How do I know...

[kirbyultra]

Do you just go to the doc you see for a cold and flu and tell him your issues and feelings and problems dealing with things in life and he diagnoses you or refers you to some specialist?

I've always suspected I may have a real issue but I just don't know how to deal with it. Usually it goes away after while and life goes on. Things have been better since marriage and having my bunnies around. But lately minute to minute, hour by hour, my temper and mood can swing wildly. Sometimes I'm fine and then next minute I am going nuts in my mind over something or worried about the buns or dreading having to go on with my diet.... At night trying to sleep is the worst, like right now I cannot sleep and keep reading forum threads on my phone. I just don't know how to deal with tomorrow sometimes, especially hating my job. I mean I think I need some help. I don't know where to start.

 

[Happi Bun]

I'm going to be honest here, I'm worried for you. What you are experiencing sounds shockingly similar to my symptoms before being hospitalized at a mental health facility and diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder. I could literally go from happy and fine to hysterical within seconds, so very severe mood swings. I lost interest in everything and became very dark and withdrawn. Oh and I developed insomnia.

Originally I went to my regular Doctor and was put on Lexapro . It helped for a short time, but stopped after I sunk deeper into the illness. I started to spiral out of control and became suicidal. I was already in therapy, my therapist saw the immediate danger I was in and made me voluntarily admit myself into the hospital (was that or go in a police car).

After I was diagnosed, I was put on a different med which totally turned me around; for a while at least. That was when I started seeing a psychiatrist. Through much trial and error of different medications and intense therapy I'm finally where I'm at today, my depression symptoms are gone. Sure I still have my moments, but I'm in control. There is also the fear of relapse, but I'm more aware now of the symptoms. Now I'm on a very low dose of Lexapro (ironically the med I started with that didn't help, just shows I'm more in control) and a medication for my continuous insomnia.

Honestly, the best thing would be to see a psychiatrist (which is a Doctor for mental health) and even get into therapy to learn helpful skills and about yourself. Your regular Doctor will have limited training when it comes to depression and the correct ways to go about treating it. Psychiatrist go to school and clinic's, not to mention they are kept up to date on the latest developments in their field.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Yes, visiting the GP is a very good place to start. They can refer you to a huge network of awesome people in your area... spiritual counsellors can be found, psychologists, therapists, just someone to talk to who can empathize.

(It's probably easier than cold-calling a psych office, and saying Hey! I'm feeling kinda crazy today... got any openings [dark humour]. Your GP can rule out any underlying physical challenges, and your rapport together would make it a comfy starting place)

I went to my GP for challenges with depression when I was in highschool, and it was a good conversation, which led me to some other resources.

May I ask, when did your mood changes start? Some people experience SAD with the change in the season...
From my perspective, you sound pretty anxious... kind of like me some days

Here's a blanket questionnaire from my mom, which she brings up pretty regularly when I'm doing similar things as you are (not sleeping, worrying, combative, tearful, worrying about worrying...)

She asks:
- What are you eating? How are you eating?
- What's changed/new in your life?
- Any new meds?
- What have you done today that feeds your spirit?
- Have you been exercising? (I usually say no, and she then insists that I go for a long walk... ridiculously, when I take the advice it works)
- What did you succeed at today? (Even tiny things, like doing a load of wash)

This is not to trivialize how you feel: they are management strategies that help me get a grip on my emotional rollercoaster.

I try to write out my thoughts when my mind gets too busy, keeping me up at night.
Sometimes, I worry about the future/tomorrow. But I can't really do anything until I'm there, so I stress about what job will I get, how I'm going to change myself etc. as nauseum:grumpy:... I've felt the same way when getting ready (consciously/subconsciously to make a major life decision.

Can you read yourself to sleep tonight/zonk out with a video game?

I hear ya, Helen:hug:. If it makes you feel any better, almost everyone goes through these periods experiencing poor mental health... you're not alone. Talking to someone can really help, and the GP is a good starting place. Community mental health organizations have many resources too. If you are active in a faith community, there is often help there as well.

Drop me a PM whenever... I'll be thinking about you :hug:

 

[kirbyultra]

Thank you, Erika and Autumn. I have been uncomfortably tossing and turning up until I read your replies. Now I am just quietly crying to myself... I don't know why. I think I've been trying to get it out of my system all night. Reading your replies... I don't know, somehow makes it less difficult. So thank you.

I don't think I can give the questions much thought at the moment, but I'll consider them tomorrow. It's just inexplicable at the moment... In some ways the crying helps. Even if it's just to tire me out to fall asleep tonight.

thanks again... It means so much to me.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Aww Helen... ((Hugs))... keeping it in is really hard... its kind of nice to let it go, let it out... a relief.

Can you listen to some chill out music on headphones tonight as you drift off? Some smooth jazz or something calming?
(I find headphones make it hard for me to think, which is why I'm suggesting them)

Will keep you in my prayers urplepansy:.

 

[tonyshuman]

Also, your GP may be the one prescribing you any medication, because you may find it better to see a therapist/social worker (MS or PhD, usually) for talk therapy, rather than a psychiatrist (MD). It's best to talk to your GP if you don't have any idea of what good therapists are in the area as well, because they may be able to place you with someone. I first went to a therapist that my mom's therapist knew of, someone that specialized with adolescents. It will depend a lot on what kind of health care you have, if you have insurance. I know when I was choosing my HMO, I chose it over the other options because you didn't need a referral to get mental health care, so I didn't have to go through my GP, but that was because I know I have some underlying biochemical issues that might need to be addressed rapidly, without feeling like I have to convince my GP to give me a referral. Many big plans that have several therapists with different approaches on staff will have you go over a survey on the phone with them to place you with a compatible therapist.

I guess that was a bit disjointed, but you really can go either way. See what your health plan has, and if they require a referral from your GP to go to a mental health practitioner. If it's a big HMO or something with low or no copay, it may be best to see a psychiatrist (MD) and a therapist, as psychiatrists are usually more knowledgeable about any medication you may need, and therapists can coach you through your thoughts and give you some coping skills. Otherwise, have your GP handle medicine and see a therapist/clinical psychologist (MS, PhD).

I have struggled a lot with depression, although I am still quite young, and I know the breakthrough for me was knowing that I have some genetic predisposition for this. You'll need to know about any mental illness in the family, including substance abuse/dependence, but knowing that there's something biochemically different about my brain helped me realize I need help.

Another thing that was a big trigger to see that I had a real problem was the irrational thoughts. Do you think that bad things are going to happen for no real reason? Do you worry about things with a very low probability of happening? Do you think people are constantly judging you? These ideas don't really have a basis in reality, and a therapist can help you work through them.

I personally think everyone can benefit from a bit of therapy, whether there's a biochemical abnormality or not. It gives you ideas about how to deal with everyday stress, helps with self-esteem (or ego), and gives you some insight into how your mind works.

 

[hartleybun]

:bunnyhug: from someone across the pond who's learnt to live with depression. perhaps one of the most difficult things is realizing you have an issue - i hate to use the word problem tho' any problem can be overcome. you have made that difficult first step. well done my first port of call was my gp. from then on i was in the mental health system and on the path to dealing with something that had frightened me for ages.

i wish you well. xx

 

[kirbyultra]

Thanks everyone. I think I need a therapist to start with. I never had much of a rapport with my primary doctor and after I got married and moved I never went back there. I've only gone to a doctor once and that was when I was running a very high fever and my BP ran very low and my husband had to basically carry me to the nearest doctor around - I refused to go to the hospital. I don't know how hospitals are elsewhere in the country but they are just awful in NY. Unless you come in with a knife wound or a GSW you will wait in the ER for hours.

Anyway, I think my insurance plan is a PPO so I should be able to go to somewhere without the need for a referral. At this point it would be a cold call to a GP or a cold call to a psychiatrist, so maybe it's better for me to just get to the task at hand. Are therapists covered by health insurance? Or just psychiatrists? I don't think I want medication.. though I don't know if I need it or if I can benefit from it. The stories I've heard kind of make me nervous about drugs for depression.

I think I really need to make a leap for myself though. I've been battling the crazy thoughts on my own for so, so long. And it really comes and goes. Like right now I can think clearly and rationally without feeling sorry for myself and feeling useless. I may not feel the same when I'm in bed trying to fall asleep again later. I may feel like crap then and feel like I need to get help, but when I wake up and my mood is better, I don't feel like I need any help anymore.

Wow I was thinking about the questions you raised, Autumn... I'm a mess of things right now. Any one or multiple of these could be adding and triggering my episodes again more often now than before...
- Trying to lose weight right now. I am doing ok with it, taking it rather slowly, it's not very stressful, but it is a change in my diet and a change in my "reward" system. I used to reward myself for getting things done and such by saying I'll have ice cream later or something like that. I don't think I've really replaced my reward with anything.
- I'm exercising 3-4 times a week whereas before my only exercise was cleaning the rabbit room once a week (it works up a serious sweat, really).
- I was on birth control pills for a long time and then due to some stuff I went off it a few months and now I am back on it again for 1 month. I'm sure this fluctuation in hormone control is not helping my emotional issues
- I hate my job more, more, more with every moment I stay there. I really, truly hate it. It makes me miserable and I feel like I am wasting my life there. But I have some things I am depending on this job for - like I need to refinance the home my parents are living in and I can't do that without a job. Otherwise if I didn't have to worry about my property I'd give this job the finger a long time ago.

The only thing I've really done that is worthwhile is making my bunnies happy. They've changed my life. Especially Kirby. Which brings me to my next point...

Claire, I totally do have those thoughts that are irrational. I will think of the most improbable events and dwell on it, and plan around it, and make myself nuts. I've always been a huge believer in organization and planning but when I get into this mode I definitely get obsessive and take it too far. When I am doing stuff to care for my buns sometimes my mind drifts to "what if Kirby is gone one day, what if he gets sick and leaves me, what if he is hiding some illness from me, what if something in the lettuce doesn't agree with him,... what will I do if Kirby is gone?" And I know in the back of my mind that I've done nothing wrong and Kirby's been to the vet more times than necessary and he always has a clean bill of health coming out of there but still -- this is by far the most devastating thought that has recently been torturing me. Kirby's coming into my life last year saved me from probably the worst bout of this kind of down-in-the-dumps feeling ever. He took me from the depths of hell and lifted me straight up to heaven with his presence. Even the mere thought of him leaving me, which I know is inevitable one day... crushes me inside.

I know, I really need to work through these things... I just need to take the first step forward....

 

[NorthernAutumn]

I hear ya on the birth control change... I moved from depo-provera to IUD, and I was a raging hormonal nasty basket case for a month or so.

Be brave and bold, girl... make the call:hug:. It's way easier to have someone else share the load with you, who has the tools to regain control over the emotional flux.

We'll be rooting for ya!:highfive::hug:

 

[hartleybun]

:hug1 go for it - you can do it and we are all rooting for you

 

[kirbyultra]

:thumbupI'm gonna do it! I was researching therapists in the NYC area and there are literally hundreds... I want to find one that specializes in more of the issues I'm facing (instead of family issues, marital issuesor identity issues, etc.) and one that is considered in network for my health insurance.

I've found a few who look like they might be good but they are all out of network but willing to work with my PPO plan, which means I still have to pay 100% up front, and get reimbursed 50% at best. That's at least $50 per session around here because the prices all seemed to start at $110 per session when I was looking around online.

I will figure this out. Thank you ladies for all of your support!! I *really* appreciate it.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Whoo-hoo! Great first step!

 

[tonyshuman]

Therapy can be expensive, but it's one of the best investments you can make. I'm sure you can find a good fit. [hugs]

 

[kirbyultra]

Hi everyone. I have been researching and trying to find "the right one" ... I feel silly but like, I don't want to just spill my guts to "anyone". I found out my workplace has a service that is free and totally confidential - I can go fo 5 free sessions with a psychologist and they then help refer me to a long term therapist or psychiatrist that would "jive" with me based upon my needs. I thinkthat is exactly what I need. Plus this service knows exactly where I would be coming from (my crazy overworked life, miserable demanding job, the culture of my firm, etc...etc...) since they are basically hired as an employee assistance service.

I feel comfortable that it IS confidential. I have a friend at work who has very serious personal issues and she did this and is very happy so far. She feels hopeful. I think... I need that.

Thanks for everyone's support once again!!! :hearts

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Right ON!
Free, confidential, understanding ... sounds great

Sending good wishes your way, Helen...
:hug:

 

[kirbyultra]

:blushan:Thank you! :hug:

 

[tonyshuman]

That is awesome! Plus, they'll probably have some good contacts if you need further care. Hope it helps!

 

[slavetoabunny]

My employer offers that service also. What a great benefit! Your regular insurance should pick up the cost (after co-pays and deductibles of course, lol) after your free sessions are completed if you feel you need further sessions. I'll be thinking of you. :hug2:

 

[Pet_Bunny]

You should check to see if the company would cover anycosts for medication.

You could also check to see if the psychiatrist (if you go that route) would provide you antidepressants if you can't afford them. They are always getting samples from the suppliers.

Good luck! :hug:

 

[The Turtle]

What you described is really familiar. I've been through it, and treatment was pretty good for me. I went through it all... can't leave things alone, sudden upset at minor disappointments or frustrations, days spent not giving a poo about anything. Treatment helped a lot. For me, because I've developed a lot of the mechanisms for getting at whatever in my life was causing the depressive episodes, medication was the missing piece. But medication on its own won't help unless you either remove the stressful influences in your life or get help to develop adequate tools to handle it and understand it. But no fear, there are many effective treatments and many good antidepressants like Effexor are now available in much-cheaper generics!

Life still ain't perfect, and I still get down sometimes, but I know what's happening when it happens and I can work with it well.

If you want to ask me more, message me privately. I am more than happy to help.

Turtle