Long Distance Relationships?

[Brandy456]

How do you guys feel about them ?

I'll tell my story after

 

[NorthernAutumn]

I think they are exceptionally hard for a relationship that has only been going for a short time. Hard to bond, and grow that trust over a long distance.

I did it in High school, and it was not do-able. I had only known the guy a few weeks. Really, too much pressure with not a lot of content there yet. It might have worked if we were about 10 years older, and had known eachother on an close personal level for a lot longer 6 mos +.

I found that I wasted a lot of time on him. I could have IDd the deal-breaking personality aspects if I had only been able to spend some close time for a month or two. What people say/type is very different from real world actions, in my experience. I could have been rid of him and moved on in a shorter period of time if it was face to face - we wasted a lot of time on a go-nowhere relationship (yes, it was a learning experience, HAHA! )

 

[Brandy456]

I've known this guy for 7 years (wow, time flys by lol) we met on this kids chat thing, and exchanged MSN's and we were super good friends.
Then he 'asked me out' the day before valentines. (oh crap, I just realized it's 7 months today)
He lives in the US, Indiana I think (..they're all confusing to me :rollseyes )
His dad knows about me, and his brother, and cousin.
My mom knows about him.

Ugh, I lost my train of thought.. :lookaround

 

[degrassi]

I dont' have any long distance experience but it worked out for my sister.

She met her husband while she was away at an engineering conference. He lived in Ottawa and Natalie was here in Edmonton. They were friends over email for a while as Natalie had a boyfriend. I remember Kyle came to Edmonton for a visit once and joined us(my family, natalie, and her boyfriend at the time) for a family reunion. All my relatives thought Kyle was natalie's boyfriend, not her real boyfriend,lol. But Natalie eventually broke up with her boyfriend and started talking to Kyle more and more. He came to visit 1 more time and it was obvious to everyone that they should be together. But Kyle was in school in Ottawa and my sister moved to Holland for a year. For 3 years all they did was talk on the phone as they were in different cities or countries, with only a few face to face meetings. Only talking on the phone gave them time to discuss EVERYTHING about their relationship and really got to know each other. They eventually planned on getting married and moved to the same city after their schooling was done. They have been married now for 6 years now

So it definitely works but its not for everyone. Its hard not having your bf/gf around and talking isn't 100% of a relationship. But if you are both committed and willing to do it then it can work out. I can also see it being harder when you are younger. My sister was in her early 20's and not one to really date much and wanted to get married, same with her husband.

 

[okiron]

It's like anything else in this world, depends on the person. Works for some people and some couples, doesn't work for others.

Person A and Person B might be able to have one successfully but Person A and Person C wont be able to.

The question is, ultimately,is one of you moving to another? I really don't see the point otherwise. Military families are a great example that long distance relationships do work but soldiers do eventually come home (ok not entirely true but let's not get into that)

 

[fuzz16]

my experiance doesnt work...not at this age...while their telling you sweet nothings they are also out partying flirting with other girls or cheating. its to hard to tell unless like previously said there is a long relationship before where you could trust the person...otherwise its just a pretend bf that gives you comfort and listens and then you can say you have a bf.

 

[slavetoabunny]

Well, I met my husband on a trip to the Bahamas. We were together for 2 weeks there. I lived in Colorado and he lived in California. After we got home, we talked on the phone most every day and I visited him once for a weekend. Three months later I moved to California. We've been together for 18 years now.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

I was going to Berkley and she got a full ride to USC. We saw each other as much as possible, but during our third year we just kind of cooled and called everything off.

 

[Brandy456]

fuzz16 wrote:

my experiance doesnt work...not at this age...while their telling you sweet nothings they are also out partying flirting with other girls or cheating. its to hard to tell unless like previously said there is a long relationship before where you could trust the person...otherwise its just a pretend bf that gives you comfort and listens and then you can say you have a bf.

:shock:


And yes, one of us is going to the other. Id want him to come here, ultimately, but I think it would be a lot easier for everyone if I went there, which isn't a half bad idea, not like I have much keeping me here.

 

[jcottonl02]

I've had a very long-distance relationship for almost 6 months- two different countries, over a year ago. It was hard, but it can work. Unfortunately for me I realised I obviously didn't love him enough to want to continue with the relationship, as it was too hard for me. It depends what the future holds for you. There wasn't really much future for us, and I didn't want to wait and see, for a long time, and then end up getting heartbroken.

However, my friend was in a long-distance relationship, and a few years later her boyfriend moved from the US, to England to live with her, and they are still together now. My sister's boyfriend's brother also met his now wife on the internet. She lived in New Zealand, he lived in England. Now they both live in New Zealand, happily married and she is pregnant with their first child .

So, again, it really depends on your future, and how you feel about eachother.

Jen

 

[degrassi]

Brandy456 wrote:

fuzz16 wrote:

my experiance doesnt work...not at this age...while their telling you sweet nothings they are also out partying flirting with other girls or cheating. its to hard to tell unless like previously said there is a long relationship before where you could trust the person...otherwise its just a pretend bf that gives you comfort and listens and then you can say you have a bf.

:shock:


And yes, one of us is going to the other. Id want him to come here, ultimately, but I think it would be a lot easier for everyone if I went there, which isn't a half bad idea, not like I have much keeping me here.

Since you are in 2 different countries you'll also have to take into account getting the proper paper work to live/work in the states, not an easy task even if you are married to an American. Same for him if he comes to Canada. My friend just tried to bring her boyfriend over from France and they weren't able to do it. He had to go back once his travel visa expired.

 

[Brandy456]

Yeah, but I had a temporary american visa when I was younger (I lived there, remember ? ) and I was told because I had that, i'd have an easier time getting my full visa when time comes.
(Especially the fact my brother is a police here in Ottawa, and we're canadian.. I was told it would help)

 

[aquamoonbeam]

I never believed in it until it happened to me. I met my boyfriend over facebook, he was a friend of a friends and he added me. He was going to college in Florida while I was going to college in WI, we started talking for two months and when he came back to WI for winter break we hung out and went on dates. He asked me to be his girlfriend like two weeks later and we have been together ever since.

It is really tough. But if he is worth it that makes it easier. He is my bestfriend and I really can't imagine not having him in my life.

I went to visit him twice, for one week visits, and he came home for one week, but besides that we did long distance for a little under a year, maybe around 7 or 8 months? Phone calls and instant messaging and video chats and writing old fashioned letters make it easier. I moved down to live with him in Florida for around a year and now we are both back in WI happy as ever and our relationship is better and stronger than ever.

In my opinion long distance can strengthen your relationship because you really need to develop that trust and friendship with each other and work on that, it also makes you appreciate the time you do have with him even more.

Good luck to you two

 

[JadeIcing]

I think that it is possible but very very hard.

 

[Rabbit Hero]

After a 5 year relationship, 3 of which were long distance, I sat down one day and realized it had been three months since I had seen my boyfriend. And I had no interest in seeing him again. I had been trying to "fix" things for about two years and got no effort from him. I called him that evening to break it off. It made me wish I had done it years ago before I had wasted all my time. I don't think I would do it again.

 

[Brandy456]

aquamoonbeam wrote:

I never believed in it until it happened to me. I met my boyfriend over facebook, he was a friend of a friends and he added me. He was going to college in Florida while I was going to college in WI, we started talking for two months and when he came back to WI for winter break we hung out and went on dates. He asked me to be his girlfriend like two weeks later and we have been together ever since.

It is really tough. But if he is worth it that makes it easier. He is my bestfriend and I really can't imagine not having him in my life.

I went to visit him twice, for one week visits, and he came home for one week, but besides that we did long distance for a little under a year, maybe around 7 or 8 months? Phone calls and instant messaging and video chats and writing old fashioned letters make it easier. I moved down to live with him in Florida for around a year and now we are both back in WI happy as ever and our relationship is better and stronger than ever.

In my opinion long distance can strengthen your relationship because you really need to develop that trust and friendship with each other and work on that, it also makes you appreciate the time you do have with him even more.

Good luck to you two

Thats so cute!
Thank you!
It's cute.. he patiently helps me with my homework (Im no math pro.. hehe)

 

[missyscove]

I'm from Los Angeles but go to school in NY. My boyfriend is from NY. I met him my freshman year when I baked a cake with some friends in another dorm and advertised "free cake in exchange for friendship." One of the RA's found out that we were from the all-girls dorm and his floor was all-guys so we met a big group of guys that way, two of whom I'm still really close to. We all hung out together quite a bit but both he and I realized we wanted to be more than just friends with each other. Our first "date" was just before winter break of my freshman year. Yes, I do go to school a good 8 months or so of the year, so for the most part we're together and our schedules allow us to see each other a few times a week, but we're also split up for winter and summer breaks (though he did come visit me in LA the summer after freshman year, I didn't see him at all this past summer).
We talk every day (that I'm not in a foreign country, like this summer when I vacationed in Germany) and more than anything else he's one of my best friends. That said, I have no idea what'll happen (assuming of course that we're still together) after graduation. We both have grad school in mind but he's an engineer and I'm pre-vet so for now I'm just enjoying what I have without being too concerned about that aspect.
With all that in mind, personally I can't imagine calling someone my boyfriend that I'd never met in person. Even with all the advances in technology, there's something to be said for really knowing someone that incorporates their little mannerisms, how they smell (research has shown that smell actually plays a part in how we humans choose our mates, http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/library/01/6/l_016_08.html ), how they walk, where they're ticklish, etc.

 

[Brandy456]

I know where he's ticklish!
I also know he eats everything with a fork (Even watermelon!) Which makes me feel like a slob, lol.

I know how he interacts with people when he's mad. (incident with his cousin while we were on cam) and it made me giggle at how gentle and nice he was, because looking at him you don't expect that.

 

[aquamoonbeam]

lol. It is amazing how if you really work at it, what a great relationship can grow from something so many people are skeptical about. My family and friends were so confused about how I could date someone so far away after only spending about a week face to face time with him.

The funny thing was I already knew him better than most of my friends knew their boyfriends who were in the same city as them. I always wonder how our relationship would have turned out if I hadn't had to do long distance those first few months and I honestly wouldn't go back and change it because I think the distance made us get to know each other better from the start.

 

[jessicalovesjesse]

I really feel like long distance only works if there is already a good backbone to the relationship. My boyfriend and I had to do the long distance thing for 5-6 months, But we had been dating over a year before that.
I don't believe that meeting someone off the internet, not really knowing them, and dating them is a good idea though.