Sweet Bun Bun

[Flashy]

Iknow I don't spring to mind, but I lost Flash in Dec 05, Oz Jun 06, Tub and Boof Feb 07 and Moon at the start of March this year, not to mention the 15 babies in around those times too. I'm just telling you that because I can relate to losing so many in such a short period of time, especially Tub, Boof and Moon (plus 4 kits), in the space of 6 weeks.

I've been in that dark placeand I can relate to how it feels. If you do want to chat, when you feel able, then I'm more than happy to listen.

 

[maherwoman]

Thank you so much, Tracy...the only reason you didn't spring to mind is that somehow I didn't realize you'd lost so many in so short a period of time.

I just am not sure how to handle the loss, really...my heart hurts.

I will probably take you up on your offer to talk about it...but not for a bit...it's just too hard right now (which I know you understand).

Hugs to you,

Rosie*

 

[Flashy]

I wasn't on here when it happened, and I'm not really one to talk about stuff like that.

I'm not going to pressure you to talk, I'll leave the ball in your court. You can PM me, or e-mail me ([email protected] is probably the best addy for that).

There is no right way to handle this, just try to focus each day at a time. If you feel like crying, then cry, you will stop eventually, and it might hlep Emily to see it's not just her feeling sad, if you want to be angry and shout and scream, then do (but obivously that might be best away from Emily). The most important thing is to be true to yourself about how you feel and not block it out because that will cause more pain and hurt later.

Thinking of you all

x

 

[Haley]

Rosie and Peg, I just wanted to add that Im so sorry for you both. I saw this Monday but just couldnt bring myself to post.

Its just not fair that so much bad can happen to two such wonderful people. Its not right.

At least both Drew and BunBun were so loved by so many- not many bunnies have that.

Rosie, please give Emily a hug from me. Shes a strong little girl.

Rest in peace sweet BunBun. You will be missed by all of us. I hope youre up there sneaking around with Drew.

 

[TinysMom]

The worst part about all this for me now is everytime I see Dusty or go by his cage, I start freaking out. In my mind, he's breathing heavy...or he looks sick or he looks like he's uncomfortable. I call Robin over and she looks and goes, "Mom...he's breathing just like he always does.." or "Mom...he's just woken up from napping of course he's going to look that way.." etc. etc.

Part of me expects us to lose him at any time....and the rational, logical part of me says that doesn't HAVE to happen - that he could still go on to live a long full life.

But there is part of me that freaks out - even to just look at him. I'm so scared to lose him. I don't know how many more losses I can take right now.

We did have him out today to see how stressed he would be if he was handled and stuff and how he would do....and he was like, 'bout time I get to play some more...".

I'm just so scared. Like Rosie, I feel like a dream has been shattered - of her having these three bunnies....and I wonder "WHY?" and "What went wrong with THIS litter?"

I just hope we don't lose Dusty too.....

Peg

 

[TinysMom]

maherwoman wrote:

I can't describe accurately how all this has me feeling. To lose three in so short a time has been quite devastating to me...my heart is just completely broken, yet I feel numb all over, too. And I can't even confront it all completely, or I'll cry for days, and right now, Em is still so sad over losing her baby that I have to be able to be there for her. But I have to be honest...I feel like crawling into a hole and just crying for days.

I'm sorry to be so negative, but I kinda feel a bit alone. I'm just not able to TALK about it just yet. I can talk about how it makes me feel, a bit...but much more than that, and I fear I will completely break down...and Em's not ready for that quite yet, to see me that upset.

I was thinking about this just a bit ago Rosie.

I lost it tonight for a bit and started crying a little. I've been depressed all day - for the last two days really - and I just want to bury my head and cry or sleep. I find myself sinking back into depression and *almost* not having the energy to pull myself back out....but I'm very lucky. Art & Robin know the signs and they know how to help me and that really does help.

There is a big difference between me and you in the fact that my daughter is 23 and can help me through the grief - and your daughter is so much younger and you have to be careful. I think this is why you're going to have to be careful to nurture yourself and take care of yourself - and that might include locking yourself in the bathroom sometimes and crying and maybe taking a shower to cover the tears and the sobs.

Each of us that you mentioned have had significant losses this year - as has Flashy and others. I'm sure there are many that may not have posted on the thread that have also felt the pain of a loss.

In your case - I think this is harder for you because it is not only the death of a beloved bunny - but the death of a dream. I held Drew...I held Bun Bun. You never did.

It reminds me of my weeping the other day when my does had their babies and Kiwi's whole litter was dead on arrival and Girly Girl's litter had two dead and only one made it (and I wasn't sure it would make it). Yes - they were deaths - but they were deaths of what I had dreamed of...and the death of the dream of those litters hurt more than had the babies lived and then I lost them a few days later. Its hard to explain ... but sometimes I think almost having something and then having it taken away from you...just hurts.

I think that is why I think this is harder on you than it is on me. And I'm sorry for that. I so much wish now we'd sent the trio on to you earlier. Last week when you were telling me that you were afraid you'd never get to see your two boys and I sort of said, "Sure you will...", I must admit that I panicked afterwards. What if we did lose another bunny? And when it became obvious that we were going to lose Bun Bun....contacting you was the hardest thing I could have had to do.

I know you've been grieving over Drew since October...I thought I'd share with you some things that I've been learning since losing GingerSpice in January.

• Grief makes people say and do strange things....at the strangest times. I've broken down and wept in a grocery store while buying baby food for the bunnies - because of losing a bun who loved a particular flavor. For about 10 seconds I thought about driving off a bridge because the pain was so bad (then I thought about the groceries I had in the car for Eric and what a waste it would be of good food ... so I kept on driving).
• Grief makes you feel strange ways. Would you believe that a few days after Ginger died - I found myself saying to someone (who loved me and understood), "I almost wish I'd lost Art and could have Ginger." Mind you...Art & I have been married for 27 years now and we've had our rough times...but I wouldn't REALLY wish him gone. Its just...I would have traded anything for GingerSpice at that time....even Tiny or Miss Bea or .... yep....Art. (I wouldn't do that now).
• Grief comes and goes. Just about the time you think you're getting better...you'll have a bad day and wind up feeling like its all hopeless. I'm finding that the bad days are getting further and further apart and I'm able to smile and laugh again...even when I talk about Ginger.
• Not everyone understands grief nor do they grieve in the same way. Some people lash out with anger - some withdraw and pull inward - others keep busy to keep their mind off it. We each handle it differently and that's ok. Art doesn't grieve over my bunnies passing (he did grieve a bit over Puck - that was hard for him)...and he doesn't understand my deep grief at times. But that's ok....I know he can't understand it and he doesn't feel what I feel. I love him for who he is and what he is and I handle my grief as best I can.

You WILL make it through this. There are others of us who have walked this path - some you've named - others you may not have. But we'll be here for you.

I love the Vulcan phrase (watch me screw it up) from one of the Star Trek movies or episodes... "I grieve with thee." Sometimes - those are the only words a person can say.

Peg

 

[maherwoman]

Thank you for posting that, Peg...it really touched my heart. :hug:

I'm going to be leaving the forum for a while, guys. I just can't handle being here right now.

But many, many hugs to each of you.

 

[JimD]

:cry4:

 

[TinysMom]

TinysMom wrote

In your case - I think this is harder for you because it is not only the death of a beloved bunny - but the death of a dream. I held Drew...I held Bun Bun. You never did.

I just wanted to add something here after some PMs I received...and I'm probably going to not say this right. I'm going to try to say it anyway.

I'm not trying to say that we can compare grief and that what Rosie has experienced is harder than someone else who lost a bunny that they lived with and loved. I'm not trying to say that others haven't lost more or that others haven't grieved more.

I don't think we can compare grief nor can we compare situations...they are all different. We all experience different things and we experience them differently. It would be unfair and impossible to compare my grief over a bunny to someone else's grief over losing their bunny. You can't do it ~ we're all different and the situations are all different.

However, as I grieve Bun Bun and Drew...I do have the memories of holding them to comfort me and help me make it through. I have memories of Drew escaping or of Bun Bun watching tv with me. I can hold onto those memories and cherish them and smile when times get tough.

Rosie had 8 months of looking forward to the day when her babies would arrive. During that time we talked about them many many times...planned for them and for how to houseproof the house from Drew...etc. etc. She does not have the memories of holding Drew or watching Bun Bun binky to help her through the grief. I think this is making it harder FOR HER to grieve over the loss because she does not have those memories to help her....whereby I do. This doesn't mean that it makes it harder for her than for others...it means it makes it harder for her than it might have been had she at least held them once or been able to watch them at play, etc.

I've decided that I will try to not post on this thread anymore and I will just share my grief privately with a few who understand. I think it is better if I just take my grief to a few friends privately.

I'm sorry if I hurt folks as I never meant to do so.....

Love ya all.

Peg

 

[Flashy]

Totally editted because me and Peg posted at the same time.

I'm sorry, I did not mean to stop you grieving in public.

I will leave you all alone.

Thinking of you still though.

 

[maherwoman]

I probably won't be posting in this thread anymore...but I see your condolences and thank you very much, everyone for your kind words.

 

[gentle giants]

I am so sorry about you losing your babies, Rosie. I am jsut now seeing this, I'm really, really sorry I bothered you with my questions about one of my threads. I don't come into this section very much, cause I jsut sit here and cry for people who have lost their babies, just like I'm crying for you right now. :cry1:I wish I could give you a big hug and make you feel better, but this is the best I can do for now. :hug2:

:bigtears::rainbow:ink iris:

 

[JadeIcing]

I can't say much. To much pain in me right now. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QJse82M6BM]I'll Be Missing You.[/ame]

 

[~BunBuns~]

Rest in peace sweet Bun bun you'll be greatly missed by everyone:bigtears:

a :hug: for you Rosie..:cry4: