Need Advice - Lil Worried

[MsBinky]

I dunno what to do (Sorry in advance for the length)

Back in 2002, I was working at a coffee shop. There was a client there who became a bit too friendly. He started flirting with me, grabbing my hand when I would give him his change, leaning in towards me, leaving me crappy gifts (jewelry etc)... Ok, I have dealt with a lot of things and I brushed it off at first. He had been doing it to other girls before me soI figured it would pass.

But then he started showing at my bus stop, at the same hours I stopped working. My manager noticed and decided that he was getting too freaky for her liking so she switched my shifts to give me irregular hours and told the girls that I was not to serve him. When I started staying later, he came by the coffee shop and would follow me out always wanting to chat. It started to get spooky, so a co-worker started posing as my bf to discourage him. It worked for the most part.

I stopped working and though I'd bump into him from time to time nothing happened. However, last year, I started working at another coffee shop (tim hortons again) and whaddaya know? In he pops. Oh great I thought. And when he saw me he invited me over.Oh gosh... the look he gave me :yuckYou know that disgusting look that men can give whenthey're like imagining bad things... It's not a sexy look either. It totally freaked me out. I did not want to deal with him again.

But before I knew it, things started up again. He'd show up earlier and earlier and stay longer. He'd always leave when I'd leave and of course, he'd be taking the same bus and get off at the same place. He never did follow me home though. I'd make a whole bunch of detours just to be sure. Then one day after work, he offered me a gum, but I kept walking and told him I couldn't chat, but he grabbed me and tried to kiss me so I pushed him off and told him to back off or my bf would break him in half. I left in a hurry. I stopped working soon after.

Now the thing is, I see him everywhere. Multiple times a week. At the bus stop, at restos, in small stores, at the mall, at the hospital... Alright, I know the guy has no life and hangs around roaming places but this is getting to be too often. Like just tonight, I had an urge for chocolate so I went to the corner store. Poof he's there. I walk in and he says hi and I just nod but this time there's a younger guy with him. As soon as he said hi this new guy perked and towered over me, blocking my path, and checking me out. Not in a good way. This isn't the flattering cute guy checking you out thing...Wth?! I pushed him aside apologizing saying he was blocking my chocolate, grabbed it quickly and went to the cash. I made the cashier a sign and he caught on right away and started chatting about anything and everything. The two men started roaming the store and I slipped out into the resto next door and then through the back door and went straight home, checking behind me repeatedly.

Needless to say, it gives me the creeps. I can't explain that look but it's the same look I got the last time something happened. I really don't want to go through that again. What should I do? The cops said I couldn't do much since there was nothing saying that he's actually following me and he hasn't technically done anything. I'm about to turn really nasty on him.

 

[seniorcats]

Stalking is a crime in Canada. Based on what you are saying and the information on this web site, this man is stalking you. http://www.wwlia.org/ca-stalk.htm

This site may also provide some help http://english.montrealplus.ca/feature/health_beauty_and_wellbeing_guide/12475/violence_prevention.jsp

You need to get to the police station and file a formal complaint against this person. Also, I would suggest keeping a diary of every time and place you have seen him and every time and place you see him in the future. The police must take your report. If necessary, make an appointment to talk to the prosecutor about this person. The police should be able to give you more advice than just a shrug of the shoulders. Ask to speak to a female office in the Sex Victims Unit and for her advice and help in avoiding this person and the best way to proceed.

Try to have someone accompany you when you go out. Make sure if you see this person that the person with you is obvious about getting a good look and description of him even if that person has to pull out a camera and photograph him. Make it obvious he is now being observed and his actions monitored. You may need a witness to his actions and it doesn't hurt to have a friend get a good look at him. If necessary, comment to others around you, 'that man has been following me everywhere'. Alert them to the problem and make sure they get a good look at hime too. Obviously this man is enjoying torment you.

Also, if you leave home, make sure someone knows exactly where you are going, how long you will gone and when you expect to return. I would seriously consider avoiding going out after dark or when the streets are deserted. Look into self-defense classes. Many times local schools will have classes specifically for women and often taught by law enforcement. Learn to protect yourself.

And here is an excellent resource where you live. I hope you find it useful

http://cpamapc.org/en/action


Honestly, if you lived near me I would be taking you to the range on a daily to weekly basis and giving you lessons on how to use a firearm. My DH is a certified weapons instructor. Both of us have been shooting for many years.

Obviously, I think your problem is very serious and potentially extremely dangerous.

 

[tundrakatiebean]

that's scary :shock:and I totally agree with seniorcats, file a complaint, make sure people know where you are going, and make sure you can protect yourself.

 

[MsBinky]

Thanks there was very good advice in there. I was a bit scared to overreact but it has gone on long enough. It's not pleasant. I don't get why this is happening. Actually, I think I have the detective's number for the Sex Victims Unit and she is really nice so I might give her a call.

Thanks to both of you :hug:

 

[seniorcats]

If this guy has been following you around since 2002, then it is serious and you have reason for concern. It seems to beincreasing based on what you posted - he is everywhere including inimmediate area where you live, he has made physical contact with you against your will, he is now apparently enlisting an helper. As to why it is happening:

Stalking can be considered a type of antisocial behavior bordering on sociopathy, but the most pronounced feature is an authoritarianism trait called projection. Projection is a defense mechanism whereby the person "projects" their own feelings or thoughts onto another person, thinking the other person has those feelings or thoughts, but it is really the projector who is having them. These feelings and thoughts will typically involve revenge, anger, hate, jealousy, obsession, and mental illness. Many serial killers and rapists begin as stalkers because the fantasy nature of their projective tendencies evolved and became addictive. Stalking, however, in many ways, is like a long-term rape, so it appeals to someone with basic, sadistic tendencies toward torture.

http://faculty.ncwc.edu/toconnor/300/300lect05.htm

This person's behavior is very frightening and I am concerned for your safety. Please take some steps to protect yourself.

 

[PikachusMom]

Senior Cats has given you excellent advice.This sounds very serious and you need to take action. Make that call!

 

[MsBinky]

Meh. I was attacked once before and though it was considered serious all the guy got was probation. It only stressed me more. Definitely looking into that course though. I'm hoping my bf will come back soon. I don't enjoy being alone, especially now. :?I think I will start carrying a personal alarm. *Sighs* :grumpy:

 

[PikachusMom]

You can never be too careful in these situations. It would seem he is not going away anytime soon and now he has a buddy! So please, please, please call the authorities and make us feel better because now you have us worried! :tears2:

 

[Raspberry82]

How terrible! Excuse my language but what a piece of ****! Men like that make me so mad. I wish I could help you more than just advice : /. Do you have friends especially male that could maybe move in temporarily or walk with you to work, anyone? Parents live nearby? I think that is really important, not walking late or alone, especially if you don't have a car. Notifying the authorities on a constant basis when these things happen is very important, but in my experience it is best to have devices to protect yourself as well.. like mace in your purse at all times and self-defense training. Any classes you could take near-by for that? Maybe move to another part of town?

Maybe a womens support group in montreal? That would give you a network and support of local women who may have dealt with similar problems. I don't know if this place has the right stuff, but it's worth a shot if not too far away: http://montreal.parentzone.com/linkinfo.asp?lid=38959&prid=47

 

[LuvaBun]

I really agree that you should report this. Not meaning to scare you, but you hear of so many wierd things people do that I wouldn't take any chances, and these guys sound very 'iffy'. Please take care - I think we are all worried for you now :hug:

Jan

 

[Bunnicula]

MsBinky -

You've gotten some sound advice from Seniorcats. Please take every measure you can to protect yourself. Tell people what is going on. Tell all your friends, neighbors, and family. Describe him to them - every detail you can think of. I think keeping a log of where you encounter him and what he says and does is vital. The idea of getting a photo and making it obvious that others are getting his description is a good one.

You will want to contact your old coffee shop boss and some of the girls you worked with in 2002. Have them give statements to the police detailing what happened then. If the police won't take statements from them (and the person at your local store who saw him and his buddy recently), then you should ask them to write down what they saw, sign it (with printed name and contact info) and keep it with your log of encounters. Any "evidence" you can gather can only help you when you talk to authorities.

Know that we are all thinking of you. Protect yourself. Be safe. We care about you.

-Mary Ellen

 

[MsBinky]

Thanks everyone. This is all just very annoying for me to handle right now. I'd understand if I dressed provocatively or did something to start this but I don't! I guess I am an easy target since I look naive and I'm always alone. Well, I won't be going out alone at night that is for sure!

 

[Wabbitdad12]

I went to a self defense class once with my wife and a somethings that still stick in my mind are:

1. Don't look down or away look straight at the creep and memorize every feature like others have said. Cell phone camera's are great if you have one.
2. Have your hand in your purse or pocket with the longest key sticking out between your middle and index finger and the rest of the keys in the palm of your hand. This can make a great weapon and the keys in your palm provide support to your hand when you strike.
3. Kick him in his privates or grab them and squeeze as hard as you can! He won't be able to hold on to you when his manhood is about to be popped like a pimple! After he drops to the ground you will have time to run for help and he's not going to be able to follow you very fast, if at all.

Does Canada have any anti-stalking laws?

 

[iluvmybuns]

Uhm when I lived downtown (Detroit that is) I carried apepper sprayon my key chain and a stun gun in my purse.....You can get them online however they aren't exactly something you want the police to know you have but, hey, I felt safe...

 

[MsBinky]

Yeah but all those things like mace, etc. are illegal here. Though sometimes I think they're worth having anyway. Lol. Thank you for the key trick. I use it all the time, my father taught me that when I was just a lil girl. It's a good thing to know. Ah well... I'll get there eventually. I just find it so draining and stupid. Lol.

 

[EileenH]

I am just catching up & wrote in your other thread. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts..

 

[sarahsop]

I really hope you can take action against this creep.



Thinking about you



sarah x

 

[TK Bunnies]

OMG!!! :shock:That's really dang creepy!

Could you file a ristraining order on him or something? I'm not much help here, but you gotta get the cops invovled. You could charge him for sexual harsment, because he tried to kiss you.

All I have to say, is be CAREFUL!!!

We're worried. ray: