How do I know...

[Orchid]

I am sure you have had a million responses to this, and no I have not read them, but did want to add my 2cents for what it is worth. I am legally disabled due to such severe depression I am unable to hold gainful employment...
I have been seeing, talking or whatever with someonne since I was like 11....

It took me a long time for me to understand this, but really...it is not your fault or something you may have any control over.

I would suggest making an appt with a therapist first. Find someone in your insurance plan and start there. If you do not like them, try someone else, do not think you have to stay with someone because you started there. Docs are great for meds yeah...but it is the therapists who get to know you and understand you better and the suggestions they may make, might be a better educated guess, than just popping into a docs office and asking for pills....

I am a Bi-polar(manic depressive), Borderline Personality Disorder...and I have fun filled extras like PTSD, Panic attacks...and I always forget how to spell it...Argoaphic.(I get scared to leave my house at times)

Before I could come to terms with what was really going on with me, my life was a nightmare roller coaster of madness...really.

one of the biggest set offs I think people like me/us/you...have is when we start to not sleep...we will get nutty,moodier...and I do believe for a woman, our pms cycle really plays into things making it worse.

You may not need meds, just some one to talk to.
You might need both, but only for a time,
you might need both, for long term...but the one thing great about all this,...is it is all so common now,...no one really looks at you like you are crazy Cause we allz a little nutz....

So with my slight attempt at humor....please understand you have my best wishes...
Try to get some sleep, maybe some Tylenol PM...getting good sleep usually starts turning people around a bit. Find a therapist you can afford and one you LIKE..that is important...cause if you do not like them you will find over time that you are not all honest and hold things back, which could help you if they came out....
Maybe a doc and some scripts is in your future...do not be afraid to speak up if pills mess you up too much, but also know some take time to adjust to.
I was on 200mg of seroquel to help me sleep...well it worked, but I slept for 15 hours a day, got lost driving, like I didnt know how I was getting places and could not remember anyhthing...yet...come down to 100 at night and 50 in the am...and I am doing alright! Meds, body chemistry...all strange and wacky stuff...

and a side note....Chantix, the quit smoking med is known to mess people up...mess up body chemistry, create severe anger, ansgt,..etc...and interact badly with some other meds....I swear some days I think I am the only person I know who was able to take it and be ok...and quit....

Forgive me...but I have not been able to sleep too well myself the last few days and am in a bit of manic mode which leads to LOTS of typing


At least when I have a signal that is...

I really do hope you are starting to feel better, even if it is just with the support the wonderful people here at RO have so far offered you,...and know...You are SO NOT ALONE....

hugs...

 

[kirbyultra]

First of all - Thank you to everyone who continue to offer their advice, insight and experience. I truly appreciate it - really, I do. It means a lot to me.

Right now though...

I just hit the roof. I just opened a letter... My stupid company raised our copays for specialists to $25 a visit but they have lifted the previous limit on NUMBER of mental health visits.

Yeah it makes sense. Work us to death, make us pay more so you can pay less, and then prettymuch expect us to have mental stability issues so you lift the limit on number of visits to the therapists. It makes sense.:X

Copayof prescription drugs also tripled. Also wonderful.

Thanks, Fortune 500 company. You really suck. I hate my job. I hate what it's made me become. I've become ... I don't even know what I've become. I just don't even recognize myself anymore sometimes.

I'm sorry - I am having such a bout of anger right now. I really need to make the phone call tomorrow. I'm so tired and I can't sleep again. I haven't slept in almost 3 days. I've been exhausted for at least a month. I really need to sleep. But I am so fired up and sooo itchy that I can't sleep.

:tears2:

 

[kirbyultra]

Dunno if anyone wants the gory details but I went for my free session. It was both good and further depressing. I always knew things were messed up but it wasn't until I was saying it aloud and having another human being hearing it that I realized the degree of suckage it was. The session ended too early I feel, but she referred me to a long term therapist........

That's not going too well. I called her and left a voicemail. She called me back and left me a vm. I called her back and left another voicemail. Then never heard back. We never even made an appt.

I feel rejected even though it's silly. I told my friend who is also starting therapy... We are pushing each other along but she seems to be getting on better. She encouraged me to email the therapist I saw before an asked her for advice on what to do. She replied and said coincidentally she spoke to my referral and that therapist thought I stopped responding.

Maybe it was a huge mistake between us. I thought email might be aN easier to connect and make an appt since I keep missing calls on my cell at work. I looked her up online and found her on psychology today. I emailed her through the service - no reply yet.

The first therapist also said if I was no longer comfortable with that referral she recommended two others and I could give them a call.

I have options but now that I've made a couple moves and feel no further along, I'm scared and discouraged again. Work is getting rougher on me by the day... Some days are ok, some are bad. More and more the bad outweighs the good. Sigh. Is there really help out there for me?

 

[Wabbitdad12]

Don't give up, what ever you do, don't give up.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

I think it would be a good idea to contact this new therapist by phone and email simultaneously, as there seems to be a communication gap (for whatever reason).

It isn't personal, Helen.:hug: I know your disappointed and feeling frustrated, but to me it is currently looking like a few missed connections right now. If the communication errors persist to the point where you find it unacceptable, then yes, I would go with another person.

Glad to know that you are persevering in your quest!

 

[tonyshuman]

I agree. It's a very difficult and busy time for therapists--a lot of people need extra help around the holidays--so she may not be as on top of her messages as she should be, perhaps she accidentally deleted your last message. Sometimes you have to work hard to get the care you need, but that's just the health care system's way of making sure you're serious about needing help, it seems.

I remember talking on the phone with a person who was supposed to assess me and assign me to the right therapist when I was first looking for a person, and was in a really bad place--it was terrible and embarassing and made me feel much worse. That system sucks, I think, but it's what they have to do, it seems.

 

[Bo B Bunny]

I have similar things happen around my PMSing.... I actually have PMDD most likely. I take Zoloft and have for many years. In addition I take Wellbutrin. I have a depression issue on top of the PMS issues. I don't like being on the medicines but it's a lot better than the Hell I was going through before. Mine started getting very bad after I had kids.... I think the PMS thing got worse. I am really lucky to have a doc that is very educated in these issues - I wouldn't trust just anyone.

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Oh, and We are here for you, and care about you so be strong and if you need a shoulder, please feel free to use mine.

 

[kirbyultra]

I finally met up with my therapist and we've had 2 sessions so far. They've been good. She is very kind and understanding. There haven't really been too many awkward moments. I feel like I can talk to her and she's not judgemental. She's just nice, which is what I liked about her. The first person that was from the referral company who's also a therapist was very understanding but she was just a bit on the pushy side. My friend likes that lady a lot, but I don't think my personality and state of mindon these particular topics can take any more pressure and pushiness, so my nice lady suits me just fine. I am actually glad that I made the effort to continue to contact her and have a couple sessions. So far she's been great and it's been a positive experience. It's kind of a pain to try to make it out to her office but afterwards I do feel that it wasworth it.

No one's suggesting that I get medicated so perhaps I'm not as worse off as I thought. I do feel that I can "deal" with my life a little more than a few weeks ago. Even though it's just barely an improvement, any improvement to me these days is a huge, huge step. At least in my mind, it's not getting *worse*. I don't feel like I"m falling in deeper and deeper anymore.

I am so glad that I am getting myself on the right track. I guess talking about it really does help. I never thought it'd be much of a difference from talking to just anyone, but in fact, talking to someone who is not actually in my life does help me get an honest perspective.

 

[Wabbitdad12]

:great::woohoo

 

[JadeIcing]

It is amazing what talking can do for you.