Goodbye Black Jack

[NZminilops]

I can't get all the bad thoughts and images out of my head. I keep having the image of his body just lying there. And how when I picked him up he felt heavier in death than in life. But his fur was just as soft and his ears were still the same big old floppy ears and that felt so strange. Only thing that looked strange were his eyes wide open.

It hasn't even been 24 hours yet but it feels like forever.

These four bunnies I have now I think will be my last, that's how I feel right now.

The way I see it, I have four more rabbit deaths and two cat deaths to look forward to in the future and it's hard to see that there will be happy times before then.

 

[ellissian]

Michelle

I honestly felt the same way too, no more buns, no more nothing. I felt like I would never love again, like I didnt want my other pets......all I wanted was my Milly back and no one else.

It really does take time, and everything you are feeling right now is perfectly normal. You will get your happy memories of Jack back and leave the bad ones hidden away, I'm so sorry your having to go through this, I really am.

I never thought I would start and recover but I am and have Hope and Harvey too. Jack was your heart bunny like Milly was mine, yes it's hard but I promise you....you will get there.

 

[girlzilla]

the grieving process is never an easy one. be kind to yourself, give yourself allowance to grieve and have some timeout so you can just focus onyourself and doing what makes you happy and relaxed. i have found this websitehas so many wonderful caring people and i am sure that there are many many members who will want to help support you through this time. you've always got us to talk to

 

[lemonaxis]

Its okay Michelle, only time will help you heal a bit now. My daughter recently lost her beautiful black cat, that cat was her best friend and then weeks later, her new kitten died. Last night she went to bed crying but it is getting a bit better.

Her cats got run over at her Dad's house and the whole family has found it nightmarish to cope with. My daughter is a serious serious animal lover and this may take her years to deal with but time is slowly spinning its tricks of recovery.

Sleep as much as you can, cuddle your buns, think of their life now and the time you have now, not their deaths.

The grieving process cannot be avoided, just let it happen and you will one day soon feel better.

Lots of hugs, kind thoughts and best wishes your way....

 

[Bunnicula]

Michelle,

Jack was a beautiful boy. Thank you for sharing his story and pics.

I am so sorry for your loss. There are just no words to make it better. So many of us are hurting with you. Please know we are all here for you.

Binky free, Jack! :bunnyangel:

-Mary Ellen

 

[Bunnys_rule63]

Omg, Michelle....I am in shock. I'm so so sorry. Jack was such a beautiful bunny, with a beautiful life with you.:cry2

I recently re-read this poem after a long time and it seems so appropriate now:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Anon

Binkie free Jack.:rainbow: Thinking for you at this hard time Michelle.

 

[girlzilla]

that's such a beautiful poem

 

[NZminilops]

Thanks so so much you guys, I don't know what I would do without RO and all of you.

I had a really strange dream last night about Jack, but it left me feeling very relaxed and peaceful. I dreamed I was Alice in Wonderland and instead of the white rabbit, Jack was there running around and yelling about being late. He kept running off and I kept chasing him saying "don't go!" and he would yell back "I'm late! They need me!" and I would keep chasing and chasing him. Eventually we came to an elevator that went way way up into the clouds and he hoped in and I ran and tried to get in too and got my foot in the door. He got really annoyed with me but I shoved my way in and we rode up in this elevator for what felt like hours and hours. Finally it stopped and he hopped out...all around were feilds and hills COVERED in bunnies.

On one hill a bunch of rabbits were having a tea party and they all waved and yelled out excitedly to Jack and called out that they were glad he was finally there. Jack turned to me and grinned and said "See? They need me!" laughed happily and ran off doing binkies with a huge grin on his face.

The dream faded and I woke up with a smile on my face .

 

[lemonaxis]

That is so cool, have been worried about you and I think this kind of dream means that you really needed to know that he is happy. And you found out, its very special!!
It was his time, and his life is not over.
Excuse me for being a sentimental sop but I cried lots and I hope you will feel better soon...

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

Wow, Michelle, that's awesome. I guess there's your closure and it's perfect:hug2:.

 

[Bunnys_rule63]

Michelle, there were tears in my eyes when reading about your dream.:tears2:I guess Jack wanted you to know that he was ok, and that you will be too.

 

[ellissian]

What an awesome dream! :hugsquish:Wish I had a nice one of Milly. :?

 

[maherwoman]

My love and hugs to you, Michelle...this is such a horrible time. I'm so sorry to hear about your boy...what a handsome, sweet boy...

I hope you are doing okay...

Love and hugs,

Rosie*

 

[NZminilops]

Today is not a good day. Yesterday I felt like things were getting better already, and while I felt guilty to feel that spark of happiness again, it was a relief to stop crying.

Then in the late afternoon I snapped at a very good friend for no reason at all other than they were venting to me about their day and it went downhill from there.

Today I can't stop crying. I again got upset at a friend, this time a different one. She made a (valid) point about my young opposite sexed rabbits being kept in the same room and I just saw red. I was so mad! Didn't she realise I know what to do and what not to do? I burst into tears again and sobbed and sobbed till I couldn't breath. Then I realised too late that she was correct and she signed off the messenger before I could say so.

You guys know who you are and I'm so sorry for being like this .

I miss Jack so much. Way more than I could ever have imagined.

 

[girlzilla]

i know there is nothing anyone can say to help you feel any better, but take comfort in the knowledge that you have a big support group on RO to help you through this time and we will always be here for you to share what you're going through. i will have a chat with god and say a prayer for you, and for jack too. god'sa pretty nice fella, i'm sure he will spare some time to look after you

make sure you snuggle your bun-buns and let them help you heal too, in their own special rabbit-y way (which usually consists of bunny kisses, binkys, and chewing stuff they aren't supposed to chew and generally making you laugh and smile!).

*big massive gigantic hugs*

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

I know this has to be hard, very hard. It's like you can't control your own self alot of times. Being depressed doesn't help. Maybe you could read throughPeg's thread of when she lost Gingerspice, she wrote out alot of feelings that she was having, maybe this will help you a little, maybe alot. You'll be able to relate to the feelings being expressed alot I bet. Maybe if you read a little each day, you'll see that almost everything you're going through is normal. Just give yourself some time and be nice to yourself. That's what you need right now. You'll get there, eventually.:hug::rose:

 

[ellissian]

Michelle

I'm sorry but you may find this happens a lot. One minute you think your ok, the next your in floods of tears. I was like that for a long time, I still feel like that everyday but don't cry half as much.

I used to feel guilty for laughing, smiling and even eating. But eventually day by day the guilt starts to fade and you begin to put your life back together.......and would our bridge babies want us to be sad......no of course they would'nt.

I know how your feeling, exactly what your going through. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better.

I'm sure the friends you think you've upset will understand, don't worry about it.

 

[TinysMom]

Oh man....I hope you can't relate to the feelings I expressed. I was so often in despair. I'd be ok one minute and in tears the next. I was angry at everyone else for being alive (even my husband) when I lost GingerSpice....like I'd rather lose them than her (in my more sane moments - I knew I didn't REALLY feel that way).

I'm doing better now - its taken me six months. I can mention her name without crying....most of the time. I can pet another rabbit and not feel like I'm being unfaithful to her.

However, truth be told - I still have my days when I cry over missing her. I still have my times when I get angry at God for taking her from me. I yell at Him....and I sometimes go outside when Art's at work and yell where she's buried. I haven't done it lately....but I used to go outside and talk to her some.

I don't think I'll ever get fully over losing her. I've lost other rabbits and grieved and moved on....but when I lost her - it was like my soul shattered (please - I'm not talking in a religious sense here..so understand that). I'm still picking up the pieces that are left behind. Some are jagged and cut and hurt...while others are more rounded (by the passage of time) and I can handle them better. I'm putting the pieces back together again and hoping to move on a bit more every day.

You'll make it through this - I promise. Till then....we're all here for you.

Vent away...

Peg

AngelnSnuffy wrote:

Maybe you could read throughPeg's thread of when she lost Gingerspice, she wrote out alot of feelings that she was having, maybe this will help you a little, maybe alot. You'll be able to relate to the feelings being expressed alot I bet.

 

[timetowaste]

your dream made me smile so big i looked over at nemo and just smiled at him.

i'm truly sorry for your loss. i can't imagine your pain. jack was flippin adorable, he almost looks like a stuffed animal in his very last picture. please don't cry anymore, because your other babies are probably missing jack's presence very much so too, and they can sense your grief and sadness.

let them help fill that void in your heart, but always remember no bunny will ever replace jack. but jack is in that field filled with friends and moving on. he wouldn't have liked you being so sad about his passing

love.

 

[lemonaxis]

Hi Michelle

Its ALL OK to feel the way you do, a good friend will understand.
You are defensive as your defenses are down.

Breathe and concentrate on your emotions, don't try to bottle them or think that if one day is good, then the next will be better because grief is a journey of many turns and bumps, uphills and downhills.

The past two years of my personal life have been so tragic and devastating and griefstricken that I can easily relate to your sense of loss of control. You may not feel like yourself, but you are YOU, you are the YOU during grief.

I am only now starting to feel alive again after a good deal of loss. Under the waves of grief, is the beautiful, kind and loving you that is waiting to heal.

You have Bailey, Sakura, Lucky and Bun Bun to think of now.

Many people try to dispose of grief as quickly as they can but I think its best to wrap it around you like a blanket, you will heal then from the inside out and not the other way around.
Cry, vent, laugh and love,

thinking of you...

Lisa