Lawyers?

[audrinasmommy88]

Is anybody on here a lawyer or know anything about step parent adoptions? Audrina's biological father is not on her birth certificate and has never seen her because he was in jail when I found out i was pregnant with her. My husband wants to adopt Audrina. We have been together since she was 5 months old. Hes the only "daddy" she knows. I received a letter from Audrina's biological father yesterday and he knows that I am married and also knows that Audrina recently had surgery. I have no idea how he knows this stuff or how he got my address. We really want to pursue the adoption now because her biological father is claiming that he is getting out of jail sooner that expected and will pursue a relationship with her.....anybody know anything about this? Can we get a step parent adoption? This is his 3rd incarceration for stealing and drug activity. He has 2 other kids that he has nothing to do with, so i dont know why all the sudden he wants a relationship with Audrina. :?

 

[MiniLopHop]

I'm not sure what the legalities are, but if he has not been a part of her life or paying child support I would think he wouldn't have many rights.

Sorry this has to happen when things are so stressful *hugs*

 

[nermal71]

He will have to give us his parental rights for your husband to adopt her. You can claim that you don't know who her biological father is, but if he requests paternity testing they will force you to do that. A father's rights do not depend on whether or not he pays child support at least in Illinois/Indiana. A custodial parent cannot withhold visitation based on a non-payment of child support. I would suggest get an attorney because it sounds like you are going to need one. You may be able to prove that he is an unfit father by his incarcerations and get his parental rights revoked which would open it up for your husband to adopt. Sorry that's kind of a ramble but my allergy meds are knocking me loopy LOL

 

[audrinasmommy88]

We go see the lawyer tomorrow. Im hoping that I get some good news. But Im sure its going to be a big fight with him. I just dont understand why all the sudden he wants something to do with her. I can not/will not hand my child over to a convicted felon and drug addict...as a mother I cant do it. He isnt supposed to get out of jail until 2023, but I dont know if hes getting it appealed or has gotten it appealed and thats why he is contacting me...its a big mess

 

[LakeCondo]

It all seems very strange. It's possible but unlikely that he has a good motive, like a religious conversion or something. You're certainly in a better position that if he'd had some contact with her, as the court often favors the status quo. And if there HAD to be visits, it would be only reasonable for them to be supervised visits & at a public place.

 

[audrinasmommy88]

The majority of people who go to jail "have found God" or "are a better person" when they're in jail. His letter said "since I have been here I have made huge strides to be a better person and better father". He had 2 other children. His oldest son lives with the grandparents and his middle son lives with the mother. He has never ha a relationship with the middle child and was ordered to pay child support and refused to. He went in on 17 charges, nonpayment or child support was one of them

 

[LakeCondo]

It doesn't sound like he has any chance of being found fit for establishing any relationship.

 

[ZRabbits]

LakeCondo wrote:

It doesn't sound like he has any chance of being found fit for establishing any relationship.

In a Common Sense World, I would say yes to this, but now a days, I'm so surprised at the stories of what the courts are allowing to happen.

Wishing you all the luck in making sure your daughter gets the father that is best for her. The one she has grown to love and calls her own. Having this "sperm donor" (sorry if this sounds rough) come in to her life now would be a huge mistake. He had his chance and walked away. No coming back when it comes to children.

Maybe when your daughter is an adult, she might reach out to him, but if she doesn't she's not the one that walked away and ignored her.

Again, glad you found a lawyer. I'd fight tooth and nail to make sure my child was not exposed to someone who THINKS he's changed.

K

 

[Nancy McClelland]

ray:

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Karen, sperm donor is not harsh or rough at all. I call him worse names than that. And believe me, I am fighting tooth and nail when it comes to my baby. I'm done playing games and letting him try to control me. He aske for picture of her, I til my husband I would draw a stick figure and send that to him and say "here's your recent picture!" as much as I want to do that, I'm not. I don't want to do anything that will shed a bad light on myself. I have letters where he admitted to the physical abuse he subjected me to. I will be taking that with me too. He is playing with the wrong momma. He will lose!

 

[I_heart_Fraggles]

I had a friend go threw this. You can most likely get a judge to terminate his a$$. When her sons bio dad was served with adoption papers they said "If you sign your rights over then it won't count as a termination" "If you do not sign your rights will be terminated".... Termination is worse then voluntery relinqishment cause it affects your job,other kids ect. Plus if he is not on the birth certificate then he should not have any rights anyway.

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Really Katie??? That would be great if they do that with this situation. I would love for this to be an easy process. And after we go to court I'm going to see about stopping him from writing me. I'm so mad that he has my address and knows audrina had surgery, knows I'm married, and knows how long. When I find out who gave him this information and betrayed me that way, it will not be pretty for that person! It's one thing to retaliate against me for whatever reason, but to put my child in it and jeopardize her well being is a whole different story. Don't mess with my kid! I'm so pissed! I just want to get this adoption over with and get him out of my life. My husband just keeps reassuring me that he isn't going to allow anything to happen to audrina. And I thank God for him everyday. He stepped up as audrinas father, supports her, loves her and even after knowing what he was getting himself into, he didn't back out. That is what a true father does. Sorry I'm rambling at this point

 

[fuzz16]

if he requests it then he can be a part of her life.

my situation is similar...my spermd donor skipped town when i was pregnant. i am now engaged to a wonderful guy and my daughter has only known him as a father. well when they found sperm donor they hit him for child support, and so he took me to court to be able to see her. funny thing was, it was a custody type hearing, but the judge got seriously MAD at him when he asked, how do i get out of paying child support.
so what ve learned now...you have to hire a lawyer to write up a document for the sperm donor to sign his rights over, then have him draw paperwork up to have your now guy sign adoption paperwork...from the prices i got it was anywhere from 900-1500 to do both. that was on the cheap end.

Now we havnt done it, due to lack of money, and the child support and alimony we receive goes into my daughters savings. every now and then ill hear from him...like maybe every 6 months. i no longer answer his calls or texts, if he wants to see her (which he hasnt in 2 years) then he is very welcome to take it to court. i recomend doing that until he can adopt her and get sperm donor out of the picture for good. if he requests rights to see her, then you will go to mediaton, and then at most he will get supervised visits.

if he fights it it wont be an easy process...and if you ever received govt. assistance they will hit him for alimony and $ to pay them back for assistance they gave you. I think either way he will have to pay you alimony from what i was told in my situaton, whether he was there or not or "knew" or didnt know he had a kid. alimony is all the backpay he shoulda been paying for the past years sdince your daughters birth.

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Well, we go to the lawyer today at 4:30...we will see what they say. Ill update everyone as soon as I know what are options are. If my husband cant out right adopt her, maybe having to pay back child support and for the assistance I had to get will get him to sign his rights away.

 

[ZRabbits]

audrinasmommy88 wrote:

Well, we go to the lawyer today at 4:30...we will see what they say. Ill update everyone as soon as I know what are options are. If my husband cant out right adopt her, maybe having to pay back child support and for the assistance I had to get will get him to sign his rights away.

How did the meeting go? Hope you got some really good news and lots of options for you and your husband to protect your daughter.

Good idea to show him the bills for everything that both you and your husband have done for your child. If you want to see your daughter, than pay up. I see him reaching quickly for his pen to sign his rights away. People like that who are trying to show "they are reformed" aren't really. Its just a show. Call him on it.

Again hoping you got lots of info and a game plan to stop this "sperm donor" and make sure your husband is FULLY KNOWN as her REAL Father.

K

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Well, it was good and bad. But lots of options. We are going to hold off on he adoption because with him being in prison, we have to pay for his lawyer. I am not going to pay for him o fight against me. So what we are going to do is serve him with papers a month before he gets out and pay for his lawyer for that month, then when he is a free man, we will tell tell him we do not have to pay for his lawyer anymore and that he needs to pay for his own. That is going to screw him because he isnt going to be able to pay for one.

Also, we can go down and change Audrina's last name. i didnt know it was that easy. the lawyer said since I am the only one of Audrina's birth certificate, I am the only one who has to give permission for it. So we are going to change her last name. She currently has my maiden name. So we are going o change it to the same last name that Nick and i have. That way, she wont be confused when she gets in school. We are going to tell her about her sperm donor, but I dont want to have to tell her before she can fully understand why I have done what I have done this situation. Changing her name will help.

Then, the lawyer said after we get her name changed and get her new birth certificate with her new name, I need to go back to the lawyer and draw up a Will. That way, if something happens to me, there will be no fight or misunderstanding as to where audrina is going. She will go to Nick. Everything will go to him. I dont want any of my family or her sperm donor's family getting their hands on Audrina. So that will solve any of those problems.

I asked if we could get something or do something to get him to stop writing me letters. The lawyer said I could call down to the prison and stop it, but she doesnt suggest doing that. She said to keep letting the letters come but dont respond to them. One day, hes going to get mad because Im not answering and say something to get himself in trouble. Whether he threatens me, Nick, or Audrina. Or just says something stupid in general, and then I have it on record. That will help us with the adoption also.

So, as it stands, we are just going to wait it out. Best thing to do right now. Being that he is in jail and has nothing but time on his hands and we would be paying for his lawyer, he would definitely fight it but it isn't hurting him at all. The lawyer said it would be around 3000 dollars just me our side to do the adoption...So if we paid for his lawyer also, it would be 6000 and hes going to fight us which would make it more. Im not going to pay for him to fight against me. It just isn't logical to do that. But I will get the last laugh Sorry i rambled so much lol

 

[LakeCondo]

Lots of issues, but now there is a plan. I'm not sure if you should be the one to open his letters, though. At least don't open them except when your husband is there & Audrina isn't.

And I'd think about telling her something now. Not much, just that mommy, when she was young, thought another boy was nice, but he wasn't & so you met daddy & he was very very nice.

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Im planning on telling her something when she is old enough to understand. At 2 years old, she wouldn't understand a word I'm saying. Im thinking when she is like 5 or 6. At 2 years old, she doesnt have the ability to know what it means. She would look at me and say "ok mommy". So a couple more years and then I will tell her.

I completely agree with you about the letters. Im just going to let me husband open then and file them away. I dont feel like reading anymore of his demands. Honestly, it makes me sick to even look at his handwriting. BLEH! Im not going to let his crap affect me anymore.

I definitely have more peace about it now. I can sleep a little better at night knowing there is nothing he can do right now. Seriously, when I got that letter, I thought my world was going to crash around me. But, I feel better now

 

[LakeCondo]

Somehow I thought she was a bit older than 2. You're right. I remember when I was almost 3 & my mom showed me her belly & said there was going to be a baby & I had no idea of how important that was.

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Haha. Audrina would look at me like I'm talking a foreign language if I tried to tell her now. She would say "that's just my daddy"