This is really hard to write.

[Flashy]

Thanks

My last reply was really garbled, I'll try again.

I went to the doctors (a good start). I was honest, I told her what I could (I realised when I came out that I forgot some stuff), I asked about a certain therapy that was on offer before I went into hospital, but not what I came out, she didn't even know what it was.

Everytime I tried to say something, she interrupted me with something totally different, so I didn't manage to explain about taking medication, or how what the psych reports had said was wrong.

She read all the recent things and because I didn't get a chance to correct them/her she assumed they were correct (it said things like, they have offered me X therapy and I had refused, but they never actually offered me it, stuff like that).

I started crying the minute I walked in, and when she started to say there was only so much they could do, I really started to bawl and ran out. I couldn't hear that whole 'you're beyond help' thing anymore. Now I know I shouldn't have run out, but at that time my 'run' defence kicked in.

My only option left (from what the things the psych had written says) is to move into what is effectively sheltered accommodation for people with mental health problems. But there are no animals allowed in those places, and certainly not 10 bunnies (4 would stay here for various reasons), so that is not an option. My bunnies keep me well and functioning. If I move somewhere else, they will (10 of them) have to be rehomed and that is not an option. It's ironic that my bunnies keep my fighting, and yet they stop me getting what help I may need.

So yeh, that's a more coherent version of events, sorry about before, I was really upset.

 

[NZminilops]

Hey Tracy,

I'm no expert on these things, but to me it sounds like the system is really stuffing you around. This doctor you are seeing, she is dismissing you as a lost cause without even listening properly to you. It looks like she doesn't care one bit! That's not good.

I know it can be incredibly hard, but you need to try and take a stand for yourself here. In life, really the only person that can care about you 100%, do what is right for you, is YOU. When it comes to mental health, I think you need to fight fight fight, and if you have no one for you on your side fighting, then you have to remember, YOU are always there for you. You know you best.

Don't let these people brush you off to one side! You come across as an intelligent, warm, sensitive and caring person. You deserve the help you need.


My partners brother is in his late 30's and has severe mental disorders. He's such an awesome guy, he's really warm and funny. But the doctors didn't see that, all they saw was the bumbling man who couldn't string two words together and can't hold a job down, and they stuck him on these awefull meds and he was so much worse. He became paranoid and obsessive, and started to do things like set fire to the couch, stuff he never ever would have done if he'd gotten the right care and medication.

I don't want anything like that to happen to you. Please know you have 100% of my support, even though I'm all the way over here, I do care, I truely do. Don't let them muck you about Tracy.

Michelle

 

[Brandy456]

Flashy wrote:

Thanks

My last reply was really garbled, I'll try again.

I went to the doctors (a good start). I was honest, I told her what I could (I realised when I came out that I forgot some stuff)

You should try to keep a journal, And when you go see your docters bring it so you don't forget a thing.

My mom's friend is in the same boat..Her son has some mental health problems but the medication he could take make him gain weight..but when your 11 and already 300^ you can't take anything ofthat sort. I'm not sure what it's called,I can ask my mom. But it supposibly calms you right down, and it makes you not worry.

In no way am I comparing you two, I just wanted to give you the story on the medacine.



Have you tried looking for Health places that do allow animals..even if its not close.Because if that what keeps you strong then they should allow it..It may even help others..as a sort of therapy. Like what they do at Nursing homes

 

[timetowaste]

tracey (aka my t1!)

you and i have a bond over a name, and we have talked over emails and PMs many a time now. more than ever right now, you need to be stronger than you've ever been, and who am i kidding...i know that's SO hard. fighting my own problems is hard enough, i can't imagine others fighting their harder problems.

you are going to be okay. first, i think you need to go back to this woman and it is OKAY to cry. if you didn't cry, there would be more wrong with you than you originally thought. you're a sweet girl crying out for help, and you need to go get it.

i hope it's true that people can send positive energy to others, and if it is true, i'm sending you so much right now that i'm exhausted from sending it all out.

we love you here at RO tracey, please don't give up the fight, i know you're destined to win it.

love always,

Tracy (aka your t2!)

 

[mezeta]

Awww hun, I have only just seen this post. I don't know how I missed it. I've missed not hearing from you I had been thinking about you wondering where you where. Keeps strong. The journal Brandy456 suggested sounds like a good idea.

I've missed our chats and I have missed you. Keep fighting you are a strong lady! and deserve better help. Make sure they listen to you write how you are feeling in a journal and show it to the doctors. They can't interupt you then. Keep strong and remember how loved you are when you are feeling blue:hug:

 

[Wabbitdad12]

Tracy

I don't think you can count the number of friends you have on this forum that honestly care for you. I too have missed the chats with you in the chat room. Youare fun and interesting to talk to.

The journal is a excellent idea, when ever I go to see my doctor I always bring a note along of the things I want to tell him.

I hope there is someone who can go with you that can keep the doctor focused and let you finish a sentence. If not remind the doc that its rude to interupt and if need be interupt the doc!

I know I am and your countless friends are here for you. You've got friends around the world so there is always someone up to talk to! PM me at any time.

Keep up the fight and to quote a title of a book my wife has "Normal is just the setting on a clothes dryer". :biggrin2:

Dave

 

[Flashy]

Thank you all for your kind words.

I can't say too much right now, so I'm not going to reply 'properly'. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate it though, because I do.

I do just want to beg, PLEASE don't say I have friends here. I really need to not have friends right now. Well, actually, I need them desperately, but demons have already stolen my friends, I couldn't bear for them to take you lot too. I had one real friendship and it is currently severed and broken into pieces because of the demons and what they did. That's partly why I have been too scared to be around here properly.

I'm going to quickly whizz round and just let people know I have seen some of the more important posts on here, just leaving a hug, I'm sorry it's not more at the moment, but I am thinking of you all.

Please please don't think I'm being ungrateful or rude or anything, I just can't lose more than I have already lost.

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Maybe you should try to write out all of what you wanted to say to the doctor. Go in and drop it off or phone and send it in the mail.

Explain that it's too hard to speak to them and you forget things but this is what your concerns are and why you couldn't sit there and listen...

 

[Flashy]

Thanks.

Sorry for bumping this, I'm just going to get some closure on it.

Thank you all for your thoughts, comments, etc.

I do have a journal, but it's mostly hard to understand and I haven't written in it for a few months because words just won't come. You are right about it being a good idea though.

(I apologise if this doesn't make sense, my brain won't focus).

I think I managed to get everything out to the doc other than I needed more meds (zopiclone-sleeping tablet, and iron tablets-I'm chronically anaemic and probably actually need blood transfusions right now, but iron tablets will have to do, erm, onceI get them).

I can't go back to the docs. I just don't have anything left to give at the moment. They know everything that is going on (I wrote a 4 page long letter about it all back in December) plus I asked about her getting rid of the demons, but she didn't seem bothered about them, so presumably they are real (the demons being new, and arrived just after I stopped posting on here).

This is tearing my family apart. My parents had a stupid argument over plaice goujons because I can't eat any food served to/for me, only food that is 'help yourself' and my dad hates that, hence the stupid argument. It's my fault that this family is screwed and no matter what I've tried to do, it doesn't help. I've been hiding in my room since Friday (going out only to do the outside buns) because maybe that might help things.

I don't know what to do anymore. Not medical wise.

Now I have to try to find a path through this myself. I know exactly what's going to happen, and I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm trying, that's all I can do. I've started volunteering at the RSPCA, I'm going to be assessing people who want to adopt bunnies. For that I had to have a home visit on my buns and she said she was very impressed with my set up here (That was a relief I was terrified she was going to seize them). I have also redesigned their forms andwill be writing a care sheet. I have told her that I will help with anything bunny related, i.e. bonding, and designing better accom. for them (something she was asking about). I haven't worked since July 05 when I was sacked because of my illness. I'm scared this is going to go out of control and I'll end up some place bad, but I have to try because maybe it might make a difference, help me move forward, or at least provide me with a distraction when my brain is in over drive.

I don't have any hope, none at all, so I'm trying to find my own, in my own way, and rabbits are the way forward for that.

My buns have been ace, they have cuddled me, snuggled, made me laugh. All except Sky, who I needed more than anyone. He has taken on some of Moon's personality and hates me (did the demons get him too? I don't know), or rather, doesn't hate me, loves me but hates something (the other bunnies? my mood? or has he just got some Moon in there). I owe my buns so much, when there is no one else, there are always rabbits!

Anyway, I don't quite know where all that came from, I didn't mean to waffle so much. This thread can die now, maybe a helpful mod might lock it? Thank you so much for your words. I'm just really sorry. Please believe me.

 

[Luvmyzoocrew]

:hugsquish:I hope you get the help that you deserve, hugs to you