i need support and advice...

[irishlops]

right, i need advice.
ill tell the story from... yesterday, then some details at the end.
ok, my mum, my brother, caramel and me were in the car.
domonic-brother- dropped off at work
caramel/me dropped at the vet.
after all that vet visit and stuff, on the way to the shop for milk and cream my mum said.
*dont quoate me not excalty*
"i dont know what to do. i might just end it. take my life. you dad can have you, he has it all anyway." then a few minutes later "people are saying you need me, but you dont really"
then the window was open and i could not hear her. but it was more of her mubling to her self sort of thing then.
im not feeling much emotion at the moment, but i know i am very very confused, and need advice.
i used to think of sucide before i met this fourm. but once it entered my head, i i nipped my self and said carmel, eyore, my famliy and rabbits online. it only entered my head 4 times, but i dont think of that any more, i have friends now. but, i dont know hoe to help some one esle.
personally i think my mum has some thing wrong. wrong is a bad misleading word.
she has things confused and muddled in her head is better.
she is going to moville
http://www.bryan-thorne.com/Genealogy/Donegal_Map_showing_Rameton__Moville_highlight.GIF i live in the derry bit. movile is where were going for a week.
in my mums work a person has a holiday home there, and my mum can use it for a week. so im going there. but i dont want to. at all. but i want to go, i dont want her to be there on her own for ceritain reasons. she said she is going there to cry.
my friend fiona can come, keep me company and stuff but i cant get through too her or her mums mobile.
i am messed up inside so any advice?
i talked to my friend bradley. he is teh only one who knows about my mum abusing me and now is the ownly one i told in person about my mum depression should i call it?

thanks so much you guys.gals

 

[Flashy]

You're all going through a horrendous time right now and that's going to impact on all of you in different ways.

It's long been clear your mum has her own problems (which she made into your problem with her abuse) and, again, she is showing that she has her own problems.

What is it you want to do?

Do you want to give her options of help? Do you want to tell someone-grandparents, or older brother or something? Do you want to leave it?

 

[irishlops]

Flashy wrote:

You're all going through a horrendous time right now and that's going to impact on all of you in different ways.

It's long been clear your mum has her own problems (which she made into your problem with her abuse) and, again, she is showing that she has her own problems.

What is it you want to do?

Do you want to give her options of help? Do you want to tell someone-grandparents, or older brother or something? Do you want to leave it?

then... i felt like leaving it...:shock:
but i felt bad about it, its morally, religously and just wrong to leave it.
what she put me through... i coulkd not look a perosn in the eye till last year... but then again. she is my mum, and she has problems.
so i want to give her help. personly. i dont. but i wat to so i dont kick my backside in years to come

 

[Flashy]

I understand, you're in a difficult position. You're a very good person to want to help her.

Maybe you could write her a letter and in it put lots of places she could go for support and help (don't mind helping you find places if you want me to), how you feel about her (the nice parts- like what you just said up there about her being your mum whatever has happened kind of thing).

I do also think for your sanity that you need to also tell an adult. Is there any adult you can tell?

 

[irishlops]

Flashy wrote:

I understand, you're in a difficult position. You're a very good person to want to help her.

Maybe you could write her a letter and in it put lots of places she could go for support and help (don't mind helping you find places if you want me to), how you feel about her (the nice parts- like what you just said up there about her being your mum whatever has happened kind of thing).

I do also think for your sanity that you need to also tell an adult. Is there any adult you can tell?

well.. bradley... he lives like 2 doors away. and his mum is sort of friends with my mum..
i could tell her.
i trust her
the nice parts? that is the only nice part. and i put it in so i dont look like a cold person my mums said i was this morning.....
there is this priest. fr. coccon (sp?)
he is nice, like really nice and is good with mental heatlth. he knows my mum very well since before i was born. i could ask him for places and if you could tracy aswell. i will be very greatful

 

[Flashy]

I think it's a good idea to tell the priest and also Bradley's mum, as soon as possible. Could you tell them today?

Can you PM me your local town, and also do you have counties over there? Or anything that gives a wider area? (like over here you can have things like Suffolk, Devon, etc, which are wider areas). Don't post here because it shouldn't be public. I'll do my best to look for information this afternoon

You're not cold Elena, you're young, you're struggling, you've had a rough time and you're doing the best you can under the circumstances you are under, which is all anyone can do. I don't think she is looking to you as a daughter, I think she is looking to you as something else and that's not your fault, that's to do with her.

 

[irishlops]

Flashy wrote:

I think it's a good idea to tell the priest and also Bradley's mum, as soon as possible. Could you tell them today?

Can you PM me your local town, and also do you have counties over there? Or anything that gives a wider area? (like over here you can have things like Suffolk, Devon, etc, which are wider areas). Don't post here because it shouldn't be public. I'll do my best to look for information this afternoon

You're not cold Elena, you're young, you're struggling, you've had a rough time and you're doing the best you can under the circumstances you are under, which is all anyone can do. I don't think she is looking to you as a daughter, I think she is looking to you as something else and that's not your fault, that's to do with her.

tell the preist... maybe not soon...
but bradleys mum, yeh, after lunch and rabbits cleanned out. then im allowed outside
(i think i sent it, if not tell me here)
and, i guess a rough time is an understate ment

 

[irishlops]

i could ring the priest.. but i need to be alone.. and that wont happen today.

 

[irishlops]

i dont know if i can tell bradleys mom. what should i say?

 

[Flashy]

Maybe you could show her the first post in the thread? Or just say what your mum said to you and say you are worried. Just the truth. It's important you're not dealing with this alone.

 

[Brandy456]

Elena I know exactly how you feel.

When I was 12 my mom threatend suicide because I 'wasn't normal and didnt want to go to school' (later turned out to be anxiety) and when I turned 13 my father actually suceeded with it.

It's a scary thought, I know. I'm not to sure what to say here, but if you want to PM me then i'd be more then willing to talk to you.

Maybe it may be best to let your mom go alone, just so she wouldn't have to deal with you (not in a bad way, I mean, 'i need to get her food' or stuff like that) and to get away from the stress. It may be hard but she'll realize how much she misses you, and your brother. But whatever, it's your choice =)

:hug:

 

[irishlops]

Flashy wrote:

Maybe you could show her the first post in the thread? Or just say what your mum said to you and say you are worried. Just the truth. It's important you're not dealing with this alone.

well, i did pluck up enough courage yesterday...but ironically, they were not at home all day- maybe visiting all the relivites or shopping .
i think showing her the firist bit of this thread would be easier.
donna (the mom) i think would be very helpful so i will not be alone in this

 

[irishlops]

Brandy456 wrote:

Elena I know exactly how you feel.

When I was 12 my mom threatend suicide because I 'wasn't normal and didnt want to go to school' (later turned out to be anxiety) and when I turned 13 my father actually suceeded with it.

It's a scary thought, I know. I'm not to sure what to say here, but if you want to PM me then i'd be more then willing to talk to you.

Maybe it may be best to let your mom go alone, just so she wouldn't have to deal with you (not in a bad way, I mean, 'i need to get her food' or stuff like that) and to get away from the stress. It may be hard but she'll realize how much she misses you, and your brother. But whatever, it's your choice =)

:hug:

awh, im sorry about your father!!!
go alone to the places tracy pmed me?? sure, but how do i know she went?
yeh, were in a tight money spot at the moment saying my dad is not home anymore. she got me to sleep in her bed last night. i waited till she was sleeping well, and went to my bed then. she snores! she takes sleeping tablets aswell, so i dout she would of woke up.
so she misses another person in her bed with her. just i still feel uneasy around or near her.
right, i have.. 4 brothers. 3 live at my house, 1 patrick, he lives a 20min ride down the road. i dont know what to do.
she has not said it today. she said it twice tuesday.
if you want to pm me, im wide open. but i ahve to got to belfast *huffs* 2hr car ride away for my cardiac recored moniter appiontment. please hope tehy find whats wrong with my heart. even though they even know if its my heart..
the car ride might take her mind off things.
*my pm box is always open to anyone and everyone

 

[Luvr of Wabbits and Polar Bears]

hugs Elena.

I'm sorry you are going through tough times. Hope your heart test goes well

 

[anneq]

Elena, I think Tracy has given you some excellent advice.
It's important you tell an adult - this is waaay too much for a young person like you to shoulder.
My mom used to threaten suicide quite a bit when she was going through her divorce from my dad and was trying to raise us kids alone.
It's hard, but telling someone else will help ease the burden a bit off your shoulders, and you won't feel like it's ALL up to you to solve (it isn't).

 

[SunnyCait]

The only thing I can tell you is to tell someone. You should not be going through this alone, at all.

My mom has a crap ton of mental health issues. I'm sure if people knew what went on in our household, we'd have been taken away in 2 seconds flat. She's tried to kill herself multiple times (often in front of us), abuses pain meds, faked serious health issues (one year she faked total amnesia. It was the single most embarrassing and manipulative and selfish thing she's ever done) and all around was just a detrimental force in all of us kids' childhoods.

I remember once when my older sisters were moved out and it was just me and my two younger sisters at home, she tried to kill herself, and was taken to a mental insitute. My father was in Iraq, and all our family were over a 3 day drive away, across the country. My mom canceled the Red Cross message to bring my dad home while she was "away", and the three of us never thought to ask for help. We stayed alone in our house for two weeks before someone realized what had happened. I was the oldest of us three still at home, at the age of 12.

I know how you feel about being numb and about... Just generally, the feelings you're feeling towards your mom. When she's more... stable, I suggest going to therapy yourself. Honestly. I hate my mother. I resent her and I honestly wish almost every day that she would drop off the face of the planet. I wish I didn't feel that way. I've been dealing with a host of issues set off by her abuse of meds and of us kids, and I wish I had gone to therapy sooner. It wasn't until last year someone suggested all of us girls go to therapy, and I'm sure if we had earlier, maybe things would be different for all of us.

Jeez, too much of a life story there, you probably didn't need to hear all that.

 

[DeniseJP]

An adult you trust is a good place to start. Hope all goes well for you - I grew up in a household with drug and alcohol abuse and it still affects me many, many years later.

Therapy is good - it helps to have the help to get you through the tough stuff.

Denise

 

[irishlops]

anneq wrote:

Elena, I think Tracy has given you some excellent advice.
It's important you tell an adult - this is waaay too much for a young person like you to shoulder.
My mom used to threaten suicide quite a bit when she was going through her divorce from my dad and was trying to raise us kids alone.
It's hard, but telling someone else will help ease the burden a bit off your shoulders, and you won't feel like it's ALL up to you to solve (it isn't).

i will.
um/.. my dad might arrive down at my house to have me for the day.. but i jave said no.
so ill be camping out over at bradleys house , so ill tell donna then.
im glad every one is so kind on ro!
but im said these sort of things are commoner than most people think

 

[irishlops]

SunnyCait wrote:

The only thing I can tell you is to tell someone. You should not be going through this alone, at all.

My mom has a crap ton of mental health issues. I'm sure if people knew what went on in our household, we'd have been taken away in 2 seconds flat. She's tried to kill herself multiple times (often in front of us), abuses pain meds, faked serious health issues (one year she faked total amnesia. It was the single most embarrassing and manipulative and selfish thing she's ever done) and all around was just a detrimental force in all of us kids' childhoods.

I remember once when my older sisters were moved out and it was just me and my two younger sisters at home, she tried to kill herself, and was taken to a mental insitute. My father was in Iraq, and all our family were over a 3 day drive away, across the country. My mom canceled the Red Cross message to bring my dad home while she was "away", and the three of us never thought to ask for help. We stayed alone in our house for two weeks before someone realized what had happened. I was the oldest of us three still at home, at the age of 12.

I know how you feel about being numb and about... Just generally, the feelings you're feeling towards your mom. When she's more... stable, I suggest going to therapy yourself. Honestly. I hate my mother. I resent her and I honestly wish almost every day that she would drop off the face of the planet. I wish I didn't feel that way. I've been dealing with a host of issues set off by her abuse of meds and of us kids, and I wish I had gone to therapy sooner. It wasn't until last year someone suggested all of us girls go to therapy, and I'm sure if we had earlier, maybe things would be different for all of us.

Jeez, too much of a life story there, you probably didn't need to hear all that.

as i said.. im so sorry tthat this is so common
but your ok, and thats what matters. i hope it did not affect you badley..
i am numb. some times this week i think, yeh, go ahead i dont care..
annd really at the moment i dont, but my consence is kicking me and i dint want to make a mistake and kick myself down the line.
i hate her. when im in my moods and depressed. i sometimes think how she affected me, what she done/does to me.
one time i was anngrey straight away. normaly it take a while, i pulled my hamstring :faint: i could not walk. hobble is the correct word.. and she said, she can "get me easier now you cant run away"
like, no mother would say that seriously... i get nightmares about the physoclial/mental abuse. so i do feel numb. sadly. some times i hate her. some times i loath her.
i will try and help her though

 

[irishlops]

right, um..
my brother patrick lives in newtwonstwerat abot 30mins away from my house if traffic good
he has a baby, so my newfew. he came down, which is not excallty often. which is sad because the baby conner is cute!
anyway, he was out in decalns car talking and i brough out there dinner. so i sat on the bit beside the door. and they were talking baout car and stuff, and it finnally lead to mummy. patrick said i was welcome to his house to sleep over or visit anytime. but mum does not let me, and he said abot something being wrong with my mum, and he did not like the idea of me still living there. he doesnt even barley know what happens sometimes. but he and my 4 brothers got a hard times aswell, and he said, now there is only me not 4 brothers for her to take it out on.
and to see people in school becaise my collage is good one and there is people trained to help me and otehrs.
declan moved out a while to a hostel, but i found out it was a place to help ypu aswell as a place to rest your head.
so my brother patrick is there aswell, so i might tell him aswell.
my mum is going up to his house (sometime in the next 2 weeks) and were going to sleep over, so i dont what changed her mind.
so thats whta happned yesterday.