Honest advice needed. About to seriously hurt my mother in law.

[MiniLopHop]

Susan, I have had strangers ask me about children as well. Why do they think it is their business? Why is it seen as such a strange choice NOT to have children? In this age of birth control people have choices, it's not like it was 100 years ago.

 

[Deliciosa]

Nobody *needs* to have children, everybody is different and to be completely honest it is probably better for the world not to bring more kids into it.

Your mother in law sounds very old fashioned and it is likely she will be sad, but that's not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty about it at all. It's not your responsibility to give her a grandchild, and if she really feels the need to be around a child she should take up babysitting!

 

[Happi Bun]

My whole family has had to accept the fact that I will never have children of my own. I never even allowed it to be up for discussion. Why? Well to be honest severe mental illness runs wild in my family's genetics. I can not in good conscious have a child knowing that.

My mom is happy being grandma to the pets and I'm so thankful for it.

 

[gmas rabbit]

I come from a family of six kids. 3 of us had children and 3 didn't. It was a decision that each of us made with our spouses. My mom and dad were fine with the decision, it was our choice. As my siblings have gotten older not one of them has regretted not having kids, their lifestyles just didn't fit in with being parents ( at least not full time ). As they have gotten older they have just adopted existing grandkids from the family and became serogate grandparents. My grandkids love their great aunties and uncles, they have so much more patience and time to spend with them. As for you mom-in-law she can find with very little trouble dozens of children that really NEED a grandma in their lives. My nickname in town with all of my grandchildrens friends is "G"-ma. I have eight grandkids of my own but dozens of extra ones. They all need attention and love ( rides, food, place to stay, shoulder to cry on, HUGS). Fraggle is a great grandbaby, my mom had dogs and cats that she called her grandkitty or granddoggy from my brothers and sisters that choice not to have children. My dad's ashes are in the family pet/dad cememtery on the property and we always call him the pet keeper. We should have listed mom's grandpets when she died along with her grandkids ( morbit do you think ) as she loved each and every one of them. Do what is right for your life, MIL will adjust.

 

[gmas rabbit]

On another note. I have a morning glory and hummingbird tattoo on my lower leg in honour of my mom and dad ( both passed ) and my favourite - a beautiful tattoo of Nickolas our first french lop on my upper leg. I want another on my shoulder of Benjamin in recline.

 

[GorbyJobRabbits]

It's not her life it's yours. The child would be your responsibility and not hers... so she will eventually get over it. It's not like you're 20 and still in a state of mind where choices are difficult.

Randy wanted to get his snip snipped too. Hasn't, and now that my mind has changed on children I hope he doesn't for a while.


Children are such a hard choice!

 

[Nancy McClelland]

We truly feel that the best course is to say nothing. Some things are best left unsaid. If your family was like ours, the best thing is to put about 800 miles distance between you and them. Of course my mother outlaw was born on October 31st and she more than lives up to it--Nancy can't stand her as she is just a selfish --ends in itch--shame on you, she's a real witch.

 

[JadeIcing]

Do it for you guys not for anyone else.

 

[GorbyJobRabbits]

Nancy McClelland wrote:

We truly feel that the best course is to say nothing. Some things are best left unsaid. If your family was like ours, the best thing is to put about 800 miles distance between you and them. Of course my mother outlaw was born on October 31st and she more than lives up to it--Nancy can't stand her as she is just a selfish --ends in itch--shame on you, she's a real witch.

This reminds me of my boyfriends mother... in a way.

 

[myheart]

funnybunnymummy wrote:

I'd hold off on that vasectomy until after you're thirty. Dunno about others here, but around the time I turned thirty it was like a switch flipped inside me and all I could think about was havinga baby! Before that I was sure I was 100% done and would never want another kid. Of course, my hubby had already had a vasectomy and there wasn't much we could do about changing that. Vasectomiescan be reversed, but the operation isexpensive and not always effective.

Just something to think about.

Hope that helps!

Rue

:yeahthat: Sorry, I have to side with what Rue said. I think I would wait to make such a major decision at least until age 30 has passed.

 

[slavetoabunny]

I knew at a very young age that I never wanted children and I had my tubes tied when I was 26. I'm 52 know and have never regretted my decision. My siblings have 9 children between them, so my mom has plenty of grandchildren. She's even a great-grandma now.

 

[Elf Mommy]

I agree about the after 30 thing, too. I have 3 coworkers over 30 just embarking on trying to get pregnant.

 

[SnowyShiloh]

I think it's great that you have come to that decision! (Note: this doesn't mean I hate kids, I love kids and am going to be an elementary teacher and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for several months now) It sounds very well thought out. However, I agree with some of the others that it would perhaps be best to wait a bit on the vasectomy. I'm not trying to undermine your decision, but you could change your mind and reversing a vasectomy is pricy and doesn't always work. Whatever you do, please don't feel bad about your mother-in-law. I'm sure she'll be sad and it's wonderful that you don't want to disappoint her, but it's your life.

 

[I_heart_Fraggles]

For Jason 30 has already passed and I am not to far behind. We have still not decided how or even if we will tell her. Yes she is very old fashioned and set in her ways. Both my in laws are like that. But the more we talk about not having children the happier it feels. Now if only Fraggles would not chew on the rug.

 

[SablePoint]

JadeIcing wrote:

Do it for you guys not for anyone else.

I agree. Having a child is not like getting a pet. Once you have a child, your whole lifestyle changes. It's a BIG EXPENSIVE responsibility, the child will be with you all your life. Not trying to sound like an arse, but baring a child is not worth anyone's emotions. Having a child is YOUR choice only.

 

[NickZac]

Male vasectomies can be reversed relatively easily through a minor procedure; females not-so-much.

Biologically, 22-25 is about the prime age range to have children as complications are far lower than other ages. However, one can obviously have healthy children at younger and older ages, and lifestyle plays a major part.

If you feel that you are going to have a child for someone other than yourself, don't do it as that is begging for disaster. With that said, most people I know who have children tell me that it is the most rewarding experience of their life. I have a much different view but I am only one person in many.