Dealing with the loss of half of a pair

[gentle giants]

I have posted on Rainbow Bridge about the loss of my elderly buck, Toby. Unfortunatly, now his bondmate Max is alone. I let Max see Toby's body so he could say goodbye, I hope that will help him to understand some why his buddy doesn't come back. Max is sort of droopy today, he doesn't really seem to want to play with his toys or anything. I don't know if I should let him have some time to grieve, or try right away to find him a partner from among my other bunnies.Max and Tobyhad only been bonded for a few months, but it was a really easy bonding, they really seemed to "fit" well together.

I could really use some advice from others who have been through this, or just to hear what people think would be a good idea. Me being ready to get another rabbit is not an issue here, I have enough other rabbits with my rescue that I'm sure there is someone in there he would be compatible with.

Should I wait, to let him have some grieving time, and if so, how much time?

Or should I start giving Max bunny "dates" right away, to distract him from losing Toby?

 

[kherrmann3]

[size="+1"]I read your post and got all emotional I don't know much about grieving rabbits, but I looked around and found this on the HRS website:
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And the Love Goes On

A new friend often provides recovery and grief support By Joy Gioia Introduction by Holly O'Meara From House Rabbit Journal Vol. 4, Nr. 7 - Summer 2002

When the bond between a loving pair of bunnies is broken by the death of one, their grieving human caretaker must think what's best to do for the surviving rabbit. HRS volunteers who foster multiple rabbits face this problem as one of their responsibilities. We would like to share the experience of some of our volunteers with you. The first step is to assume the surviving rabbit is grieving, even though this grief may be expressed differently by different rabbits. Michelle Wilhelms, HRS Chapter Manager in San Diego, notes that rabbits respond to loss individually. "I have noticed some rabbits after the loss of a companion, look for the other rabbit for a period of time and may leave droppings around. The grieving rabbit may be more quiet and reserved-perhaps not eating as much. Some get destructive-tearing up things they never bothered before."Michelle recommends giving extra attention and toys, as well as monitoring the grieving rabbit's eating habits.

Bea VanHorn, a volunteer with HRS in Colorado, has also seen a dramatic response to loss. She writes about a grieving rabbit: "Freddie's response was pure anger. He lashed out at everything and was visibly miserable. He also became ill. While I spent hours a day loving him and showering him with attention, it was clear that I wasn't the perfect mate for him. He is now bonded in a threesome. My feeling is that at least if he loses one of them, he will still not be alone."

A bonded group of more than two rabbits is an excellent strategy to prevent the scenario of a solitary, grieving rabbit. As always when introducing rabbits, it is best to let the rabbits choose their own friends. > Working with your local shelter or HRS foster is one way to do this. If a loss occurs before you can adopt your "support group"of cuddly rabbits, volunteer Margie Wilson offers a creative interim solution (see The Right Stuff for a Bereaved Bunny article). And now, the story of two rabbits whose need for love transcended their limitations and eased the heart of their foster parent. - Holly O'Meara

Here is the link for the above-mentioned "bereaved bunny" article.
http://www.rabbit.org/journal/4-7/bereavedbunny.html

 

[seniorcats]

Over the last 20 years, we've had a lot of bonded pairs. It's always been hard on the survivor when one passes. It's especially hard when some of the pairs were together as long as 12-13 years. I always waited just a few days to bond with another rabbit friend. Surprisingly, I always found the 2nd or 3rd bonding to be easier and faster than the first.

Coney, one of my first bunnies, lived to be 15 years old and out lived 2 companions. He was 15 when Melody was rehomed to me. They bonded instantly and then sadly Coney passed away several weeks later.

Based on our experiences, I would suggest trying to match him up soon.

 

[Maureen Las]

I think if the bond was for a shorter period of time that you could attempt to bond another rabbit sooner....

I think, however, that it is individual just as with people.

I have successfully bonded Beau since Babette died in June but the first several months he was one angry bunny. it was only after his surgery that he was receptive to Willow. He had been with Babette for 5 years and since he was only about 2-3 months old when he was bonded with her it was his entire life.

I had another very strange bond. a very mellow neutered holland lop whoI bonded with a very feisty neutered mini-rex. For some reason the mini-rex liked Jacques a lot and actually adored him.

jacques and joey were together for less than a year and i was never able to rebond Joey again becaue he is so difficult and this seemed accidental. jacques died of cancer.

rabbits, like people are not predictable.


Having my one bun alone was one of the saddest thing that i have ever gone through myself.

 

[Flashy]

It's a really tragic thing to watch, but I agree with angieluv, each rabbit is different and needs something different.

Maybe try some play dates and see if he reacts in a positive way to the bun/situation, or if he clearly is unhappy about another bunny being around.

I had a loner brother who lost his brother when they were eight and a half years old. He used to sit and wait for him (despite spending time with the body) and that used to be so sad to watch. Then when we moved him into a different cage he came alive and suddenly he seemed ready for a friend, so we gave him Sandy as a playmate (but only a playmate because he was not neutered and he was very randy, even for an old bun).

Maybe a change of surroundings might help your guy? Maybe put him near a girlie or somewhere where he is surrounded by people or something? Sometimes taking them out of their rut and their old life can help them move on quite well and give them back some life.

 

[gentle giants]

That is a good idea, Flashy, but I don't know where else in the house I could put him right now. I don't want to have to put him in a smaller space. He doesn't get free roam during the day, for safety reasons. I would really love to try bonding him with Teddy, if they would be ok together. I have not tried introducing Teddy to any other rabbits yet, he is just now eight-nine weeks past his neuter.

I will give him a few days to grieve, and then I will try introducing Teddy and see how they do. If Teddy is a no-go, well, I will pick someone else-someone with good litterbox habits, LOL, and see what happens.

Kherrmann3- That was a good article you posted. What they said about grieving rabbits becoming destructive is definatly Max. He has a cardboard hidey box in his pen, usually he will just give it a nibble now and then. But the night that Toby died, he spent ripping up that box. I have given him a paper towel roll, and he spent last night destroying that. I feel so bad for him! He is usually such a happy go lucky guy, binking and doing bunny 500'sall over the place during his "out" time. I think I have seen him bink mabye oncein the last couple of days.

 

[tonyshuman]

I have also heard of giving them a stuffed animal to groom. Since you were successfully able to bond Max with another male though, he's probably a good candidate for re-bonding with someone else. I think you should bond him with Teddy so that you can keep both of them!

 

[kherrmann3]

I read that, too, Tonyshuman!

It goes into it a little here = http://www.rabbit.org/journal/4-7/bereavedbunny.html

 

[gentle giants]

I got to thinking about that (bonding him with Teddy) and decided that I should try him with someone else first. Honestly, Teddy is a great candidate for adoption-for the same reasons I want to keep him, LOL! It would be a better idea for me to attempt bonding him with someone who has a lot less chance of adoption, like Marie or Hope. I am going to try Marie first though, because she is already spayed.

 

[Maureen Las]

I think it's way easier with a girl and a boy rather than same *** unless it is 2 sisters.

 

[gentle giants]

Well, Max and Toby were not hard at all though. I don't know if that was because Toby was fairly submissive, or what. I have two groups of boys that I have succesfully bonded, too.

 

[Kittyj37]

Hi All I am new here we are just trying too bond a new younger Male I know it’s not ideal but my older bunny lost her bonded sister a week ago. They have laid next too each other already and she is letting him groom her today I think this is a good sign my only problem is she has always lived outside and I can’t let him go out till spring do you think she will be okay till then and we taking it slow anyways too make sure they fully bond

 

[Augustus&HazelGrace]

@Kittyj37 This is an old thread. You should make your own thread for this and you will get more responses.