What do your husbands do around the house?

[whitelop]

I've been talking to my friend all week and pretty much having to talk her off the ledge of her relationship.
She moved in with her fiance and he doesn't help her around the house.
I am a stay at home mom, so I pretty much do everything house related, including all cooking. My husband has 2 household jobs, they are taking the trash out and putting his clothes in the hamper. If he gets one of those in a day, its a good day!
He comes home from work and plays with our son non-stop until its dinner then bed time. He will let the dog and cats outside, but he doesn't usually feed them or anything. Sometimes he'll sneak the bun a bit of carrot, then say to her "don't tell mama." hahaha. My husband also hasn't cooked a meal since uhhh...I'll say 2009.
I don't care that he doesn't help me around the house, its probably better that he doesn't! But my friend isn't used to it, she's going crazy! They both work, so I feel like since they both do the chores should be split up evenly. He thinks I'm wrong and I think he's a butthead. I told her that he probably won't help, thats pretty much man nature and its something you have to pick your battles on. Its just something you have to get used to.

What do your husbands do around the house? Do they help you with housework or cooking? Are the animals his thing, or does he stay away? I'm curious to see what happens in other houses!

 

[agnesthelion]

My husband does nothing. He does the "boy chore" haha, we joke and call them that, like mow the lawn, take out the garbage etc. But I do everything.

BUT I'm like you, I want it that way plus I'm a stay at home job, it's my job for petes sake! I would never ask him to cook or clean or do laundry.

He's a great father and plays with our son and spends time with him when he isn't working.

Before our son when I did work, i still did most of the housework then too. He did do the laundry though.

The rabbits are all me. I wanted them so I would never ask or expect him to take care of them.

As far as your friend goes here is what I think. The division of labor is going to be different for every couple. She needs to find what works for them. I will say that most likely her fiancé is never going to clean like she wants or do things exactly like she wants because he's a guy but if they communicate hopefully they can work out a balance.

 

[MiniLopHop]

I have been married for 13 years and the only thing we ever fight about is cleaning. He has improved over the years but it has been VERY slow!

I work full time and have fibromyalgia, so cleaning can be difficult for me at times. My husband works a non-traditional job that has weird hours and lots of computer time. At this point we have divided the house into "zones". He takes care of his office and the livingroom. He takes out the trash and runs the dishwasher. We split cooking and I wash the larger pots and pans that don't do well in the dishwasher. I do the laundry, the rest of the cleaning, all the scrubbing (ouch!), and take care of the animals. He will help with feeding in the morning since I have to leave for the office and he normally doesn't have anything until the afternoon but I do all of the animal related cleaning.

I get frustrated that he doesn't help more, but before we were married I told myself I could live with him exactly how he was, so I try not to complain too much. He would also be totally comfortable living in filth, which I refuse to do. Trying to "wait him out" wouldn't ever work. On the bright side, I may be getting help with the scrubbing once a month. That is what I have the most difficulty with and makes me hurt the most.

 

[dungeonbunnies]

Mike and I share all chores. We both cook, and often cook together. I put the load in the washer, and he'll put it in the dryer, I fold, he puts away. I usually clean cages, and feed/water bunnies, he'll do it when my back is acting up. I generally end up with dishes though. He'll load dishwashers, but won't do them by hand.

He also helps out a lot with Zack too, even though he's "Dad 2.0" (his term, and I like it).

 

[whitelop]

agnesthelion wrote:

Before our son when I did work, i still did most of the housework then too. He did do the laundry though.

I still did most of the housework when I worked too. But then, I wasn't so forgiving. I was a full time nanny, so I was raising someone elses kids and cleaning someone elses house for 50 hours a week. The last thing I wanted to do was come home to MY messy house and my then fiance sitting on the couch in the midst of it. haha. Thats when we had issues. But when I quit working and had our son, I was kind of over the whole "help me with the house thing".

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Im a stay at home mommy and my husband works. I do most of the housework. Some days, with being pregnant, I dont get much done. So he will pick up my slack. But mostly, he takes out the trash, cleans the litter box, mows the lawn. Sometimes he cooks. He loves to cook. Sometimes he does the dishes. But he is like your husband Morgan, he plays with Audrina from the time he walks in the door until we go to bed.

 

[MiniLopHop]

I think it makes a huge difference if you work out side of the home or not. Time is a big issue when working 40+ hours a week before starting house work. If I could stay at home and spread out the work so it was less painful then I would have a beautiful home and do it myself. Unfortunately I'm the breadwinner of the family and have the health insurance coverage so quitting is not an option.

Luckily we do not have children to deal with on top of everything else. The animals make enough mess

I totally agree with Lisa that every couple will have to find their own balance. It will change over time and as their needs change. I think cleaning is one of the things that newlyweds tend to have the most strife over until they find their groove.

 

[Imbrium]

if I had one, he'd be building the stupid sugar glider cage right now

my dad died when I was nine, but from what I remember, he took out the trash, mowed the lawns, did most of the "handy-man" type stuff (though mom did some if she got around to it first), did all the routine maintenance on the cars and mom always cooked ('cause dad only really knew how to make steak, baked potatoes and bacon, eggs and toast ) so iirc he did the dishes a lot of the time. I don't really remember who did stuff like vacuuming/dusting, but probably mom... dad would've done *anything* she asked him to, though. I'd help with dishes, pick up after myself and do some other minor chores when I was old enough. both my parents had full-time jobs.

once my dad died I did a lot more around the house. mom wouldn't get home until 7-8 pm (she was the principal at a school for the deaf, which was somewhat long hours, and she was finishing up her second master's degree on top of that) - I knew she came home tired so I thought she would appreciate having dinner waiting for her and the house being reasonably clean. (it totally caught her off guard the first time she came home to find a full meal prepared, lol - she had no idea I was that self-sufficient at 9).

 

[whitelop]

Imbrium wrote:

once my dad died I did a lot more around the house. mom wouldn't get home until 7-8 pm (she was the principal at a school for the deaf, which was somewhat long hours, and she was finishing up her second master's degree on top of that) - I knew she came home tired so I thought she would appreciate having dinner waiting for her and the house being reasonably clean. (it totally caught her off guard the first time she came home to find a full meal prepared, lol - she had no idea I was that self-sufficient at 9).

I would hope that if I worked, my son would be as considerate as you were with your mother. What a great thing you did trying to help take the load off of her.

 

[degrassi]

I don't have a husband but if I did I'd expect him to help out. I grew up in a house where my parents joked about "inside/outside or pink/blue jobs" but my dad helped out with everything. He cooked, wiped up in the kitchen and mopped, did laundry if it was piling up, vacuumed, just kind of helped out whenever he saw something needed to get done. He didn't really do deep scrubbing or clean the bathroom or anything. Both my parents had full time job, 3 kids(2 of us were severely ill most of growing up) so everyone kind of pitched in.

I don't think I could date or marry anyone that didn't help at all. If something needs to get done you do it. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you automatically don't have to cook or clean. Its all about how you are brought up. If your boyfriend/husband wasn't taught how to do stuff growing up its going to be hard to change him. But also it depends on how you are comfortable splitting the roles. If your husband comes home and keeps the kids busy all night and your ok with taking that time to catch up on chores then thats fine. I just hate it when men refuse to do something because it isn't "their job".

One of my cousin's husbands is so bad he won't help with anything related to the house or even really the kids. He takes it as far as he won't even hold his wife's purse(or even touch it) or push the stroller as he says men don't do those things. Really, how do guys like that even find wife's or girlfriends. I'd boot his butt to the curb instantly.

 

[dungeonbunnies]

degrassi wrote:

One of my cousin's husbands is so bad he won't help with anything related to the house or even really the kids. He takes it as far as he won't even hold his wife's purse(or even touch it) or push the stroller as he says men don't do those things. Really, how do guys like that even find wife's or girlfriends. I'd boot his butt to the curb instantly.

Same here! I didn't make those kids by myself! I think I've found myself a decent one!

 

[MiniLopHop]

dungeonbunnies wrote:

degrassi wrote:

One of my cousin's husbands is so bad he won't help with anything related to the house or even really the kids. He takes it as far as he won't even hold his wife's purse(or even touch it) or push the stroller as he says men don't do those things. Really, how do guys like that even find wife's or girlfriends. I'd boot his butt to the curb instantly.

Same here! I didn't make those kids by myself! I think I've found myself a decent one!

Oh no, that just would not fly! My husband was never taught how to clean. As a bechelor he would put dirty dishes in the refrigerator to prevent food poisoning and just throw them away when they got TOO bad. He was threatened with eviction at one point if he didn't clean. I have to remind myself how very far he has come!

He has no issues with holding my purse or pushing the buns in their stroller at the park. He will also get me feminine supplies from the store as long as I am very detailed in the request so he doens't have to ask for help finding it. :biggrin2:

 

[Imbrium]

whitelop wrote:

Imbrium wrote:

once my dad died I did a lot more around the house. mom wouldn't get home until 7-8 pm (she was the principal at a school for the deaf, which was somewhat long hours, and she was finishing up her second master's degree on top of that) - I knew she came home tired so I thought she would appreciate having dinner waiting for her and the house being reasonably clean. (it totally caught her off guard the first time she came home to find a full meal prepared, lol - she had no idea I was that self-sufficient at 9).

I would hope that if I worked, my son would be as considerate as you were with your mother. What a great thing you did trying to help take the load off of her.

well, I liked cooking and it was kind of a proud "check out what I can do all by myself!" thing... plus it meant that I never had to eat disgusting veggies. there had to be a veggie with dinner, of course, but I could pick something like green beans, canned spinach, broccoli with cheese, etc. that I liked instead of potentially getting stuck with asparagus or brussels sprouts or zucchini or something.

as for the cleaning, I didn't like doing that but she tended to be in a rather, um, unpleasant mood if she came home and the house was messier than when she left that morning and it allowed me to subconsciously rack up brownie points with her in case I wanted something at some point.

 

[whitelop]

degrassi wrote:

One of my cousin's husbands is so bad he won't help with anything related to the house or even really the kids. He takes it as far as he won't even hold his wife's purse(or even touch it) or push the stroller as he says men don't do those things. Really, how do guys like that even find wife's or girlfriends. I'd boot his butt to the curb instantly.

My husband was also not taught to clean. His mother did everything for him and his sister growing up. I take care of him, but his sister is disgusting. She is the laziest human being alive. But thats another story!

My husband will do anything I ask him to do, he may say "I'm not doing that, thats WOMAN'S WORK!" but hes kidding. We joke about it all the time. There a joke that we say all the time its like "why are there windows over kitchen sinks? So the women can look out at the grass they need to cut when they get done washing the dishes!" hahaha. I don't take offense to that, its funny.
Now, if he REFUSED to do anything, there would be a boot so far up his ass, you would be able to see the tip of it coming out of his mouth. hahah.
And my husband like yours Brandy, will also buy me feminine things, as long as I write it down for him. We all know that aisle can be overwhelming, imagine going down it NOT knowing what you were looking for?! haha.

 

[whitelop]

Imbrium wrote:

as for the cleaning, I didn't like doing that but she tended to be in a rather, um, unpleasant mood if she came home and the house was messier than when she left that morning and it allowed me to subconsciously rack up brownie points with her in case I wanted something at some point.

Unfortunately, I didn't learn that lesson until later into my teens.

 

[MiniLopHop]

whitelop wrote:

Imbrium wrote:

as for the cleaning, I didn't like doing that but she tended to be in a rather, um, unpleasant mood if she came home and the house was messier than when she left that morning and it allowed me to subconsciously rack up brownie points with her in case I wanted something at some point.

Unfortunately, I didn't learn that lesson until later into my teens.

I was a brown noser and tried to get the bonus points too. My mom was also single. My sister would play (isn't the older sibling supposed to be the responsible one?) but I would try to take care of things. On the bright side, I learned how to put together furniture from a box

Now I'm just working on efficency. Back then I didn't mind scrubbing and doing things the hard way, it gave me something "productive" to do. Now I want to read when I get home from work or play with the bunnies, not scrub toilets.

 

[gmas rabbit]

Len goes through phases of either being helpful or ignorant. If we are totally swamped in the shop he tends to be a lot less helpful than other times. More willing to have a snooze when he comes in, rather than help with supper or the dishes. Other times he will go out of his way to clean the kitchen, cook breakfast ( an omelet usually containing everything out of the fridge including pickles, which I politely push around on my plate and dump as soon as he leaves. lol ), or even vaccum. When we were first married, I didn't work outside the household so did everything, but in the last 20 years that has changed. He was always good about doing most of the yard work, a chore I hate. I agree with the others, people are in general able to work out who does what and why. No everyone is into household chores, admit it most of us aren't either. Marriage and living together is a lot of give and take, it can change all the time with circumstances

 

[Imbrium]

yeah, well, when there's yelling and/or lecturing specifically about the mess, you learn not to leave any on work days (granted, I was sometimes scrambling to scoop everything up and put it away as I heard the garage door opening). by contrast, I always got praise for doing something I didn't HAVE to do, especially if she knew I didn't really like doing it.

funny thing about my mom is she had this big ol' hardcover "do it yourself" home repairs book she got when she was single and out of the house (so around 1970ish, I guess) and she had this total "why pay an expensive plumber/electrician/handy man if it's possible to take a trip to home depot and fix it yourself" mentality... she'd fix just about anything that was wrong with the house unless it was impossible to DIY. heck, she even knew how to refinish cabinets and all kinds of stuff. but the CAR? that was a totally different story!

she actually got mad/offended at me once because I got her this little book teaching how to do minor car repairs for people who knew nothing about cars before I left for college, since I wouldn't be around to do that stuff any more. she was like "what would I want with this??" - apparently "if something is wrong with the car, that's what a mechanic is for"... and she often went to firestone, which imo is a good way to get ripped off (especially if you're female and obviously clueless about cars).

the worst was when I *was* around to fix the darn van and she wouldn't trust me/listen to me about stuff.

one time, she said she heard a clunk noise and she thought a belt fell off. I was like "mom, if a belt fell OFF, you wouldn't have been able to drive it the last couple blocks to get home. I checked the belts... first one was fine when I pulled on it; interior belt came up about an inch before it "caught".

I told her "you need the tension adjusted on the interior belt and that's not something I can do" so she had me follow her to firestone. the guy was like "well, we'll take a look, the belt might need replacing anyway and if it does, you may as well replace both at once since we have to take the first one off to change the second one." I gave the guy a look and informed him that the belts were in *perfect* condition and that ALL it needed was the tension adjusted. he told us "well, we'll see"... but lo and behold he called later to say that's all it needed. $20 says if I hadn't been firm with him, she would've been buying new belts.

then there was the time she came home freaking out because "the engine was making funny noises and there was a burning smell coming from the back." she informed me that she thought it was the back brakes and *insisted* I check them. I asked what KIND of burning (electrical, paper, rubber, etc.) and she said "I dunno" (not even "not ...").

so I go crawl under the stupid van to look at the back brakes even though I KNOW there won't be anything wrong with them. then I pop the hood, glance at the belts, pull up the oil dipstick, put it back, add a BUNCH of oil and go inside.

I ask her when the last time she got an oil change was and she says "a month ago"... I then inform her that she was down two quarts of oil in a van that only holds four even though it wasn't leaking oil and that was causing the symptoms. she asked me if I was SURE it wasn't the brakes >.> I explained that not having enough oil was causing the engine noises and the fact that the van was burning oil was causing the smell - the smell was in the back because it was traveling through the exhaust system. I also informed her that burning two quarts in a month was a sign of a MAJOR problem.

I explained my bandaid fix and that it shouldn't be doing the stuff any more/should be safe to drive *temporarily*, then asked for the keys to drive it around the block to make sure. she said she didn't want me driving it. I asked if SHE could drive it around the block and she said she didn't want to drive it either. I asked if I could at least just start it up in the driveway. she still said no. apparently whatever it was doing had her so terrified there was no way in hell the van was getting turned on until it was time to go to firestone in the morning.

I got home from work at 3 am and had to wait up for four hours so I could escort her to firestone. we got all the way there; I got out/she rolled the window down and said "I guess you DID fix it - we can go home now." >.>

I spent the next three weeks of christmas break nagging her about how she still NEEDED to take it in and find out why it was burning oil, and that until she did she needed to check the oil and top it off at LEAST once a week.

SIX MONTHS later, she was on a long road trip and the van broke down in the middle of nowhere and she had to pay like $1200 (which I'm sure was a lot more than she would've paid at home) to fix the underlying cause of the van burning oil. *facepalm*

anyway, sorry for the thread hi-jack... felt like reminiscing/ranting a bit. that woman really drove me crazy when it came to car stuff - not only was it the one "dad" job she was never willing to do, but she'd ask me to look at stuff only to question my findings.

 

[whitelop]

Other than the occasional helping, I think your husband and my husband are the same person. hahaha. And I think you and I are the same when it comes to sleeping. I also don't sleep well, enough or at the right times. hahaha.
My husband will also forget to feed the animals and he doesn't acknowledge anything that I do during the day. hahaha. Sometimes it hurts my feelings, like if I gone above and beyond that day; but most of the time I just let it go.

And Jennifer, you made me laugh so hard with the story about your mom and the car! Just the way you word things is so funny! It sounds like my grandma, she is the SAME way with the cars. She just refuses to listen to reason and MUST take it to a "professional". Thanks for sharing that, it made me giggle.

 

[mdith4him]

It's so interesting seeing how different couples have worked things out together!

Our marriage is a bit different. I'm working full time and my husband works part time and is in school getting his Master's degree. So he's home more than me most of the time. He'll occasionally do things like vacuum or dishes, but usually it's me doing the grocery shopping, cleaning up, etc. We split dishes--he does the by hand dishes and I load the dishwasher. We each do our own laundry and clean our own bathrooms (we have two in our apartment and I love having separate bathrooms). We both take turns cleaning out the rabbit cages.

It seems like the cleaning duty assignments are always evolving and switching, but we usually don't argue about it, so that's good!