Feeling Totally Used

[Sabine]

I can't believe I've put myself into this situation again.

A fortnight or so ago I received a phone call from the husband of a friend of mine. They were planning to return to Ireland and were wondering if they could stay with us for a few days "as we have such a nice big house now".
I thought it was somewhat strange as they own a house here and I would have expected they had given their tenants notice long ago. I did ask when their tenants would move out and got a somewhat vague answer that should have set alarm bells off straight away. Foolishly I said yes as it was only for a few days and even worse I didn't consult David on it either.

I should also explain that this is a family with two young kids and the woman isn't even a particularly close friend and I don't even like her husband as he strikes me a bit of a user.

They arrived on Saturday and shortly after their arrival it transpired they hadn't given their tenants notice at all and they were hoping to rent in the suburb we are living but were wondering could they stay with us for the time being. He had TILL THE END OF SEPTEMBER in mind.
I was actually in shock when I heard this!

Being a coward I said I need to consult with David about it althoygh I should have said straight out No. David of course is furious quite understandibly. I am terrified of confrontation and in the meantime they are making themselves at home.

They fridge has been stocked up with weeks supply of food, stuff is spread all over the house and the kids are running riot around the place.

We have decided to confront them tomorrow and I'm so dreading it. I am so angry and frustrated that I am put into this position and actually feel really bad about giving them a deadline. I could have possibly even enjoyed a weekend of their company but the dread of them not leaving spoils it all and every single thing annoys me from the pee spilled over the toilet seat to bikes strewn all over the pavement etc...I consider myself a rather generous person but I feel so mean.

I should also add that we do have a nice big house and I love people around (who I have invited to stay) but we have to worry from one months to the next how to pay the rent at the moment. The family staying with us not only own a house in Ireland but also in Germany and he is the part owner of the family company & has a secure job in Ireland. They spent all Summer traveling on holidays whereas we stayed at home due to lack of funds only being able to afford a scout trip to England for our boys. Yet I would never invite myself into another person's home assuming I could stay as long as I want.

Sorry about the long ramble as I needed to vent.

 

[kirbyultra]

Some folks have no shame, do they?

 

[Nela]

Yikes Sabine, I can imagine that would be very unpleasant! Not only was it rude to assume they could stay as long as they want, but then to run around the house like it's their place... Ugh... Lots of hugs your way and I hope the confrontation won't be too horrible. :expressionless

 

[Sabine]

Thanks for the hugs. I actually managed to have a heart to heart talk to my friend this morning and as I suspected she is totally embarrassed about the situation and is trying to push her husband to find alternative accommodation as soon as possible. He on the other hand thinks that we have such a nice and big house and what's our problem....:? We agreed that David is going to talk to him this afternoon as she doesn't seem to get through to him. They just left to look at a house to rent but just after they left I realized that they left one of their kids (6 years old) behind without even asking us. It isn't really too bad as my daughter (7) is around but still I would like to be asked. In retrospect I wish they weren't looking for a house to rent that close to us as I can imagine in future they'd be hoping they could use us a baby sitters.

I do have quite a few kids myself but that doesn't mean that I like a chaotic house. I am going crazy with them leaving their socks and shoes and other rubbish all over the place. :rant:

 

[Sabine]

Great, my daughter just had an argument with the other little girl and she is back playing with her little sister. The other one has disappeared somewhere and I am so annoyed I couldn't be bothered to look for her. As far as I'm concerned the parents didn't even ask me to mind her:X

 

[Nela]

Yeah... They definitely have to go... I think it's a sad situation in many ways. It's too bad friendships get taken advantage of like that.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

I'm sorry, Sabine. That is disgustingly presumptive of them. If he's so well off, I suggest that they find a quaint little cottage by a lake where their whelps can run free for the summer.

Really, you are not being mean about this whatsoever. They have multiple homes, for pete's sake! Homeless and on the street, fine, ok. But this is utterly out of line.
:grumpy:

A month of stay = a month's rent $$$. Electricity and hot water aren't free, nor is childcare.
Big hugs to you and yours :hug:.

 

[Violet23]

exactly what you said Autumn, and it shocks me that anyone can just do that, i would do what you really feel and fly off the handle with the husband, maybe if you yell loud enough he'll get the point, lol

and drop the kids off at some nice expensive daycare, rack up a bill for the parents *evil grin* they didnt ask you to take care of them anyway

 

[Sabine]

David took the husband aside today and set them a deadline for Wednesday. This was after I rang him up in tears as he totally embarrassed me in front of my neighbours.
The lady from across the road kindly invited my 7 year old daughter who is friends with her kids and my little girl (2 years) AND knowing we have visitors the other girl around. My "friends" were going out and decided their little boy was staying with me (no need to ask me of course:X) The little fellow kicked a fuss as he knew his sister had gone off playing across the road so the father decided to drop him off there as well:shock:
I stopped him saying that my neighbour specifically said the three girls were invited and never mentioned the boy and even his wife tried to dissuade him but he went over pretending to pick up his daughter as the little boy was upset. Needless to say he returned without the little boy feeling very smug saying "Sure, one more won't make a difference".. As soon as they had gone around the corner I dashed over apologizing profusely as I am not in the habit of using my neighbours as baby sitters.
My neighbour totally understood and admitted she did think it was a bit odd but felt somewhat under pressure. apparently he just said: "He is very upset could he come in to play!!!!" No word about collecting his daughter. What a total user. I was so disgusted I was shaking and almost in tears. I ended up collecting everyone back after half an hour picking a bunch of flowers for my neighbour who had been so kind. Maybe if i adopted this attitude Id have two houses too and a share of a company

 

[Nela]

Scum. I can only think of that word. So unbelievably disrespectful. Really... Just wow. You are much nicer than I am. I would have kicked them out on the spot. If he can afford so much property, he can afford a hotel. Kudos to you for being better than me I have not an ounce of sympathy left in me tonicely deal with those situations.

 

[SnowyShiloh]

I'm so sorry, what a terrible situation. I would be very unhappy too!

 

[JadeIcing]

Wish I was there....

 

[Rabbit Hero]

Wow! this is absolutely terrible. I can't believe that people would actually impose on you in this way. Clearly David is used to getting what he wants by acting in this aggressive manner. Whether it's a big house or a small house, it's YOUR house. And that is all that matters.

Good for you for standing up for yourself.Let us know what happens on Wednesday!

 

[Nancy McClelland]

sounds just like most of our family. The only time we hear from any of them is when they want to borrow money--it would be more of a gift since none have ever bothered paying us back. That's why we moved six hundred miles (1000 kilometers) away. When we get a letter we just call them and say no. Not always the easiest thing to do but we've come to abhor being used.

 

[Luvmyzoocrew]

OH MY WORD,lol. I dont envy you in the least, i hope they get on there way real soon.

 

[Sabine]

THEY ARE GONE!!! Hallelujah!! We actually more or less kicked them out (David insists I shouldn't take the credit as he did the dirty work of telling them while I hid in the house:sofa
They left dropping loads of hints as to how bad they are off now having to move into a house that doesn't meet their exacting standards. (It is a nice enough 4 bed roomed house in a good area)
They knew the deadline for moving was today and stupid me wanting to soften the blow said they don't need to rush (Meaning they don't have to be out early in the morning) They ended up hanging around all day cooking their lunch and sprawling out on our lawn with their kids running around the place and packing was going rather slowly.
If it was me and I knew I wasn't welcome in a place I'd be out like a shot. Also they had the keys for their new place and had already started cleaning it.
At this stage David was fuming and I had to keep hushing him up as he was close to yelling at them to **** OFF!! At around 6 o'clock the woman asked me if it would be ok to cook their dinner in our place (Again!) Apparently the kitchen in the new house wasn't all that clean yet (even though they'd had the chance to clean it).
I just couldn't believe it and put the request to David.:biggrin: (whose brain exploded across the kitchen) You can surely guess his reply:no:
They took my bedsheets with them to wash. I'd be quite happy to part with them if I never had to see them again. It's sad really.

 

[JadeIcing]

No loss there.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

alrighty then!

 

[SnowyShiloh]

So glad they're gone! I just can't believe they'd act like that. I'll bet you're really enjoying the peace and quiet in your house. And if they ask you to babysit, just say "That won't be possible" or "We already have plans." It doesn't matter if your only plan is to NOT have their children over, it's still a plan!

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Big kudos to you and your hubby for taking the bull by the horns. I don't envy your position at all! What wretched people. You two did sooo well -got them out without a scene!

Yup, you are officially booked for the rest of your life - "So sorry, I have plans" is the best phrase ever.