SnowyShiloh
Well-Known Member
Warning: this is very long and rambling.
Oh, how I despise that I am posting in this forum again! My precious, beautiful, insanely loved baby girl Kerensa died in my arms exactly 2 hours ago. This was extremely sudden, she appeared fine earlier today, yesterday, the day before yesterday... She was an extremely healthy little bunny and just turned 3 a couple of months ago.
Two weeks ago she had a tummyache for a day (didn't want to eat and was a little lethargic), but she perked up the next day and went back to normal. Last year she had a tummyache (didn't want to eat her food) one day and I rushed her to the vet, spent $300, and she was back to normal that evening, so we decided to just watch her for the day this time since her stomach felt normal and she didn't seem to be in pain. Then when she was fine the next day (and every day since), I thought it was just an anomaly. These 2 bellyaches are the only time she was ever sick in her entire life. Now I will wonder for the rest of my life whether the vet could have detected something wrong with her if I'd taken her in 2 weeks ago. I feel like I failed my little girl.
Tonight at about 10:30, I heard her flailing around in her cage a little bit. My husband laughed at her and thought she was just being silly, but I got up to look at her. She was lying stretched out on her belly, which is a pretty normal flop position for her, but I sensed that something was off. I opened her cage and she was having a hard time standing properly and her eyes seemed blank. She looked perfect other than that and ate and drank today. I gave her a little treat and she ate it, but I knew something was extremely wrong. I scooped her up and called the emergency vet, they said they had no vet tonight that could see rabbits, but agreed to take a look at her. We rushed her to the vet, with her in my arms. I could feel her little heart beating. Her nose was not wiggling and she was rather floppy, but she was blinking some. Her ears felt cooler than normal.
When we got to the vet office, they let us into the waiting room and left us there. We sat there with her for about 10 minutes. She started flailing around like she was trying to get out of my arms (she did this once at home, too, while my husband held her as I got my coat on). Considering how lethargic she was, I knew it wasn't just because she didn't want to be held- plus she usually likes being held. Then she started having very strong body spasms and I had to hold onto her, with her head tucked under my chin. I kissed her and whispered to her that she would be okay, over and over, but I knew they were death spasms. Tears fell on her head, but I managed to keep it together as she died because I didn't want to scare her with crying in her final moments. Then the spasms became more rhythmic and she arched her back and pulled her lips back... and she was gone.
After she died, I started crying and screaming hysterically with her in my arms. The vets all came into the waiting room and watched us. We left and brought Kerensa home and I held her for an hour, hugging her and kissing her and stroking her sweet fur. I wiggled her nose and touched her tail and petted her ears and felt her whiskers. Some of her whiskers were gray, and some were white. Her little nose had an indent on one side from where Rory bit her on Halloween 2 years ago. She felt warm the whole time, maybe because I was holding her so closely. Sometimes my breath caught in my throat because it looked like she twitched. I could hear little sounds coming from her as her body settled. My husband went out to buy her a pretty purple towel and I wrapped her in it, with her face showing, and kissed her one last time, then put her in a box so we can take her to be cremated in the morning.
I cannot believe my little baby is getting cold out in a cardboard box in the entryway instead of inside with me! Kerensa was my special girl and I loved her so much. I think I'm in shock- I went from being completely oblivious to anything wrong, to holding my dead baby girl in 20 minutes.
All bunnies are special. Kerensa was extra special. I had the most unspeakably wonderful little Holland Lop girl named Tallulah for 5 very short months, she died at the age of 7 months after suffering near constant illnesses. Mites, URI, gastrointestinal... she fought so hard. We finally got her through it, though, and by 6 months of age, her health had stabilized. Then she had a tummyache one day, seemed to get better, and died the next day. I've always wondered if I could have saved her. I was extremely, EXTREMELY in love with Tallulah and was utterly devastated by her death. After she died, I had nightmares about her dying for months, and I didn't smile again for about a month after she died because I was so heartbroken.
A year and a half later, my husband agreed to let me get another little Holland Lop girl. All of our other bunnies that we got since Tallulah were rescues, but I needed a Holland Lop, it had to be a girl, and she had to be a baby. I picked the name Kerensa for this special little one, because it means "love." Six months after we picked her name, we were at the fair. I saw lots of baby Holland Lops but none of them was Kerensa. Then I saw the sweetest little baby girl and knew she was finally my Kerensa. Sadly, she had already been promised to someone else. I was SO sad because I already loved her. I took this video of her at the fair, a precious little 10 week old baby:
The video is short because I turned off the camera as the breeder walked back over to me. She saw how lovingly I looked at Kerensa and asked for my phone number, just in case it fell through with Kerensa's buyer. I didn't have much hope, but the next morning, the phone rang. It was the breeder, and Kerensa was mine! We had to wait a few minutes to leave and pick her up because I was crying so hard from happiness.
My little Kerensa lived up to her name. She was the sweetest bunny I've ever known, and so loving. In her three years, she never once bit or acted aggressive. She was like love in physical form. She was so cute, everyone gushed over how adorable she was. Even as an adult, she still looked like a baby and was quite small. Her fur was so very soft and fluffy, like a cloud. Her ears were so silky. She was so angelic, with her white fur and little bits of gray and grayish-brown. I thought she was gorgeous and loved her very much. While she was never really supposed to fill Tallulah's shoes, she helped heal my heart and was definitely her own little bunny. I was SO GLAD that she was so healthy and naively thought she would live a long, happy life with me since she was in such good health.
My sweet little Muffy, I love you endlessly and can't fathom the fact that you're gone and that I'll never see you again. I hope there's a heaven and that you're there, getting to know Tallulah. You two would be great friends, I'm sure of it. The idea of you frolicking happily with Tallulah, Cinnabun, Skyler, and Nomi is the only comforting thing.
When I found you having trouble standing and with dull eyes, I immediately thought of when Cinnabun (my first bunny) died. It was 11 years ago and I was in high school. The night before, I couldn't stand to put him back in his cage at bed time and got out of bed 3 times to cuddle with him more. Then at 5 am, I woke up randomly. Went out into the hallway where his cage was, and he did not come to the side of the cage. Flipped the lights on and found him, dull eyed, unable to stand. He died in my arms a minute later. When I saw you, I knew it was happening again.
When you started spasming, I knew you were about to die. Tallulah spasmed in the exact same way. Thankfully, I was able to keep ahold of myself in your final moments. When Tallulah started having death spasms, I went into a blind, screaming, wailing panic. It pains me to think her last seconds on Earth might have been scary because of me. I didn't want you to go that way and I'm really glad I was able to keep control of myself until after you died.
When we got you home, I sat on the couch and rocked you in the arms while I cried, for a long time. I was sitting in the exact same place when Tallulah died in my arms. I will always wonder if there's anything I could have done to save you, just like Tallulah. Losing you is like losing your bunny brothers and sisters all over again.
Did you suffer before you died? Was my presence when you passed away comforting to you? I'm so glad that you died in my arms and not all alone in your cage during the night.
At the fair:
When we brought you home:
Kerensa's First Birthday:
Kerensa's Second Birthday (sadly, we missed celebrating her third- we were out of town, and I thought we would have many more birthdays to celebrate with her):
Halloween (an angel, of course):
Christmas:
Oh, how I despise that I am posting in this forum again! My precious, beautiful, insanely loved baby girl Kerensa died in my arms exactly 2 hours ago. This was extremely sudden, she appeared fine earlier today, yesterday, the day before yesterday... She was an extremely healthy little bunny and just turned 3 a couple of months ago.
Two weeks ago she had a tummyache for a day (didn't want to eat and was a little lethargic), but she perked up the next day and went back to normal. Last year she had a tummyache (didn't want to eat her food) one day and I rushed her to the vet, spent $300, and she was back to normal that evening, so we decided to just watch her for the day this time since her stomach felt normal and she didn't seem to be in pain. Then when she was fine the next day (and every day since), I thought it was just an anomaly. These 2 bellyaches are the only time she was ever sick in her entire life. Now I will wonder for the rest of my life whether the vet could have detected something wrong with her if I'd taken her in 2 weeks ago. I feel like I failed my little girl.
Tonight at about 10:30, I heard her flailing around in her cage a little bit. My husband laughed at her and thought she was just being silly, but I got up to look at her. She was lying stretched out on her belly, which is a pretty normal flop position for her, but I sensed that something was off. I opened her cage and she was having a hard time standing properly and her eyes seemed blank. She looked perfect other than that and ate and drank today. I gave her a little treat and she ate it, but I knew something was extremely wrong. I scooped her up and called the emergency vet, they said they had no vet tonight that could see rabbits, but agreed to take a look at her. We rushed her to the vet, with her in my arms. I could feel her little heart beating. Her nose was not wiggling and she was rather floppy, but she was blinking some. Her ears felt cooler than normal.
When we got to the vet office, they let us into the waiting room and left us there. We sat there with her for about 10 minutes. She started flailing around like she was trying to get out of my arms (she did this once at home, too, while my husband held her as I got my coat on). Considering how lethargic she was, I knew it wasn't just because she didn't want to be held- plus she usually likes being held. Then she started having very strong body spasms and I had to hold onto her, with her head tucked under my chin. I kissed her and whispered to her that she would be okay, over and over, but I knew they were death spasms. Tears fell on her head, but I managed to keep it together as she died because I didn't want to scare her with crying in her final moments. Then the spasms became more rhythmic and she arched her back and pulled her lips back... and she was gone.
After she died, I started crying and screaming hysterically with her in my arms. The vets all came into the waiting room and watched us. We left and brought Kerensa home and I held her for an hour, hugging her and kissing her and stroking her sweet fur. I wiggled her nose and touched her tail and petted her ears and felt her whiskers. Some of her whiskers were gray, and some were white. Her little nose had an indent on one side from where Rory bit her on Halloween 2 years ago. She felt warm the whole time, maybe because I was holding her so closely. Sometimes my breath caught in my throat because it looked like she twitched. I could hear little sounds coming from her as her body settled. My husband went out to buy her a pretty purple towel and I wrapped her in it, with her face showing, and kissed her one last time, then put her in a box so we can take her to be cremated in the morning.
I cannot believe my little baby is getting cold out in a cardboard box in the entryway instead of inside with me! Kerensa was my special girl and I loved her so much. I think I'm in shock- I went from being completely oblivious to anything wrong, to holding my dead baby girl in 20 minutes.
All bunnies are special. Kerensa was extra special. I had the most unspeakably wonderful little Holland Lop girl named Tallulah for 5 very short months, she died at the age of 7 months after suffering near constant illnesses. Mites, URI, gastrointestinal... she fought so hard. We finally got her through it, though, and by 6 months of age, her health had stabilized. Then she had a tummyache one day, seemed to get better, and died the next day. I've always wondered if I could have saved her. I was extremely, EXTREMELY in love with Tallulah and was utterly devastated by her death. After she died, I had nightmares about her dying for months, and I didn't smile again for about a month after she died because I was so heartbroken.
A year and a half later, my husband agreed to let me get another little Holland Lop girl. All of our other bunnies that we got since Tallulah were rescues, but I needed a Holland Lop, it had to be a girl, and she had to be a baby. I picked the name Kerensa for this special little one, because it means "love." Six months after we picked her name, we were at the fair. I saw lots of baby Holland Lops but none of them was Kerensa. Then I saw the sweetest little baby girl and knew she was finally my Kerensa. Sadly, she had already been promised to someone else. I was SO sad because I already loved her. I took this video of her at the fair, a precious little 10 week old baby:
The video is short because I turned off the camera as the breeder walked back over to me. She saw how lovingly I looked at Kerensa and asked for my phone number, just in case it fell through with Kerensa's buyer. I didn't have much hope, but the next morning, the phone rang. It was the breeder, and Kerensa was mine! We had to wait a few minutes to leave and pick her up because I was crying so hard from happiness.
My little Kerensa lived up to her name. She was the sweetest bunny I've ever known, and so loving. In her three years, she never once bit or acted aggressive. She was like love in physical form. She was so cute, everyone gushed over how adorable she was. Even as an adult, she still looked like a baby and was quite small. Her fur was so very soft and fluffy, like a cloud. Her ears were so silky. She was so angelic, with her white fur and little bits of gray and grayish-brown. I thought she was gorgeous and loved her very much. While she was never really supposed to fill Tallulah's shoes, she helped heal my heart and was definitely her own little bunny. I was SO GLAD that she was so healthy and naively thought she would live a long, happy life with me since she was in such good health.
My sweet little Muffy, I love you endlessly and can't fathom the fact that you're gone and that I'll never see you again. I hope there's a heaven and that you're there, getting to know Tallulah. You two would be great friends, I'm sure of it. The idea of you frolicking happily with Tallulah, Cinnabun, Skyler, and Nomi is the only comforting thing.
When I found you having trouble standing and with dull eyes, I immediately thought of when Cinnabun (my first bunny) died. It was 11 years ago and I was in high school. The night before, I couldn't stand to put him back in his cage at bed time and got out of bed 3 times to cuddle with him more. Then at 5 am, I woke up randomly. Went out into the hallway where his cage was, and he did not come to the side of the cage. Flipped the lights on and found him, dull eyed, unable to stand. He died in my arms a minute later. When I saw you, I knew it was happening again.
When you started spasming, I knew you were about to die. Tallulah spasmed in the exact same way. Thankfully, I was able to keep ahold of myself in your final moments. When Tallulah started having death spasms, I went into a blind, screaming, wailing panic. It pains me to think her last seconds on Earth might have been scary because of me. I didn't want you to go that way and I'm really glad I was able to keep control of myself until after you died.
When we got you home, I sat on the couch and rocked you in the arms while I cried, for a long time. I was sitting in the exact same place when Tallulah died in my arms. I will always wonder if there's anything I could have done to save you, just like Tallulah. Losing you is like losing your bunny brothers and sisters all over again.
Did you suffer before you died? Was my presence when you passed away comforting to you? I'm so glad that you died in my arms and not all alone in your cage during the night.
At the fair:
When we brought you home:
Kerensa's First Birthday:
Kerensa's Second Birthday (sadly, we missed celebrating her third- we were out of town, and I thought we would have many more birthdays to celebrate with her):
Halloween (an angel, of course):
Christmas:
