My baby Drew is gone...

[NZminilops]

I'm not sure what to say, just wanted to say goodbye to Drew.

urplepansy:

 

[maherwoman]

Thank you so much, you two...

You are really special friends to me...

I hope you both are doing well...

Thank you for your love.

 

[maherwoman]

Sweet Baby Drew,

I'm so sorry Mama hasn't put anything in here for a few days...but, see, I was concentrating on helping your brother, Fiver, through his neuter. The 29th I was busy making sure everything was all put together for it, and then he got neutered on the 30th. Then yesterday, I spent the whole day watching him to be sure he was recovering okay.

He's in pain a bit, and looks stressed, and he's still walkin' funny...but it's only been a couple days, so I think he's okay. He's eating and drinking like a brave little boy...so I know he'll be okay.

As for you...I hope you're having tons of fun sneaksing around with Ginger and Puck. I know you three make a wonderful trio of mischievious friends! Give Buck a huge hug from me, ok...and tell him thank you for taking care of my itty bitty girl...

Someone commented on your pictures on MySpace yesterday...and it made me cry. I haven't had the heart to put "RIP" anywhere for you, except under my avatar here...I feel like it's just too final, and just can't do it yet. I haven't been able to look at your pictures, except in different places they happen to be...and break down in tears everytime I come across one. I keep you in my head and in my heart...it's just so hard for a Mama to say goodbye, Sweetie...

Everyday, I fight the inevitable...letting you go. I just can't bring myself to do it. I'd rather think you're just sleeping somewhere, or had to stay at the vet's, or that you're with your Breeder Mama. It's hard given that I never got to hold you...hard for me to realize you're really gone, when you were never really WITH ME. I hope that makes sense.

I miss you so much, Sweetie...I wish things had turned out different, but at the same time, I know you're happy that your older brother (well, in spirit), Harley, got a home with us. I know you're happy that he's got a loving family to come home to in a few weeks (not that Breeder Mama's family isn't wonderful, too).

It's not fair, Hunny...I missed you by a mere month...I wish you could've held on a bit longer, but I do understand your reasons. I know your little body just wasn't very strong...and I have a sneaky suspicion you wouldn't have made the flight home. I knew all along, in some form or another, that you wouldn't be coming home to me...not that it makes it any easier. I never fully acknowledged it, so I still wasn't prepared.

Oh, Sweetheart...my heart aches for my itty bitty girl...so much beauty and spunk in such a teeny tiny package...there will never be anybun quite like you, Sweetie.

I hope you make your way over every now and then to hang out with us. I still feel you home with us every now and then...it's really helping me through this.

I love you, Sweet Sneaksy Drew...and will always miss you. You will always have a special place in our hearts...

Love you always,

Your Mama

 

[maherwoman]

Was rootin' around online, came to the music site for James Taylor on MySpace, for some reason felt the need to click on "Something in the Way She Moves"...and the song made me break down. It is EXACTLY how I'm feeling about Drew...here are the lyrics. Go and find a version of the song online to listen to...it's truly special to her...

James Taylor's music has always had a deep impact on me...enjoy...

Something In The Way She Moves Lyrics

Something in the way she moves, or looks my way, or calls my name
that seems to leave this troubled world behind.
And if I'm feeling down and blue or troubled by some foolish game,
she always seems to make me change my mind..

And I feel fine anytime she's around me now,
She's around me now almost all the time.
And if I'm well you can tell she's been with me now.
She's been with me now quite a long, long time and I feel fine.

Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning
and I find myself careening in places where I should not let me go.
She has the power to go where no one else can find me and to silently remind me
of the happiness and the good times that I know, and then I just got to go then.

It isn't what she's got to say but how she thinks and where she's been.
To me, the words are nice, the way they sound.
I like to hear them best that way, it doesn't much matter what they mean.
She says them mostly just to calm me down

And I feel fine anytime she's around me now,
She's around me now almost about all the time.
And if I'm well you can tell she's been with me now.
She's been with me now quite a long, long time and I feel fine.

 

[Munchkin]

This broke my heart for you guys. Binky free Drew...x

 

[TinysMom]

Drew,

I miss you so badly right now. I've been so angry at you since last night...as you probably know.

Your mama and I talked together and cried together (and yes, we even laughed together about you at the end...I think you would have liked that).

Why didn't you give me warnings that you were so sick? We knew that off and on you would have a damp nose - but as I told your mama last night - you NEVER had discharge from your nose - it was always just damp...

And as far as food - I've seen rabbits into stasis worse than you...and pulled them out.....why not you?

I'm so confused and befuddled. Your mama and I talked about you and how some have said I should have taken you to a vet. Baby - if I had thought you were ill enough - I WOULD have taken you to a vet.

But we learned you were sick late Thursday night (not eating enough) and on Friday you were chowing down on the baby food/pumpkin like there was no tomorrow. You were drinking from your water bottle - we thought we'd caught the stasis in time.

You had sneezed a few times - as had half the rabbits in the rabbitry. The weather was changing and you always seemed to have a damp nose when things changed.

But you didn't seem "sick". You seemed irritated with me and maybe a bit quieter than usual. But sick?

As mama and I were talking last night - I was reminded of how I was talking to her four hours before you passed...how I was trying to give you food and it would go in one side and then you'd started to spit it right back out the other side and then give me things innocent look of "What? I had enough already...". As I shared with your mama - when I went to check on you after returning home....my plans were to video your next feeding session so your mama could see what I was talking about.

But somehow - between the time Robin & I went out to McDonald's - and the time we returned (an hour at most) - you had failed to the point that...you were gone in minutes.

So many times I've thought back to that time. What if I'd packed you up that evening and driven into San Antonio to try and find an emergency vet? Would you have made it? What would I have told them? Uh..."I'm bringing in my rabbit because she's spitting food out the side of her mouth and has a damp nose?"

WHY didn't you give me more warning? Why did you do binkies and make me think you were ok? All week long - when I'd been in my office - you were running and playing and binkying behind me - to the point that I had to ask you twice to quiet down just a bit. Were you mad that I asked you to not be quite so loud as you ran around on the tarp?

I think losing you was even harder than losing GingerSpice...and I can't believe I'm saying that. But with GingerSpice - I knew she was going...and she gave me some warning.

You...just snuck away from us...it was so quick. As your mama and I talked about last night - I couldn't have made it across town to the vet IF I could have gotten them to open up (and they won't take rabbits during office hours - let alone on a late night).

It hurts baby - it hurts so bad. You were the only rabbit who would sit on my shoulder for long periods of time. You were often the first rabbit I would greet when I'd get up (even before Tiny and Miss Bea) and you were the rabbit I talked to the most.

I still wake up crying about you during the middle of the night. I have nightmares of trying to run through a maze catching you...and you're always just a bit ahead of me...until finally you disappear and I'm lost in the maze without you.

If I failed you baby - I'm so sorry. I had you on meds "just in case" for your damp nose - which was what I knew to do. There was never any discharge on your paws or your nose. I fed you baby food and pumpkin as soon as we realized you weren't eating.

I just never thought you needed a vet. Looking back on it even now - with hindsight - I still don't see where the clues might have been.

I guess it hurts that I know people are talking about this behind my back...how I "should've done this" or they would have "done that". It hurts because not only do I deal with your loss and my feelings of grief...but now I deal with rumors and how much they hurt me and your mama.

I'll just shut up baby girl - but know this - you were dearly loved - and you were indeed a "favorite" bunny to many people. Had you shown any signs of discharge - you would have gone to the vet even though I was treating you....even if it meant the 150 mile one way trip to a vet....you were oh so worth it.

I still dream about you and I'll always love you. I'm so comforted by the thought that someone sent me about how it might possibly have been congestive heart failure and maybe you just couldn't keep going but you hid it from us till the very last few minutes of your life.

For whatever reason...you "sneakz" ahead of me to Rainbow Bridge...but even worse...you "sneakz" into my heart in such a way that you own a big big piece of it. Between you & Ginger & others I've lost - my heart and life has been enlarged...and then broken into pieces.

I love you baby girl.

Breeder Mama

 

[myLoki]

Peg,

I know you did exactly what you thought was right. I had no idea anyone was faulting you for Drew's death. Lily and I don't at all. We know you did your best.


t.

 

[TinysMom]

T - that means a lot to me...it really does. (By the way, we're keeping an eye on Dusty and Bun Bun just in case it is genetic....so you might want to keep an eye on Lily too...but I'm sure she's probably fine).

Its amazing how things can get started - a whisper here - a whisper there...kinda like the old game of telephone....things just sort of snowball.

Drew's death really really devastated me. I didn't realize how hard it hit me till I started having nightmares about running through a maze continually looking for her. I have had the nightmares several times and I always wake up in tears.

I went back through my old notes about her - and I can't find at any time where she had discharge (as in snot). I know she had a dampness with her nose many times and we assumed it was due to weather changes or some of her habits (like loving to dig in the litter box and spread it around). When I talked to other breeders - they said that oftentimes their smaller ones like that would do the same type of thing...

...and then when she did sneeze this fall - I went ahead and put her on some meds just in case she was getting an infection. We figured it was better to be safe than sorry.

It just feels like such a 'no-win' situation....and it hurts so bad.

As crazy as it sounds, it felt so good last night to be able to cry on the phone to Rosie about it. I think we both have tried so hard to be strong and we've both beat ourselves up looking back at the past and wondering what we did wrong or what we could've done differently. I know Rosie wishes they'd had the trio sent out earlier - we almost did that and I convinced Rosie to let them stay a bit longer because we'd had the change of weather and Drew was sneezing and I wanted her on the meds for a bit just to be safe. Now I wonder...what if that was when Drew was supposed to go to Rosie?

Its just hard - the sudden loss is bad enough...but now this.

BTW - Rosie doesn't blame me. She understands that my nearest vet that will even look at rabbits during office hours is 70 miles away and the nearest emergency vet is probably in San Antonio - 150 miles one way.

I shared with Rosie about the night we knew Alex was sick and we were going to lose him. I spent over four hours that night calling vets both at home and in their offices in a 70 mile range in any direction from us. Our van was broken down w/ electrical problems and we didn't even have any headlights - but I was willing to risk a ticket if I could get him to a vet. I called home numbers - office numbers - any numbers I had listed....for over four hours straight. I never got an answer at any of the numbers....at all. That was for a cat.

I think it is wonderful that people can go to emergency vets and have that available...I really do. It just something I don't have for 150+ miles.

But had it been available for Drew - I would have gone. As it was - we got home from McDonald's and I checked on her while Robin started feeding the garage. I called Robin out and she concurred with me that we were losing Drew and I ran to the office to call Rosie...we talked for maybe 2 minutes or 3 at the most - and when I got back to the kitchen....Drew was gone. We'd been home MAYBE 15 minutes at the most and she had appeared her spunky self an hour earlier.

Anyway...I'm sorry for dumping. I'm just hurting so bad right now - Drew had truly become a heart bunny even though my head and heart knew she was going to Rosie's. She'd often sit on my shoulder and hear me talk about her new mommy and California....

Peg

myLoki wrote:

Peg,

I know you did exactly what you thought was right. I had no idea anyone was faulting you for Drew's death. Lily and I don't at all. We know you did your best.


t.

 

[cheryl]

Oh Peg..i understand completely...i wish my Daisy gave me some kind of a sign,it was only when she started to drag her foot that i knew something was wrong,and then it was just to late

:hug:

Cheryl

 

[maherwoman]

I just wanted to add a few things I've had on my mind.

Peg and I love Drew SO MUCH (and that'll NEVER become past tense for me)...that I feel that ANYONE saying ANYTHING about Peg's care of her is rediculous, and just plain idiotic. They weren't there...they didn't know...and like Peg said, I have NEVER blamed her. In fact, when I heard from a friend that someone was saying that, I couldn't help but reply with a, "What?!" It just doesn't make sense to form an opinion without finding out the facts.

Bottom line: Drew was not eating all her food on Thursday, so Peg gave her meds and watched her. By Friday night, she seemed absolutely FINE...NO indicators of ANY health problems...by all accounts, she had just been in a bit of a "funk" or something of the likes. Those two days, a vet was open...and as Peg has said, it would've been silly for her to have taken Drew in for not eating all her food. She spunked right back up and was being her normal self by Friday night...all was well.

Come Saturday...still the same...spunky, and good. Saturday night was when she took that turn for the worse...and the ONLY vet she could've taken her to was 150 miles away...and once Drew took that turn for the worse, she only lived about 15mins...and would've barely made it into the car and possibly down the driveway...not a whole lot further, and certainly not to the emergency vet's.

I have to admit, I'm angry. I'm angry that anyone has the NERVE to try to say Peg didn't do all she could, and didn't give Drew the care and attention she deserved through this. If I don't blame Peg or feel anger toward Peg or see any fault in Peg's actions...NO ONE ELSE HAS ANY RIGHT TO. This little girl was my baby...and I give my babies every single ounce of love and care and attention they deserve...to me, the sky's the limit...I'll do ANYTHING...and I know Peg is the same, which is why I trust her with my bunnies' care at all. She's the ONLY person I think I could ever trust my buns' lives to...PERIOD.

And this is to anyone who feels differently than what I've stated, and to the person that started these rumors (and I know who you are):

If you have a problem, please just talk to me about it...it's only fair to the people involved. Don't keep things behind others' backs, ok? You know that I'm willing to communicate...you know me well enough that you should have come to me and been honest and voiced this to me...not to other people. Just take the time...please...

I'm sorry to those reading this...for being so passionate...but I've lost my baby girl, and I don't think this is a fair turn of events. Peg is the most caring, compassionate, loving, bun-savvy person I know...she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment.

Hugs and love,

Rosie*

 

[TinysMom]

Cheryl,

My heart has been aching so hard for you about Daisy...it was almost like reliving when I knew I was going to lose my GingerSpice...I remember the last time I wrapped her in a towel for a nap (one of our favorite pasttimes) and how I cried and cried and cried because I knew it was the last time.

As hard as it was to live through - the one gift that both Daisy and GingerSpice gave us ... was the time to prepare ourselves for their passing and the feeling like we helped towards that decision - knowing it was time. Of course it was horrid leading up to it and then horrid afterwards questioning every move...

What was so hard for me with Drew was there was no real warning......she was fine one hour - we left for a bit - and came home to find her going quickly.

In the time it took me to run to the phone, call Rosie and tell her Drew had taken a turn for the worse and cry for a moment - Drew left. She wasn't in my arms...she was in Robin's arms. I didn't get to say goodbye...by the time I made it back to the kitchen...Robin was looking up at me with tears in her eyes and saying, "She's gone".

It was that fast and that sudden and it just hurts so badly.

Anyway - back to Daisy - I kept coming on the forum to check on things for her and when I knew you were taking her to the vet (and why) - I broke down and cried...for her...for you...for the loss of a furry friend. It just seemed so unfair.

I really think if Drew was ill - she very deliberately hid it from me - and I wonder if she did it partly because of her love for me. I wouldn't be surprised if Daisy tried to hide her illness from you - because of her love for you.

I think sometimes that those we bond with so closely...don't want to see us hurt and so they hide things...not just because they're often preyed on and that is the way nature tells them to act..but because they know our intense love for them.

Peg

cheryl13 wrote:

Oh Peg..i understand completely...i wish my Daisy gave me some kind of a sign,it was only when she started to drag her foot that i knew something was wrong,and then it was just to late

:hug:

Cheryl

 

[cheryl]

TinysMom wrote:

As hard as it was to live through - the one gift that both Daisy and GingerSpice gave us ... was the time to prepare ourselves for their passing and the feeling like we helped towards that decision - knowing it was time. Of course it was horrid leading up to it and then horrid afterwards questioning every move...

Oh my gosh Peg,this was the most hardest thing to go through,it really was torture,especially when i knew that there was absolutely nothing i could do,i really know that i was sounding crazy in a lot of my posts..maybe you could say just very desperate..because i was,i knew Daisy was going to leave,and as much as i tried to prepare myself,i still broke down and cried and cried and cried..gosh i'm crying as i write this as the pain is still very raw and very painful.

GingerSpice was such a special little bunny,we all loved her

Big hugs to you Peg,and just know that i do understand :hug:

Cheryl

 

[maherwoman]

Oh Drew, I feel like I lost you all over again tonight...

:bigtears:

 

[maherwoman]

Sweet girl...

I'm so sorry Mama hasn't written in a while...it's not that I've forgotten you. How could anyone forget you? You're simply too wonderful, too amazing to forget.

By now, I'm sure you know that your sweet brother has joined you there across the Rainbow Bridge. And I know you still visit me, so I know you've heard that your other brother, Dusty, will be staying with Peg.

Sweetie...I know now why you brought Teeny and Velveteen and Cuddles into our lives...it was to ease our sadness on not being able to bring you and your brothers home.

Everything that has happened over the past couple months is finally making sense now. I know you had a hand in how things happened...us not getting the house, so we wouldn't fly your brothers (and probably lose both of them before they got here). We found the Velveteen, Teeny, and Cuddles, and I didn't know why I felt the overwhelming urge to bring them home...but now I understand that it was you seeing we needed to have them here to catch our tears. And oh, Sweetie...you couldn't have chosen a better trio.

We miss you so much...I don't think I can describe how much Mama still misses you...I think about you every single day, and cry for you still every time I think of you.

I'm doing okay, though...don't worry. Mama's not dwelling in pain...but it's hard with now not being able to have a small bit of you in your brothers, here for me to hug and love on. It would've helped so much, but I would rather your brother, Dusty, to live as long as he can, than force him and his fragile little self onto a plane, and miss having him at all. At least this way, I can continue to dream about you three at night...and spend time with you that way...

I know you're still with me...why, just now I went to the James Taylor MySpace profile to listen to your song "Something in the Way She Moves", and it's the last song on the list, but when his profile opened, it was the one that started playing. And anyone that knows MySpace music profiles knows that it's always the first song that plays...but it scrolled right down and started THAT SONG. Thank you for showing me you're with me...I needed that.

This song's for you, Sweet Baby:
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqDV77r8244[/ame]

Mama misses you so badly...I wish I could have buried my face in your soft, silky fur like I do with all my babies (even the kitties). Oh, just one time would have been enough for me...just once.

I love you, Sweet Baby Girl...and will always miss you...

 

[maherwoman]

I haven't written in here in quite a while, but I wanted to add a song that I hear now and then that always reminds me of my Drew baby and her brothers, and always brings me to tears...

[ame]http://youtube.com/watch?v=wsk5MJeV5Qc[/ame]

It's Cat Steven's song, "How Can I Tell You?".