kuniklos wrote:
Yes, it's absolutely possible. If someone doesn't think that you can just be friends with the opposite gender, they have some serious issues with socializing and setting boundaries if they are breeched.
I am somewhat troubled that one in the field of the humanities would say this.
This is far more complicated issue than the above quote makes it appear. While this is not a penis and vagina kind of an issue, it is very much so an issue of the cultural implications of having a penis or a vagina in the Western world (While the implications of not being a 'traditional' heterosexual male or female is even more complicated of an issue, for the sake of the current topic I will not discuss this given the length and the below is specific to heterosexual male and female interactions.)
What you choose to do is not completely made at an individual level. The things that everyone does is based on what society, as the larger whole, tells us is acceptable to do. In this instance, the macro influences the micro, and this is normal. Sociology studies this, as does anthropology but to a slightly different degree (which includes archaeology). When the individual level does NOT follow the macro set standards, it is seen as dysfunctional. Abnormal and dysfunctional psychology studies this and how the individual acts and reacts according from the commands given to them by the macro. Intersexual interaction is far more complicated than same-sex interaction as there are more rigid social guidelines that define what is and what is not acceptable.
A few of the many issues that define how men and women interact with each other are:
-Gender roles, which includes cultural and sexual expectations. For the entire life, we are all taught to do and not to do things. The biggest institutions of thought are usually school, home, and religious gatherings. Sex defines a ridiculously high majority of these things; what is considered okay for one sex is not for the other.
-Sex is a taboo (In the US more so than other places). Certain things are not okay in todayâs society; look at how infuriated people get over interracial couples for example (and how a White and Black couple are discriminated against far more than any other same race or interracial mix).
-Sexual jealousy-many (not all) people will become unhappy if their spouse frequently interacts with those of the opposite gender. As I said this is not always, but it is much more frequently than people perceive, as those whom voice their unhappiness are only a small minority of those who are unhappy. Some sexologists argue that this sexual jealousy is such an issue that NO one of opposite genders can be just friends. I don't see it to that extreme, but this is often the case. Likewise, it can cause unhappiness when an opposite-sex friend that likes you in a fully romantic sense sees you going to bed with someone else. Just because you do not want to have sex with someone does NOT mean that they feel the same.
-Socioeconomic status-we are all taught to be friends with people of one SES, and to date those of another-ex: "marry a doctor or a lawyer and not a garbage-man". SES can influence whom we like in what sense at only a subconscious level.
-Deviance-things that are not culturally acceptable are labeled as being 'deviant', which carries a level of social stigma that can damage one's reputation as an individual. While this view is (finally) starting to fade, currently, girls that hang out with almost all guys are often called 'whores' or âlooseâ, and guys that hang out with all girls are called 'pimps' or 'players'. The media also refers to a guy being a friend with a girl as a âdick in a jarâ. While this shows that female sexuality is far more repressed and stigmatized than male sexuality, both of the above still constitute deviance. It is still not completely culturally acceptable, and it is a topic that is still controversial.
-âRomanticâ Love-the notion of traditionally poet romantic love is a joke. The âI loved you upon first sightâ simply means âI would like to have sex with youâ or âYou possess something that I would like to have as wellâ. One can call this infatuation or simple desire of non love-related components. The notion of love that many people believe exists does not. Love is far more complex and one can argue that love is even learned. If you are friends with someone of the opposite sex for a long time, you (or they) may one day realize intense, true, and complete love, despite not having thought about this previously over a period of years, and sometimes decades. This ârealâ love never just âappearsâ, and the notion of the romantic love and âlove-at-first-sightâ is a driving force behind such a high divorce rate. The love type that everyone should want to reach (and maintain through passionate and intimate expression) is the type of love that endures for many decades; this is called consummate love (see the Triangular Theory of Love). So in summary, love is not static and (mutual or unreturned) love can occur after a long period of a mutually plutonic relationship, which can complicate everything.
I am not implying that mutual intersexual plutonic friendships are impossible. I have some good friends that are female whom I am not interested in having sex with. I am also not saying that anyone here with good individual friendships is wrong, as I am sure many people here have healthy friendships with those of the opposite sex. I am also not justifying the right or wrong of our current social norms. I am, however, illustrating how our society creates dynamics that are more complicated for this type of friendship.
âIf someone doesn't think that you can just be friends with the opposite gender, they have some serious issues with socializing and setting boundaries if they are breeched.â Ultimately, this only shows one's lack of understanding or denial of how society functions, as well as how an exception does not change or invalidate a current norm. My grandmother lived to 98 in unusually good health for her age despite smoking for 75+ of her years; that doesnât mean that is the common outcome of decades of heavy smoking.
They might just need more funding to catch me. HA! 
