What age to have the s.e.x. talk

[Luvmyzoocrew]

I have a 10 year old boy and lets face it you cant get away from the word sex, and the shows that are on tv just about show it. So i was talking about something and it had the word Sex in it, i forget what i was talking about it but it wasnt sex, and my son said something about not talking about it. So i explained what i was talking about then asked him what he thought Sex was , he replied that it was kissing. I asked him if he knew where babies came from and he replied "the moms" LOL!!! then i asked him if he knew how they got in there and he said "Oh no" lol.


Now what i want to know is at what age did you have the talk and explain in a lil detail what Sex is with your kids, or when did you find out from your parents what it is?

I am ok if my child always and forever believes that it is kissing,lol!!!!!!!!!! but seriously i want to tell him before his friends tell him the wrong and movie style version of it :laugh:. But i dont want to tell him too young.

 

[Flashy]

I think its better to learn the facts from a parent rather than myths from friends.

That's how it was for me. I can't remember the talk and not ever not knowing, so my mum probably just slipped it in as and when I was growing up at whatever level was appropriate for that age, I don't ever remember a proper chat (although I do remember the periods chat).

With your son, I would think sooner rather than later because it may crop up in school soon and if he doesn't know he may make himself look silly accidently.

 

[aurora369]

I also had a similar up bringing. I can't remember ever have one big "talk" about sex and how my body worked. It was just explained as I grew up and it was always okay to talk about it with my mother.

I was listening to a show on the radio about this subject. And the sex educator said that age 10 is the age you want to start having more serious discussions with your children. It is mainly to open the lines of communication so that when something more serious comes up, they feel comfortable coming to you and won't be embarrassed and only get information from friends (which isn't always right).

She also mentioned that children will only retain as much as they are ready for. You can tell the the whole story, and they will only hang on to the bits and pieces that make sense to them at that age. As they get older they start retaining more and more as they mature.

I think the big thing that was missing from my sex education from my mom was the emotional side of things. How do you know when it is a good time? How far is too far? What am I going to be feeling, the peer pressure and all that stuff. What are some inappropriate things that might come up (I know "sexting" is a big thing right now where kids are sending images to each other of body parts).

I think the most important thing is the trust between a parent and a child. That the lines of communication are open. If you have certain expectations (ie no sex till marriage), then explain the reasons why and how it will be better. Don't just say you have to wait and that's final.

But in the end, it's up to each parent to gauge the readiness of their children. If he's asking questions, or curious, you should talk to him about it.

--Dawn

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

My mom told me abut my cycle around 8.

We had the anatamy talk around 10. You know the special parts talk around 10. She explained sex to me then in the terms i needed to know. Like this is what mommys and daddys do. And you do this when your really love someone.

Then around 13 we had the this this and this talk. By then thow we already talked about it in school and I knew some. Kids where already doing stuff by 13 in the bethroom at school so we knew I wish my mom would of had the sex talk before I started middle school. We had kids my 7th and 8th grade year pregnant

I think the summer of the year befor they start middle school would be a great age. To explain everything. I mean everything that when I will talk to my kids. and yes theemotional stuff was a big thing in my house. My mom made sure I understood the feeling o the first time so I also understood that my body was doing this and not the boy causeing it in a sense.

My mom also told me how to protect myself if I desided it was time and to also let her know so we could take preventative measures. Shealways said it was better to wait but she knew I probally would not. and not to bescared to tell her. I think the problem is parent try to say its not ok and dont be honest in the sense that it might happen. My friend never told there mom anything cause thre mom said it was wrong point blank.

My mom always said is was not the right thing but if it happened to let her know so we could one talk about the feeling and two protect me fromother things. She told me is was not right but I could talk to her without getting in trouble

 

[PepnFluff]

I'm another one who can't remember the "talk" I think It was just dropped in there at the level my mum thought I could handle. Def tell him its not the whole Daddy plants a seed inside mummy thing, I can remember ever so vividly this girl VERY conservative family, ate by herself at lunch etc asking during sex.ed how does daddy plant the seed - this was at 12 - and I just remember the whole class laughing at her, poor girl.

Get in there before his friends do, you get LOADS of information that is complete bollocks. You could casually say, If you have any questions about any of it you can come to me or give him one of those "changes" books and let him ask questions. Let him know the lines are open , and keep them open. If now me and my mum had a good relationship I would feel open to talk to her but those lines are very closed and akward so I don't go there but its definatley something I'd like to know was there if need be.

 

[Little Bay Poo]

I think 10 is a fairly safe age because I was about 11 when we had sex education in school, and I was totally fine with that.

This is how it went for me (parent's don't try this at home):

When I was about five years old I went to the library's used book sale with my mom. We bought a pop up book on how a baby is made. She read the whole thing to me, not leaving out any details. I was FIVE and I was MORTIFIED.

After that the only sex talk I had with her was when I was 15 and didn't even have a boyfriend. She told me "It's okay if you get pregnant...we'll get you an abortion. Just don't get an STD."

So yeah...just don't go the route my mom did and I think you will be okay

 

[myheart]

I don't have any children myself, but sister had three boys. She is really keeping an open line of communication withthe youngestbecause she is hoping this one will have a head on his shoulders. Anyhow, she has been capable of talking very openly and honestly with him. She even went to far as to have extra sheets available for when he accidentally has night-time discharge. She told him to change the sheets when needed and throw the dirty ones in the laundry--no questions asked.

As for getting the sex talk myself...? When I had my first period, my mom gave me some books written by the Kotex company during the 50's or early 60's to read. They explained the cycles and some of the sex-stuff. Other than that, we had the girl-talk at school presented by the school nurse, although that was probably about cycles more so than sex.

LOL about the Kotex books, though. I mentioned to my oldest sister that I inherited "the books" when mom passed away, and she laughed because she was the first one to have read them....

myheart

 

[Michaela]

I'd say any time now is good. You don't have to go into huge amount of detail but give him the basics.

My parents have NEVER mentioned sex to me at ALL and I'm 17 now. Even now if it's mentioned on tv and I'm in the room they turn it off, it's absolutely ridiculous. We didn't get any sex education in school either, as it's a catholic school so they just wouldn't do it. The internal biology of it we learned in science of course, by that I mean sperm fuses with egg not how it gets in there. No one has ever told me to only practice safe sex or the dangers of STDs. Actually no, in RE last year they told us not to have sex before marriage the end. Very wise thing to say to a group of 16 year olds.

:rollseyes

I wish it was different. If ever I have children I will try and be as open as possible about everything, within reason. At least comfortable enough that they can come to me with questions or problems. I wouldn't dream of asking my mother for advice for any of it.

 

[missyscove]

I don't remember having a talk really. My mom gave me a book and said if I had any questions to ask- I didn't.
I think in school we covered it in 5th grade. I would definitely find out when it'll be covered, if at all, in school and get in there first.

 

[LadyBug]

never really had a 'talk', bit by bit i got most of it or figured it out for myself(being animal crazy and getting a ton of books on cats and dogs from the adult section of the library at age 10-12ish certainly helped:rollseyes). we're very conservative christians, so the whole 'waiting until marriage' thing has been drilled into me my whole life, so there was no big 'talk' about that end of the deal, either. definitely get to the kid before anyone else with the bare minimum and any of your abstinence views(before or after marriage, how far is too far before(don't need to go into this until they start dating, though, i don't think), etc.). anyone with little kids-start early and simply. my mom started by always telling me that we don't have babies with people we aren't married to, and other little stuff like that. if you are of a faith and your views are based in your faith, tell your kids that. doing what God(that's who it is for me ) has even more of an impact on a little kid(and should on older kids as well, but not always ) than just another 'mommy/daddy/etc says'.

 

[BethM]

I would bet that 10 year old boys are already talking about it, but I would also bet they don't really have any idea what they are talking about.

I don't have kids, but I would assume you would want to at least start bringing the subject up, to keep the communication open in case he wants to talk about it.
I'm sure it is much easier for a non-parent to say "just do this" than for a parent to actually do it!


For me, I had the "period" talk at school. 5th grade, I think. All I remember was that the boys and girls were separated, and we had to put on the little napkin-like front-shirts to get the scoliosis check, then we watched a filmstrip about it. And then we were each given a packed of information, that included a full-sized maxi pad. Mind you, the maxi pad terrified me more than any of the rest of it, because it was seriously HUGE, especially to a 5th grader. (This was in the 80's, and I don't even know if they had the thin pads back then, I bet that thing was an inch thick, and at least 8 inches long! What is a 5th grade girl supposed to do with that?)
My mom never, ever talked to me about it.

As for sex, though, I do remember that she got the book "Where Did I Come From?" and she read it to me a couple times, and left it in my book case for me to read on my own. It's got the correct terms for things, and is descriptive without being too graphic. I think it also explains things clearly. I don't recall it imposing any religious views, which allows parents to build on the book to teach their own beliefs to their kids if they want. My family isn't religious, so I didn't get that aspect of it.
I do remember being read that when I was fairly young, though I can't remember what circumstances, if any, prompted my mom to read it to me. It may be geared towards kids younger than 10, but I'm not really sure.

We did have sex ed in school, it was very brief in middle school and then half a semester in high school. (The other half was about drugs.) Our course was about the mechanics of sex, plus information about contraception. Our teacher wasn't preachy, we got technical info on different contraception methods (proper use, failure rates, etc), STD's, plus information about date rape, and things like that. (We were also taught that abstinence was always an option.)

I am now pleasantly amazed at how progressive my high school was. Especially in Kansas!

Summer between Soph. and Junior year, my best friend and I bought a pack of condoms at the convenience store as a joke. I think they were even flavored! The box ended up in my coat pocket, and my mom found them. I explained to her that we'd gotten them for a laugh, and I didn't even have a boyfriend. A week later, she took me in to the clinic and put me on the pill. (She never really had any other talk with me, though, the pill was the end of it.)

 

[Luvmyzoocrew]

I went to a catholic school and i remember watching a movie about it, and i believe that was the end of that , and then it was touched upon in high school freshman year in Health class. Thanks for all the suggestions and stories. He gets embarresed when ever i say anything but i am going to approach it again next time to see if he knows anymore then what he has already told me and then try to go from there. Beth i am going to check that book out and maybe get it for him to read. This parent stuff is hard,lol.

 

[Becca]

Ahh the 'special hug' talk (Thats what my form tutor calls it lol!)
I never really had the talk - I got given a book by my mother and she said if you have any questions ask me after. I don't get embarrased talking about that sort of thing me and my friends always talk about it but your right in wanting your son to know what it actually is.

 

[fuzz16]

i got the sex talk from my best friends dad when i was about 12...8th grade i guess. my parents never talked about it and avoided it.
i am now a 19 year old single parent of a beautiful 9 month old girl lol

i hear about kids in sixth grade having sex, kids in jr. high already being named permiscuous (cept with harsher words).

i think when they are able to understand it it should be talked about. i think that in 5th grade when they start learning about reproduction and watching those videos (may be different for other schools) then it should be talked about.

 

[NetherlandDwarf]

does sex education in school start around 4th or 5th grade? i would try to co inside with that, that way it will be reinforced in school and at home. but sometimes there is a need to talk about it sooner depending how mature your kids are or/and who their friends are. but the ultimate decision is up to up, if you think your kids could handle it then go for it & good luck!

 

[Elf Mommy]

I had the talk with my son last year at the end of the school year, before he entered middle school this year (10 years old). We sat in the car, while my daughter was in dance class and I tried to explain everything as matter-of-factly as I could. He isn't interested in girls, yet, although I think it will happen soon. I just wanted him not to seem too naive to all the other middle school boys. I know he's not very street smart. He's just a sweetheart. After the little talk, he looked me square in the eyes and told me, "We don't EVER have to have this talk again!" LOL I'm glad we had it, though. I'm pretty sure he'll feel safe about talking to me and asking me questions in the future.

 

[irishbunny]

I never got a talk from my parents, and never want to, too embarassing! The schools here cover it really well though, so there wasn't much need for my parents to talk about it to me. In 6th class (Primary school, just before going to secondary school/highschool) we had the talk, at that age we would never be considering sex, we were all around 11, 12ish.

In 1st year (first year of secondary school/highschool) we had the talk again, the same stuff just going over it again and we also got little booklets about periods and stuff, we were 12, 13ish.

In 2nd year we learned about it in science but it was more technical, we were around 13, 14.

This year we had people from CURA come in, they are one of those unplanned pregnancy agencies if you find yourself pregnant with no place to go, they are great. They talked about how to deal with it if you find yourself pregnant and talked about STDs and stuff, they told us some really sad stories of girls having babies in fields and dumping them or having babies and hiding them, one women found her daughters baby in a shoe box in the attic when she went looking for what was causing a really bad smell. We are 15, 16ish, getting to the age when these things happen.

Teenage pregnancies run in my family, my grandmother had my Mother when she was 17 and my Mother had my sister when she was seventeen, so ya my Nana is only like 54 lol.

 

[irishlops]

irishbunny wrote:

I never got a talk from my parents, and never want to, too embarassing! The schools here cover it really well though, so there wasn't much need for my parents to talk about it to me. In 6th class (Primary school, just before going to secondary school/highschool) we had the talk, at that age we would never be considering sex, we were all around 11, 12ish.

In 1st year (first year of secondary school/highschool) we had the talk again, the same stuff just going over it again and we also got little booklets about periods and stuff, we were 12, 13ish.

In 2nd year we learned about it in science but it was more technical, we were around 13, 14.

same as in derry.
my mum gave me a book. i knew about it wheni was about 6! i watched lots of nature programs...... they wernt piggy back...
thing, my mum said an animal program is on, i was 11 so i went in, it showed a lemer, and its penis had... spines! i was like, :shock:
i never want to talk to my mum about it, some of you know my situation.
i i think 10/ 11 is an ok age. but only imporatant bits to that age.
like, i would say to a boy, a girl bleeds one a month as well, just so he knows.
------------------------
ps. i had a male teacher tell us...:expressionless

 

[paul2641]

As a teenager boy myself. I would personally think all you need to say to your son is just don't say anything in sex ed and avoid the conversation with friends. And leave it at that. I never really had any trouble even though my mother didn't tell me the facts, You work them out yourself as you hear stuff.

 

[naturestee]

My parents never had the talk with me. I think they were too embarrassed. But our sex ed started at 4th grade with boys and girls separated. It was only one session for the whole year, then again in 5th grade. We were mainly taught about puberty stuff and a quick note on "this is what mom and dad do to make babies" but the rest was left for middle school. If your school doesn't start around grade 4-5 it's probably a good idea to explain the basics. Because the kids will start talking about sexual stuff soon and most of what they say will be wrong.

My MIL is a nurse and I'm not sure when she started having the talk, but I know my hubby and his siblings got explanations several times at least and she was very supportive. That didn't stop the older two from getting pregnant before marriage but it wasn't for lack of her trying!