Leader of the Pack
Well-Known Member
GoinBackToCali wrote:
Isn't it interesting, that without realizing it as parents, that we can be as selfish as we accuse our grown children of being.
Our son is 26 and single, and an only child. He was given a choice shortly after graduating high school...either respect "our" home, take part in the responsibilities that were "our home" and obey the rules or find some place else to live. He chose to move out. The only time he ever called after that was when he needed something as well. His father and I both felt totally used and abused. Not being able to support him finacially made it easier for us to say "no" when he got himself into jams caused by being irresponsible. We never stopped wanting to help him; we never wanted him to move out in the first place...but there comes a time in the lives of your children when you have to put your foot down and give them as good as they give you.
Our son told us he wanted to be treated like an adult and with respect. The feeling is mutual. Lines of communication work both ways. Andwe havehad our son express jelousy over the care we give our 4 legged family, as oppossed to being able to spend the money on him. But his father and Iraised him to be independent, and at some point, just like my parents expected of me, we expected our son to be able to support himself.We don't ask for money from him, so why should he continue to think that our money is his?
As a MOTHER it is very hard to distance yourself from your child because they, verbally or by their actions, pull away from you. I know to well that sunken feeling that comes from picking up the telephone only to have him ask for money...but it gets easier to change the subject and try to encourage means of support that are on a more "adult" level...which doesn't always mean handing out the green stuff. And our son is slowly beginning to come around. Most important, so am I.
As a mother, I am as guilty as he is of being selfish.He comes to me with his problems, which is something kids do...and I get ticked off because it feels like he's using me. Then he gets angry because he starts feeling like he can never do anything right in my eyes. It becomes a vicious cycle.I don't think your daughter should be "slapped" for the fact that she was able to make a mature decision about a baby name on her own. As a parent, we should try hard to recognize that as an effort AT LEAST at being the adult we keep telling them to "grow up and be". As hard as it may be for the mother in you to keep trying to bridge a gap that your daughter doesn't seem to want to meet you half way over, if it were me, I wouldn't give up trying. Especially when grandchildren are involved.
I was a divorced young mother who relied on her parents for assistance until my son was 3 years old. I remember all to well how hard it was to "tow the line" living both as a child under my parents roof, and a new, single mother. Its a very hard time for all, but you just take each situation that comes day by day and most important, never give up on them.
Isn't it interesting, that without realizing it as parents, that we can be as selfish as we accuse our grown children of being.
Our son is 26 and single, and an only child. He was given a choice shortly after graduating high school...either respect "our" home, take part in the responsibilities that were "our home" and obey the rules or find some place else to live. He chose to move out. The only time he ever called after that was when he needed something as well. His father and I both felt totally used and abused. Not being able to support him finacially made it easier for us to say "no" when he got himself into jams caused by being irresponsible. We never stopped wanting to help him; we never wanted him to move out in the first place...but there comes a time in the lives of your children when you have to put your foot down and give them as good as they give you.
Our son told us he wanted to be treated like an adult and with respect. The feeling is mutual. Lines of communication work both ways. Andwe havehad our son express jelousy over the care we give our 4 legged family, as oppossed to being able to spend the money on him. But his father and Iraised him to be independent, and at some point, just like my parents expected of me, we expected our son to be able to support himself.We don't ask for money from him, so why should he continue to think that our money is his?
As a MOTHER it is very hard to distance yourself from your child because they, verbally or by their actions, pull away from you. I know to well that sunken feeling that comes from picking up the telephone only to have him ask for money...but it gets easier to change the subject and try to encourage means of support that are on a more "adult" level...which doesn't always mean handing out the green stuff. And our son is slowly beginning to come around. Most important, so am I.
As a mother, I am as guilty as he is of being selfish.He comes to me with his problems, which is something kids do...and I get ticked off because it feels like he's using me. Then he gets angry because he starts feeling like he can never do anything right in my eyes. It becomes a vicious cycle.I don't think your daughter should be "slapped" for the fact that she was able to make a mature decision about a baby name on her own. As a parent, we should try hard to recognize that as an effort AT LEAST at being the adult we keep telling them to "grow up and be". As hard as it may be for the mother in you to keep trying to bridge a gap that your daughter doesn't seem to want to meet you half way over, if it were me, I wouldn't give up trying. Especially when grandchildren are involved.
I was a divorced young mother who relied on her parents for assistance until my son was 3 years old. I remember all to well how hard it was to "tow the line" living both as a child under my parents roof, and a new, single mother. Its a very hard time for all, but you just take each situation that comes day by day and most important, never give up on them.
