bold is because they aren't praised enough so do bold things to get attention, that they don't get for being good.

I don't know what year you guys were born in, but I just got an article from my Communications in Health Care class about this. Kids who were born and raised in the 1980's and early 1990's were "over-praised" according to the article. I find that it is true. Being that I am my mum's only child, I find that I was her "golden child". My dad has three daughters, including me (his first wife passed away and he remarried). He wasn't much of a parent, but fawned all over the oldest. My mum "spoiled" the heck out of me. I am not a spoiled person, but I do not take criticism well. Everything I did was perfect as a child, and I expected that through school. It made school and work very hard. I am used to it now, but back before I could figure it all out, it made my life tough.

On a side note: I was born in October of '87.

I know a lot of people who were praised WAY too much when they were kids. Like, praised for pretty much everything they would do, even mediocre things. Now they think they *deserve* praise for *everything* they do, even when they are not excelling at anything. They get really whiney when they are not praised or rewarded for things they should be doing as a matter of course. (Like showing up for work and doing what's in their job description.)

I am speaking here of many of the people I work with. (They are mostly in their early 20's, but the age ranges all the way up into the late 20's/early 30's.) When kids are praised for every single thing they do, real life will be a shock to them.

 

[NZminilops]

Kids treat you how you teach them to, is all I can say.

Of course they are their own little person, and not some moldable bit of clay - but as a parent I think you need to make a strong stand right from the begining. You are the adult, the boss, the big kahuna. Parents need to show a united front when it comes to teaching children how to behave.

Here, spanking is "giving a hiding/thrashing", I don't mean to be rude but I'm kinda shocked at seeing that so many people spank! Spanking here would be getting smacked as hard as possible over and over and over again, like 20 times in a row. Please tell me spanking isn't that for you guys? A smack on the bum I think is fine, but a thrashing always makes me cringe.

 

[BethM]

When I was a kid, a spanking was laying on my stomach (over mom's lap when I was small enough) while my mom smacked me repeatedly on my bum, with her open palm. My cousins always had to go cut a switch, which my uncle required to be as big around as the kid's thumb. (They told me later that going out to find the switch and bringing it back was worse than the actual switching with it.) Sometimes spankings were harder, sometimes softer. I never got hit in the face, or on the body anywhere else, or with a closed fist, which I would not consider "beating."

It was pretty rare for me to repeat the particular behaviour that resulted inthe spanking.

 

[TinysMom]

NZminilops wrote:

Here, spanking is "giving a hiding/thrashing", I don't mean to be rude but I'm kinda shocked at seeing that so many people spank! Spanking here would be getting smacked as hard as possible over and over and over again, like 20 times in a row. Please tell me spanking isn't that for you guys? A smack on the bum I think is fine, but a thrashing always makes me cringe.

To me - what you are describing is giving a beating - something I would not do.

I do not remember what number we used .... whether it was one per year of their age or whether we had a set number. Sorry...

Spanking was done in private by the way....not out in public and not in front of brother/sister/friends.

Also - I never ever spanked as hard as possible. I tried to make it hard enough to sting and for them to remember - but usually the first one or two spanks were the hardest...

 

[NZminilops]

Ahh ok, I just wanted to clarify, as words can mean something so different in different countries. I guess we don't actually say the "spank" word here so I wasn't quite sure what it meant.

I have no issue at all with a good hard smack or two on the bottom. My mum was still giving me a smack when I was a teenager - and glad she was too, as I was turning into a horrible, cheeky brat. Nothing more humbling than being spun around and smacked on the bum in front of a boy you're keen on dating, haha!

Last year they tried to pass an anti-smacking law - any sort of smack, light, hard, whatever, would have been illegal and child abuse. It didn't go through though and I am glad. I respect my mum for smacking my bottom and glad she did. It never made me feel abused, it taught me that there were consequences for my bad attitude or for being naughty.

I do agree with Pegs way though, where you first go and calm down, or have a primary punishment such as taking away a privilidge, or having a good talk to the child.

I'll likely never have kids so my views might be somewhat disregarded, but I do care about children.

 

[kherrmann3]

Yeah, spanking here is just a good swat or two on the bum. It's just enough to make a little sting, but not hitting the kid. It has to be open-palmed, too. I think the child-abuse thing factors in because a lot of parents do it when they are mad and wind up wailing on that poor kid. Kudos to the parents who calm down first before spanking.

When my mum was growing up, my Grandpa was a fireman. He was home one day, then gone two-to-three days. When they did something wrong, my grandma would not punish them. Instead, she would just tell her and my aunts that they would have to wait until their dad got home. My mum said the actual punishment wasn't so bad, it was the "waiting for dad to get home" that was the killer.

Like my cousin says (jokingly), "You need to instill the fear while they are still young!"

 

[irishbunny]

Here if you hit a child hard enough to leave a red mark it's classed as child abuse.

 

[JadeIcing]

It is all an equal balance, discipline, praise etc. One thing I stress is teach a child from a young age to use their words. I try (keep in mind I have a LARGE family and am the oldest. Youngest is 4. My generation that is.) to talk but my cousins and siblings know... 1) Don't talk back to their elders with attitudes. There is a polite respectful way to respond. 2) Do not curse for whatever reason in front of me. My brother who is 22 knows unless angry not to curse in front of me. I will smack him. Hehe I am 26, married 3 years and STILL can't curse in front of my mom.

 

[PepnFluff]

Me and my brothers were receiving smacked bums up until we were 7,9,11 thats when dad left, I'm actually thankful my dad used to smack us. Kids are smart little things and they know they're not allowed to get smacked and I've seen kids as young as 4 saying I know you can't smack me and they just rub it in there parents faces. I was looking after mums boyfriends kids last week and the amount of times they REALLY missed behaved all I could do was take them to the "naughty spot" which they use as a joke. Michelle I'm pretty sure some form of anti-smacking bill was passed as a boy who I went to intermediate with had his step-father charged for smacking him. I don't think bills like that work, It was put in place to stop child abuse but kids who are repeditivly beaten this is going to do jack. I'd gladly bring back the cane into school, seriously the amount of trouble makers that would be stopped and actually learn some respect and how to behave would be fantastic.

 

[kherrmann3]

We had a teacher that would use scare tactics to get people to pay attention. If they were in their own little world, talking, or sleeping, he would take a yardstick (meter stick) and slam it down on their desk to make a really loud cracking noise. No one misbehaved in his class. We knew he couldn't hit us, but the noise was enough!

 

[slavetoabunny]

I think there is somewhat of a double standard when it comes to parents disciplining children. It seems that these days if you so much as yell at your kid you get accused of child abuse. And then they ask why parents can't control their children. I don't condone beatingyour kids, but a firm swat on the butt can work wonders.

I was raised in a military family and my 3 siblings and I were very well behaved. And yes, we did have our butts swatted now and then.

 

[gentle giants]

irishbunny wrote:

I only say it to them when I'm really annoyed and angry with them, and that's not very often, other then that I get on good with my parents, it's not like I'm constantly telling them to f off all the time lol.

My kids aren't old enough to know/use that word yet, but if they ever say that to me I will slap their faces, and no light tap either. And if I had ever said that to my mom, she would have knocked me across the room, and I would have deserved it.

Kherrmann3-I totally agree with you. I don't beat my kids, but I am not so silly as to think that my kids are going to have ANY respect for me if they don't get any discipline from me either. I truly believe that is a big reason that kids wind up in trouble with the law and such, if they didn't have any rules to follow at home.