Thank you so much, Peg, for posting those. It's so nice to see his sweet foofy face...
Last night was the first time I've been able to confront this, losing my three babies. And, honestly, I feel like my dream has died. I'm not mourning just the loss of Bun Bun and Drew...but also the loss of Dusty, as (unless I can hop a plane to ya) I will never actually meet my baby boy face-to-face. And even with how much it hurts to let go of the dream of meeting my baby, it would have hurt so much worse to go ahead and fly him, go pick him up, and find that he'd passed during or shortly after the flight. I honestly don't know how horribly that would've affected us and you, Peg...not to mention how horrifying it would have been for him.
I can't describe accurately how all this has me feeling. To lose three in so short a time has been quite devastating to me...my heart is just completely broken, yet I feel numb all over, too. And I can't even confront it all completely, or I'll cry for days, and right now, Em is still so sad over losing her baby that I have to be able to be there for her. But I have to be honest...I feel like crawling into a hole and just crying for days.
I'm sorry to be so negative, but I kinda feel a bit alone. I don't think anyone but a select few would understand how I'm feeling. And I'm just not able to TALK about it just yet. I can talk about how it makes me feel, a bit...but much more than that, and I fear I will completely break down...and Em's not ready for that quite yet, to see me that upset.
Not to mention, my stress is starting to affect Maisie...she's chewed the fur on her tail shorter than it should be, and I know it's a reaction to my stress, since she's so closely bonded with me. I think this is the most stress and grief I've felt in a very long time, and at the very least the most since I've had her in my life. I'm sure she doesn't know what to do in response...so I'm keeping an even keel for her, too, as I'm sure she'll go into stasis in response if I break down.
I talked to Danny a bit last night about things, but tuned it down, as I looked over and saw the stressed look on Maisie's face. My sweet bondmate...she's bonded with me, and prefers to stay that way, as opposed to bonding with bunnies...so I have to be careful.
Just pray for us...that's the best thing anybody can do.
But I will say...the babies coming home last night did help quite a lot. We really needed some of the joy they bring into the house. (And it was so cute, too...they all kept stealing hay out of Maisie's cage...but she didn't seem upset about it at all, just kinda reacted maternally, and watched and sniffed...but didn't rush over or anything.)
Hugs,
Rosie*
