I don't like my MIL

[whitelop]

There I said it! I don't like my mother in law!
AHHHHH. I went to the grocery store yesterday and forgot to get coffee. I live on coffee and get terrible headaches if I don't have any. Today was day two with no coffee, so I broke down and called her and asked her to bring me some coffee.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID THAT TO MYSELF. I should have just dealt with the headache!
My mother in law is nice. But she is a fake nice, the kind of person who always has a smile on her face and doesn't really mean it. She is an airline executive and makes the bucks to prove it. Not to mention that shes PERFECT! She works harder than anyone, got 3 promotions in one year and always has a clean perfect house. She's a good cook and does everything just right. She doesn't live her full time, she lives in Chicago. The house they have here is HUGE and nice. My house is not huge or nice.
Its a farm house thats older than dirt and its about 900 square feet with a half story, so like an upstairs loft room. My husband just brought our new wood stove in to measure for the floor and my house is turned upside down.
So she comes in and I see the judgment in her eyes! Judging me and my house. I hate it.
I love my house, its special to me. It leans like a sonofabitch, half of the floors in it are raw wood and hard to clean. My stove and fridge are from the 70s and they're olive green. But they match my house, which is olive green too! With a rusted tin roof. Awwww yeah! Everything matches. My in laws hate this house and they let us know all the time how much they hate it. They don't think its good enough, and sure it might not be. But we're comfortable here.

Look y'all, I'm not June Cleaver. I'm a stay at home mom, yes. But my house is FAR from spotless. I have animals in and out all the time. A poop machine that I call a rabbit and dog that smells to high heavens because I haven't gotten around to bathing him yet. I do the basic cleaning everyday and cook a good meal every night. I don't know what that woman wants from me.

She never comes over here because we know how she feels about the house, but I needed the coffee today. (I sold my car earlier this year because I didn't need it. I never drive anywhere and when I do I use my husbands car, its not a big deal because I don't really have anywhere to go.)
As soon as she walked in, I could see the judgement and it makes me feel small and sick. It makes me feel like I can't do anything good enough or up to their incredibly high standards. I know its probably silly to make all those assumptions just based on the way she was looking, but I know thats what she's thinking.

I know a few of you have out spoken and crazy mother in laws, but do they ever make you feel small and incapable?
I feel like I want to cry right now.
So has the horrible mother in laws? I want to know that I'm not the only one. They don't call them Monster-In-Laws for nothing!
Thanks for listening to me rant!

 

[MiniLopHop]

Morgan, :hug: no you are not alone!

For me it is my step-monster. She is always super critical and nothing is good enough.

I suggest taming your inner gremlin: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0060520221/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20

It is a cute book on how to stop the inner voices that we all have from being so nasty and hard on ourselves.

Tell your MIL that if the house bothers her so much then SHE can clean it or get you a new one, that should shut her up.

I signed up for a 10 week on line cleaning/organizing class. Part of it is taking before/after photos of what you were able to accomplish. At first I didn't want to partissipate because my house isn't close to as big and fancy as the other people's in the class (that posted first). I have miss matched furniture and no style to speak of, but it is my home and we are comfortable. I have very happy rescue pets and that means the world to me. I decided that if they didn't like it they could kiss my behind. The funny thing is that after I posted my pictures, others with smaller less fancy homes did too.

Don't let her intimidate you. I would be much more comfortable visiting you in your home, which sounds very welcoming, than her in her mcmansion any day. If you and your family are content that is all that matters.

 

[whitelop]

Hahaha. We did tell her if she didn't like it then she could put the down payment down on a new house for us! She ignored it.
My home is very welcoming. Its filled with old things and things that I've collected and my mom has collected. We have a love for antiques and they haven't looked better in any other house we've lived in. Here, they fit. It looks like they were part of the house. We have cook outs and get togethers here and people are SO comfortable in our yard and in our house. I know I love it, but she is just such a ....

 

[CosmosMomma]

I'd rather live in a dusty old farmhouse than a NYC loft. I'm a down home kinda girl though and I like homes with character. Right now I live with my parents in a 2br apartment, and it's hectic.

For me the mosnter is my dad though. He's an (donkey) and he treats everyone like crap. I love him, because he's my dad, but man I can't stand him. Add to that the fact that since his heart attack he's been insufferable, and it's just made him even more lazy. Rent and bills for this place comes to about $900 a month, and that's most of my mom's paycheck (I need to find a job but I don't have my diploma or GED so it's tough), and then we have about $150 left for groceries and pet supplies.

He also NEVER. FREAKING. SHOWERS. >:[ srsly he takes a shower like every 5-6 months.

Lets just take all our "monsters" and throw them in a room together and let them duke it out.

 

[Imbrium]

I'm familiar with that sort of judgmental person. my maternal grandmother is one of them, except she actually says stuff out loud... I remember her criticizing my weight when I was like 10 - 'cause girls that age need less self-esteem, you know? especially less than a year after their dad dies...

just remind yourself she'll go away soon enough and you can go back to enjoying your warm, loving, animal-filled home in peace! who gives a darn what she thinks? she doesn't live there. if you're happy with your home, that's all that matters - anyone who has snarky comments to make or even just think can GTFO. houses are meant to be lived in and if you enjoy your time in them, they're not gonna look spotless and brand new every second of every day (especially older ones).

oh, and if it makes you feel better, I find that people who seem perfect in every aspect of their lives have some sort of hidden imperfection or unhappiness just like everyone else... and even if they don't, there's no need to measure yourself by people like that - they're few and far between and most of us are a good bit more human

 

[whitelop]

God, I LOVE the word snarky! I've seen it a few times today and I use it often, I LOVE IT!

 

[MiniLopHop]

That is such a great description! I got bullied indirectly at weight watchers last week. That is the perfect description of what happened. She was being mean just to be mean, yet in this case she didn't have the guts to say it to my face, just raised her voice to make sure the whole room heard what she had to say.

How can people like that live with themselves?

In my step-monster's case she has said little things here and there that she didn't intend to be so mean when we were kids. I just let her squirm, I only see her and my father once a year so I'm not letting her off the hook. She would literally have room inspections. If we didn't tuck in the bed corners tight enough or she found streaks on the windows you would think we murdered someone.

 

[whitelop]

You had an issue at weight watches? Aren't you going there to help yourself, and make yourself feel better? Thats horrible. Why are those people there if they aren't trying to help themselves too?! Wow, that just got my blood pressure up!
That kind of thing makes me crazy, because that should be a judgment free zone. Weight sensitivities are a hard thing to deal with, I know, because I have them. I think that places like weight watchers and gyms should all be judgement free. You're not going there to cast stones, you're going there to become more healthy.
Thats why I like animals more than I like people.

My step mom was a pain too. When she and my dad got married, I was 15. So I was already a whole person who had a personality and she couldn't make me into what she wanted me to be. A debutaunt. And I am no debutaunt! She was horrible to me. I'm sure I was difficult, I was a teenager. But she was very critical of me and treated me very different from her own daughter. They got divorced when I was 18 because of that.

 

[CosmosMomma]

Brandy that sounds like how my Aunt was with her kids, and my sister is with her son.

Example: On the phone yesterday with my sister I heard her tell my nephew "Fold your clothes and put them away right. I'm coming in your room in a half hour and if everything isn't folded and put away correctly i'm dumping every drawer" That irked me to no end because it was done to her as a child and she HATED IT.

Well, my nephew is 8 and becoming a little smarty pants so he replied "are your clothes properly folded? I'm going in your room now and I'll dump everything if you dump my clothes" lmfao. Payback.

 

[kmaben]

Yikes! I got super lucky I guess. It's just my husbands mom and his grandmother that passed recently. They both love me for some reason. He has two brothers and his twin is a complete idiot. His mother is the soft spoken Mexican housewife type. She doesn't want to step on anyone's toes or have the boys get into fights. I just recently chewed his twin out in front of God and everyone for being an inconsiderate donkey to his family during a difficult time. Then my mom has to step in to protect the mother in law. They probably think we're the monster in laws!

 

[Imbrium]

hahaha... so he figured out two can play that game, eh? how fun

 

[MiniLopHop]

That's a brave little kid! I think I would have been beaten within an inch of my life for just saying that. I hope it didn't get him into trouble.

The main argument she had was that because I had gastric bypass I took the easy way out, so nothing I said had any value. I have worked my @$$ off! I hate to blame genetics, but in my case I really think it is true. Anyway, I am 113 pounds lighter and still going. I'm off meds and feeling so much better, so she can just suck my big toe. I am going to a differnt meeting now and not going to tell anyone other than the leader about my past (I don't use the full points for my weight because of it).

I feel very blessed that my inlaws are wonderful and have always been welcoming. I will never forget meeting my MIL for the first time. My husband is a geek, very much into chess and history so he never dated much. When he said he was bringing home someone special for Thanksgiving he didn't specify much. When she opened the door she said with a happy face "oh, your a girl!" Apparently they all thought he was gay because he was too shy to ask girls out.

 

[whitelop]

Brandy, congratulations on job well done in weight loss! Thats an amazing thing and it just put a huge smile on my face! I'm glad you changed meetings and it isn't fair for them to say you took the easy way out. I don't think there is such a thing as an easy way! Congratulations! :highfive:

 

[CosmosMomma]

Brandy, I don't think he got into trouble, except maybe his video games taken away. My sister is a "holier than thou" type "Christian" and I put Christian in quotes because she doesn't act it. Over the past few months she has changed a lot and is becoming "Conservative" and does believe in corporal punishment.

The one thing that irks me the most though is she's turned her back on our mother, because she thinks my mom "gave up" on her (my sister's) abusive dad, when she divorced him and gave my aunt custody of the kids to protect them.

I'm proud of you for the weight loss too! I'm about 190lbs, if not more, and I'm not "fat" by any means, but I have family members that are constantly telling me I'm fat and "huge" and need to lose weight. -.-

 

[MiniLopHop]

Thanks guys. I still have a long way to go, but I had a super doctor's appointment this morning for my 6-month check. No more blood pressure, cholesterol, or diabetes (was on two) medicines! I got it from both sides of the family, but not any more. My grandmother was 400 pounds, so we are all very large. I topped out at 339, so super obese. Now I'm just obese. I feel like I have finally taken charge of my life in so many ways. I have also learned to tell people off rather than letting them hurt me so easily with their judgements.

Why do people think it is ok to comment on other's weight? If I had one more doctor tell me to eat less and exercise more I was going to be violent, but at least it is their job. My step-monster was horrible about my weight too and she had no excuses. I was 200 pounds by 6th grade so you can imagine what the other kids said. It feels like fat people are the last group it is ok to publically make fun of. It makes me angry.

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Well, I think everyone that has commented on this post has commented on my post about my MIL. I cant stand her either. The sad thing is, she is nice to my face because of my husband, and I am nice to her face for the same reason. We dont want my hubby to feel uncomfortable. Needless to say, we are 2 faced to eachother. Really sad. I keep my house pretty clean, always cook a good meal (unless Im sick), always clean laundry, Audrina is always clean...but yet she still finds the time to complain. When I moved into this house when me and my husband started dating, IT WAS A WRECK!!!! It took me nearly a month to get everything organized and cleaned. My husband also had 2 cats (one died not long after I moved in, I made him get her spayed because she was peeing on everything and 2 weeks later we found her dead, really sad). So then he got me my own cat. SHE THREW A FIT! Didnt want us to have the cats. i told her "until you start paying our bills, you have no business telling us what we can and cant have". And that is where it all started. Then we got the dog. OMG I thought she was going to have a heart attack (but yet she has 3 dogs). But it was ok, because the dog was for our daughter. But then when we got Olivia, she laid into me. I guess because Olivia was strictly my pet, she had a huge problem with it. I told her to shove it.

When my husband an i got together, the MIL was on all of his bank accounts. He was a total momma's boy. he had no idea what bills he had because she would go into his account and pay his bills online. So when we got married he went to take her off of his accounts and put me on and she said "Why dont you keep me on your accounts and open Rachel her own account and put money in it for her every week" SERIOUSLY!!!! Ugghhh, I cant wait to move!

 

[bethepoet]

It's so good to hear people with stories about awful MILs, I only ever hear people saying how much they love theirs.

My MIL resents my OH and his sisters because they "stole her youth", but being the only male, OH got the brunt of it and she used him as an emotional crutch until he met me. She got very jealous and judged me/my family, but she hid it well. Just when we thought she was trying to help us, we committed to moving in with her for six months and it was then that her true colours came out. She bullied us for money, while allowing my OH's youngest sister to live there for free. She b*itched about us constantly to everyone else, it came to the point where everyone would go out for 'family night' without asking us, to "give her a break". I was the only one who ever did housework (the home they were raised in was filthy - my OH still has trouble understanding what 'mess' is to this day), but it was never clean enough. It was just hell, and in the end she went on holiday (the third free holiday in a year), came back and said we were making HER ill and SHE had to leave. So she did. Then she came back and gutted the house. It WAS her stuff, no arguments there. But she had moved into her brothers house, and had nowhere to store it, whereas we were still using everything as we were dirt poor and didn't own a thing. I'm talking the washing machine, internet router, even the pots and pans and cutlery. Nothing she needed, she was just doing it to be spiteful. We ended up spending what little money we had on junk food and basically squatting in our own bedroom until my mother could organize a van to come get us and what little we did have.

That was two years ago now, and I don't think my OH will ever get over it. We don't speak to/see her, obviously, haha.

Ooops, sorry about the big long chapter.

 

[CosmosMomma]

You guys and your evil mother in laws are scaring me away from ever getting married/close to it :shock: I'm not very good at holding my tongue so I'm sure It would be a war and OH would be stuck between the MIL and I.

Thankfully I'm single (well, I call my kitty my husband, cause he's bossy), and don't have to worry about that right now. :nope:

 

[Nancy McClelland]

The only good thing I can say about my MIL is that she's so old she shouldn't be gracing us with her presence much long, I hope!

 

[bethepoet]

Nancy McClelland wrote:

The only good thing I can say about my MIL is that she's so old she shouldn't be gracing us with her presence much long, I hope!

Hahaha!