Hello bun-friends and human fans. I know I've been quiet lately...I've been very tired and then with the recent drama....I've felt like I was living in...
[align=center]"As the Bun Flops"
(Starring ... Nyx
and uncredit appearances by minor cast members)
[align=left](camera zooms in to Nyx on the front porch table - sharing a banana with mom)
So mom & I decided to go out on the front porch for a matron/breeder mom discussion. We have these sometimes....especially if we have something important to discuss. Mom usually brings the refreshments - this time it was a very yummy banana (which is not as drippy as an apple).
After we ate for a bit and mom petted me, she then said, "Nyx, I need to look at you."
I batted my eyelashes at her...I mean...I'm the star - OF COURSE she needs to look at me.
Then the next thing I know...she had her hand UNDER me and was feeling all around my abdomen.
Uh no.....that's not allowed. I mean...its almost X-rated...know what I mean?
I gave mom a very grumpy look as she sighed and said, "Well, its true Nyx. You're gravid."
Well DUH! Of course I'm gravid....gravity affects ALL of us. Even a rabbit knows that and I'm NO dumb-bunny.
She shook her head and said, "no sweetie, I mean you're with young."
DUH again. Of course I'm "with young". I'm the oldest girl on the floor in the herd...all the others are younger than me.
Finally - she thumped the table to get my attention and said, "No Nyx...you're PREGNANT!"
I sat and scratched my head for a bit while I thought about that.
(camera pans out away from the scene)
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(camera pans back to Nyx)
I scratched my head for a bit and said, "Pregnant? No way! Dukey was sterile."
Mom then explained to me with pictures that she thought to me how things like forks and spoons and stuff are "sterilized" by dropping them in boiling water!!!
NO!
DUKEY WOULD'VE BEEN NO GOOD TO ME THAT WAY!!!
She then petted me and explained with another thought picture that the sun had to be really high in the sky and hot and the ground all parched for several days before Dukey could be sterile.
So I realize then - I've not been having gas cramps.....those are BABIES kicking.
(Camera pans back out)
<<Suffering from gas? Bunnies - have your humans get you the new banana flavored simethicone! Sold in the choicest animal feed stores now. Go to Simethiconeyoulove.com to find the nearest location. No longer do you have to settl for that nasty human stuff>>
(Camera pans back to Nyx on table)
So mom and I continued talking about how I'm the herd matron and I have responsibilities. How am I gonna take care of a litter AND the girls....? Mom explains that she's gonna set up my cage with a stool and a chair beside it so I can hop in and out as I want. I think about that and decide it is "do-able" for now.
Beyond the door, I can hear the girls whispering, "Herd Matron is pregnant......who's gonna take her place?"
I thump at them and say, "I'll always be the herd matron - SHUT UP!"
Mom and I then talked for a bit about the stuff I will need. I told her that I'd love a new nestbox and that I'll put my baby bunny registry at Tractor Supply since that will be easiest for people to get me gifts. I've been on their website and I know that they have some choice products for hay, etc (and I know Wabbitmom and Wabbitdad will WANT to SPOIL me).
I also explain to mom that I want to decorate my cage with items that say "DIVA" on them - since you can't usually find tshirts and stuff that say "herd matron".
(camera pans out)
<<Bunnies, get all your needs met at mytsc.com where you can find everything you could need or want at Tractor Supply. We have toys, hay and supplies for all your needs. Visit us today>>
(camera pans back in)
I thought I'd head back into the house and then I remember that I needed to tell mom something. So I thumped to get her attention and said, "By the way - did you know that Harmony is expecting to put her baby bunny registry with Petco? She also says she's gonna be wanting either an oval or round nestbox in maple or cherry (but not white) and she wants a canopy on top. I told her the only reason she wants that is because she can't get her fat ___ in a nestbox the regular way. She thumped me off. You will tell her that she has to use Tractor Supply - right? I mean - no one wants to get HER special stuff. And she doesn't need any "diva" stuff either...just the plain basics. She thinks she's all fancy cause she came from New England - up near Boston. She's even starting to practice having an accent for her babies."
(Camera pans out while Nyx heads into the house)
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(Camera focuses on Nyx who is now sitting in front of Dukey's cage)
Nyx is yelling at Dukey.
"YOU DID WHAT? YOU SHOUTED TO EVERYONE THAT I'M HAVING YOUR KIDS?
DON'T YOU KNOW THE RULES???
WHAT HAPPENS IN THE CAGE - STAYS IN THE CAGE!!!!!"
Nyx thumps Dukey off and tells the girls, "Dukey is out of the flirting rotation"
The girls gasp and say, "For how long???"
Nyx says, "Forever"
Dukey periscopes and yells, "But Nyx...I was so proud of the thought I'd be a daddy. Don't punish me forever..."
Nyx yells back, 'Fine. For THREE days you're out of the flirting rotation. That will give you time to learn to keep your big mouth shut."
As Dotty starts to whisper to Dukey,"That's ok honey - I'll flirt with you in my off-duty hours..." Princess Athena yells down..
"DUKEY....you RUINED our bloodlines by breeding with a COMMONER??? YOU BRAT! You were supposed to hold yourself to a HIGHER STANDARD!"
All of the girls hold Nyx back as she tries to jump up to Athena's cage. She yells, "You wanna be a REAL PRINCESS? Cause I'm about to CROWN YOU..."
(Camera pans out quickly while humans intervene to stop the potential fight)
<<We have everything you need for that royal rabbit in your life. Crowns, scepters, robes and more. Even cushions to sit upon. Visit us now at royalrabbitnecessities.com>>
(Camera pans back to Nyx as she sits in the rabbitry and talks up to Harmony in her cage)
Of course I told mom about the special nestbox you want. You know you can't fit that huge rear in a regular nestbox. I still think a canopy is a bad idea....but what do I know...I mean I'm ONLY the herd matron..."
Harmony yells down and thumps as she says, "Well, you might be the herd matron...but I had the herd buck....TWICE.....while you only had him ONCE and then got a young buck. So I'm special!!!"
Nyx gasps and thumps at Mercury.
"YOU YOU YOU YOU....You unfaithful buck!"
Mercury wakes up from his nap...
"Honey...I had to....I mean...its my job."
Harmony gasps, "JOB? YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME! WE FLIRTED THROUGH THE BARS FOR WEEKS! NOW YOU CALL IT A JOB???"
The hollands start snickering from the corner of the rabbitry..."Hey...they should take this on Hairy Springer....it would make for a great show! It would help boost the ratings..."
Harmony, Nyx and Mercury continue yelling at each other and thumping...
(Camera fades away and goes to black)
<<Hey bunnies. Got disputes you need to settle? Bring it to the Hairy Springer show. We have a boxing ring and medics on duty during every show. Let's get those frustrations vented and find out who really IS top bun. Shown three times a week on the Bun Channel. Don't miss the next episode where two does fight over the same buck but the kicker is both does are pregnant - but not from him. Who will win? Watch to find out>>
(Camera comes back to Nyx as she sits outside and reflects on life)
Well, I guess my life as a herd matron isn't that bad. Sure it is a lot of work and not appreciated by all. Sure...Mercury was unfaithful to me but it IS his job. And the best part of all is that I'm still sorta keeping my girlish figure while that fat-_____ Harmony is gonna need dad to make her a special nestbox cause she can't fit in one I bet. Or better yet.....she'll have to use a litter box. HA HA that would be funny."
Nyx settles down to take a nap.
(Camera fades out)
<<Hey full figured does - need something slightly more spacious for your nestbox than what you can usually get? Or do you just want something custom made? Send us your due date, your size and the amount of kits you'll be having and we can custom make you a round or oval nestbox in cherry, maple, oak or you can have it painted white. For $400 more we will include the canopy of your choice from our 25 fabrics offered - including Crayola Crayon, Mardi Gras ducks, Roller Derby Greens, Mad about Fruit Loops and many more. So tell your human that you've done your part and now its time for them to do theirs! Order your nestbox today so you'll have it in plenty of time for those wee ones.>>
(SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:
NO BUNNIES WERE HARMED IN THE FILMING OF THIS EPISODE. All fights were supervised by trained human counselors.)
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