I don't like my MIL

[Imbrium]

MiniLopHop wrote:

The main argument she had was that because I had gastric bypass I took the easy way out, so nothing I said had any value.

that's such a load of BS! from what I know of gastric bypass, it requires massive lifestyle changes. it's not like liposuction; it takes real commitment.

genetics does play a role in metabolism and weight issues (or lack thereof, for those lucky folks who can eat whatever they want) and you should be commended for taking charge of your life and your weight and doing whatever you had to do to live a healthier life. if you were truly taking an easy way out, then why would you be at weight watchers' classes working your butt off like everyone else??

 

[CharmmyBunny]

i wish my owuld be MIL was a live she would have been awesome to meet unfortunately my BF mother passed away several years ago and im sad i never had the chance to meet her. my mother on the other hand is a .... well i cant say, but shes incomprehensible to me. she is very judgemental of everyone and a complete ice queen.
she thinks my sister who weighs all of 105 lbs (Shes 24) looks great even though you can count her ribs and she looks like a slob she never brushes her hair it looks like and shes really selfish. she also got kicked out of school and no offense to any one but is all tattooed up but not in any cool way she has really ugly designs even she tries to hide now. she works as a shelf stocker and 2 days a week she works at a restaurant washing dishes. but my mom is always bragging about her ommitting things like her resturant job shes a dish washer and saying she chose to leave school. any time my sister comes home my mom is always saying how good she looks and blah blah blah but my friends secretly call her aunt b.

i weigh more than i should but im not huge im 170. im still going to school i got a job working at a gae stop (where they are training me to be an assistant manager) but im lazy. (i didnt have a job for a while because i was in an out of the hospital for quite some time.) im always dressed inappropriately and she always says when she sees me i should wear a jacket. she tells me im holding myself back and i have too many animals i cant do anything i want because of all my pets. ughhh.

honestly she loves my bf more than me shes always going on about him and how great he is. she bought him an iphone. i have bought all my phones and paid all my bills since i was 17 i moved out when i was 18 and live with my bf. and we do everything together pay our bills and take care of our pets. shes always saying how i should be more like him.

belive it or not sometimes my own extened family that i see pretty regularly asks me how NY is (thats where my sister is) and i have to remind them im the one that lives in CA not NY. because even they forget probably due inpart to my moms bragging that i exist.

and then my mom and my grandma are always saying how i need to do this or that because that how it should be and then when i say "uh im going to be myself i like that better" they get pissed and i have to tell them to shove it. in a less polite manner. i asked my mother once how muh she thought i weighed (she bought me something that was xxl) and she responed with all seriousness "230 -240" .... i dont even know what that says about how she sees the world.

yeah i have a lot of resentment bottled up for her. a child wants their parents to want for their happiness and to be happy for them and proud of them. thats just never going to happen. my mother told me once " i hope youre not thinking about getting married you dont want to get married until youre at least in your 30's and have kids in your 40's" shes 65.... so basically she wants to be nearly 6ft under pushing up daisies when i have kids. and i told her " well i think thats my and M's choice when we do that not really yours. if you want when we do get married theres that bit about objections you can try to speak up then if youre invited."

i love my dad i used to have big issues with him but now we are mending our relationship and hes the only reason i go around any more seeing them 2 times a week i try to show up when i know my mother wont be home. he had a heart attack a year and a half ago and my mother actually put the blame on me. i know she was distressed and upset but i still remember it and wonder if she actually did blame me for it. though with the crazy that come out of her i wouldnt be surprised. oh theres just so much more. she is soooo ashamed of me that in the entire house there are only 2 pictures of me one when i was 13 and one when i was 2. you would think they only had one daughter. i could keep going but i wont ive ranted more than enough.

its not just MIL's its mothers too. crazy crazy crazy.

 

[whitelop]

Lauren, I'm sorry your mother is like that.
I have a good relationship with both of my parents. My mom does make me nuts most of the time, shes just over bearing sometimes. But she means well. Your mother should never put you down like that, thats not fair. Like you said, you're not supposed to do that to your kids. You're supposed to make them feel good about themselves when everyone else fails to do so. Just remember when you have kids, don't favor one over the other, don't do the same thing that your mom does to you to your children. Stop that family trend. That actually hurt my heart a little reading that, because its not fair at all. I know life isn't fair, but as parents we have to give our kids the best fighting change possible. We're supposed to be there to pick up the pieces, not create the breaks. We're supposed to protect our children for all the bad in the world, not be the wrong-doers.
I don't blame you for not talking to your mom very often, the best thing to do is get that negitivity out of your life.

My MIL favors my husbands sister over my husband. I don't know why, shes almost 27, lives at home with my MIL, doesn't work and is 'unhappy' with her life because shes a weirdo. She spends most of her time playing World of Warcraft. She wouldn't know what the weather was outside unless she saw it on the internet. But, my MIL does everything for her. Pays her bills, pays for her things. She bought her a $1200 computer because she "needed a new computer." Her old computer was the best computer I've ever used. It opened programs in 1 second but it was too slow for her, she needed the programs to open in .2 seconds. Just ridiculous.
Its not the way to treat your children. I only have one kid and I know if we have more, I'll never choose one over the other.

Just remember Lauren, its nothing that you did. Its a flaw in your mothers brain. I'm sorry that you have/had to live that.

 

[MiniLopHop]

Lauren, I'm so sorry your mom is like that :hug: It really sounds like she has some serious body issues herself and just can't get past them. Some people just should not have children because they aren't mature enough to take care of the child's needs before their own. You might want to check out the book "Mothering without a map"
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0143034863/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20
I found it very helpful thinking about having children with such a crappy mother figure. My mom suffered from severe depression and I grew up invisible to her. That was still prefereable to my step-monster that sounds a lot like your mom.

I also would take my husband's family over mine any day.

Although my MIL was hard on Joshua when he was a little boy. She ment well but made thigns worse. His brothers were skinny so they could eat junk. He was always a chubby little kid so she wouldn't let him have the same things, yet didn't get him to eat vegetables either. He turned into a secrative eater. She's a whackadoodle, but has a good heart. She was fat for a very long time and was trying to help him.

With a bit of happy news, I earned my 25 pounds lost charm at WW last night! That covers the last 15 weeks. I love the new group, it is so much more positive and open. I will never do a group at work again. I feel so much more energized and motivated.

 

[whitelop]

Congratulations Brandy!
Oh, btw I saw your pictures from when you had Wendell the Wandering Rabbit, and I think you're adorable! I know that probably sounds weird for one adult to say to another adult. But, I think you have the most comforting smile!

 

[MiniLopHop]

:blushan: Thanks, that is very sweet. Perhaps that is why people talk to me about their problems a lot. I try to listen and help. :hug:

 

[Nancy McClelland]

Just remember, a critic is the person who couldn't do the job to begin with. Ours is a food critic that could burn water.

 

[holtzchick]

I actually also love my mother and step father in law however, I really dislike my father in law... Maybe I am biased since my mother in law told me how he emotionally scarred her after their divorce and how much of a liar he is. It's true, my boyfriend is a liar but he's working on it, he lies about things that really don't matter and he gets it from his dads side of the family.

When I met his dad, he tried to be nice, although in the first 10 minutes I realized how egoistic he is and frankly I would be surprised if he actually liked me since everything I seemed to say, he seemed to say something completely opposite on purpose. He lives in Texas so he hasn't seen his son in years and was never a good father to him growing up. My boyfriends step dad raised and continues to this day raise him. So anyways, his idea of a "hey, I haven't seen you in years" gift was to give a Texas mickey of vodka which they drank the first night.

He also slept in our apartment for the next and the next day ditched us for some "friends" and then left. :/

Then I decided he was a real ass when my MIL called and told me that he absolutely hates Phoenix. She was nothing but sweet during his visit and giving him kisses many times. That man bothers me so much I could vent all day. The fact that he has spawned so many children makes me feel sorry for them. !!

 

[CharmmyBunny]

oh i know ive learned after years of it that my mom im sorry to say there was a reson she adopted both me and my sister (my sister and i are biological sisters so... who knows) but some people shouldnt have kids. ill probably never really and truely forgive her for it all but ill always give her the chance to try and change. every time i do go to see her its with the mind set that we wont get into a fight and that shes actually going to be nice this time. im still waiting for it to work but if you think it it could happen. parents are so important to a person and yeah they should be there to pick up the pices and not make them. but i have my friends to help me up along the way. so maybe one day she will get over it. shes does have seriosu body issues i dont know why. her ideal pants size is a 00 yes a double zero. so being a size 12- 14 HOLLLLYYYY COW. at least in her mind oh well. im happy with how i look. im cute! so bite me mom.

ill always remember how my mom favored and i will never do that to my kids. ill never forget when one of my aunts came up to me and said how shocked she was how i turned out considering how my mom treated us so differently. it was a bit of a throw back because i was convinced for a long time it was just me. and then everyone else started seeing it too. people think i exxaggerate when i tell them. when i first took my bf to meet my parents i warned him " so 1 my mom is crazy 2. youre not going to think i live there but i do. i am their dughter there wont be any evidence of that but its the truth. and 3. just watch the fireworks fly. " he was just stunned after he met them gave me a hug and a kiss and put a picture of me up in our place together. it was the saddest sweetest thing ever.

 

[MagPie]

I don't care much for my sister's in laws. Good thing I don't have to see them often haha.

 

[holtzchick]

haha. I have a brother in law but he secretly worships us... it's awesome

 

[kuniklos]

Take some solace in the thought that people that uptight are seldom very happy.

And she couldn't possibly be very happy without bunnies! Am I right? :biggrin2:

 

[Nancy McClelland]

:yeahthat:

 

[Imbrium]

I know I'm a hell of a lot happier now that I have bunns

 

[MagPie]

Bunns make the world go round

 

[whitelop]

So yesterday I went to the store to get some rabbit food, a toy for her and some dog bones. I was in the store with my son for 4 minutes, I get back out and my car wouldn't start!
I called my husband, he said to call my MIL for her to come get me and then I would go get him and we would go and figure out what was wrong with the car.
So I called her and this is how the conversation went:
Me: Hey, are you busy right now?
Her: Just painting, whats up?
Me: my car won't start, I'm in town. Could you come and get me and AJ?
Her: Yeah, I have about 10 more minutes of painting left and then we'll clean everything up and head that way.

I gave her the address and she put it in the GPS. IT TOOK HER 45 FREAKING MINUTES FOR HER TO GET THERE TO GET MY SON AND I! We were in a parking lot of the animal supply store, thank god I know the owner of the store and he was SO helpful. Then we loaded my car onto the trailer and we gouged the hell out of the side of it. Oh well.

My thing is, she finished painting whatever it was she was painting and THEN came to get me. Don't get me wrong, I really really appreciate her and my FIL coming to get me, but when someone calls me with something like that; I drop everything I'm doing and go to them!
MY mom thought it was ridiculous, but she was at work and I didn't want to bother her, my MIL was closer.
My husband was pissed when I told him how long it took them to get there because they had to finish doing something!

Ughh. I don't want to sound inconsiderate, because they did come to get me and my son. Its just the amount of time it took them and just the lack of care when I was on the phone with her.

My husband and I share a car thats why he didn't come get me. hahaha. The only thing I needed to do yesterday was get rabbit food. I got it!

 

[CosmosMomma]

I'd be p*ssed too. What if it had been the dead of winter and freezing outside? Would she have left you and the baby in the freezing air for 45 minutes so she could finish painting?

Nice to know where your priorities lie, lady. D:

 

[whitelop]

This time it isn't my MIL its my FIL. He is the true crazy one out of the two. They want us to move into their house so my FIL can move to Chicago to be with my MIL. Our conditions were that my FIL be moved out because we can't live with him. He's very difficult, we also wanted my SIL to take her cat back to Chicago with her as I have 4 cats of my own. Those aren't very hard things to accomplish. As we talked about it more, my FIL said that we could all live together and he could do some work (unnecessary work) to the house, while we lived there. Then he could go back and forth between Chicago and here. We said no. Then we didn't talk about it for a few weeks. Now they want to move my SIL to the house and my FIL to Chicago. (they can't live together, she is also very difficult) They want us to live with my SIL in the house. I told my husband no, that I'm not going to take care of another adult, that I'm not going to clean up after another adult and that I'm not going to spend my days with her. (She's a know-it-all and thinks she's smarter and better than everyone, she also doesn't work, doesn't want to work and has no intention of working. Her mom pays all her bills and coddles her. She's also lazy and doesn't clean up after herself) He understands and doesn't want to live with her either.
We haven't really told them that we don't want to move in. We just bought a new wood burning stove and we're doing repairs to our house, so they know where not moving in any time soon. So my FIL came over the other night to look at the chimney and I asked him to look at our kitchen floor to see what he thought about doing to it to make it better. My rabbit is in the kitchen. She was in her cage at the time. The hub went over the next night to help my FIL and my FIL went on and on about the rabbit! He said that if we moved into the house, we couldn't have the rabbit in the house. That we had to put her outside or in the garage. I don't mind outdoor rabbits as long as their taken care of, but my rabbit has never lived outside or in a garage. She has been with me her whole life and would probably think I was abandoning her if we put her out. Which I'm not going to do. My husband said no to putting her outside and tried to tell him in a nice way that we probably weren't going to move in.
We have to handle my FIL with kid gloves, because hes unstable.

The only reason he brought up the rabbit was because she was the last animal that he saw at our house. So she was freshest in his memory. But with him, it starts with the rabbit and then goes to the cats then chickens. Then I'm not allowed to have any animals there because he's insane.

We're not moving there, so its not really a big deal. But I have to tell them this weekend that we're not moving into the house and that should go really well. NOT. My SIL will be there too, so it should be interesting. I just don't want to sacrifice my happiness and my rabbits happiness to live in a bigger house.

Sorry this is so long, I just had to give some back story and explain it to people who understand rabbits and why I want her in the house with me. I'm sure others have had difficulties with in-laws and rabbits and/or other animals. So I'm sure someone can understand where I'm coming from.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

We moved 800 miles away from family and just love it.

 

[Anaira]

If you already have a house, then why would you move just because they want you to? Just tell them you don't agree with their terms and conditions. If they get nasty, just tell them the rabbit, cats, and chickens are more important to them than they are. That should get them out of your hair for a bit. Oh, and are better living companions, as they're tidier, cleaner, and generally nicer natured!