Should I separate them? Very depressed bond mate

[Happi Bun]

This past week has been hell for me. Here is the summarized story:

My sweet Amber (who is 7 years old now) has become disabled. She has full paralysis of her hind legs and urinary incontinence. We aren't sure what caused it. It started on April 4th with just dragging her hind legs a bit. I took her to the vet the next day. There was no injury and she has seen two vets who do not see anything on her x-ray that is the definitive cause. Over the next day it progressed into full paralysis of the hind legs. She also has an enlarged liver, hard lumps on her body (at least 4, reasons unknown) and a cyst on the inside of each eye. Basically, the poor girl is falling apart. The really awful part is no one can tell me why. I'm waiting for the results on her bloodwork. She is on pain medication and antibiotics. I also have an appointment set up for acupuncture.

That brings me to her bond mate, Dunkin. For those who don't know he has been bonded to Amber for 6 years now. They are very close; constantly by each others side and grooming one another. That is why it has been such a shock to see Dunkin basically avoiding Amber since she got sick. He spends his time sitting in the litter box on the opposite end of the cage looking miserable. His appetite is down and he is lethargic. He just shows all the classic signs of a creature suffering with bad depression.

Sometimes I encourage him to get out of the litter box and visit Amber. He will go up to her and groom her a bit (making her very happy) but then he goes right back to sitting in the litter box looking miserable. He will sit there for a few hours and not even move. So now not only am I deeply concerned for Amber, but I am for Dunkin as well. Should I separate them? Just the thought makes my heart break. He is handling Amber being disabled now worse than Amber is!

I realize that the avoidance is probably instinctual. Rabbits are prey animals and they know being near one of their kind who is sick or injured could get them killed. However, the depression is definitely not instinctual. He is basically acting like she has passed on. I hope he doesn't sense something that I have yet to realize. :cry1:

I'm sorry this is so long. I really need some help figuring out what is best.

 

[Happi Bun]

I've been a member of this forum since 2007 and not one response? That's pretty sad. What happened to this place?

Amber had to be euthanized. It was a very aggressive cancer, we think lymphoma. One of the saddest days of my life. Dunkin was able to spend some time with her body and say goodbye. It was heartbreaking. He's been quite depressed still. I can't remember the last night I saw him run around or binky with happiness. Tomorrow I'm going to the rabbit rescue and bringing Dunkin along for a playdate to see if it perks him up any.

 

[JBun]

I'm sorry you didn't receive any responses to your thread at the time you posted it. Unfortunately posts sometimes do get missed, and sometimes there isn't anyone on at the time that has the necessary knowledge to answer complex behavioral or health issues. I myself was busy at that time with the death of one rabbit and another sick rabbit that ended up dying as well, so was unable to be on here to answer questions.

I'm very sorry for your loss. It's never easy to lose the pets that we love and care for so much. Best of wishes to you and I hope that the playdate for your bun goes well and brings him some happiness.

 

[Aki]

I haven't been on this forum much for this past few weeks, so I hadn't seen your post either. I'm very sorry for your loss. Yes, one rabbit ignoring their sick mate is pretty common and it's generally a very bad sign about the chances of recovery. I think you were right to give your remaining rabbit the opportunity to say goodbye, as it might help him understand what happened. Still, your rabbit acting depressed after the loss of his partner is normal. Just make sure he eats. Depending on the rabbit and the bond he shared with his deceased partner, it might take several months for him to recover completely. Most people recommend to leave a grieving period of about 1 month before introducing a new rabbit to avoid rejection from the 'widow/er'. I guess it depends on the rabbit, you're the one who knows your rabbit the best.
Aki's state was pretty bad when Pandora passed and it took her about 6 weeks to act kinda normal again. I introduced Tybalt after about a month as she really needed to calm down first (she was jumpy, not sleeping, not laying down, not binkying, just moving restlessly all the time and it was awful to watch - it made me cry, which probably didn't help any but what can you do...). Even if she hated him initially, I feel like he really helped her recover (at first, by annoying her ^^). The bond they share isn't as deep as the one she had with Pandora but they've been living together for almost 3 years and they really like each other now so I don't regret giving her a new partner - maybe she would have recovered on her own, but at the time I felt like she would die if she was left on her own.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

So sorry for your loss. I haven't been on for a few days as we are updating a lot of things around the house while I am still able to do them or I would have told you that the prognosis isn't a good one as we've been down that road a few times with our rescues. You need to do what you think is best for you and Dunkin keeping in mind that he is no longer a youngster either. We no longer have any bonded bunnies but their hutches are close to one another so they do interact. I was lamenting the other day that our avatar Nikki, is our baby, 9 years old and has gone blind but still gets around. We won't take any rescues now as my health has an expiration date and I'm hoping to out live all of our charges we presently have even though I think it is gonna be close. Just how things are. I have noted over the last couple of years since changes were made here that this site isn't as active as it once was. God luck with your hunt.

 

[Happi Bun]

So, I just wanted to come back to this thread and thank the three of you for responding. I really appreciate it. Please know that you do not owe me any explanation at all for being busy with life or why you didn't respond. I don't hold it against anyone. I was just surprised because I remembered back in the day when a thread would get a bunch of responses. Mostly I was just in a very grief stricken place.

I plan on being around the forum more often

 

[ts786]

I am so sorry to hear. Our rabbits could live to a million years and it still wouldn't be enough time. I think your idea of finding Dunkin a friend is a really good idea (as it would benefit both you and him.)

For what it's worth, I don't think Dunkin's response was influenced by instinct or because rabbits are prey animals. I've seen a lot of evidence that rabbits have an understanding of death. Dunkin may have very well known that Amber was dying, and the emotions that came with that made him behave differently. It sounds like he was internalizing depression, and he may have been withdrawing himself because he knew he was going to lose her but didn't want to accept it. We do this all the time as a psychological defense, and not knowing what to do when our loved ones die can cause significant behavior shifts that are very similar to Dunkin's behavior. That's love, not instinct.

 

[bright_eyes]

I plan on being around the forum more often

We've been trying to be more active too here. I used to be a more busy place a couple years ago vs now. I am so sorry for the loss of Amber.

Did Dunkin find a friend?

:hug2:

 

[Happi Bun]

Dunkin did go on some bunny dates at the rescue! Thanks for asking

There is this one female who is about 3 years old named Autumn. She's the same size as Dunkin and brown like Amber was. Super friendly and calm. They like each other a lot. It's pretty adorable how they flirt all the time. She's staying with me right now as I try bonding them. They have groomed each other, but Autumn likes to hump quite a lot so I gotta work with her on that.

I discovered that Dunkin actually has a color preference it seems! All bunnies who are brown (gender doesn't matter) he likes a lot more and will groom after a short time spent with them. Bunnies who are not brown he didn't show much interest in or groomed any. Pretty funny! I think part of it might have been the fact that Amber was brown. Perhaps a rabbit with similar coloring soothes him and he is more open to forming a relationship.

Sadly, bonding has been put on hold for now. Dunkin has not been himself. He does not exercise anymore and spends a lot of time resting. I noticed his breathing is often quite heavy and fast. I can even hear him breathing out his nose all time now. I took him to the vet and she heard a low grade heart murmur, but no URI. There is a worry that all the stress of losing Amber provoked an underlying heart condition. Dunkin is going to see the cardiologist in a few days to have an echocardiogram done. It costs a lot of money, but after Amber passing away I don't want to take any chances.

:nerves1

 

[doodlebugger]

Aw poor Dunkin! Hopefully they can figure out what is wrong with him, treat him, and he can finally go back to "dating". I think it's hilarious that he has a color preference! We have three bunnies, one who is approaching his 6th year, and is starting to have difficulties. It's tough. I'm so sorry for the loss of Amber.

 

[Happi Bun]

Update:

Dunkin is perfectly healthy! :weee:

No heart problems found during the echocardiogram. His lethargy and stressed out behavior is purely emotional then. That is pretty sad when you think about it. He was that bonded to Amber. Next time someone claims animals don't grieve I reserve the right to laugh in their face

The great news is now I can continue with trying to bond him to my foster bunny Autumn. I will probably end up making a separate thread for that.

 

[BlackMiniRex]

I've been watching this thread, i'm glad Dunkin is okay!!