I need your help and advice again

[NZminilops]

I hate having to air other peoples stuff online, I feel guilty, but I have to talk to someone or go nuts.

Ok, so my partner Mathew has two older half brothers. One of them, Jody, has pretty bad schitzophrenia, for the most part he's like an average person but he has episodes every now and then. He starts thinking people on TV are laughing at him, or telling him to do things.

He has pretty much lived at home all his life due to not being stable enough to keep a job, relationship, or learn to drive. He's about 36ish. He also can't really read or write.

A couple of years after Mathew and I started being a couple, we went to live with his parents to save money etc. Jody was living there too at the time. He would drink a lot, almost set fire to the house a few times, do some weird stuff basically. One night he went out, came home and peed all over the living room, and then the next morning claimed that I had done it :?. He also did things like pace around at night time, and walking into our room and staring at us while we are asleep.

Despite all of this, I tried to be understanding, and learn to know the man behind the mental illness. We used to talk about computers and games a lot, and we got along ok.

Things started looking up for him in recent years, and he moved away to the town his dad lives in, and met a woman. She already had 3 girls, and over the next couple of years, Jody and she had two sons together. Great! We all though that things were just going to get better and better for him.

Then a couple of months ago they broke up, and Jody went to stay with his ex partners mother. he started drinking again, doing weird crap, then earlier this week he went to the police station and confessed to touching his ex's daughters inappropriatly .

A guy at the cop station called us the other day saying that Jody needs somewhere to go, while he awaits court dates and sentencing or trial, and that he wanted to come and stay with us.

Now, I am struggling with this. I understand Jody needs help. I understand that, he thinks the devil in video games told him to do bad things, and that inside his head, there are demons he needs to deal with.

But I cannot, and will not, understand how a man can do this to beautiful innocent little girls. I do not understand, how Jody and Mathews mother, says that he is harmless and he only did it because the ex girlfriends didn't pay him enough attention. I do understand that Mathew feels sorry for him, and is saying 'ok' to him coming and staying here for a week minimum.

I just don't know how to feel, I'm scared, a bit depressed, unsure. I'm all for helping people that need help, but I don't want to put myself or animal family and risk.

I dont like the idea of being home alone with him all day. I don't know if he might get the idea into his head that my animals are looking at him funny, and he might hurt them :?.

So sorry for this huge rant, there is nothing I can really do except try and be helpful and understanding I guess, but it's such a huge struggle for me right now. Monday is the day I am bringing my new buns home and is meant to be an ahppy exciting day for me, guess it wont be now.

Michelle

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Michelle, 1st - is he on medication? If he's not - he could be very dangerous. My aunt tried to burn the house down with all the children (5) inside!

Second - I'm sorry but no attention from a partner doesn't make someone a child molester........ No way in HELL would I allow someone like that around me - with or without kids. I know he's relation but too bad.

Thirdly - Did Matthew ask you about it? is that not your home as well? Something as big as someone coming to live with you that has mental issues and criminal issues, deserves at least a "Do you mind?" regardless of who pays any bills.

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

Bo B Bunny wrote:

Michelle, 1st - is he on medication? If he's not - he could be very dangerous. My aunt tried to burn the house down with all the children (5) inside!

Second - I'm sorry but no attention from a partner doesn't make someone a child molester........ No way in HELL would I allow someone like that around me - with or without kids. I know he's relation but too bad.

Thirdly - Did Matthew ask you about it? is that not your home as well? Something as big as someone coming to live with you that has mental issues and criminal issues, deserves at least a "Do you mind?" regardless of who pays any bills.

I agree completely! I used to know someone who was schitzophrenic, and when they stopped their meds, they got very strange. He would lock his roomates out of the house for days. But when he took his meds, he was still a bit strange, but funny as heck and pretty normal.

So, first and foremost, he needs a doctor to prescribe him meds. Secondly, like Bo said, no way would I let him stay with me! I hope and pray he finds somewhere else to go. You don't need this! And I hope Mat understands this.

 

[NZminilops]

Thanks you guys, man I just really needed to get all that6 off my chest!

Yup Mat and I have talked about it. He doesn't want to let his brother down, but doesn't want things to get bad at home with he an I either.

The complicatedness of the whole situation is making us all feel unsure and guilty. We like Jody, we want him to get some help.

Mathews mum's sole income is from housing some students from Asia, she can't have them there and have Jody as they are all young girls. So she's been ringing me every 20 minutes laying on the guilt and making me feel as though I should be glad to have Jody here.

Ya know what the worst part in all of this is, is their stupid mothers attitude, that ALL men want to do this sort of thing to little girls. I mean, what the heck?

When I was little, we used to go on family camping trips once a year. One year when I was 7, I left the tent about midnight to go use the long drop toilet. When I got back, my grandad was in my sleeping bag. He told me he was keeping it warm. I didn't feel comfortable with the idea, but as he was an older and much respected male figure, I obeyed and got in with him. He had no clothes on, and I got out eventually.

But man, that has stuck with me forever, and he didn't even try and touch me, it was bad enough! These poor little girls, is all I can think of. I don't know if I could see Jodys face every day for a week and not want to knock his block off.

Anyway I've made my stand and saying I DON'T want him here. He can stay in prison as far as I am concerned. I'm sorry if it's self centered but I judt don't care right now.

Bo'B, yeah he is on meds, they don't seem to make much difference. Doesn't help that he drinks and smokes weed all the time :?.

I want to thank you guys for reading and replying, I really appreciate that so much :hug:.

 

[seniorcats]

My answer is Hell no! And if he is just fine then his mother should be willing to take him. Do not allow them to dump guilt on you. The issue is your safety, well-being and life.

By the way, marijuana does render most drugs given for serious psychiatric disorders totally useless. So even if he is taking his meds, they are completely uselss if he is smoking pot. If his psychiatrist or court officer knows he is mixing the 2, they should put him in hospital or in a cell so he cannot have access to drugs.

Put yourself first. There is a reason why his own family is coming up with exuses to avoid taking him.


PS His mother needs serious mental help if she is making up rediculous excuses for a pedophile, son or no son. something is really of kilter with her thinking if shesays he only did itas his wife allegedly didn't pay him any attention. If she really believes that nonsense then she should have o concerns with him being in her house. Sounds like she is looking for an ecuse to avoid her own son and wants someone else to blame.

 

[NZminilops]

Yeah that's what I have been thinking too S'cats. Thanks for backing me up .

He's on a sickness benefit and of course no one helps him control his money, he gets bored and depressed and gets on the beer and weed, so that really stuffs him up.

I mean, right now he thinks Mathew and I are his aunt and uncle :?, so there must be some odd stuff going through his mind.

I don't know why he couldn't have gotten some help with his mental illness before it got this far, geez. I do feel for the guy, but think he needs a lot of help and somewhere to live where he is safe and others are safe from him.

Oh and yeah, anything bad Jody has ever done, his mother writes it off as normal. My jaw seriously nearly fell off from major shock when she was trying to tell me that it's NORMAL for people to treat kids as sexual objects! I mean, come on! You love your son sure, but he's done something terrible.

She knew he had done it too, he told her quite some weeks ago, while he was still doing it and still living with the ex and her kids, and she did not say a word :shock:.

 

[seniorcats]

My clerk at work has a psychotic daughter and most of the time L----- is fine. Let her quit her meds or do drugs and she is just raging and raving. Sometimes she stops the psych meds because they make feel foggy or gain a few pounds.

 

[seniorcats]

Michelle you are not being selfish for saying no. I would call it normal and snae and safe to say no. Hope all goes well. He always has the option of a treatment or mental center or sitting in a cell.

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Michelle, I agree, you are not being selfish. If my boyfriend wanted his child molesting older brother to stay with us, I would say NO. There is no way. It's your home and if you aren't comfortable with him being there, that's the end of the discussion. Your mother in law sounds like she has problems. I feel so sad for the little girls and sorry that you had to go through that with your grandpa (of all people! Did he ever do anything like that again!?) when you were a little girl

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Michelle, Not wanting a sexual predator, child molester in your home is NOT being selfish and I would tell Mathew that it's not letting him down - he did that on his own and continues to do so when smoking weed and drinking with his conditions......

I know it's an issue for you and Mathew but seriously, I don't think it's good for your relationship if he comes there. What happens AFTER court?

 

[JadeIcing]

*hugs* There is no excuse for that. He did a horrible thing that those girls will have to live with.

Keep him away from yourself and your home.

 

[bat42072]

I would not allow him in my home.... what if he messed with your neighbors children... why put them in harms way.. and I would also worry about you and your pets safty...

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Do you have a national sex offender's register? if you do, if he's convicted (which he probably will be since he went and told them) they will have his address as yours and it will be on that...... Not something I would want personally.

 

[mouse_chalk]

Definately agree with everyone else here... I would NO WAY let anybody like that near me, partner's brother or not. It's your home, there's no way you should feel scared/uncomfortable in your own home!!

Those little girls will have to live with what he did to them for the rest of their lives. Mental illness or not, he shouldn't be allowed to just forget it and 'move on'....

Especially since he's drinking and smoking- doesn't seem like a guy who wants to change and sort himself out to me. He also really should be on medication like everyone else said.

And don't even get me started on his mother! If she doesn't want him there because of the girls staying with her then she's as good as admitted that she knows he's dangerous! She sounds about as crazy as he does... :?

Please don't feel like you are being selfish in putting your foot down and saying no.... You should NOT have to surround yourself with someone like that, who may well put you, your partner, your home or your pets in danger... If Matthew is wanting him to come and stay still, ask him how would he feel if you were left alone with him all day, and he attacked you? It's a risk you just don't want, or need to take... And the police shouldn't even expect for people to have to take that risk, family or not to your partner..... :X

:hug: I really feel for you, such a horrible situation- everyone here is here to offer you support though...

Jen xx

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Michelle, I was thinking also - please don't feel attacked either. I think we're all just very protective of you and really feel frustrated as well.

Let us know what happens.... I'd hate to be in your shoes.... :hug:

 

[pumpkinandwhiskersmom]

Michelle....you should NOT have to live in the same house with a sexual predator. It's really sad that things have gotten to this point, but his moving in with you won't help make things any better for him. He needs inpatient care, imho. I have several family members who have had mental illness, and when things have gotten out of control, the only thing that helps get things back on track is intensive psychiatric care. That would also keep him off the drugs and alcohol, and allow the meds to work.

Please don't feel guilty, or let anyone lay a guilt trip on you for keeping yourself safe. You, Matt, and everyone involved will be in our prayers.

 

[mouse_chalk]

Bo B Bunny wrote:

Michelle, I was thinking also - please don't feel attacked either. I think we're all just very protective of you and really feel frustrated as well.

Let us know what happens.... I'd hate to be in your shoes.... :hug:

Yes, this too! I'm sorry if I sounded a bit OTT at all - even despite the problems etc you have with them, it can still be hard to take people criticising etc your family.... Like Pennie said, we just worry about you and don't want you to have to be in a horrible situation like that! :hug:

Jen xx

 

[NZminilops]

.



Oh I don't feel anyone is attacking me at all! The total opposite :hug:, all the concern is really touching.

I'm hoping that he wouldn't be allowed to stay in this area anyway - across the road is a daycare centre, a few houses down is a kindergarten...so that wouldn't be good, right? Just a block away is the school I went to when I was 10, as well, those kids walk passed our house every morning and night.

I just don't see why he can't stay 'under arrest' or whatever you call it, until he goes to court? Or can't he go stay somewhere where they are more able to cope with his illness?

You guys are right in that I shouldn't be scared in my own home. I would be locking myself in my room all day with the laptop, the phone and the animals, and only coming out to sneak some food in or go to the toilet, and that wouldn't be much fun.

I feel a bit stupid being scared of someone I have known for so many years, and who has never tried to hurt me, but I am scared :?.

When Jody is bad, he has voices in his head, that tell him to do things, and I'm not trained to deal with mental illness soI never know what to say to him. Trying to gently explain to him that the voices may feel real to him, but that they are really just his brain malfuctioning, results in him getting furious and arguementative. When he's this unwell, he starts to believe in god and the devil, and that they are sitting on his shoulders like in acartoon, one telling him to do bad, the other telling him to do good, and the poor dude just gets so confused and frustrated. He rants on about how we are living in sin, and how playing video games is the devil etc etc :?

You guys are right about his mum! If she doesn't feel safe to have him around, then why should I have him here? I didn't eventhink of that before.

Partly I do still feel guilty, but also, why should it become my problem that he chose to do these things? I didn't make him do it. I don't want to live with him :?.

Thanks again for all the posts and I so appreciate all your opinions and support , don't know what i would do without you guys here to talk to :hug:.

 

[JadeIcing]

I thinkshe should feel guilty for asking.

 

[Michaela]

Oh my goodness. You are definitely doing the right thing not letting him into your home.:hug: Not after what he did, those poor girls. I see why you feel sorry for him, but he needs professional help, and local children shouldn't be put at risk. And I suppose I can see where his mum is coming from, she doesn't want to think of her son as bad, but she needs to face the truth, and it is very selfish of her trying to make you feel guilty. :hug: